Trans Hangout Thread

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

yes

(i dont read yuri but probably)

[Aeoryi she/her]

1 minute ago, Hmmm lies said:

Totally normal. 

I also remember as an egg, I thought mtf genderswaps were super cool, but being grossed out at ftm genderswaps

I've always loved Yuri tbh even before being an egg I loved yuri

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

oh, uhm, guys how do u know if it's dysphoria.

how do u know when u feeling it . what does it feel like?

is it dysphoria when you realzie rhat u should be freling it?

like when someone uses wrong pronouns snd you notice verh much. or when u notice hair on face. u notice ur voice. when u use men's restroom. ehen ur nails are unpainted . when u see body hair. when u...use the restroom in general iykyk. ehen u mirror-see urself. ehen ur tall.

basically ehen u pay attention to everything and are very aware of everything that should, and maybe does, make u uncomfortable or dysphoriic. but how do u know if it actually is or if ur just noticing it?

[Aeoryi she/her]

4 hours ago, Usseewa said:

oh, uhm, guys how do u know if it's dysphoria.

how do u know when u feeling it . what does it feel like?

is it dysphoria when you realzie rhat u should be freling it?

like when someone uses wrong pronouns snd you notice verh much. or when u notice hair on face. u notice ur voice. when u use men's restroom. ehen ur nails are unpainted . when u see body hair. when u...use the restroom in general iykyk. ehen u mirror-see urself. ehen ur tall.

basically ehen u pay attention to everything and are very aware of everything that should, and maybe does, make u uncomfortable or dysphoriic. but how do u know if it actually is or if ur just noticing it?

isn't it all dysphoria

Dysphoria for me isn't a feeling it's just an explanation of feelings. 

 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

Just now, Aeoryi said:

isn't it all dysphoria

Dysphoria for me isn't a feeling it's just an explanation of feelings. 

 

sometimes i either dont get feelings or i get thoughts instead, idk 

i suppose it is? or am i just like "ok, since i think im trans, trans people are likely to feel this specific way and do and say this, so i am too since im trans, and if i were t i wouldnt be."

so basically waht i think/feel normally, sometimes. like "oh, here's where someone would normally be sad or excited or worried or happy or angry or whatever, so i acknowledge that and i am too, maybe."

and also it's hard now to thing of my previous experiences, thoughts, and feelings. i can only think of what i feel now, and even that's hazy. i can only compare it to memories of what i know i felt, if that makes sense. i don't remember feeling things, but i remember knowing i did. or i know i remembered i did. i ... idk.

idk what i feel sometimes. then sometimes i think i do, then just tell myself im feeling what i know im supposed to feel.

[Aeoryi she/her]

2 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

sometimes i either dont get feelings or i get thoughts instead, idk 

i suppose it is? or am i just like "ok, since i think im trans, trans people are likely to feel this specific way and do and say this, so i am too since im trans, and if i were t i wouldnt be."

so basically waht i think/feel normally, sometimes. like "oh, here's where someone would normally be sad or excited or worried or happy or angry or whatever, so i acknowledge that and i am too, maybe."

and also it's hard now to thing of my previous experiences, thoughts, and feelings. i can only think of what i feel now, and even that's hazy. i can only compare it to memories of what i know i felt, if that makes sense. i don't remember feeling things, but i remember knowing i did. or i know i remembered i did. i ... idk.

idk what i feel sometimes. then sometimes i think i do, then just tell myself im feeling what i know im supposed to feel.

ok, so what? You're worried if your feelings are actually genuine? Why does that matter?

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

18 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

ok, so what? You're worried if your feelings are actually genuine? Why does that matter?

because if they aren't, it means im probably not trans

it means im fake and haven't actually found the truth and the genuine and real me

 

[Aeoryi she/her]

4 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

because if they aren't, it means im probably not trans

it means im fake and haven't actually found the truth and the genuine and real me

 

the best way to think about it being real is with a few tests. 

The easiest one is the test of awareness. You can tell if you're faking being trans because you'll know that it is. It will feel like no matter how much you desire being something, you know it's not actually real and you'll probably know your reasons for it. Sometimes it boils down to curiosity, but keep in mind that curiosity will fade very quickly, and isn't a reason that sustainable forever. For me, the biggest thing that told me I was faking was the fact that I knew it wasn't real, at the very core. If you're wondering if you're secretly thinking that you're not real but repressing it, that's possible, but even then not really. This is moreso of a hindsight thing- you'll look back at your life and realize that it's always been fake and that it's time to move on if it's actually fake. You will know.

If at your lowest of lows, you hate the fact that you're trans, you hate it because it is something you cannot change about yourself, even if you tried. By contrast, if you were faking it, you'd never feel this way, because you would be able to change it because you can, at the end of the day, relinquish control over what you're faking when you're faking it. If you hate yourself because you're trans and you can't not be trans that literally means you're trans.

In addition, there's another really good test, which is if you went radio silent for two weeks with no intentions of ever going back to the larger community would it still be there? Even when no one is watching, when it doesn't matter to anyone else, are you still trans? If the answer is yes, it's pretty definitively something that exists outside of the influence of others, thereby being a part of you and something you cannot change. 

If you cannot change something about yourself, that means that you cannot be faking that because the very definition of faking is that it isn't actually real and that it is something you can control. 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

19 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

For me, the biggest thing that told me I was faking was the fact that I knew it wasn't real, at the very core.

Uhh faking what?

19 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

The easiest one is the test of awareness. You can tell if you're faking being trans because you'll know that it is. It will feel like no matter how much you desire being something, you know it's not actually real and you'll probably know your reasons for it. Sometimes it boils down to curiosity, but keep in mind that curiosity will fade very quickly, and isn't a reason that sustainable forever. For me, the biggest thing that told me I was faking was the fact that I knew it wasn't real, at the very core. If you're wondering if you're secretly thinking that you're not real but repressing it, that's possible, but even then not really. This is moreso of a hindsight thing- you'll look back at your life and realize that it's always been fake and that it's time to move on if it's actually fake. You will know.

ok srry but this is kinda confusing. ill try re-reading it. (no luck)

 

19 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

In addition, there's another really good test, which is if you went radio silent for two weeks with no intentions of ever going back to the larger community would it still be there? Even when no one is watching, when it doesn't matter to anyone else, are you still trans? If the answer is yes, it's pretty definitively something that exists outside of the influence of others, thereby being a part of you and something you cannot change. 

I mean, like, I'm still wearing fem clothes rn (at least partially), and i still do when not in public.

 

 

iskdkkdkekekwkwkw

rhis is roo mcun to think abiutttr

ughhhhh

thxxx tho

this is so existential, if that's the right word

i hate not knowing. inhate being so uncertain that i dont even know what im feeling and what/who i am and what's true and what's real and whats what sbsbßhshhhshhßhsh33hehsshhddhhn.,,,...,.......dnñeñd4ndn mmm

like theres so mahy layers of weird tangled confising brain thoughts and brain that idk what anything is anymore.

and i feel so different from everyone else who's trans. eveyone seems so sure, or at least more sure than me, or has different/more signs, or whatever.                      c4tcc5cccc5ctvrvge3gg3dgv. d d.    d d 

 

 

like help

ehy am i so confused

Edited February 21 by Usseewa

[Aeoryi she/her]

4 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

Uhh faking what?

let's never mention it again

5 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

ok srry but this is kinda confusing. ill try re-reading it. (no luck)

you'll like know it's fake if it's for sure fake 

5 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

this is so existential, if that's the right word

It's very higher level thinking. Took like, 5+ years to get to these sets of proofs anyways.

5 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

hate not knowing. inhate being so uncertain that i dont even know what im feeling and what/who i am and what's true and what's real and whats what

I think you know perfectly well what you're feeling, but you're struggling to figure out whether to trust yourself. The question, then, is simple: If not yourself, who knows you better? Who is right if you are wrong?

8 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

and i feel so different from everyone else who's trans. eveyone seems so sure, or at least more sure than me, or has different/more signs, or whatever.                      c4tcc5cccc5ctvrvge3gg3dgv. d d.    d d 

For as condescending as I act I actually don't have certainty about whether I'm trans. Nor do I think I had many signs. Nor do I really care that much about my gender.

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

4 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

let's never mention it again

y do u say stuff like this... it's kidna scary

4 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

you'll like know it's fake if it's for sure fake 

so... huh???

4 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

It's very higher level thinking. Took like, 5+ years to get to these sets of proofs anyways.

tess ur not making sense

4 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

For as condescending as I act I actually don't have certainty about whether I'm trans. Nor do I think I had many signs. Nor do I really care that much about my gender.

i dont condescending is rhe eight word heirre

do u mean confidenr kr smrhM

?

ur not rhat bad

also why u so againstbeing agender

Edited February 21 by Usseewa

[Aeoryi she/her]

20 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

do u say stuff like this... it's kidna scary

I've not necessarily gotten a dark past myself, but there's parts that are better left forgotten.

21 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

so... huh???

yes, you read that right

21 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

tess ur not making sense

my point is that this is the result of a lot of thinking, and a lot of back-and-forth. For me, this was kind of what proved that I was trans to myself.

22 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

dont condescending is rhe eight word heirre

do u mean confidenr kr smrhM

?

ur not rhat bad

Maybe confidence is the better word, yes.

23 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

also why u so againstbeing agender

My perspective of gender is very, very, nihilistic, and it's not exactly like you can simply be agender anyways. Plus it wouldn't bring me happiness, only sadness.

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

8 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

I've not necessarily gotten a dark past myself, but there's parts that are better left forgotten.

but why bring them up then?

9 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

yes, you read that right

oh, somehow i think it makes sense now. i maybe misread it before? are u basically saying uncertainty = authenticity/IMTRANS?

10 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

my point is that this is the result of a lot of thinking, and a lot of back-and-forth. For me, this was kind of what proved that I was trans to myself.

idk if u remember what i said weeks back, but i had a rust ton of this. still do. too.much.thinking. hurts.my.brain.

12 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

perspective of gender is very, very, nihilistic, and it's not exactly like you can simply

sigh

Spoiler

i slmost wish we could vc...

its hard to think about things

i wish i could help u more. like say stuff that eould help. but alas

but why cant u be agender

and ughhhhh

why would it make u sad

ehat do u want

like idk

[Aeoryi she/her]

1 minute ago, Usseewa said:

but why bring them up then?

I want to point out that when I talk about this kind of stuff I have experience with faking things I really wanted at the time

2 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

oh, somehow i think it makes sense now. i maybe misread it before? are u basically saying uncertainty = authenticity/IMTRANS?

I'm saying that you would know specifically if it was fake and you didn't believe in it.

2 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

i slmost wish we could vc..

if you really want to we could idm

3 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

but why cant u be agender

and ughhhhh

why would it make u sad

ehat do u want

like idk

I don't want to be agender. It's just that I line up very well with that category.

Gosh I sound like when I used to say that I was technically part time transgender back when I was actually cisgender

 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

51 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

I want to point out that when I talk about this kind of stuff I have experience with faking things I really wanted at the time

I'm saying that you would know specifically if it was fake and you didn't believe in it.

if you really want to we could idm

I don't want to be agender. It's just that I line up very well with that category.

Gosh I sound like when I used to say that I was technically part time transgender back when I was actually cisgender

 

ok

u should at least explore the possibility of being agender.

 

...

Spoiler

me is feeling down rn

Spoiler

u know when ur feeling down and don't wanna feel better. like u know u can probably cheer up but just wanna keep sulking?

i do that a lot.

Spoiler

im gonna make myself some ice cream rn..

 

 

 

51 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

if you really want to we could idm

this just feels like a trap sigh

what i mean is, u know, not getting to comfortable with strangers ...

i wish i could trust everyone..

 

was gonna edit this to make it sound less..yk...but looks like u already saw it so oh well.

Edited February 22 by Usseewa

[Aeoryi she/her]

18 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

should at least explore the possibility of being agender.

nah

18 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

this just feels like a trap sigh

what i mean is, u know, not getting to comfortable with strangers ...

i wish i could trust everyone..

I kinda suspected you'd feel as such tbh you've been very reluctant to use the PM feature despite it being genuinely decent and such

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

9 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

nah

sis pls just do it

either that or stop saying how much u knownyou should or whateverr

9 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

I kinda suspected you'd feel as such tbh you've been very reluctant to use the PM feature despite it being genuinely decent and such

blessing and a curse?

also phew that u didn't express taken offense at that.

 

Spoiler

also I've used the PM feature a few times but only when people accidentally leak there address and I'm letting them know.

Spoiler

like i suspect is true for u, tho perhaps different, i know that people on the internet can be ... not great. Yeah yeah, we already went over how not everyone is bad blah blah but i already feel myself sliding into comfort and laxness, and one of these days I'll end up doing something I regret, or so I fear. i just wish 17s was more like discord in that i didn't have to worry as much about my info and everything i say and do being available to the entire Internet, bots included. like have you ever stalked urself using ai? have u ever asked it questions about u? i have, at least on the dumb google ai overview crap.

i also just don't wanna be a bad person, and unfortunately i can border on stalk-ey sometimes, which later makes me feel genuinely awful and almost not want to use the web.

and see here how I'm basically saying everything i.feel and rhink to a stranger and the ehole internet? ugh.

 

[Aeoryi she/her]

3 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

sis pls just do it

either that or stop saying how much u knownyou should or whateverr

blessing and a curse?

also phew that u didn't express taken offense at that.

 

  Hide contents

also I've used the PM feature a few times but only when people accidentally leak there address and I'm letting them know.

  Hide contents

like i suspect is true for u, tho perhaps different, i know that people on the internet can be ... not great. Yeah yeah, we already went over how not everyone is bad blah blah but i already feel myself sliding into comfort and laxness, and one of these days I'll end up doing something I regret, or so I fear. i just wish 17s was more like discord in that i didn't have to worry as much about my info and everything i say and do being available to the entire Internet, bots included. like have you ever stalked urself using ai? have u ever asked it questions about u? i have, at least on the dumb google ai overview crap.

i also just don't wanna be a bad person, and unfortunately i can border on stalk-ey sometimes, which later makes me feel genuinely awful and almost not want to use the web.

and see here how I'm basically saying everything i.feel and rhink to a stranger and the ehole internet? ugh.

 

if someone cares, they can find out a lot of things about me

so what?

Also PMs are private messages generally they are not accessible by members outside of those in them

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

Just now, Aeoryi said:

if someone cares, they can find out a lot of things about me

so what?

Also PMs are private messages generally they are not accessible by members outside of those in them

yes i know what pms are, postmenst— nah jk.

 

"if someone cares, they can find out a lot of things about me

 

so what?"

it's just...kinda concerning. to know that a stranger could know a lot about u. plus, they could get into conversation with you, make them trust you, and then

Spoiler

do stuff

Spoiler

bad stuff

 

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

2 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

if someone cares, they can find out a lot of things about me

so what?

Also PMs are private messages generally they are not accessible by members outside of those in them

Yes, this is how I feel like I check stuff to make sure my adress doesn’t get leaked and my full name doesn’t but I mean im pretty sure I’ve posted the name of the town I live in on here before so

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

1 minute ago, Honors Ghost said:

Yes, this is how I feel like I check stuff to make sure my adress doesn’t get leaked and my full name doesn’t but I mean im pretty sure I’ve posted the name of the town I live in on here before so

bro wth izzy

u can't do that

 

a dedicated stalker could probably look at publically-available info on all the houses in ur town, depening on how many, or make a bot to do it, and then determine which one is u.

Edited February 22 by Usseewa

[Aeoryi she/her]

Just now, Usseewa said:

yes i know what pms are, postmenst— nah jk.

 

"if someone cares, they can find out a lot of things about me

 

so what?"

it's just...kinda concerning. to know that a stranger could know a lot about u. plus, they could get into conversation with you, make them trust you, and then

  Reveal hidden contents

do stuff

  Hide contents

bad stuff

 

if someone wanted to stalk me to that degree, they could do much worse things right

they don't need to stop at what's easily obtainable. 

It's out of my control . I've grown to accept it.

1 minute ago, Honors Ghost said:

Yes, this is how I feel like I check stuff to make sure my adress doesn’t get leaked and my full name doesn’t but I mean im pretty sure I’ve posted the name of the town I live in on here before so

yeah same

You can always hide the post or edit it out later though

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

2 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

yes i know what pms are, postmenst— nah jk.

 

"if someone cares, they can find out a lot of things about me

 

so what?"

it's just...kinda concerning. to know that a stranger could know a lot about u. plus, they could get into conversation with you, make them trust you, and then

  Hide contents

do stuff

  Hide contents

bad stuff

 

Ye, but idk I feel like it’s easy to tell when that starts happening besides the mod team here is amazing like I genuinely think I’ve had zero bad experiences on the shard

 

1 minute ago, Usseewa said:

bro wth izzy

u can't do that

…

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

if someone wanted to stalk me to that degree, they could do much worse things right

they don't need to stop at what's easily obtainable. 

It's out of my control . I've grown to accept it.

yeah same

You can always hide the post or edit it out later though

Agreeed, like besides there are MANY easier ways to find me than the shard, I’ve been in enough articles that I’m sure you could find me if you looked hard enough 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

yeah same

You can always hide the post or edit it out later though

u guys...

u know that things can be screenshotted? web archived? google even saves stuff that have been deleted for a while on it's search results. IZZY, THE PHOTO. REMEMBER THE PHOTO.

1 minute ago, Honors Ghost said:

Ye, but idk I feel like it’s easy to tell when that starts happening besides the mod team here is amazing like I genuinely think I’ve had zero bad experiences on the shard

pov u move it to discord and start dm'ing there: oops, no mods!

2 minutes ago, Honors Ghost said:

Agreeed, like besides there are MANY easier ways to find me than the shard, I’ve been in enough articles that I’m sure you could find me if you looked hard enough 

i probably wouldn't have to look that hard..

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

Just now, Usseewa said:

u guys...

u know that things can be screenshotted? web archived? google even saves stuff that have been deleted for a while on it's search results. IZZY, THE PHOTO. REMEMBER THE PHOTO.

Lolll ye ig I did have that photo of me, honestly I mostly wanted that gone bc I hate how I look, you couldn’t find me using that photo for a few reasons, 1 that is the ONLY picture of me in a dress that exists and I’m the only one with it, 2 I look nothing like that in any other photo of me, believe me I’ve checked 

I checked after you found it loll