Random Stuff IX: Rogue Admins

[Edgedancer he/him]

Just now, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

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It's consistent with whet I saw on Tumblr, so I think the best we can hope for is that everyone who attended the play got a copy of the same ridiculous summary and agreed to post that online to keep the true plot from leaking. 

 

Spoiler

Right here i predict that the real bad guy of the story will be Dumbeldor's painting, that went evil because they used skin pigments from Voldemort to get the white of his beard right. Then it wants to start a time travel plot to let Voldemort win, because it heard about the extra holiday they would get and who doesn't want an extra holiday?

 

[Delightful]

50 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Cursed Child spoilers. 

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There be spoilers past this point. 

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On the one hand, I hope The Daily Beast is just pulling our collective leg, because this plot summary is so ridiculous I don't want to believe one of my favorite authors could come up with it. 

On the other hand, I hope this plot summary is true, because it's so ridiculous I can't help but giggle. 

Here it is. Analysis Many, many Flat "Whats" below the next spoiler. 

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What. Just…what. I always thought Voldemort was too busy being magical Hitler to "do the do." And didn't Draco marry Astoria years after Voldemort was dead? Scorpius is too young….

….unless of course you add time travel into the mix. Also, WHAT. Even for the wizarding world, that's the sort of rumor you shouldn't see outside of the National Enquirer. Having that rumor spread is like having people take the "Satan Escapes from Hell" headline seriously. (In fairness, I did when I saw it, but I was also in first grade, and my mom set that rumor straight pretty quickly.) 

*facepalm* Of course they do. And of course it was a Slytherin who got caught with it, because of course. 

WHAT. Harry is head of Magical Law Enforcement and he doesn't do his own paperwork? He SUCKS at his job. Seriously, ask any cop you like—they'll say their job is about 25 percent action, 75 percent paperwork. If Harry isn't doing his own paperwork, he should have been fired years ago, because he's not doing his job.

"Great wizard," my chull. 

Thanks to Tumblr, I know how this turns out, so I'm giving that a pre-emptive WHAT. 

Oh, and the formatting got messed up on the following quote, but I'm going to bet she's evil. 

Oh, yay, they're both Dauntless.  

Wh—what? Wasn't his scar a Horcrux? And didn't the Horcrux go away when he died? Wasn't that the plot of the entire seventh book? 

Or! You could go back in time, say "Hey, Cedric, we're from the future. You're going to die at the end of this tourney because you accidentally crash Voldemort's rebirthing party. Oh, and we know how Voldemort was defeated, so why don't you just help us beat him now? Tell the entire school that he has Horcruxes. Here's a list. By the way, the winning lottery numbers are…." 

WHAT for that plan being entirely pointless. 

I'm picturing that in the Dark Knight Rises Bane voice and I can't stop giggling. 

What—no. That directly contradicts the canon established in Prisoner of Azkaban, where Harry and Hermione had hours to accomplish their goals. I mean, sure, there could be different limits on different Time-Turners, but that's pretty storming convenient. 

Wow, Dumbledore. Wow, Harry. Nice job breaking it, both of you.  

Well, that was awfully quick. 

Am I the only one starting to feel really sorry for Cedric here? In the books, he just died, but in this play, his attempts to win keep getting sabotaged in frankly obvious ways. 

WHAT. "Voldemort Day?" WHAT WHAT WHAT. 

What happened to "He Who Must Not Be Named"? When did that piece of canon become inconvenient? What's wrong with "Dark Lord Day," or, if you want something less stupid-sounding, "Victory Day?" 

 

Okay, this has to be a prank. This has to be a fake plot summary released by Rowling to keep spoilers from leaking. It has to be. 

Yes, because any child of Draco Malfoy is destined to be evil one reality over.  

*headdesk* 

*headdesk* 

*headdesk* 

Yes, because the only way Draco could be reformed was by marrying a woman who was a much better partner than he deserved. It's not like he could choose to be decent of his own volition or anything.  

I hope this is happening in another location, because if Hogwarts is as much a cesspit as they're making it out to be, hiding the most wanted witch in the world there is going to be pretty storming difficult. 

FINALLY SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING PRAGMATIC. Snape, you get a cookie. 

Alas, poor Snape, too competent to live.

But not Draco. Because canon always sides with Harry when he thinks the worst of Draco.  

Ugh, you mean it's not over yet? Ending fatigue, people. It's a real thing. 

 

O….kay, remember when the arm-crossing thing made me say this had to be a prank? Yeah, I'm going to say it again—this has to be a prank. It has to be. Cedric became a Death Eater because a Mysterious Force kept making him look like an idiot? Come on, Rowling. Really now. You've dragged the joke on long enough. It's not funny anymore. 

Yep. Evil. 

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They go to see Amos and demand to know where his niece and Albus are, and how they are plotting to save Cedric this time.

“I don’t have a niece,” says Amos.

So who is she?

Oh, great. I think I know the answer, and I like it even less than I like this plot summary.

Well, at least Cedric is allowed to be decent now. 

*headdesk*

*headdesk*

*headdesk*

*headdesk*

Wait—what? WHAT? Yes he can! He had seven other Horcruxes that could've been destroyed! If anything, erasing Harry's Horcrux from the timeline will make Voldemort easier to defeat because one less Horcrux! 

This has to be a prank. This has to be a prank. This has to be a prank.

But neither did the ones in canon

Rowling, did you even read your own writing

BUT YOU HAVE A TIME-TURNER

YOU LITERALLY HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD

YOU CAN SEARCH FOR THEM FROM THE DAWN OF MANKIND THROUGH THE DEATH OF THE PLANET AND YOU WILL NOT LOSE ANY TIME AT ALL

HARRY, STOP GIVING UP

NARRATIVE, STOP SIDING WITH HIM FOR GIVING UP

JDLFKHUFHDKJGHFDGUHDFJGFDHKFDHUFHFDU JUST MAKE DRACO HEAD OF MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT ALREADY

HE'S GOOD IN THIS REALITY AND HE WON'T SHIRK HIS PAPERWORK

Sure. A historian has all the potions ingredients these boys will need for an incredibly convenient potion. Sure. Why the storms not. 

How convenient. 

*headdesk*

*headdesk*

*headdesk*

I don't remember a Craig, but maybe I just skimmed it. 

And, okay, this witch is powerful enough to travel through time and clever enough to outthink the Head of Magical Law Enforcement (though, given what we've seen of Harry so far, that's not saying much). She's too dangerous to be left alive, guys. Screw the "If you kill her, you will be just like her" ideology. If you imprison her, she will escape. I call this Joker's First Law of Captured Enemies. 

I admit, that is a pretty heartstrings-tugging image. 

But not Draco "I Suffered Under the Dark Lord, Had a Change of Heart, and Rewrote My Own Programming to Become an Upstanding Member of Society" Malfoy, because he didn't do anything to directly aid Harry while he was in school. 

Conclusion

I really hope this is a prank.

 

 

 

But wait he's alive! Shia surprise! 

I laughed out loud so many times. I can't get past "Voldemort went back in time to impregnate Dracos wife because apparently it's a big deal that Scorpius miiiiiight be Voldemorts son"

*gags*

this is like a super convoluted bad fanfic with no editor so every random fancy of the author just gets stuffed in. 

And why Cedric

im so confused. 

Why doesn't Harry get a gun and shoot Voldemort and save his parents and Lupin and Tonks and Sirius and Colin Creevy and why not Moaning Myrtle while we're at it, let's just go back and not let anyone die except for bad guys woohoo let's play God!

[Edgedancer he/him]

4 minutes ago, Delightful said:

But wait he's alive! Shia surprise! 

 

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I laughed out loud so many times. I can't get past "Voldemort went back in time to impregnate Dracos wife because apparently it's a big deal that Scorpius miiiiiight be Voldemorts son"

*gags*

this is like a super convoluted bad fanfic with no editor so every random fancy of the author just gets stuffed in. 

And why Cedric

im so confused. 

Why doesn't Harry get a gun and shoot Voldemort and save his parents and Lupin and Tonks and Sirius and Colin Creevy and why not Moaning Myrtle while we're at it, let's just go back and not let anyone die except for bad guys woohoo let's play God!

 

Spoiler

Well apparently they can always go back in time to prevent themselves from messing with the time line, so you know seeing as they can get out of it without consequences it might be worth a try.
On a side note, shouldn't all of them be getting sore hands from rewinding the Time Tunner enough to go back multiple decades?

 

Edited July 30, 2016 by Edgedancer

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

2 minutes ago, Delightful said:

But wait he's alive! Shia surprise! 

 

  Hide contents

I laughed out loud so many times. I can't get past "Voldemort went back in time to impregnate Dracos wife because apparently it's a big deal that Scorpius miiiiiight be Voldemorts son"

*gags*

this is like a super convoluted bad fanfic with no editor so every random fancy of the author just gets stuffed in. 

And why Cedric

im so confused. 

Why doesn't Harry get a gun and shoot Voldemort and save his parents and Lupin and Tonks and Sirius and Colin Creevy and why not Moaning Myrtle while we're at it, let's just go back and not let anyone die except for bad guys woohoo let's play God!

 

Spoiler

Because "Lord Voldemort and the National Rifle Association" would be a 300 word story, max.

 

[Delightful]

Just now, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

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Because "Lord Voldemort and the National Rifle Association" would be a 300 word story, max.

 

It would be epic though. 

Hey there's an argument to give guns to everyone. It'll allow *someone* to shoot all the Unbeatable Magic Bad Guys. 

[Edgedancer he/him]

2 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

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Because "Lord Voldemort and the National Rifle Association" would be a 300 word story, max.

 

Spoiler

Sounds like a job for Jesse Hangfire.

 

[Delightful]

3 minutes ago, Edgedancer said:

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Well apparently they can always go back in time to prevent themselves from messing with the time line, so you know seeing as they can get out of it without consequences it might be worth a try.
On a side note, shouldn't all of them be getting sore hands from rewinding the Time Tunner enough to go back multiple decades?

 

it's literally the HISHE skit, come to life and grown tentacles!

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

5 minutes ago, Edgedancer said:

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Sounds like a job for Jesse Hangfire.

 

Spoiler

See, Harry? Draco was smart enough to make a cowboy friend. What's your excuse?

 

[Oversleep]

Rowling just embraced the troll side of life and all of what was posted is true. It's kind of playing with the form, the plot, treating the canon as something you can model and reshape. It's a dadaist joke.

[Quiver he/him]

9 minutes ago, Oversleep said:

dadaist joke



[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

11 minutes ago, Oversleep said:

Rowling just embraced the troll side of life and all of what was posted is true. It's kind of playing with the form, the plot, treating the canon as something you can model and reshape. It's a dadaist joke.

I wonder if she's trying to torch the franchise and run so she can get back to writing mysteries. Or….maybe she's just become drunk with power and convinced that every word she writes is pure gold, and that editors are all Slytherin Death Eater Satanist agents of Voldemort.  

1 minute ago, Quiver said:



I have no idea what's going on in that comic and I love it. 

[Quiver he/him]

2 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I wonder if she's trying to torch the franchise and run so she can get back to writing mysteries. Or….maybe she's just become drunk with power and convinced that every word she writes is pure gold, and that editors are all Slytherin Death Eater Satanist agents of Voldemort.  

I have no idea what's going on in that comic and I love it. 

Well, hey. Could be worse. Hurry could be drinking the blood of Hufflepuff students.

And from what I've heard, that Doom Patrol run is insane.it involves a painting that eats Paris, and a sentient transgender Street becoming a member of a superhero team.

In case my ramblings hadn't implied it, let me be blunt: Grant Morrison might actually beinsane. All his ideas sound like he's dropping acid. Even the ones he didn't come up with while on drugs.

[Zathoth]

32 minutes ago, Quiver said:

Well, hey. Could be worse. Hurry could be drinking the blood of Hufflepuff students.

And from what I've heard, that Doom Patrol run is insane.it involves a painting that eats Paris, and a sentient transgender Street becoming a member of a superhero team.

In case my ramblings hadn't implied it, let me be blunt: Grant Morrison might actually beinsane. All his ideas sound like he's dropping acid. Even the ones he didn't come up with while on drugs.

I need to read this...

 

After reading through the clusterstorm that was the Cursed Child spoilers: Dresden is the best wizard named Harry. He has the sense to carry a gun, among other things.

Edited July 30, 2016 by Morzathoth

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

1 hour ago, Morzathoth said:

I need to read this...

 

After reading through the clusterstorm that was the Cursed Child spoilers: Dresden is the best wizard named Harry. He has the sense to carry a gun, among other things.

Spoiler

I think the point when I realized that either Rowling hadn't bothered to research police procedure, expected us to sympathize with Harry no matter what he did, or both, was when it said that he "couldn't bring himself to look at the files." Just…what? Harry. You're the Head of Magical Law Enforcement. Basically the police chief, sheriff, and commissioner all in one. Being apprised of goings-on in the magical world that could be a danger to the public is your whole job. Imagine the scandal that would break if a Muggle sheriff/police chief/commissioner did that. Their reputation would be ruined. They'd have trouble getting a job at the local Taco Bell after that. And we're supposed to see Harry as competent and sympathetic? 

 

[Mistrunner]

Here's another candidate in the election race! He's very candid, which I respect.

Spoiler

 

[Sunbird she/her]

So apparently the author Brad Thor might be entering the US presidential race as a third-party candidate... Listen to a recording of the interview or read a transcript here.

I would totally vote for him.

[The Honor Spren she/her]

I finished Grease. That month of rehearsing, and later performing, 4 hours a day is over. My life feels so empty . . .

Edited July 31, 2016 by The Honor Spren

[Edgedancer he/him]

8 hours ago, Quiver said:

Well, hey. Could be worse. Hurry could be drinking the blood of Hufflepuff students.

And from what I've heard, that Doom Patrol run is insane.it involves a painting that eats Paris, and a sentient transgender Street becoming a member of a superhero team.

In case my ramblings hadn't implied it, let me be blunt: Grant Morrison might actually beinsane. All his ideas sound like he's dropping acid. Even the ones he didn't come up with while on drugs.

For those that do not belife in said painting.

Spoiler

6 hours ago, Mistrunner said:

Here's another candidate in the election race! He's very candid, which I respect.

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Here's our one true President. This man knows what destroys a planet so he can make sure to avert it for us.

Spoiler

 

[Jo and the Bush all/any]

Twilight, i've figured it out.

Quote

Scorpius points out that the Rowles are an extreme Death Eater family.

Rowels. Rowling. She's a Voldermort Extremist!

[Delightful]

40 minutes ago, The Only Joe said:

Twilight, i've figured it out.

Rowels. Rowling. She's a Voldermort Extremist!

Yeah I also thought that was a weird choice of surname....

[ParadoxicalZen he/him]

13 hours ago, Quiver said:

Well, hey. Could be worse. Hurry could be drinking the blood of Hufflepuff students.

And from what I've heard, that Doom Patrol run is insane.it involves a painting that eats Paris, and a sentient transgender Street becoming a member of a superhero team.

In case my ramblings hadn't implied it, let me be blunt: Grant Morrison might actually beinsane. All his ideas sound like he's dropping acid. Even the ones he didn't come up with while on drugs.

His run on Nameless, that is some whacked up chull right there 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Good morning, Sharders! It's a bright sunshiny day in the world! What was the first thing I did on waking up, you ask? I went to Amazon and checked out some reviews of Cursed Child to see if the ridiculous plot summary I sporked yesterday was a prank, naturally! 

It's not.

The number of critical reviewers clinging to "Jo didn't write this, she just came up with the idea and approved the script and supervised casting and gave interviews about how much she hoped people would love it and promoted the storms out of it on her Twitter" is staggering. 

[Edgedancer he/him]

1 minute ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Good morning, Sharders! It's a bright sunshiny day in the world! What was the first thing I did on waking up, you ask? I went to Amazon and checked out some reviews of Cursed Child to see if the ridiculous plot summary I sporked yesterday was a prank, naturally! 

It's not.

The number of critical reviewers clinging to "Jo didn't write this, she just came up with the idea and approved the script and supervised casting and gave interviews about how much she hoped people would love it and promoted the storms out of it on her Twitter" is staggering. 

Spoiler

Guess I'll go and celebrate Voldemort day now.

 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

2 minutes ago, Edgedancer said:

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Guess I'll go and celebrate Voldemort day now.

 

Spoiler

What, you're not asking anyone to the Blood Ball?

Spoiler

Wonder if I can work some references into my Potterfic.

 

 

[Edgedancer he/him]

Just now, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

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What, you're not asking anyone to the Blood Ball?

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Wonder if I can work some references into my Potterfic.

 

 

Spoiler

I thought you already agreed to go to the Blood Ball with me. I even prepared my best suit covered in Nighthound's blood.