The Shortest Thread

[The_Archivist he/him]

No, no, not the food! Not the baking! But it's not over yet, there is still something Archivist could do...  "Hah, you think something something as simple as that will stop us? As long as creativity and randomness exists, food will be reinvented, and always will be, for creativity is a wonderful thing that can help everyone do good wacky things."

[Guest]

Bowser, still eating his pancakes and ice cream in the corner, and watching the turn of events like a movie or a play.

[NameIess]

38 minutes ago, The_Archivist said:

No, no, not the food! Not the baking! But it's not over yet, there is still something Archivist could do...  "Hah, you think something something as simple as that will stop us? As long as creativity and randomness exists, food will be reinvented, and always will be, for creativity is a wonderful thing that can help everyone do good wacky things."

"Creativity and randomness? They are next on my list. in fact, I think I'll start with you" Jell grabbed Archivist and sucked out everything creative, random, or different inside of them.

1 minute ago, Feruchemical Bowser said:

Bowser, still eating his pancakes and ice cream in the corner, and watching the turn of events like a movie or a play.

Then Bowser remembered that they were just a normal turtle, and that pancakes and ice cream didn't exist, so they were actually eating hardtack and ice cream. Then they forgot that pancakes and ice cream ever existed.

[Guest]

Then Bowser enjoyed his crepes, still watching the turn of events.

[NameIess]

Except that no food existed except for hardtack. Bowser couldn't even remember any food except for hardtack.

[The_Archivist he/him]

In his last moments as a different person, Archivist rasped "you forgot one thing jell, if creativity and randomness don't exist, then how can you? There is nothing more random than an all powerful sea jelly is there now? How could someone create you without creativity? You should never bite the hand that feeds you *Gasp* even *Gasp* if that food *Gasp* is hardtack..."

[AonEne he/him]

Godmodding police showed up and smacked Narrator Jell for controlling Truthless, Archivist, and Bowser. 

[Guest]

21 minutes ago, AonEne said:

Godmodding police showed up and smacked Narrator Jell for controlling Truthless, Archivist, and Bowser. 

Bowser thanks the Godmodding, and regains his pancake and ice cream powers.

[Ironwill2112 he/him]

McWafy eats waffles, totally oblivious to what is happening around him.

[Guest]

Bowser gave Mcwafy a pancake, in return Mcwafy gave Bowser a waffle, which creates a truce.

[AonEne he/him]

3 minutes ago, Feruchemical Bowser said:

Bowser gave Mcwafy a pancake, in return Mcwafy gave Bowser a waffle, which creates a truce.

Godmodding police came back and smacked Bowser. 

[NameIess]

2 hours ago, The_Archivist said:

In his last moments as a different person, Archivist rasped "you forgot one thing jell, if creativity and randomness don't exist, then how can you? There is nothing more random than an all powerful sea jelly is there now? How could someone create you without creativity? You should never bite the hand that feeds you *Gasp* even *Gasp* if that food *Gasp* is hardtack..."

Jell ignored this last desperate attempt at combating her, even if the remark did sting a little.

57 minutes ago, AonEne said:

Godmodding police showed up and smacked Narrator Jell for controlling Truthless, Archivist, and Bowser. 

Jell apologized to the Godmodding police, but pointed out that she hadn't Godmodded Archivist. Then she continued to wipe disorder and randomness from existence. Luckily for @Feruchemical Bowser and @McWafy, she didn't notice them bickering.

[The_Archivist he/him]

Beep...beep...beep...beep...beep

Maaaaan, I was so sure that would work. Well, looks like there's nothing left to do but press the big ol' universe reset button.

Edited April 11, 2020 by The_Archivist

[NameIess]

Jell looked around at the new world she had forged. It was beautiful. The randomness was gone, the colors were perfectly coordinated, the people were all normal, no aliens were invading, and best of all, the anti-violence shield was fully formed around the whole thing. Similar to the one that had surrounded her as a child in all ways but two: size and strength. Even Nightblood would be unable to destroy this shield. But it wasn't enough. There were other planets, and foremost among them was Thread, home of the Ghanderflaffle association. Jell took off into the sky.

 

Nameless watched Jell fly off, then put down the illusion. He dashed over and grabbed @The_Archivist, then teleported to Thread.

[The_Archivist he/him]

In the deep recess of his mind, Archivist remembered the good old days on TLT(M), when he did his very best to destroy Jell in her youth. Perhaps that was why she hated him so much... oh well, it didn't really matter anymore.

[Guest]

Bowser wanted some pancakes.

[Experience he/him]

Experience gave Bowser a pancake.

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

Truthless, now liberated by the godmodding police, continued to tap dance. He tap danced on the pancake.

[The_Archivist he/him]

Archivist realised he is an Archivist and tapped his memories of everything Jell took away from him, returning to normal.

[NameIess]

33 minutes ago, Truthless of Shinovar said:

Truthless, now liberated by the godmodding police, continued to tap dance. He tap danced on the pancake.

Truthless saw that the world around him was constantly changing. The pancake was changing to hardtack, @Feruchemical Bowser was constantly shrinking and growing. Even more worryingly, Truthless felt a constant strain on his narrative powers, as if something was attempting to normalize him, to suck out his originality and randomness.

35 minutes ago, The_Archivist said:

Archivist realised he is an Archivist and tapped his memories of everything Jell took away from him, returning to normal.

Though Archivist's memories returned, he was still missing something. The difference was subtle, about as pronounced as that between a person with breath and a drab. He would be a shade slower to get a joke, food tasted just a little bland to him, but it was there.

[Guest]

Bowser ignored Truthless and thanked Experience for the pancake, then gave Experience a waffle.

[The Awakened Salad they/them]

9 hours ago, AonEne said:

“I am,” Ene said uncertainly, walking to her. “Er, is this the afterlife?” 

The woman smiled maternally. “No, Aon, this is...somewhere else.” 

I think it’s my turn to apologize to you because what did I just write 

Salad looked down at the body slumped against the wall. It was curled around the stomach, where blood was pooling. The job was over. It was time to leave.

And yet, Salad didn’t move. They watched the body, the blood soaking into the shirt and the fingers curled so delicately. What were they hoping for? Some speck of life to show itself in Ene’s eyes? Even if that happened, Salad would just have to kill her again. She was too dangerous to live.

Salad bent down and began cleaning the knife. This was just another job. No need to get sentimental. Storing it away safely, they took one final glance at the body, before stepping out of the room. 

“She lives,” a voice said from behind them. Salad stopped, their breath catching in their throat. Their hand rested on their hip, where another hidden knife lay.

“You seemed reluctant to kill her,” the voice continued. “I wonder why.”

Salad said nothing. Ene was alive. That meant her powers had awakened. She was safe, for now.

The voice laughed. “Don’t forget me, Salad.” Something caressed their cheek. “I’ll be watching, always.”

I have no idea what’s going on anymore

[xinoehp512 he/him]

2 minutes ago, The Awakened Salad said:

Salad looked down at the body slumped against the wall. It was curled around the stomach, where blood was pooling. The job was over. It was time to leave.

And yet, Salad didn’t move. They watched the body, the blood soaking into the shirt and the fingers curled so delicately. What were they hoping for? Some speck of life to show itself in Ene’s eyes? Even if that happened, Salad would just have to kill her again. She was too dangerous to live.

Salad bent down and began cleaning the knife. This was just another job. No need to get sentimental. Storing it away safely, they took one final glance at the body, before stepping out of the room. 

“She lives,” a voice said from behind them. Salad stopped, their breath catching in their throat. Their hand rested on their hip, where another hidden knife lay.

“You seemed reluctant to kill her,” the voice continued. “I wonder why.”

Salad said nothing. Ene was alive. That meant her powers had awakened. She was safe, for now.

The voice laughed. “Don’t forget me, Salad.” Something caressed their cheek. “I’ll be watching, always.”

I have no idea what’s going on anymore

A voice originating from somewhere behind Salad cleared her throat.

I'm sorry for intruding, she said politely. But I've been told that something's happening...?

[The Awakened Salad they/them]

1 minute ago, xinoehp512 said:

A voice originating from somewhere behind Salad cleared her throat.

I'm sorry for intruding, she said politely. But I've been told that something's happening...?

Time seemed to be frozen. Another voice, from in front of Salad, began to speak. 

(I’m on mobile, so I can’t change the colour of text, so just pretend it’s in a different colour) 

No one’s quite sure what’s going on, the other voice said. But if you look around... this may be the beginning of something. 

[xinoehp512 he/him]

Really, said the voice with great interest. The originator, a reddish-pink colored woman about a foot tall hovering in midair, cocked her head. And you would be...?