Mental health club!

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

10 hours ago, Halcyon The Only said:

I’m hurting everyone around me

I get the feeling, but trust me that you're not. We all hurt other some people sometimes, both intentionally and unintentionally, and that's just a part of life. But there's two things I've learned:
1) You don't hurt others as much as you feel like you do
2) People in your life care about you more than you feel like they do. I don't know all the people in your personal life, but I know the people on here, and know that we care about you. 

10 hours ago, Halcyon The Only said:

Do my feelings matter? Does this pain matter, and the fact that I’m going to have it on and off my whole entire life? Does that matter? Or does He just hate me and want me to suffer?

He should hate me. I do.

I don't know what your exact religious beliefs are, but what I personally believe is that:
1) Your feelings do matter to God (Psalm 34:18, for one example)
2) Yes, we'll always have suffering in our lives. But that suffering has a purpose. From a religious perspective, that purpose can be so that we can grow in faith, and learn to trust God better. But religion aside, those hard times can be beneficial in surprising ways later down the line. Yes, having depression right now sucks, but in the future, you'll be better equipped to help others close to you when they suffer from the same things, because you've been in their shoes. 

[Keke They/he]

Yall i just had the most relieving thing ever

i got into a fight

now before you panic

no it was not real

it was a mock real fight between me and my friend. And omg it was so fun. Just like not having to worry about hurting people and just punching people is fun. And the pain when you get hit. HELL YEAH BABY!  It’s so thrilling like dont mess up but just PUNCH oh its awesome.

My friend is crazy strong so he he’d back a lil but it still hurt to get punched but its awesome cause PAIN! Thats probably not good and it goes along with trying to stop loving the pain but…. Ahhhh its fun

DONT FIGHT PEOPLE OK ITS BAD UNLESS YOUR BOTH CONSENTING.

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

3 minutes ago, Clinically insane said:

Yall i just had the most relieving thing ever

i got into a fight

now before you panic

no it was not real

it was a mock real fight between me and my friend. And omg it was so fun. Just like not having to worry about hurting people and just punching people is fun. And the pain when you get hit. HELL YEAH BABY!  It’s so thrilling like dont mess up but just PUNCH oh its awesome.

My friend is crazy strong so he he’d back a lil but it still hurt to get punched but its awesome cause PAIN! Thats probably not good and it goes along with trying to stop loving the pain but…. Ahhhh its fun

DONT FIGHT PEOPLE OK ITS BAD UNLESS YOUR BOTH CONSENTING.

Lol that's awesome

[Wierdo he/him]

4 minutes ago, Clinically insane said:

Yall i just had the most relieving thing ever

i got into a fight

now before you panic

no it was not real

it was a mock real fight between me and my friend. And omg it was so fun. Just like not having to worry about hurting people and just punching people is fun. And the pain when you get hit. HELL YEAH BABY!  It’s so thrilling like dont mess up but just PUNCH oh its awesome.

My friend is crazy strong so he he’d back a lil but it still hurt to get punched but its awesome cause PAIN! Thats probably not good and it goes along with trying to stop loving the pain but…. Ahhhh its fun

DONT FIGHT PEOPLE OK ITS BAD UNLESS YOUR BOTH CONSENTING.

Sounds fun- all the fights I get in are with my older brother- so... kinda one sided-

[Keke They/he]

1 minute ago, Wierdo said:

Sounds fun- all the fights I get in are with my older brother- so... kinda one sided-

Mine was to cause im weak and he’s like really strong

[Wierdo he/him]

Just now, Clinically insane said:

Mine was to cause im weak and he’s like really strong

Yeah- I.. need to do physical exercise-

[Keke They/he]

Just now, Wierdo said:

Yeah- I.. need to do physical exercise-

Real

[Shatter He/Him]

1 hour ago, Wierdo said:

Yeah- I.. need to do physical exercise-

So do i

[Mags she/they]

2 hours ago, Wierdo said:

Yeah- I.. need to do physical exercise-

 me too man, I got a nice bike second hand and I keep telling myself I'm gonna ride it regularly but have I? Nope. (Though in my defense it is winter time . . .)

Anyway, something good happened today! I got a really good score on a test I didn't really study for, which is always great. I did get one question wrong because my answer was ONE ONE-THOUSANDTH off, but it's too funny for me to be really mad lol.

Edited March 6, 2025 by Magi

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

Just now, Magi said:

 me too man, I got a nice bike second hand and I keep telling myself I'm gonna ride it regularly but have I? Nope. (Though in my defense it is winter time . . .)

Anyway, something good happened today! I got a really good score on a test I didn't really study for, which is always great. I did get one question wrong because my answer was ONE ONE-THOUSANDTH off, but it's too funny for me to be really mad lol.

. . . that would be infuriating for me lol

BUT GOOD FOR YOU :D:D

[Mags she/they]

1 minute ago, Through The Living Glass said:

. . . that would be infuriating for me lol

BUT GOOD FOR YOU :D:D

 :DDDDD

It was also the last unit test before our final exam, which is exciting

[Wierdo he/him]

2 minutes ago, Magi said:

 me too man, I got a nice bike second hand and I keep telling myself I'm gonna ride it regularly but have I? Nope. (Though in my defense it is winter time . . .)

Anyway, something good happened today! I got a really good score on a test I didn't really study for, which is always great. I did get one question wrong because my answer was ONE ONE-THOUSANDTH off, but it's too funny for me to be really mad lol.

Yeahhh- it sucks  

Nice!

[MirkerLurker she/her]

Well. It's been a bit, and a lot's gone down in here. I'm gonna ramble a bit about why I haven't been on, and then address everything else.

The reason I haven't been on is because I fell in my martial arts class and severely sprained my ankle. That's messed up all my usual routines. Everything takes longer, so most of my free time has gone into getting the basic things done that need to get done, because it takes so long to move around

But you know what? Usually, with an injury, you'd think I'd be in pain, right?

Well, I went to urgent care, and they gave me this boot cast thing to wear (remove it at night - not a typical cast, it's not broken). And it's MAGIC, I tell you. As long as I have it on, my ankle doesn't hurt. I'm not walking on it (gots mahself a sweet pair of crutches, complete with waterbottle holder and little pocket for carrying small things), but I can bump it, lean on it a bit, thwack it with a crutch by accident, and it doesn't. Hurt. MAGIC, I say.

Which means I have the luxury of feeling inconvenienced.

Which sounds weird. But usually, I'd be hurting, and too wrapped up in the pain and trying to avoid it to pay attention to the rest of the world. Instead, I'm free enough of pain that I'm able to notice the inconveniences - taking longer to get around, having trouble carrying things, getting in other people's way. And instead of that bothering me, it's reminding me of how glad I am that it doesn't hurt. So I am deliberately keeping that mindset. Yeah, I've gotten sore over this past week, as my shoulders aren't used to carrying me around as much. Yeah, I'm slow. Yeah, I'm not getting as much done. And you know what? I'm awake and alert and pain-free enough to notice it. And that's good. It's taking a weird positive spin on the little negative things. What's that, brain? You want me to be irritated and grumpy? NO. Take that! Hi-Yah! 

I will say though, that it's also engaging to have something majorly different happen. It breaks up the usual routines, which my autism side hates but my need for variety and interest loves. It's an interesting challenge figuring out how to do various tasks.

Also, it's nice to have an injury that's visible, instead of invisible. When you walk around in a cast with crutches, everyone is encouraging, no matter how poorly you're doing at getting something done or how slowly you're going.

Sometimes I'm glad mental stuff isn't visible. Other times, I wish it was. So this is a nice change of pace.

 

Alright, responding to people! Fun/positive stuff first, then more serious stuff.

 

On 3/1/2025 at 12:46 AM, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

My humor is borrowed

I may be funny in some instances, but the jokes I make are typically not considered appropriate for public display

i.e. My sense of immediate humor is mostly restricted to sex jokes

Yessss! Innuendo is my immediate sense of humor.

Which is a problem when I'm an adult trying to lead and set an example for a group of teenagers in a public setting. (I volunteer with the youth group at my church. It's a ton of fun. But oh man, the number of comments I have to not make...)
 

On 3/2/2025 at 3:34 PM, Through The Living Glass said:

YES DELICIOUS I think

'Kay does anyone else think that blood actually tastes kinda good

Not other people's but your own

Like if you get a cut on your tongue or smth

it's not just me, right

YES. BLOOD IS TASTY

Other people's too. 

Unless the person is anemic

Then it tastes weird.

Fun fact, back in high school I diagnosed a friend with anemia because her blood didn't taste like it had enough iron in it. I was correct. 

(I had a reputation for biting people back in high school and college. It kept most people at a distance, and those that hung out anyway a) were a little weird themselves and therefore more fun to hang out with, and b) respected my personal boundaries. Everybody thought I was a little cray-cray and a little bit dangerous, and that served me well.)

 

On 3/2/2025 at 12:15 AM, Wittles said:

Have any of y'all heard about this thing called Urbex? (short for urban exploration)

Cuz it's recently caught my eye and I can't get it out of my head.

Like, it would be amazing to spend a year or so in a place like eastern Europe where there's a lot of abandoned buildings to just explore and idk.

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It's basically just trespassing as a sport, so it's kind of illegal, but it's so cool

 

On 3/2/2025 at 12:26 AM, Wittles said:

It's kinda stupid to me because you aren't putting anyone at risk except yourself, so like, it should be a misdemeanor at best

Yes! Urbex looks like a lot of fun, BUT: Please be careful when doing so. My town has a number of old factory buildings that are broken down and abandoned. One day while I was walking past one of them (no one else around, no big trucks going down the road, literally nothing but me walking), a large chunk of wall suddenly crumbled and smashed in the middle of the courtyard. Out of nowhere. Nothing triggered it. It just went "I'm done now" and smashed into pieces. Maybe fifteen feet from where I was. 

Old buildings are cool, but please look at structural integrity while exploring. No dying, kthnx.

(Which actually connects to my guess as to why it's illegal: PAPERWORK. If someone gets hurt while climbing through, and then sues the town, it creates a crapton of paperwork. Or if someone dies, the town gets major negative publicity and also more paperwork. Stupid? Yes. True? Probably also yes.)

 

On 3/4/2025 at 4:31 PM, Halcyon The Only said:

Breath Of the Wild  

Breath of the Wild!! WOO!! Super great game!!

 

On 2/28/2025 at 6:59 PM, Clinically insane said:

 NOW HOMEWORK

I WANT EVERYONE TO GIVE AN ENTIRE PARAGRAPH OF WHAT LOOKS GOOD ABOUT YOU! OK. YOU HAVE TO DO THIS OR I WILL PING YOU UNTIL YOU DO. I BETTER SEE IT.

IF YOU CANT THINK OF ANYTHING AND FEEL COMFORTABLE SENDING A PICURE I WILL PERSONALLY WRITE AT LEAST ONE PARAGRAPH OF SPECIFICALLY WHAT ABOUT YOURSELF YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF!

Physical: I like my hair. It's super long (like, almost to my knees); medium brown in indoor lights, but bronze with gold and copper tints in sunlight. A little frizzier than I'd prefer, and it's usually pulled back with a bunch of tendrils escaping around my head, but if I bother to put a bit of time into it and leave it down, it falls down my back in cascading waves. I like my hands; they're mine. I like that I've gotten some muscle definition into my arms and torso; it's taken some time and a lot of work, but I've got strength, and can use it. I like that I can swing my kids around, and run with them, and pass a soccer ball back and forth with them without getting tired or sore.

Non-physical: I can listen well. I'm good at sitting with a person and listening, giving them my attention. Uh...I'm good at being vulnerable. And at forgiveness. I don't hold grudges. Every now and then I'll get WAY TOO SUPER EXCITED BY SOMETHING and I love those moments, they're so much fun and usually they make everyone around me smile too. I can sit and be quiet for a while. I have a good ear for music, and can hear and pick up harmonies very quickly. ...Huh. I'd forgotten until I was writing this, but I have an ok eye for photography composition. And beauty in nature will often stop me in my tracks, to glory in the wonder of it for a moment. Whether a mountain, or a snowflake; a sunset casting fire across the sky, or a tiny fern bud just starting to unfurl. I like that about myself.

On 3/4/2025 at 7:13 AM, alittleinsane said:

CHECKPOINT:

EVERYONE MUST NOW SAY:

SOMETHING THAT WENT WELL LAST WEEK

SOMETHING THAT YOU DID THAT YOU LIKED LAST WEEK

they're different in vibes mkay

Something that went well this past week: Finally took my car in to get it fixed, it was done in a day, and now it's quiet when it drives and it's lovely.

Something that I did that I liked: Watched The Fellowship of the Ring 

 

On 3/2/2025 at 4:27 PM, The Sly Cookie said:

Thought this belonged here:

 

 

Petrichor! This just got added to my Background Music playlist, thank you.

On 3/1/2025 at 5:13 PM, The Sly Cookie said:

Smaug says good day to y'all

 

 

BEARDIE!

Yes I already knew about him, I'm still excited. I love him. The little tongue blep. eeeee!

On 3/3/2025 at 11:51 PM, reisleK said:

Literally, I should start a photo dump thread... hmmm

I have at least 20,000 photos of them... 

Hey reisleK...I'll show you mine if you show me yours 

Guinea pigs, of course! 

   (Please forgive the babyvoice talk. It's a habit I picked up from other people, and now I can't ditch it because they know that's the voice I use when I'm talking to them, so they respond to it.)

 

1 hour ago, Clinically insane said:

Yall i just had the most relieving thing ever

i got into a fight

now before you panic

no it was not real

it was a mock real fight between me and my friend. And omg it was so fun. Just like not having to worry about hurting people and just punching people is fun. And the pain when you get hit. HELL YEAH BABY!  It’s so thrilling like dont mess up but just PUNCH oh its awesome.

My friend is crazy strong so he he’d back a lil but it still hurt to get punched but its awesome cause PAIN! Thats probably not good and it goes along with trying to stop loving the pain but…. Ahhhh its fun

DONT FIGHT PEOPLE OK ITS BAD UNLESS YOUR BOTH CONSENTING.

YES

Playfighting is so much fun!! I adore playfighting.

 

On 3/4/2025 at 12:07 AM, #1 Taln Fan said:

I'll give my mini speech before i go to sleeps xD

The main thing is that people will do exercise, but not get enough protein or sleep. For example, in a study comparing lifters getting 6 hours of sleep to 8, the people who got 6 had 50% less muscle growth than the 8hr peeps

And generally you wanna shoot for 0.7g of protein per pound of bodyweight for maximum muscle gain (ya ain't gotta track all your macros n stuff, but just generally shoot to eat a lot of protein)

And if ya want specific exercise suggestions for weights/calisthenics, I have plenty.

Hybrid Calisthenics is a great website/channel for calisthenics, and Jeff Nippard is probably the best source for weightlifting knowledge 

"For example, in a study comparing lifters getting 6 hours of sleep to 8, the people who got 6 had 50% less muscle growth than the 8hr peeps"
...Wut.
Oh.
Well.
Alright then.

That protein calculation is useful though, thanks! I know you boost protein intake to build muscle, but a number to shoot for is helpful.

I, uh...didn't know the sleep thing.

On 3/4/2025 at 12:11 AM, Clinically insane said:

The only reason I don't work out more is i have to eat alot of sugar to combat the loss of blood sugar that I do when working out. Then that gets confusing with the protein, and carbs. That and low blood sugar kills my muscles and stops me from being able to move properly.  So..

Basically I'm wondering what advice you got on having to eat sugar too... does that affect it?

Sorry if these questions sound dumb. I dunno really much about ... anything in this topic. 

So I'm not a medical professional, but I am a baker. Have you ever tried baking with protein powder? Muffins, cookies, scones, sweet breads, brownies - you can substitute protein powder for some of the flour in just about any recipe. 1/4 - 1/3 of the flour can be swapped for protein powder (so if 3 cups of flour are called for, use 1 cup protein powder and 2 cups flour), and it's a good idea to increase the oil or fat content a little bit to help prevent a dry end product. 

You can also put it in smoothies - homemade coffee smoothies are my fave, and a good way to get a quick boost of sugar while also loading up on protein. 

This is a good more detailed overview of baking with protein powder if you want to try: https://mattsfitchef.com/baking-with-protein-powder-instead-of-flour/

 

And all you guys saying you should get more physical exerise...Well? Go do some! Try different things, figure out what works better for you, but do something! Physical activity is one of the factors to more stable mental health. It's not a miracle cure, it's not instant, it's not everything, but it's good. Try yoga, or swimming, or gymnastics, or sword classes, or whatever keeps you interested and moving and healthy. Heck, I did Dance Dance Revolution several times a week as exercise for a number of years. It worked - kept me moving, and kept me from getting bored like I did with regular exercise.

 

 

Harder/darker stuff:

 

On 3/1/2025 at 9:46 AM, Ancient Elantrian said:

Sheesh

Okay

I don’t wanna blow up the party but I just dipped into depression the deepest I’ve been in like two years

I don’t know what sparked this 

All I know is I’m doing things around my friends that are wacko and my emotional state is on the fritz 

*hug* if you want it.

Sometimes there's not a spark. Sometimes there is, and it's helpful to trace it out and address what's causing the recurrence. But sometimes there's not; sometimes it's better to just work with where you are rather than trying to trace it. Either way, we're here for you.

 

On 3/3/2025 at 10:28 AM, Clinically insane said:

Ok so i just wanna share my happiness.

ALMOST A WEEKK LES GOOOOO

  Reveal hidden contents

 

  Reveal hidden contents

I'm happy! 

I have a good feeling I'm getting better!

On 3/4/2025 at 9:39 PM, Clinically insane said:

Dont wanna double post.

But

WHY IS NOT HURTING YOUSELF SO STORMING HARD.

*sigghhhhh*

I was doing so well

Hopefully they don't leave scars

Can I have some hugs?

So I see that both of these happened, and you know what? I'm still gonna celebrate the first post. Because it's still awesome! It's still an achievement. It's not wasted or lost. *hug* You're still doing well. Going longer stretches in between is good progress in recovery. You've got this. 

 

On 3/4/2025 at 7:02 AM, Hoid_Slayer said:

Oof, yeah… that’s hard. I don’t know how healthy it is, but I also tend to shove away many of my problems (like my eternal existential crisis) by simply not thinking about them. The downside of this is that it’s almost like becoming a different person; everyone around me just sees me like, a smart, innocent, happy kid and doesn’t understand what I’m going through.

 

I’ve never really wanted to KMS, but that’s probably because of my thanatophobia and apeirophobia (fear of death and oblivion, self diagnosed but pretty sure it’s there), one of the things I’ve been suppressing. Like, when I was younger, a simple thought about death would send my brain spiraling into much deeper thoughts about oblivion, making my heart beat faster, my palms sweaty and keeping me awake at night. Nowadays, however, I have suppressed these thoughts to the level where I can talk about it without actually thinking about it, if that makes sense. But is this real progress? Or will it just re-emerge later?

Suppressing is a useful tool to have, depending on what it's being applied to and as long as it's not being used to prevent progress. For fears, it's a good one. Think of it like exposure therapy; it's good to be able to talk about it without immediately spiraling. Being able to put something aside as needed is good. It may re-emerge later, but that doesn't mean you're not making real progress now. Things we struggle with and get better in often re-emerge - but now we have more practice with them. It doesn't negate the progress we made before, even if it feels like it at the time. 

 

On 3/4/2025 at 9:54 AM, Magi said:

y'know when you have a really weird icky dream and it leaks into the morning after and now you're depressed for no reason?

yeah . . . .  it was a stupid dream too but here I am

YES

I hate that. *hug*

 

On 3/4/2025 at 8:23 PM, TwinStorm said:

I need some hugs.

I don't wanna talk abt it rn to the entire world, but I could use some hugs.

*hug*

 

On 3/5/2025 at 12:47 PM, Timiny said:

Hello everyone. I just wanted to get this off my chest, and I believe this is the place to do so.

so, my parents, they really care about grades, right? But right now, my grades are slipping and just, i feel really anxious and as if my parents resent me. And like half of me resents them back for maybe resenting me and making me anxious and the other half resents myself for resenting and disappointing them. And now i feel as if i have to either sacrifice my mental health or my grades, and i don’t know what to do.

and also, i recently found out that I’m bisexual, and guess what? My family is catholic (no hate on you if you’re actually catholic btw), and i don’t know how they’d take me coming out, and I’m wondering if i even should bother coming out or wait until i have a boyfriend(if i get one) to come out, and again, i don’t know what to do.

Hey, welcome. This is absolutely a place to come and vent.

I don't know your relationship with your parents, so I can't give much advice. If you talked to them about struggling in school, would they be supportive or harsh? If you told them that you want to be doing better but all the anxiety of struggling is making that harder, how would they take that? I don't know, so I can't recommend anything, but those are questions you should think through. Always ask "How much help can I safely ask for?" 

 

17 hours ago, Hoid_Slayer said:

You know, I’ve been thinking, and it’s time to get something off my chest. This is a bit of a sensitive topic, but it’s something I’ve never shared with anyone and it’s weighing down on me. For some reason, I trust you guys, so… yeah.

(Please don’t hate me for this)

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I have something of a porn addiction. Not really hardcore, but I just can’t stop looking at nude and sexual images on Quora. I know it’s wrong, especially for someone my age, but I just can’t seem to stop. The things I look at keep increasing in severity. This has gotten to the level where it’s interfering with my schoolwork, my personal life and even my family. I did it today. And every day this week. I really want to stop, but the problem is this: most of the time, after looking at it, I regret it and swear to never do it again. But then later, when the urge comes upon me, my brain simply argues that oh, it’s just a little taste, it’s all fine. And then I hate myself afterwards. Every. Single. Time. 

 

I don’t know how to fix this. I went through it twice before, and both times I was able to avoid it by distracting myself (first with school, then with a trip) but never as severe as this. I don’t want to seek help cause I’m terrified of everyone judging and hating me. Honestly, it terrifies me a little to even type it here. But it’s also a little relieving. Knowing that I’m finally actually doing something about it. So bring on the judgement. I’m finally ready for it.

 

I don't hate you.

Thank you for having the courage to talk about it. I'm gonna PM you. (It might be a few hours before I get the message written up to my satisfaction and actually send it, but it'll be there)

 

13 hours ago, Halcyon The Only said:

Tw suicidal themes 

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It’s been really bad today. And tonight especially. I’m losing interest in things and people I care deeply about, and everything feels flat. I’m lonely. I’m worthless. I’m sad. Thought about drafting a letter, just for fun, as an idle thought. Got irritated when I remembered I don’t have the stomach to actually go through with it, so there wouldn’t be a point. Why post it if it won’t happen, why write it if no one will see it. Why write this if no one should care? I dunno. They shouldn’t. But I am. I’m hurting everyone around me and I’m hurting myself by thinking this way but I really can’t help it. I don’t even know what way I’m thinking. I just feel heavy and worthless and nothing really matters, does it? Does it? What’s the real count of whether something matters? Is it the consequences of that thing, and what makes those consequences matter if so, and so forth? Is it how much happiness it will bring us, in which case why does happiness matter; just cuz it feels good? Is it how we help or improve others or ourselves, and if so, how do we know those people matter? What makes anything matter besides God saying it does? Do my feelings matter? Does this pain matter, and the fact that I’m going to have it on and off my whole entire life? Does that matter? Or does He just hate me and want me to suffer?

He should hate me. I do.

TL; DR- I’m sad. Again. Yeah.

*hug*

I'm sorry that's where you are.

No, God doesn't hate you. But I get why it feels that way. I'm with #1 Taln Fan on this one - go read some psalms. Not just the one he referenced. There's a lot of people yelling their feelings at God in there. Book of Job, too, for suffering. And Ecclesiastes, for meaninglessness.

But those are words on a page. Good reading, yes, but they're not people, real people, who know you and care about you.

"Why should they care"...well, why shouldn't they? It's not about should or shouldn't - they do. We do. And yeah, it hurts to hear someone wishing they could suicide. But I'd rather sit through that pain with you than not have you around. Remember that - those people you're worried you're hurting? Who are still here with you? They'd rather be here with you in that pain than not have you. They think you're worth getting hurt for. They're choosing you - all of you. You are loved. Regardless of whether or not you feel it, or whether you think you're worth it.

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

33 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

Well. It's been a bit, and a lot's gone down in here. I'm gonna ramble a bit about why I haven't been on, and then address everything else.

The reason I haven't been on is because I fell in my martial arts class and severely sprained my ankle. That's messed up all my usual routines. Everything takes longer, so most of my free time has gone into getting the basic things done that need to get done, because it takes so long to move around

But you know what? Usually, with an injury, you'd think I'd be in pain, right?

Well, I went to urgent care, and they gave me this boot cast thing to wear (remove it at night - not a typical cast, it's not broken). And it's MAGIC, I tell you. As long as I have it on, my ankle doesn't hurt. I'm not walking on it (gots mahself a sweet pair of crutches, complete with waterbottle holder and little pocket for carrying small things), but I can bump it, lean on it a bit, thwack it with a crutch by accident, and it doesn't. Hurt. MAGIC, I say.

Which means I have the luxury of feeling inconvenienced.

Which sounds weird. But usually, I'd be hurting, and too wrapped up in the pain and trying to avoid it to pay attention to the rest of the world. Instead, I'm free enough of pain that I'm able to notice the inconveniences - taking longer to get around, having trouble carrying things, getting in other people's way. And instead of that bothering me, it's reminding me of how glad I am that it doesn't hurt. So I am deliberately keeping that mindset. Yeah, I've gotten sore over this past week, as my shoulders aren't used to carrying me around as much. Yeah, I'm slow. Yeah, I'm not getting as much done. And you know what? I'm awake and alert and pain-free enough to notice it. And that's good. It's taking a weird positive spin on the little negative things. What's that, brain? You want me to be irritated and grumpy? NO. Take that! Hi-Yah! 

I will say though, that it's also engaging to have something majorly different happen. It breaks up the usual routines, which my autism side hates but my need for variety and interest loves. It's an interesting challenge figuring out how to do various tasks.

Also, it's nice to have an injury that's visible, instead of invisible. When you walk around in a cast with crutches, everyone is encouraging, no matter how poorly you're doing at getting something done or how slowly you're going.

Sometimes I'm glad mental stuff isn't visible. Other times, I wish it was. So this is a nice change of pace.

 

Alright, responding to people! Fun/positive stuff first, then more serious stuff.

 

Yessss! Innuendo is my immediate sense of humor.

Which is a problem when I'm an adult trying to lead and set an example for a group of teenagers in a public setting. (I volunteer with the youth group at my church. It's a ton of fun. But oh man, the number of comments I have to not make...)
 

YES. BLOOD IS TASTY

Other people's too. 

Unless the person is anemic

Then it tastes weird.

Fun fact, back in high school I diagnosed a friend with anemia because her blood didn't taste like it had enough iron in it. I was correct. 

(I had a reputation for biting people back in high school and college. It kept most people at a distance, and those that hung out anyway a) were a little weird themselves and therefore more fun to hang out with, and b) respected my personal boundaries. Everybody thought I was a little cray-cray and a little bit dangerous, and that served me well.)

 

Yes! Urbex looks like a lot of fun, BUT: Please be careful when doing so. My town has a number of old factory buildings that are broken down and abandoned. One day while I was walking past one of them (no one else around, no big trucks going down the road, literally nothing but me walking), a large chunk of wall suddenly crumbled and smashed in the middle of the courtyard. Out of nowhere. Nothing triggered it. It just went "I'm done now" and smashed into pieces. Maybe fifteen feet from where I was. 

Old buildings are cool, but please look at structural integrity while exploring. No dying, kthnx.

(Which actually connects to my guess as to why it's illegal: PAPERWORK. If someone gets hurt while climbing through, and then sues the town, it creates a crapton of paperwork. Or if someone dies, the town gets major negative publicity and also more paperwork. Stupid? Yes. True? Probably also yes.)

 

Breath of the Wild!! WOO!! Super great game!!

 

Physical: I like my hair. It's super long (like, almost to my knees); medium brown in indoor lights, but bronze with gold and copper tints in sunlight. A little frizzier than I'd prefer, and it's usually pulled back with a bunch of tendrils escaping around my head, but if I bother to put a bit of time into it and leave it down, it falls down my back in cascading waves. I like my hands; they're mine. I like that I've gotten some muscle definition into my arms and torso; it's taken some time and a lot of work, but I've got strength, and can use it. I like that I can swing my kids around, and run with them, and pass a soccer ball back and forth with them without getting tired or sore.

Non-physical: I can listen well. I'm good at sitting with a person and listening, giving them my attention. Uh...I'm good at being vulnerable. And at forgiveness. I don't hold grudges. Every now and then I'll get WAY TOO SUPER EXCITED BY SOMETHING and I love those moments, they're so much fun and usually they make everyone around me smile too. I can sit and be quiet for a while. I have a good ear for music, and can hear and pick up harmonies very quickly. ...Huh. I'd forgotten until I was writing this, but I have an ok eye for photography composition. And beauty in nature will often stop me in my tracks, to glory in the wonder of it for a moment. Whether a mountain, or a snowflake; a sunset casting fire across the sky, or a tiny fern bud just starting to unfurl. I like that about myself.

Something that went well this past week: Finally took my car in to get it fixed, it was done in a day, and now it's quiet when it drives and it's lovely.

Something that I did that I liked: Watched The Fellowship of the Ring 

 

Petrichor! This just got added to my Background Music playlist, thank you.

BEARDIE!

Yes I already knew about him, I'm still excited. I love him. The little tongue blep. eeeee!

Hey reisleK...I'll show you mine if you show me yours 

Guinea pigs, of course! 

 

   (Please forgive the babyvoice talk. It's a habit I picked up from other people, and now I can't ditch it because they know that's the voice I use when I'm talking to them, so they respond to it.)

 

YES

Playfighting is so much fun!! I adore playfighting.

 

"For example, in a study comparing lifters getting 6 hours of sleep to 8, the people who got 6 had 50% less muscle growth than the 8hr peeps"
...Wut.
Oh.
Well.
Alright then.

That protein calculation is useful though, thanks! I know you boost protein intake to build muscle, but a number to shoot for is helpful.

I, uh...didn't know the sleep thing.

So I'm not a medical professional, but I am a baker. Have you ever tried baking with protein powder? Muffins, cookies, scones, sweet breads, brownies - you can substitute protein powder for some of the flour in just about any recipe. 1/4 - 1/3 of the flour can be swapped for protein powder (so if 3 cups of flour are called for, use 1 cup protein powder and 2 cups flour), and it's a good idea to increase the oil or fat content a little bit to help prevent a dry end product. 

You can also put it in smoothies - homemade coffee smoothies are my fave, and a good way to get a quick boost of sugar while also loading up on protein. 

This is a good more detailed overview of baking with protein powder if you want to try: https://mattsfitchef.com/baking-with-protein-powder-instead-of-flour/

 

And all you guys saying you should get more physical exerise...Well? Go do some! Try different things, figure out what works better for you, but do something! Physical activity is one of the factors to more stable mental health. It's not a miracle cure, it's not instant, it's not everything, but it's good. Try yoga, or swimming, or gymnastics, or sword classes, or whatever keeps you interested and moving and healthy. Heck, I did Dance Dance Revolution several times a week as exercise for a number of years. It worked - kept me moving, and kept me from getting bored like I did with regular exercise.

 

 

Harder/darker stuff:

 

*hug* if you want it.

Sometimes there's not a spark. Sometimes there is, and it's helpful to trace it out and address what's causing the recurrence. But sometimes there's not; sometimes it's better to just work with where you are rather than trying to trace it. Either way, we're here for you.

 

So I see that both of these happened, and you know what? I'm still gonna celebrate the first post. Because it's still awesome! It's still an achievement. It's not wasted or lost. *hug* You're still doing well. Going longer stretches in between is good progress in recovery. You've got this. 

 

Suppressing is a useful tool to have, depending on what it's being applied to and as long as it's not being used to prevent progress. For fears, it's a good one. Think of it like exposure therapy; it's good to be able to talk about it without immediately spiraling. Being able to put something aside as needed is good. It may re-emerge later, but that doesn't mean you're not making real progress now. Things we struggle with and get better in often re-emerge - but now we have more practice with them. It doesn't negate the progress we made before, even if it feels like it at the time. 

 

YES

I hate that. *hug*

 

*hug*

 

Hey, welcome. This is absolutely a place to come and vent.

I don't know your relationship with your parents, so I can't give much advice. If you talked to them about struggling in school, would they be supportive or harsh? If you told them that you want to be doing better but all the anxiety of struggling is making that harder, how would they take that? I don't know, so I can't recommend anything, but those are questions you should think through. Always ask "How much help can I safely ask for?" 

 

I don't hate you.

Thank you for having the courage to talk about it. I'm gonna PM you. (It might be a few hours before I get the message written up to my satisfaction and actually send it, but it'll be there)

 

*hug*

I'm sorry that's where you are.

No, God doesn't hate you. But I get why it feels that way. I'm with #1 Taln Fan on this one - go read some psalms. Not just the one he referenced. There's a lot of people yelling their feelings at God in there. Book of Job, too, for suffering. And Ecclesiastes, for meaninglessness.

But those are words on a page. Good reading, yes, but they're not people, real people, who know you and care about you.

"Why should they care"...well, why shouldn't they? It's not about should or shouldn't - they do. We do. And yeah, it hurts to hear someone wishing they could suicide. But I'd rather sit through that pain with you than not have you around. Remember that - those people you're worried you're hurting? Who are still here with you? They'd rather be here with you in that pain than not have you. They think you're worth getting hurt for. They're choosing you - all of you. You are loved. Regardless of whether or not you feel it, or whether you think you're worth it.

*hug*

I'm sorry

I hope things get better

Spoiler

GUINEA PIGS

AHH

 

[Keke They/he]

1 hour ago, MirkerLurker said:

Physical: I like my hair. It's super long (like, almost to my knees); medium brown in indoor lights, but bronze with gold and copper tints in sunlight. A little frizzier than I'd prefer, and it's usually pulled back with a bunch of tendrils escaping around my head, but if I bother to put a bit of time into it and leave it down, it falls down my back in cascading waves. I like my hands; they're mine. I like that I've gotten some muscle definition into my arms and torso; it's taken some time and a lot of work, but I've got strength, and can use it. I like that I can swing my kids around, and run with them, and pass a soccer ball back and forth with them without getting tired or sore.

Non-physical: I can listen well. I'm good at sitting with a person and listening, giving them my attention. Uh...I'm good at being vulnerable. And at forgiveness. I don't hold grudges. Every now and then I'll get WAY TOO SUPER EXCITED BY SOMETHING and I love those moments, they're so much fun and usually they make everyone around me smile too. I can sit and be quiet for a while. I have a good ear for music, and can hear and pick up harmonies very quickly. ...Huh. I'd forgotten until I was writing this, but I have an ok eye for

A++++

Cause that is alot of words. Here comes the responses. It may take a bit. Also I may write a few more

1 hour ago, MirkerLurker said:

Guinea pigs, of course

AH SO ADORABLE I WANNA TALK TO THEM IN A BABY VOICE

1 hour ago, MirkerLurker said:

YES

Playfighting is so much fun!! I adore playfighting.

Yeaaah

1 hour ago, MirkerLurker said:

Have you ever tried baking with protein powder?

Yes it kills my sensory issues

1 hour ago, MirkerLurker said:

This is a good more detailed overview of baking with protein powder if you want to try: https://mattsfitchef.com/baking-with-protein-powder-instead-of-flour/

I'll try it

1 hour ago, MirkerLurker said:

Dance Dance Revolution

HOT TAKE JUST DANCE IS FUN AND A GREAT EXERSICE

1 hour ago, MirkerLurker said:

So I see that both of these happened, and you know what? I'm still gonna celebrate the first post. Because it's still awesome! It's still an achievement. It's not wasted or lost. *hug* You're still doing well. Going longer stretches in between is good progress in recovery. You've got this. 

*hugs*

Thanks  

1 hour ago, MirkerLurker said:

There's a lot of people yelling their feelings at God in there

One thing that I did when I was mad at him I was understanding. 

Like

Why have you decided it's best for me to have to suffer so much! Like I get it'll make you stronger but PLEASE give me ways to help through it! 

And whalla now I've got all of you guys. 

1 hour ago, MirkerLurker said:

Innuendo is my immediate sense of humor

Ask @#1 Taln Fan some of the stuff Istuffing out discord

 

1 hour ago, MirkerLurker said:

Well. It's been a bit, and a lot's gone down in here. I'm gonna ramble a bit about why I haven't been on, and then address everything else.

To all of this. 

*hugs*

Being injured sucks. 

But you can also be like

I cant do that I'm injured. 

Its a great excuse. 

I use it in pe all the time

[MirkerLurker she/her]

17 minutes ago, Clinically insane said:

A++++

Cause that is alot of words. Here comes the responses. It may take a bit. Also I may write a few more

AH SO ADORABLE I WANNA TALK TO THEM IN A BABY VOICE

Yeaaah

Yes it kills my sensory issues

I'll try it

HOT TAKE JUST DANCE IS FUN AND A GREAT EXERSICE

*hugs*

Thanks  

One thing that I did when I was mad at him I was understanding. 

Like

Why have you decided it's best for me to have to suffer so much! Like I get it'll make you stronger but PLEASE give me ways to help through it! 

And whalla now I've got all of you guys. 

Ask @#1 Taln Fan some of the stuff Istuffing out discord

 

To all of this. 

*hugs*

Being injured sucks. 

But you can also be like

I cant do that I'm injured. 

Its a great excuse. 

I use it in pe all the time

Haha yep, so many responses.

Sensory issues with protein powder - yep, that's tough. Sensory issues can be difficult to work around. Maybe some other protein form is better - there's some recipes for brownies and things that use mashed beans instead of flour, which would boost protein...personally that sounds terrible to me, but if it works for you, go for it. Regardless, I would encourage you to keep finding ways to get protein and sugar together. Sugar is the quick energy, processed fast; protein is the longer-term energy, processed slowly. Downing them at the same time gives you that immediate boost from the sugar, but then when that wears out, the protein has finished digesting and is now available for your body to use and keep going. 

YES JUST DANCE IS FUN! I don't have the game system for it, but I had so much fun when I played it at a friend's house. It and DDR are totally good exercise, and I will die on that hill.

And while I am trying not to abuse the "I'm injured" card too much..."Oh, I can't take out the trash, I'm injured..." def got said today. lol

[Keke They/he]

1 minute ago, MirkerLurker said:

Haha yep, so many responses.

Sensory issues with protein powder - yep, that's tough. Sensory issues can be difficult to work around. Maybe some other protein form is better - there's some recipes for brownies and things that use mashed beans instead of flour, which would boost protein...personally that sounds terrible to me, but if it works for you, go for it. Regardless, I would encourage you to keep finding ways to get protein and sugar together. Sugar is the quick energy, processed fast; protein is the longer-term energy, processed slowly. Downing them at the same time gives you that immediate boost from the sugar, but then when that wears out, the protein has finished digesting and is now available for your body to use and keep going. 

YES JUST DANCE IS FUN! I don't have the game system for it, but I had so much fun when I played it at a friend's house. It and DDR are totally good exercise, and I will die on that hill.

And while I am trying not to abuse the "I'm injured" card too much..."Oh, I can't take out the trash, I'm injured..." def got said today. lol

I do eat alot of fruit and ALOT of meat. So I get protien. 

JEOEKFBKS BEANS WHSHDO EEEWWW

i don't have anyone to play just dance with

I use that card cause I got perma kneee injuries so I literally can't do some things

[MirkerLurker she/her]

Lol No beans. Noted. *scribbles on notepad*

Glad you get protein! Sadly, then maybe that's not as helpful as I was hoping. Yeah, a proper medical professional will be better - if you can get your mom to take you to a doctor, that would be great. Or a nutritionist maybe. 

I would offer to come and play with you, but, uh...well, the offer is there in spirit! T-T alas, the problems of online friends.

[Keke They/he]

8 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

Lol No beans. Noted. *scribbles on notepad*

Glad you get protein! Sadly, then maybe that's not as helpful as I was hoping. Yeah, a proper medical professional will be better - if you can get your mom to take you to a doctor, that would be great. Or a nutritionist maybe. 

I would offer to come and play with you, but, uh...well, the offer is there in spirit! T-T alas, the problems of online friends.

Real. *sigh* 

*mmmmm *

*zoom calls you* 

Heeey 

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

4 minutes ago, Clinically insane said:

Real. *sigh* 

*mmmmm *

*zoom calls you* 

Heeey 

*joins call*

HEYA :D:D

[Keke They/he]

19 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

*joins call*

HEYA :D:D

*is doing another one bites the dust just dance*

Haai

[MirkerLurker she/her]

bahaha oh man, trying to do just dance together over zoom would be hilarious. Imagine the lag. Someone else in one of the houses loads up a video or something and the call glitches briefly and all the sync goes out the window.

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

1 hour ago, Clinically insane said:

*is doing another one bites the dust just dance*

Haai

ehehehe

[Through the Living Wrath he/him]

1 hour ago, Clinically insane said:

*is doing another one bites the dust just dance*

Haai

*another one rides the bus!*

[Keke They/he]

38 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

bahaha oh man, trying to do just dance together over zoom would be hilarious. Imagine the lag. Someone else in one of the houses loads up a video or something and the call glitches briefly and all the sync goes out the window.

Ywah lol