Things The Allomantic Metalhead Is No Longer Allowed to Do in the Mistborn Adventure Game

[Ookla the Absent]

Is great. Really wishing I had people to play with, or that the Steel Ministry was more active... 

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

I was laughing out loud in class. It is very good. We neeeeed more.

[Alfa he/him]

On 5.2.2018 at 1:27 AM, Kobold King said:

 

This is what happens if Odium takes over the Cosmere.

Nah, you'll need at least three more Shards. I vote for Ruin, Ambition and a very bad form of Devotion. Also, you need a not quite dead Dalinar. 

EDIT: and several traitorous orders of knights radiant, led by none other than Kaladin himself. (if this is somehow possible) 

EDIT secundum: And Spaceships which go through the cognitive realm. 

Edited March 30, 2018 by Alfa

[Bort he/him]

 

Quote

I am no longer allowed to be the crew's primary fighter if I have "Chef" as my profession trait.

That's because only 4th sons and beyond can be soldiers.

[Zath he/him]

@The Allomantic Metalhead, your list made me laugh so hard, I was crying.  You get Advancements.

[The Allomantic Metalhead he/him]

Part 6 is now online.

[Shqueeves]

130&131 should be allowed. Whatever chain of events leading to 139&140 sounds amazing

[Walin he/him]

I’d like to learn how 138 is viable as a plan...

And thanks for updating this series so much. It’s great.

[Shqueeves]

7 minutes ago, Walin said:

I’d like to learn how 138 is viable as a plan...

And thanks for updating this series so much. It’s great.

They need to mow down the opposition

[Bort he/him]

If your character is not allowed Donald Trump style hair/toupee, why not instead ask if your character can be a mind-controlling alien that just so happens to look like Donald Trump's hairdo?

[The Allomantic Metalhead he/him]

9 hours ago, Bort said:

If your character is not allowed Donald Trump style hair/toupee, why not instead ask if your character can be a mind-controlling alien that just so happens to look like Donald Trump's hairdo?

That would go down even worse...

[Elenion he/him]

OK, 140 (using your status as constable to start an investigation into who is gaslighting Edwarn Ladrian when you know darn well who it is) is hilarious and should be allowed. And 141 (plan B is plan A but with more Pewter) sums up one of my Edge of the Empire characters pretty well.

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

I've got a suggestion @The Allomantic Metalhead. #149: No matter how much of a genius scientist a character is, said character cannot invent the flux capacitor, especially if they use it to go back in time and kill baby Rashek. 

Edited May 28, 2018 by LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian

[Guest Somebody from Scadrial]

Remind me to never play with you or always play with you I'm not sure which

[Enter a username]

Always. I'm pretty sure it's always.

[Shard of Reading he/him]

Get Necroed thread!!!

Seriously. This thread was deader than week old roadkill. I don't think you needed to post here.

[Enter a username]

On 10/14/2017 at 5:12 PM, The Allomantic Metalhead said:

35. I cannot kill an army all by myself. Even if I say please.

What if you're a Mistborn? Even then?

Edited January 21, 2021 by Enter a username

[Nicosium he/him]

Sounds like you should be a narrator so you can actually learn something from this list.

Edit: Meant purely comedic of course, although from the no-no-list, it seems like you'd actually make a fun narrator

Edited July 21, 2022 by Nicoium

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

On 10/14/2017 at 6:12 PM, The Allomantic Metalhead said:

1. I may not start the game knowing how to do hemalurgy.
2. Playing an albino skaa mistborn from the remote dominance is okay. Having him be raised by koloss is not.
3. Even after we've thrown the Final Empire into chaos and learned how to control koloss via allomancy, koloss blades still cannot be props for player characters.
4. I am no longer allowed to have more than ten nudges.
5. Terrisman Drizzt Do'Urden is NOT a valid character concept. This issue is closed.
6. Canon defilement is fun. Using Straff Venture's skull as a bowl for anachronistic tortilla chips is not.
7. If Kelsier stabs his eye out with a spike, he is god. If my character stabs his eye out with a spike, the next scene will involve a steel inquisitor chopping his head off.
8. I cannot play a koloss.
9. Character concepts that look like they were taken directly from a metal album cover are okay. Character concepts that look like they were taken directly from a "Weird Al" Yankovic album cover are not.
10. Even though the above rule is in operation, playing blood-crazed servants of Ruin is generally frowned upon by my fellow players.
11. Kandra canot be made using spikes taken from koloss.
12. "Homicidal Maniac" is NOT a Drive, Profession, Specialty, Feature, or Personality trait.
13. If I say my latest character concept is "extremely awesome", I am not allowed to play it.
14. My character's drive can NOT be "Destroy Everything". This issue is also closed. Again.
15. No more homicidal maniacs unless we're playing an evil campaign.
16. Genocidal maniacs, omnicidal maniacs, fratricidal maniacs, and suicidal maniacs are also forever closed to me as character options.
17. Tyrranicidal maniacs are okay, though.
18. Lockpicks are not a valid torture implement.
19. Arson is NOT the solution to all problems.
20. When it's my turn to GM (or narrate or whatever), I will not treat everything the players say as their characters' actions in game. We are NOT playing Normality.
21. Kandra women are not "the hottest women on Scadrial". Period.
22. Any campaign where I become the holder of the shard of Ruin will end as soon as I become holder of the shard of Ruin. Even if the rest of the story isn't even close to complete.
23. The same is true of the shard of Preservation.
24. No matter how high my physique score is, I am not allowed to carry around a catapult.
25. I am the reason we can't have nice things. Or massive stockpiles of Lerasium. (End of part 1 of the list.)
26. A 73-year old skaa beggar cannot have a physique score of 6.
27. I will not attack every character with piercings that we meet.
28. The battle cry of servants of Ruin is not "Blood for the blood god"!
29. There are no such things as koloss allomancers.
30. I will not mock the steel inquisitors.
31. "I just got this feeling." is an acceptable in-universe excuse for the metagamer to use his knowledge from the books to discover new allomantic metals, but "I hated him." is not an acceptable in-universe excuse to kill the metagamer.
32. I will stop trying to convert random Extras to Cthulhu Mythos cults.
33. Noblemen do not taste like chicken.
34. I do not worship plants.
35. I cannot kill an army all by myself. Even if I say please.
36. I cannot base my skaa tineye off of Negan from the Walking Dead.
37. Twinborn do not exist until the second age.
38. If I light Rashek on fire, it will just piss him off.
39. If my character has the "sniveling coward" burden, he cannot charge an army of several thousand koloss with no armor or weapons except for a table leg.
40. No more starting death cults.
41. My kandra cannot be the source of more than three werewolf legends per campaign.
42. I cannot play a terrisman for the sole purpose of mocking my teammates in ancient languages they do not understand.
43. When talking about skaa while pretending to be a nobleman, I cannot say that "They're like people, but there are more of them".
44. I am not allowed to have five obsidian daggers as my only props at the start of the campaign.
45. When given a list of mental illnesses for my insane character and told to choose one, I cannot pick "all of the above".
46. I cannot violate the first contract over a game of shelldry.
47. My character's name can't be Human.
48. I am no longer allowed to play mentally ill characters unless the GM (or Narrator, as the game calls him) says otherwise.
49. When we run out of supplies on the road, I will not suggest we resort to attacking and eating a nearby band of koloss. Especially if they outnumber us 50:1.
50. My scholarly noble mistborn will not speak in eastern street slang. (End of part 2 of the list.)
51. Any campaign where my kandra becomes the god of the afterlife not only never happened, but will never ever happen ever again. Period.
52. Quellion the Citizen's flag does not include any swastikas.
53. Kandra are not edible.
54. I will not base characters off of Pink Floyd songs. Or Led Zeppelin songs. Or Judas Priest songs (this goes double if they're off the Jugulator album).
55. Koloss swords are generally not considered acceptable dueling weapons.
56. I will not solve every social conflict by turning it into a physical conflict.
57. I cannot bribe the Lord Ruler, no matter how many duraluminmind charges I'm tapping.
58. I will not burn duralumin and aluminum at the same time. The same goes for nicrosil and chromium.
59. "Nobody expects the canton of inquisition!" is a really bad pun.
60. Skaa are not good eating.
61. Despite what word of god says on the matter, kanda can't burn lerasium. This issue is closed.
62. I will not play "One Second" by Paradise Lost when I tap a huge amount of (feruchemical) zinc charges.
63. I may not threaten to eat the steel inquisitor, even if I mean it. Especially if I mean it.
64. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot start the game as Lord Prelan.
65. After the thermite-napalm incident, I may no longer play mad scientists, inventors, or pyromaniacs. Especially if my character is all three.
66. I will not be surprised or offended that "terrisman stew" does not contain actual terrismen, nor will I attempt to remedy the situation.
67. We may not make "ash angels" in the fallen ash. Even if we say please.
68. My leather armor cannot be made of koloss skin.
69. We cannot quote Shakespeare when the Lord Ruler dies.
70. Mistwraiths do not taste like jellyfish. Nor does my character know what jellyfish taste like. Or even what jellyfish are.
71. No matter how insane my character is, he is not allowed to respond to interrogation by just saying "I am a stick"!
72. I cannot kill every single female character in the crew that has a male player just because I find that sort of thing kind of creepy.
73. I am no longer allowed to be the crew's primary fighter if I have "Chef" as my profession trait.
74. If I ever deal more than 20 damage, my character will become the favored servant of Ruin.
75. I am no longer allowed to have a steel, iron, or pewter rating of 10. This issue is closed. (End of part 3 of the list.)
76. I may not have "god" as my profession trait.
77. Even if the game says I have to have two negative circumstances to lose even one die on any roll, I automatically lose 3 if I try to start a physical conflict in a tornado.
78. Southern Scadrians are not "Pre-cooked meat".
79. My character's name is not Randy and he does not speak fluent German.
80. We may no longer combine the "Create Guns" and "Malwish Technologist" stunts. The same is true for attempting to combine the "Create Custom Ammo", "Create Hazekiller Ammo", or "Customize Guns" stunts with the "Malwish Technologist" stunt.
81. Even though there is no maximum encumbrance, I can't carry around 20 compressed kandra in my backpack.
82. I may not play a worldhopper.
83. I may not eat the koloss-blooded bandit we just killed unless I'm a kandra.
84. I am not allowed to convince everyone in the crew base their characters off of characters from The Order of the Stick.
85.  "Elder Thing" is not an acceptable race selection.
86. No more cannibalism unless I'm a kandra.
87. I may not execute 50,000 random people every week just because it's Monday.
88. I may not cuss NPCs out in foreign languages. Especially Finnish.
89. I may no longer take the "Scrounger" stunt if I'm a chromium compounder. Or capable of using feruchemical chromium at all, for that matter.
90. "Misthammer 40k" is a horrible idea.
91. My character may not invent tabletop roleplaying games during his downtime.
92. My character's name cannot be "Nyarlhotep", "Outer God" is not an acceptable race selection, "Messenger of the Outer Gods" is not an acceptable profession, and "Crawling Chaos" is not an acceptable specialty.
93. I cannot play a Malwish character just so I can claim that, in my culture, it is polite to punch people in the face for no reason.
94. Even if nothing in the rules forbids me from doing so, I may not dual wield koloss swords. Especially with a physique score of two.
95. The definition of "cannibalism" in the context in which it was forbidden includes all sentient creatures, regardless of race.
96. My character cannot start the game with an all-consuming hatred of masks and the people who wear them.
97. Neither "Alcoholic" nor "Hobo" are acceptable profession traits. This is, of course, doubly true of "Alcoholic Hobo".
98. I may not create a Rube Goldberg Device at all, but especially to do any of the following: Pour me more beer, put my clean clothes away, punch people in the face, disturb the peace, destroy Malwish masks, kill things I don't like, or be an abomination against nature.
99. "Chaotic Stupid" is not an acceptable personality trait for a lawman. Or anyone, for that matter, but especially a lawman.
100. My character's destiny cannot be "Find Ironeyes and cuss him out". (End of part 4 of the list.)
101. If, at any point, my brass compounder takes on the mannerisms of Obliteration, he dies.
102. If the responsibility of executing an outlaw falls upon our group, the people expect us to choose hanging or firing squad as our method, not blood eagle.
103. "Hypnosis" is not an acceptable specialty for my roughs lawman.
104. I do not put the "riot" in "rioter".
105. I may not use my duralumin compounding to get laid.
106. The Words of Founding say nothing about the Cthulhu Mythos.
107. My character was born in Elendel, not New Orleans.
108. If I have an influence score of 2, I may not start the game with the "Legendary Gun" stunt.
109. I cannot choose more targets using the salvo option of my Terringul Ripper than there are bullets in it, even if, technically, the rules allow it.
110. I may not use my contract with a kandra to make her take the form of an attractive woman for any reason. This issue is closed.
111. I may not play an A-Copper/F-Duralumin twinborn with the "Face in the Crowd" stunt just to troll my crewmates by disappearing when they need me.
112. "Bulletproof sunglasses" are not a real item and may not be taken as a prop during any era.
113. "Drink beer and watch sports" cannot be my drive and it sure as hell can't be my destiny.
114. If I take willpower damage, I can't roll for a bout of madness using the Call of Cthulhu Keeper Rulebook.
115. I cannot usher in the apocalypse.
116. I may not call random extras "Dirty, dirty communists".
117. I may not select "Arousal" as my focused emotion for rioting.
118. Nicrosil is not a toy.
119. I may not start with a resources score of 8 and the "Filthy Rich" stunt just so I can take 11 soonie pups as my props.
120. The "Point Blank" stunt does not apply to rotary guns.
121. After Kelsier says "I am hope!" I can't say "And I'm despair"!
122. There are no albino girls in the brothel, no matter how high my spirit roll is.
123. I cannot play a steelrunner just so I can "get the hell outta here" whenever something dangerous happens.
124. Kandra do not have feeding frenzies.
125. Rotary guns are not acceptable dueling weapons. (End of part 5 of the list.)
126. My character may not invent fascism. Especially if the reason for doing so in-universe it "because I'm bored".
127. My character may not kickstart a chain of events that lead to the world looking like an alternate history novel written by a Scadrian Harry Turtledove.
128. I may not attempt to cause a Mistborn/Holy Grail crossover. Even if it would be hilariously awesome AND awesomely hilarious at the same time.
129. I may not attempt to kickstart a chain of events that lead to a shootout between the main characters of the Alloy of Law books and the iconic characters of my homebrew Weird West Dark Fantasy RPG in post-apocalyptic Hallandren.
130. I may not throw my potato chips at the guy that accidentally got my character killed.
131. My new character my not throw knives at the character of the guy who got my character killed.
132. If my character is a blatant expy of Roland Deschain from Stephen King's Dark Tower books with tacked-on twinborn powers, I may not play said character.
133. My character may not attempt an exorcism for any reason.
134. My character cannot start the game convinced that he's a werewolf.
135. I cannot play a sentient, gun-slinging potato chip.
136. Much like arson, knives are not the solution to all of life's problems.
137. Although I am not only allowed but encouraged to play a perfectly sane and well-adjusted character, I must have a better reason for doing so than just to incite irrationality and paranoia in my fellow players.
138. Our plot for dethroning the Lord Ruler cannot hinge on inventing driveable lawnmowers.
139. I cannot spend all my free time gaslighting Edwarn Ladrian.
140. I cannot use my status as a constable to start an investigation into who is gaslighting Edwarn Ladrian when I know damnation well who it is.
141. Plan B cannot be "Like plan A, but with more pewter".
142. Even if the premise of the campaign is that something happened different than it did it canon, my character's last words can't be "This is Cody of AlternateHistoryHub".
143. It would be kind of redundant to have my character start the game with 16 minutes to live, since that's usually about how long my characters last anyways.
144. Everything bad that happens is always my character's fault until proven otherwise.
145. No matter how bad an idea is, comparing said idea to German nationalism is harsh.
146. Scratch that last one. Comparing an idea to German nationalism is okay so long as I absolutely positively DO NOT compare said idea to Highlander II: The Quickening.
147. My character cannot invent heavy metal.
148. If my character turns the campaign into a Mind Screw, his brain will come alive and kill his arm, which will come back for its revenge and redeem all of the damned souls of beers that sinned. Oh, and my character will die.
149. I cannot create an adorable but deadly kandra minion, and I most certainly cannot name him "Lil' Snapper"
150. My character cannot have Donald Trump hair. (End of part 6 of the list.)

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If you want more, just ask in the post replies/comment section thingy. Thank you.

This is awesome. Also, I want more.

[Quivil]

...

...

What happened that this list needed to exist?????

And how worried for you should I be?????????

Edited December 19, 2022 by Ookla the Implosion