Musician Jokes

[Sami she/her]

I noticed that there were a lot of musicians on here.

So...... here all you musicians can post musician jokes, talk about your bad sight-reading skills, and bemoan your musician fates.

 

Edited September 5, 2017 by Sami

[StrikerEZ he/him]

Where has this been all my life?

[Sunbird she/her]

This is one of my all-time favorite videos:

 

[Sami she/her]

 

 

Edited February 6, 2019 by Sami

[Sunbird she/her]

Disclaimer: I have no idea what this notation means either. XD

[Lightwalker he/him]

 I can totally relate to this.

[Young Bard he/him]

I wonder what a piece of music in wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey would sound like...

[Modal Seoul he/him]

Him: So what instrument do you play?

Me: I play the viola!

Him: Oh. (pause) What difference does that make?

Me: (pause) What?

Him: I mean, why do you play it? Did you injure yourself as a child? Is that why you can't play the violin?

Me: Uhhhh, no, I can play the violin. I just like playing the viola more.

Him: (Gets up) (leaves room)

Me: (Blinks several times) (Shrugs) (takes out viola) (Begins to practice)

[Sami she/her]

14 hours ago, Captains Domon said:

Him: So what instrument do you play?

Me: I play the viola!

Him: Oh. (pause) What difference does that make?

Me: (pause) What?

Him: I mean, why do you play it? Did you injure yourself as a child? Is that why you can't play the violin?

Me: Uhhhh, no, I can play the violin. I just like playing the viola more.

Him: (Gets up) (leaves room)

Me: (Blinks several times) (Shrugs) (takes out viola) (Begins to practice)

LOL!!!! Violas are underrated. They barely get any attention, and barely anyone knows what they are. 

[insert viola joke]

disclaimer: I don't play viola (I play violin), but my sister does

Edited September 6, 2017 by Sami

[StormyQueen she/her]

20 minutes ago, Sami said:

LOL!!!! Violas are underrated. They barely get any attention, and barely anyone knows what they are. 

[insert viola joke]

disclaimer: I don't play viola, but my sister does and studies it at uni

Viola jokes. The best kind of music jokes.

How can you tell if a viola is playing out of tune? The bow moves.

What is the difference between the first and last viola desks? About half a bar.

(And these are the ones I have heard from viola players)

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

These are all great!

One of my favorite pieces of music, despite never playing or hearing it:

Spoiler

 

[Snipexe he/him]

If you look really closely at the instrument...

 

Edited September 5, 2017 by snipexe

[Sunbird she/her]

@snipexe LOL, that's a bass, not a cello.

Q: How do you tune two oboes?

A: Shoot one.

(I play oboe, so I'm allowed to poke fun )

[StrikerEZ he/him]

Q: How many clarinets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, but they'll go through an entire box before they find the right one.

Edited September 9, 2017 by StrikerEZ

[Sami she/her]

*cringe*

Edited September 6, 2017 by Sami

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

I play violin and my brother plays viola, so I know a few viola jokes.

Q: How do you keep your violin from being stolen?

A: Put it in a viola case.

A viola player goes to a convenience store to get a drink. However just as he is paying, he realizes that he left his viola case out in plain view. He rushed back to his car, but it was already too late...someone had already broke in and left 3 more violas.

[Sunbird she/her]

Q: What is the definition of a gentleman?

A: A man who knows how to play the trombone, but doesn't.

[Sami she/her]

Q: How do you know when a singer's at your door?

A: They can't find the key and they never know when to come in

[Sunbird she/her]

@Sami That one can be adapted for any voice part: How do you know when a soprano is at the door? Or an alto/tenor/bass.

[Sami she/her]

Just now, Sunchicken said:

@Sami That one can be adapted for any voice part: How do you know when a soprano is at the door? Or an alto/tenor/bass.

I saw another one about singers but it's kinda mean.....

Q: How do you tell the difference between an opera singer and a pit bull?

A: Lipstick

[Sunbird she/her]

@Sami XD Many music jokes are kinda mean since they tend to pick on the different players. For example:

Q: What's the only advantage a bassoon has over an oboe?

A: It burns longer.

[Sami she/her]

1 minute ago, Sunchicken said:

@Sami XD Many music jokes are kinda mean since they tend to pick on the different players. For example:

Q: What's the only advantage a bassoon has over an oboe?

A: It burns longer.

LOLLLLL oh well, that's why only musicians can make them. That way the other instrumentalists can retaliate in kind:

Q: What's the definition of a minor second? A: Two flutes playing a unison.

Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune. 

Coincidentally, my same sister also plays flute.... 

[Kaymyth she/her]

On 9/5/2017 at 9:27 AM, Sunchicken said:

@snipexe LOL, that's a bass, not a cello.

Q: How do you tune two oboes?

A: Shoot one.

(I play oboe, so I'm allowed to poke fun )

Oh, the bad oboe jokes have begun! (Every oboist knows that there's no such thing as a good oboe joke.)

I do remember noticing that the jokes disappeared in college. Because that's the point where we start learning reed adjustment techniques. Nobody wants to mess with the only folks in band or orchestra who are allowed to carry knives.

11 hours ago, Sami said:

LOLLLLL oh well, that's why only musicians can make them. That way the other instrumentalists can retaliate in kind:

Q: What's the definition of a minor second? A: Two flutes playing a unison.

Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune. 

Coincidentally, my same sister also plays flute.... 

You know, it's actually not difficult to play a flute in tune. It's just an instrument that has an unfortunate tendency to attract timid players who aren't putting in enough breath support to keep it steady.

[Sunbird she/her]

Q: What's the difference between an onion and a viola?
A: You cry while you chop up an onion.

Q: What do you do with a tone-deaf trumpet?
A: Take away his trumpet, give him a pair of sticks, and make him a drummer.

Q: What do you do with a drummer who has no sense of rhythm?
A: Take away one of sticks and make him the conductor.

Edited September 9, 2017 by Sunchicken

[Sami she/her]

From my sister, the violist:

'The difference between violin and viola is that the viola is a violin with a college education.' (Attributed to William Primrose)

 

obviously it's the other way around:

'The difference between violin and viola is that the violin is a viola with a college education.' (Attributed to Sami)

Edited September 9, 2017 by Sami