Feb 10- Trizee the Winter Wars chapter 6

[Trizee]

Tell me what you think!

[Mandamon]

Don't know if this is response from comments or not, but Fen's personality seems different this chapter, more meditative than I would expect from him. It's especially contrasting to his blowup about the imminent war last chapter. It might be because we aren't hearing him speak the first part of the chapter, but only thinking and reminiscing. I do like the poetic connection between the color red, Fen's country, and the war.

There's a little bit of an infodump on page 2, and I'm wondering if this information might be better earlier in the story. On the one hand, we now have a good explanation for the invaders last chapter, as the countries seem to be in constant war, or at least contention, with each other. On the other hand, I didn't have a clear picture of this previously, and it might have cleared up some of the court relations to know who was from which kingdom.

Shattering the vases seems more in line with Fen's outburst from last chapter, and less with his unsure and quiet personality in the rest of the book. I think Fen needs to be settled a little more as a character.

I think the pacing is alright for the setup so far. This chapter is a little on the slow side, as it's mostly setup for what's coming next. Cutting the infodump down or moving the action of the Peasants forward might spice it up a bit.

[AubreyWrites]

I agree with Mandamon on most all points involving this chapter. I haven't read the other chapters so I don't really have much to compare Fen's character development to. I don't know if this is intentional or not but i sort of got a "Rand in Cairhien" from the Wheel of time series- type vibe. With all the political entanglements and "lord of Light" talk. Is it your intention for this to fall under sort of an epic fantasy story scope wise?

Just wondering.

I wish I could give you more thoughts on character development but since I haven't read the rest of your story anything I might offer up at this point would probably miss the mark of what you are trying to do.

Interesting!

[Syme]

I didn't think the scene at the start was particularly out of character (but then I've only read one previous chapter).

Not really a fan of the infodump here; it doesn't fit well into the story at this point and it sounds more like the author giving us the backstory than Fen actually thinking about it.

I liked the interaction with the two scholars and the way the info dumping was presented here was much more elegant and interesting.

A decent chapter over all. Hope to read more from you soon.

[cjhuitt]

Late on these also, but FWIW...

 

Despite the supposed survey of the room, really all we get is details on the fireplace and mantel, and some info-dump (which I also thought slowed the pace too much here).

 

Fen's tantrum doesn't really endear him to me any more than before (which, as I recall, still wasn't a lot since the first chapter).  He seems too mercurial to be a good leader, but so far anyway I haven't seen much hints at a possible character arc that moves him beyond this.  I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but a straightforward goal or step he's trying to achieve would probably help, along with reasonable obstacles in his way.  It doesn't even have to be directly related to the conflict -- for example, perhaps as a kid he really loved eating some trashy meal, but none of the cooks would dare serve such a meal to the king, and the longer he goes without it, the more he craves it, but he can't get the cooks to budge on what sort of meal the king should eat, and he can't enter their domain to cook it himself, and....

 

I'm kind of assuming his tantrum and resolution will be important later.

 

The backstory from Uriel is much better integrated, as others mentioned.  Though this world has magic of a sort (for carving and using the crystal swords), this is the first I've recalled about prophecy.  It seems like a different kind of magic than that seen so far -- that is, not just physical manipulation.

 

The fact that the verse was so obscure (or at least, in an obscure language) makes me wonder how an thief of an outsider could have known about the verse in order to take advantage of it and become their lord of light.