Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[Delightful]

3 hours ago, Voidus said:

Script ran out and I forgot to pick it up before all of the everything closed for christmas weekend so withdrawal and now I have to wait for 6 weeks before they start working again... yay.

 

that's awful. 

......could you try a hospital pharmacy? Those must be open. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I've spent the last couple of days back in Spokane with the family. Some elements have come as no surprise—like Twimom losing her cool over something minor and preventable that had nothing to do with me, and then taking it out on me anyway; or being talked over and ignored; or the constant hinting that I should move back. I was ready for that. I was expecting it. But there was one thing that I didn't expect: 

I've really missed my siblings. 

I've missed having a plethora of inside jokes that can be brought up with a single word or inflection or movie quote. I've missed the way conversations between us could go from serious talk to humor in a second. I've missed just walking around the mall with my sister and talking about random stuff. I've missed being in the kitchen and talking about nothing at all. I've missed just having them around. 

And yet there are hints of what drove me away in the first place. When I told them how Twimom took out her frustration on me, they shrugged and said "Well, that's just the way she is." I remember that, and when I was exposed to it every day, I hated it. Now that I've been on my own for a while, it didn't bother me as much, but I also know that it won't go away anytime soon. I haven't missed feeling as though I had no allies when it came to Twimom and Twidad, or worrying over complaining about the wrong thing to them, or having to hide all of the stuff I've learned and discovered since I moved out. And I don't want to move back to Spokane anytime soon. I've just gotten my first taste of true independence, and I'm not going to give that up. 

But I have missed having siblings nearby. 

[Briar King]

Come back to Cajunland

[ThirdGen]

1 hour ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I've really missed my siblings. 

...

When I told them how Twimom took out her frustration on me, they shrugged and said "Well, that's just the way she is." I remember that, and when I was exposed to it every day, I hated it. Now that I've been on my own for a while, it didn't bother me as much, but I also know that it won't go away anytime soon. I haven't missed feeling as though I had no allies when it came to Twimom and Twidad, or worrying over complaining about the wrong thing to them, or having to hide all of the stuff I've learned and discovered since I moved out.

This is something that frustrates me about the family-as-a-total-unit way of doing things.  There are always some you like more than others, but they're all interconnected and in the same place at the same time, or in random combinations.  It's like the good ones are always a lure.

I've reached the point where I've been out on my own long enough that it's hit me that the multitude of ways people interact and socialize around me are the way normal life actually is, and the social rituals, forced "friendships," and regular trotting out of each other as entertainment are very insular and in the service of the family members at whose pleasure everyone else participates.  This might sound bitter or even bizarre, but it's the place where I am now.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

37 minutes ago, ThirdGen said:

This is something that frustrates me about the family-as-a-total-unit way of doing things.  There are always some you like more than others, but they're all interconnected and in the same place at the same time, or in random combinations.  It's like the good ones are always a lure.

I've reached the point where I've been out on my own long enough that it's hit me that the multitude of ways people interact and socialize around me are the way normal life actually is, and the social rituals, forced "friendships," and regular trotting out of each other as entertainment are very insular and in the service of the family members at whose pleasure everyone else participates.  This might sound bitter or even bizarre, but it's the place where I am now.

That….describes my family dynamic pretty well.  Especially if you add in the moments when Twimom and Twidad can be kind and welcoming and fun to be around. I still feel a little guilty, having to remind myself of equally common moments when they're exactly the opposite, but I'm not going to get sucked into that trap again. 

And the thing about my siblings is that I genuinely enjoy their company. I don't feel obliged to spend time with them, or talk with them on the phone, or any of the other "family" things I feel obliged to do for my parents. To put it differently, if I weren't related to my siblings, I would want to befriend them. If I weren't related to my parents, I would not. It's just that, at this point, they're a package deal. Both of my adult siblings still live at home (although my brother is looking to move out this summer) and their lives are in Spokane. They don't approve of all our parents' behavior, but they'll still defend most of it, probably in part because they didn't have it as bad as I did. So, they're not going to move away anytime soon. If I want my independence, it'll mean much less contact with my siblings; if I want more contact with my siblings, I'll have to give up my independence. I already know I'll choose independence, but it sucks that I have to make the choice. 

[Voidus]

14 hours ago, Deliiiiiightful said:

 

that's awful. 

......could you try a hospital pharmacy? Those must be open. 

Visiting family in rural Australia, no hospital pharmacies to be found.

Managed to get it filled today, hopefully they'll kick in fast enough.

[Briar King]

NOOOOOO! Carrie Fisher died! SOOOOOOO SAD!

[Kaymyth she/her]

4 minutes ago, Briar King said:

NOOOOOO! Carrie Fisher died! SOOOOOOO SAD!

2016 needs to go storm right the hell off now.

[marsoupial they/them]

George Michael and Carrie Fisher in a matter of THREE DAYS. 

Guys, 2016 is still trying to spite us as much as possible before it ends.

Jesus.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

2016 already took so many people from us, why did it have to take Carrie Fisher too?

[Kaymyth she/her]

I wish I could say I was surprised, but given how long she had stopped breathing on her own, and how long it took to get her heart started again, I knew we were sorta hoping against hope.  I mean, someone did manual CPR on her for 15 minutes while that plane landed.  It's honestly kind of amazing they managed to get a pulse back.  And I'm glad they pulled her back long enough for her family to get a proper chance to say goodbye.

Still, I would like a comforting lap to curl up in now.

[Quiver he/him]

1 hour ago, Kaymyth said:

2016 needs to go storm right the hell off now.

Echoing sentiment. 2016 has been the worst 

[marsoupial they/them]

Starman has fallen. Doves have cried. Last Christmas has come and gone. We get it. Now stop, 2016. Please.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

It was the year when the heroes died, the villains won, and we got a bad Harry Potter book. 

And the most worrisome part is that there are still four days left. 

[Quiver he/him]

1 hour ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

It was the year when the heroes died, the villains won, and we got a bad Harry Potter book. 

And the most worrisome part is that there are still four days left. 

The author of Watership Down has also died, according to BBC.

I've never read or seen it, but I know that is a classic of people's childhoods, so. 

Basically, 2016 is terrible, right down to the wire.

Edited December 27, 2016 by Quiver

[Zathoth]

I haven't watched Star Wars since I was a child.

This effects me more than I thought it would.

And I had outlined a really weird horror story, but now I don't feel like writing it.

[Delightful]

RIP Carrie Fisher, drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.  

 

 

[Briar King]

OH NOOOOO!!! Carries mom Debbie Reynolds just had a stroke in the middle of making Carries arrangements and is now in hospital.

[Briar King]

Holy hell...she died as well. That family has been torn asunder over a 36 hr period! I feel so very sad for them.

[marsoupial they/them]

18 hours ago, Deliiiiiightful said:

RIP Carrie Fisher, drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.  

 

 

I love that quote so much.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Remember when I said that I'd really missed my siblings? Well, I don't think I understood how much until I found myself trying to keep my Uber driver from seeing me cry. I managed to sort-of keep it together until I got into my apartment, and then I just laid on my bed and cried some more. I haven't really stopped. 

And I don't know what it is. I stay away for eight months and I'm fine, but as soon as I get back from Spokane, I start sobbing. Maybe it took seeing my siblings—the only people in the world who know what to say when I start randomly quoting The Emperor's New Groove or obscure Nickelodeon cartoons—to make me realize how lonely I've been. Which is weird, because for the past eight months, I haven't felt lonely. Not really. But then I go back to Spokane for a few days, to a house full of people and pugs and family waiting for me at the airport, and I get back into the groove with my siblings to where it feels like I never left….and then I go back to Louisiana where I have to get all my luggage and Bruce back home by myself, to an empty apartment and some people who I think might be my friends, but are still in that phase where I don't know for sure and don't want to push my luck. 

And I missed the Northwest. I missed pine trees. I missed snow. I missed little hole-in-the-wall coffee shops everywhere that are all delicious. I missed hipsters and people dressing grunge. I missed that initial rudeness and sarcasm masking friendliness. I've spent the past two years telling myself that I'm a nomad, that I don't really have any strong attachment to any specific place, and then I get back to Washington and realize how deep that lie went. 

I haven't forgotten what's brought me here. On my first full day back, Twimom reminded me of why I wanted some distance between us. She was sweet for the rest of the visit, but still, I think distance is best. And seeing Twidad was nice, but I didn't miss him too much either. Not the way I missed my siblings. They're the closest friends I've ever had—I know that now. 

I went to Spokane thinking that I'd remind myself of why I left….but now I just want to go back. 

[Orlion Blight he/him]

@TwiLyghtSansSparkles 

*hugs*

Well, it seems to me that you now got a good idea of what you want and don't want... At least with regards to family, friends and locale. With your hard won independence, you can now plan and strive for those desires! 

Though the parting is painful currently, you can also frame it as temporary. As a "See you later" rather than a "goodbye."

Edited December 29, 2016 by Orlion Determined

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

1 minute ago, Orlion Determined said:

@TwiLyghtSansSparkles 

*hugs*

Well, it seems to me that you now got a good idea of what you want and don't want... At least with regards to family, friends and locale. With your hard won independence, you can now plan and strive for those desires! 

Though the parting is painful currently, you can also frame it as temporary. As a "See you later" rather than a "goodbye."

Yeah, I know I can move back. And I'm actually seriously considering Seattle or Portland (despite the higher cost of living) or maybe a city in Idaho, though I'd prefer the former two for obvious reasons. I know I'll need some distance between me and Twimom. I think that's what's best for us. It keeps me sane, and keeps her from nitpicking my every flaw. I said I'm not going back to Spokane, and I meant it—I'm not putting myself in a place where I'm expected to frame my life around what the family wants, and to play hostess to Grandmother and Twimom when they inevitably decide to drop in. But Seattle is a four-and-a-half hour drive and Portland is five-and-a-half hours, which would mean that if they wanted to "drop in," they'd have to really plan ahead. 

I guess what I'm saying is, maybe I learned that distance is good….but that two thousand miles might be excessive. 

[Briar King]

Your just emo charged up right now. You ll lvl back out when get back to work and normalness. This is the reason me and a few others said to not go back this yr and make an excuse. You ll stabilize 

[Kaymyth she/her]

34 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Yeah, I know I can move back. And I'm actually seriously considering Seattle or Portland (despite the higher cost of living) or maybe a city in Idaho, though I'd prefer the former two for obvious reasons. I know I'll need some distance between me and Twimom. I think that's what's best for us. It keeps me sane, and keeps her from nitpicking my every flaw. I said I'm not going back to Spokane, and I meant it—I'm not putting myself in a place where I'm expected to frame my life around what the family wants, and to play hostess to Grandmother and Twimom when they inevitably decide to drop in. But Seattle is a four-and-a-half hour drive and Portland is five-and-a-half hours, which would mean that if they wanted to "drop in," they'd have to really plan ahead. 

I guess what I'm saying is, maybe I learned that distance is good….but that two thousand miles might be excessive. 

I think what you're missing is connections.  You're an introvert, so you can handle lots of alone time, but finding folks who Sing the Song of Your People is a serious boost.  You need friends.  Not just casual, hey-I'm-friendly-with-this-person acquaintances, but real friends who will come over and binge-watch nerdy TV shows with you and call you up to go on a random adventure exploring someplace they heard was neat.  Friends who will talk Sanderson and Buffy and My Little Pony and Gravity Falls with you for stupid hours on end.

My advice:  start looking up local nerd culture things.  Find a gaming store that has open board game nights.  Find a local con to check out (I know there's a literary sci-fi/fantasy con in New Orleans, but the name escapes me right now), make a mistcloak, and go.  Instead of hoping that you'll find people in your day-to-day life who share your interests, actively seek out places that cater to those interests and meet people that way.