Mental health club!

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

3 minutes ago, Thee insane said:

Ok. Ima bit of a rant. Cause i feel like it could be of use for someone to know this.

I fear getting in trouble. Like alot alot. It's an issue. If I even get remotely frowned at it panic. I try to fix what I did even though I did probably nothing. It has to do with ️trauma️. I used to be screamed at whenever I messed up and that's how I got perfectionism. And if I mess up wellll thennn I'm a bad person. So. If I get in trouble. Pls don't straight up be like. Your in trouble peace out. Pls slowly go through it so I don't have a panic attack. 

I say this cause I just had one bc I said something in one of my posts that I didn't see was "attempting to skit around rules" and they said my post got reported. I went to oh no I'm an awful person. I am horrible I need to fix this but had no way to know who did it. So I was left unable to "fix" it. 

to be clear. I'm NOT mad at the mods. They are doing great. They are doing their job. I'm mad at myself. For letting my inner anger get taken out on screen. 

If I ever say something bad lemme know. I I probably didn't mean to say it. As well known in this group. I hate myself. And writing is the only way I express that. So...

Yeah. 

I'm still panicking. 

And crying.

And pls someone help me know what mod it was so I can apologize to them directly. Is there a way to know? Cause otherwise until I figure it out I'm not gonna be able to stop panicking. 

*hug*

[echo74 she/her]

6 minutes ago, Thee insane said:

Ok. Ima bit of a rant. Cause i feel like it could be of use for someone to know this.

I fear getting in trouble. Like alot alot. It's an issue. If I even get remotely frowned at it panic. I try to fix what I did even though I did probably nothing. It has to do with ️trauma️. I used to be screamed at whenever I messed up and that's how I got perfectionism. And if I mess up wellll thennn I'm a bad person. So. If I get in trouble. Pls don't straight up be like. Your in trouble peace out. Pls slowly go through it so I don't have a panic attack. 

I say this cause I just had one bc I said something in one of my posts that I didn't see was "attempting to skit around rules" and they said my post got reported. I went to oh no I'm an awful person. I am horrible I need to fix this but had no way to know who did it. So I was left unable to "fix" it. 

to be clear. I'm NOT mad at the mods. They are doing great. They are doing their job. I'm mad at myself. For letting my inner anger get taken out on screen. 

If I ever say something bad lemme know. I I probably didn't mean to say it. As well known in this group. I hate myself. And writing is the only way I express that. So...

Yeah. 

I'm still panicking. 

And crying.

And pls someone help me know what mod it was so I can apologize to them directly. Is there a way to know? Cause otherwise until I figure it out I'm not gonna be able to stop panicking. 

*many hugs for you*

*all the hugs for you*

[Keke They/he]

1 minute ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

*hug*

*hugs*

And I tried asking taln fan but he's asleep like any sane person is right now

And besides it's not like he's gonna know.

But now I'm scared I'm gonna get banned. Which is highly unlikely. But that scared me cause this platform is the only reason I didn't kill myself a few weeks ago. If not for you I would be meeting God. And if I lose this then I lose everyone here and. That's bad. 

Just now, echo74 said:

*many hugs for you*

*all the hugs for you*

*hugss*

[echo74 she/her]

4 minutes ago, Thee insane said:

*hugs*

And I tried asking taln fan but he's asleep like any sane person is right now

And besides it's not like he's gonna know.

But now I'm scared I'm gonna get banned. Which is highly unlikely. But that scared me cause this platform is the only reason I didn't kill myself a few weeks ago. If not for you I would be meeting God. And if I lose this then I lose everyone here and. That's bad. 

*hugss*

that sounds really scary

im sorry

*more hugs*

[Keke They/he]

1 minute ago, echo74 said:

that sounds really scary

im sorry

*more hugs*

*hugs back*

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

7 minutes ago, Thee insane said:

*hugs back*

*hugs all* 

[Keke They/he]

4 minutes ago, Heraldoflove said:

*hugs all* 

Hugs back 

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

2 minutes ago, Thee insane said:

Hugs back 

Also for the record I disagree with your prounoins your fricking awsome dude

[Keke They/he]

Just now, Heraldoflove said:

Also for the record I disagree with your prounoins your fricking awsome dude

Thanks 

Ok. I'm going to bed for the night. 

Check back in the morning. 

Good night you amazing people. Your awesome and worth everything 

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

13 minutes ago, Thee insane said:

Thanks 

Ok. I'm going to bed for the night. 

Check back in the morning. 

Good night you amazing people. Your awesome and worth everything 

Goodnight love you guys sleep wrll

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

So first, thanks to the people ( @MirkerLurker and @Thee insane) who asked how I was doing; that you just thought of me made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I'm... better today than yesterday. Which isn't a very high bar tbf, but today should be okay. I've actually had a good-ish night here. I've had quite the week overall, but I have neither the time nor the willpower to explain it all, so I'll have to redirect you to my recent SUs.

Off to an exam now, which should be done by the time you wake up.

 

3 hours ago, Thee insane said:

I love myself, I hate myself,

A mix so odd, like dust on a shelf.

Love some parts, and hate the rest,

The way I look, a constant test.

 

I tell myself I'm dumb or slow,

Yet deep inside, there's love to show.

Hate the weakness, hate the pride,

I wear a mask where truths can hide.

 

Is it a joke, or is it real?

Do these scars and doubts ever heal?

When did it start, does it ever cease?

Life moves on, but I find no peace.

 

I want to leave, end it all,

But I must stay, heed the call.

For friends, for you, and those who care,

I stay alive, though life's unfair.

 

It's my duty, I can't deny,

To help others, I choose not to die.

 

To live and strive

So others won't die

If I help enough

Then maybe

Just maybe

I fix myself.

*hugs* this is beautiful. And you're awesome

 

2 hours ago, Halcyon The Only said:

wouldn't mind a couple of hugs if anyone's interested 

Love you guys

*hugs* *squeezes*

 

1 hour ago, Thee insane said:

Ok. Ima bit of a rant. Cause i feel like it could be of use for someone to know this.

I fear getting in trouble. Like alot alot. It's an issue. If I even get remotely frowned at it panic. I try to fix what I did even though I did probably nothing. It has to do with ️trauma️. I used to be screamed at whenever I messed up and that's how I got perfectionism. And if I mess up wellll thennn I'm a bad person. So. If I get in trouble. Pls don't straight up be like. Your in trouble peace out. Pls slowly go through it so I don't have a panic attack. 

I say this cause I just had one bc I said something in one of my posts that I didn't see was "attempting to skit around rules" and they said my post got reported. I went to oh no I'm an awful person. I am horrible I need to fix this but had no way to know who did it. So I was left unable to "fix" it. 

to be clear. I'm NOT mad at the mods. They are doing great. They are doing their job. I'm mad at myself. For letting my inner anger get taken out on screen. 

If I ever say something bad lemme know. I I probably didn't mean to say it. As well known in this group. I hate myself. And writing is the only way I express that. So...

Yeah. 

I'm still panicking. 

And crying.

And pls someone help me know what mod it was so I can apologize to them directly. Is there a way to know? Cause otherwise until I figure it out I'm not gonna be able to stop panicking. 

*hugs* Hey, you aren't horrible or anything for just a little mistake. No one ever goes without making any mistakes. Ever.

You can probably just DM a mod you know; mods do communicate with each other, so anything you say to them can be redirected to the appropriate person if needed.

And to conclude, here's a little message directed to all of you 

 

[echo74 she/her]

hey guys.

they sent me my byu decision today.

and i...

didn't get in.

i don't know why.

i don't know if it was something i did.

but im really sad about it.

and i could some hugs right now.

please

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

3 minutes ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

they sent me my byu decision today.

and i...

didn't get in.

i don't know why.

i don't know if it was something i did.

but im really sad about it.

and i could some hugs right now.

please

*hugs* 
That sucks, so sorry

[Keke They/he]

8 hours ago, Just A Silvereye said:

So first, thanks to the people ( @MirkerLurker and @Thee insane) who asked how I was doing; that you just thought of me made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I'm... better today than yesterday. Which isn't a very high bar tbf, but today should be okay. I've actually had a good-ish night here. I've had quite the week overall, but I have neither the time nor the willpower to explain it all, so I'll have to redirect you to my recent SUs.

Off to an exam now, which should be done by the time you wake up.

 

*hugs* this is beautiful. And you're awesome

 

*hugs* *squeezes*

 

*hugs* Hey, you aren't horrible or anything for just a little mistake. No one ever goes without making any mistakes. Ever.

You can probably just DM a mod you know; mods do communicate with each other, so anything you say to them can be redirected to the appropriate person if needed.

And to conclude, here's a little message directed to all of you 

 

Thanks.

Due to recent events I'm kinda regression in my reactions to stuff. Basically, I used to react poorly to that because of well trauma. I started working on it in counseling and was 70 percent over it. Buy well divorce and everything just, boomed my world and alot of stuff went back to how it used to be as if that would make it stop. So,sorry for the little over reaction. Heh. 

Thanks for yalls help through the panic attack tho.

16 minutes ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

they sent me my byu decision today.

and i...

didn't get in.

i don't know why.

i don't know if it was something i did.

but im really sad about it.

and i could some hugs right now.

please

Oh no. That sucks. *hugs* 

*hug. Hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug*

[Through the Living Wrath he/him]

1 hour ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

they sent me my byu decision today.

and i...

didn't get in.

i don't know why.

i don't know if it was something i did.

but im really sad about it.

and i could some hugs right now.

please

*huuuuuuugs*

*huuuuuuugs*

10 hours ago, Thee insane said:

*hugs*

And I tried asking taln fan but he's asleep like any sane person is right now

And besides it's not like he's gonna know.

But now I'm scared I'm gonna get banned. Which is highly unlikely. But that scared me cause this platform is the only reason I didn't kill myself a few weeks ago. If not for you I would be meeting God. And if I lose this then I lose everyone here and. That's bad. 

*hugss*

*huuuuuuugs*
*huuuuuuugs*
*whispers*
(I’ll get to TLT in a bit. I think this is more important) 
(*confidences you*)

11 hours ago, Thee insane said:

Ok. Ima bit of a rant. Cause i feel like it could be of use for someone to know this.

I fear getting in trouble. Like alot alot. It's an issue. If I even get remotely frowned at it panic. I try to fix what I did even though I did probably nothing. It has to do with ️trauma️. I used to be screamed at whenever I messed up and that's how I got perfectionism. And if I mess up wellll thennn I'm a bad person. So. If I get in trouble. Pls don't straight up be like. Your in trouble peace out. Pls slowly go through it so I don't have a panic attack. 

I say this cause I just had one bc I said something in one of my posts that I didn't see was "attempting to skit around rules" and they said my post got reported. I went to oh no I'm an awful person. I am horrible I need to fix this but had no way to know who did it. So I was left unable to "fix" it. 

to be clear. I'm NOT mad at the mods. They are doing great. They are doing their job. I'm mad at myself. For letting my inner anger get taken out on screen. 

If I ever say something bad lemme know. I I probably didn't mean to say it. As well known in this group. I hate myself. And writing is the only way I express that. So...

Yeah. 

I'm still panicking. 

And crying.

And pls someone help me know what mod it was so I can apologize to them directly. Is there a way to know? Cause otherwise until I figure it out I'm not gonna be able to stop panicking. 

*hug*

I don’t know the mod, but I know that you are not a bad person.

*hug*

12 hours ago, Halcyon The Only said:

wouldn't mind a couple of hugs if anyone's interested 

Love you guys

*hug*
*hug*

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

1 hour ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

they sent me my byu decision today.

and i...

didn't get in.

i don't know why.

i don't know if it was something i did.

but im really sad about it.

and i could some hugs right now.

please

*hugs fiercely*

Oh no :((

[Keke They/he]

7 minutes ago, SpiritOfWrath said:

*huuuuuuugs*

*huuuuuuugs*

*huuuuuuugs*
*huuuuuuugs*
*whispers*
(I’ll get to TLT in a bit. I think this is more important) 
(*confidences you*)

*hug*

I don’t know the mod, but I know that you are not a bad person.

*hug*

*hug*
*hug*

So apparently my post was not mod touched but... the post was not what I had originally posted. . Strange...

[Mags she/they]

4 hours ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

they sent me my byu decision today.

and i...

didn't get in.

i don't know why.

i don't know if it was something i did.

but im really sad about it.

and i could some hugs right now.

please

*huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs*

Their decision is not reflective of who you are, and your worth as a person.

[MirkerLurker she/her]

18 hours ago, WinnieThaWho said:

Coping by pretending to be an extrovert. Enjoy trying to make random strangers days a little better with a smile, while hoping that someone will do the same for me. Moderate depression, anxiety, with possible autism. 

Happily married with two beautiful boys. Everything to live for.

This is a bit of a ramble, on a tangent that my brain wandered down from the sentence "Coping by pretending to be an extrovert."
Does anybody else ever feel like they're lying to everyone around them when they put on a mask? Like we're deceiving people, tricking them kind of, when we pretend to feel something we don't, or have a trait we don't? When we lie to fit in? Like, by putting on a demeanor that we don't actually feel for the sake of making others more comfortable, we're...well, tricking people? Lying? (Please hear all the disdain and disgust in the word "lying" there - to use Painter and Yumi's writing style, "Lying [lowly]?" I really dislike deception in all forms.)
I sometimes think (and I go back and forth on this, so chime in if you disagree, I won't be offended) that in a way, it's not lying, because what we're portraying is a choice. Our choice, to smile when we don't want to, or do things to make someone comfortable when we wouldn't do that ourselves. We are choosing to go against ourselves for the sake of someone else, and that choice is an honest part of who we are, and so that is what we are showing. "Pretending to be an extrovert" - it is a level of pretending, but that choice to put others first is honest, and a true part of who you are. So it may be pretending, but it's not necessarily lying...if that makes sense? It's not deceiving or tricking someone. 

I'm not a Lightweaver. I have a very strong dislike of lying to or deceiving someone. So I sometimes toss thoughts like this around to try to see if that aversion is blinding me to things that are actually helpful. 
And this is certainly not always true - masking can and certainly does cause all kinds of difficulties, both in our relationships and within our own brains. I'm just...kind of thinking out loud. Bouncing ideas off y'all to see if my thoughts are grounded or not.

 

18 hours ago, SpiritOfWrath said:

I dunno.

I’m having troubles with Spanish - not the class, the people there.

(I’ve recently realized that they are literally just bullying me at this point…)

*hug*
That sucks. It's good to realize that's what they're doing. It's awful that that's what they're doing. Wish I could come to your school and sit next to you and stare them all down with death glares. (Everybody else can go for the stabbing and the killing; I too much enjoy watching them walk away of their own volition with their tails between their legs. ...i might have a bit of a power trip thing haha)
 

18 hours ago, Thee insane said:

You forgot @Block unless he did check in.

@Ironwill2112 and @Just A Silvereye you to!

 

Yes, thank you! I did miss a couple, my bad.
 

18 hours ago, Thee insane said:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

….. 

i have a count of… 2 people having a crush on me… one for a week….

im a very

very

very

very

very

very

very 

demented/weird/strange person

  Hide contents

  Hide contents

also

  Hide contents

  Hide contents

im

  Hide contents

  Hide contents

  Hide contents

  Hide contents

scared of relationships

  Hide contents

  Hide contents

  Hide contents

also im aroace….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Relationships are scary, because they are so. dang. vulnerable.

BUT

That's also what makes them so amazing.

Knowing there's someone who knows you. Who sees you. And who loves you, in spite of or even because of what they see. Not just from far away, from another house, not just from a distance or only some of the time, but up close and always.
And it's not all about being a sexual thing. That is NOT the foundation of a romantic relationship (*cough*stupidculturewe'rein*cough*). We humans all have a drive for connection. For being understood. We want to belong. And no that doesn't have to come through a romantic relationship - having deep friendships is very important to mental health, friendships can be incredibly deep and fulfilling! You absolutely don't need a romantic partner. A romantic relationship is another level, another way in which you are both vulnerable and trusted. Knowing you're supporting them, even as they support you. Romantic relationships grow out of connection. That's what makes them valuable to me.
(I'm not trying to pressure you or anything! Go ahead and ignore this if you want - I'm a romantic at heart and fully admit it. But by "romantic" I mean "thrives on deep real connection", not "sighs and squeals when given flowers". *shudder*)
(...also I have a vendetta against our current culture trying to portray romantic relationships as based primarily on sex drive. It makes me angry. If you ever want to hear a solid rant, ask me about my feelings on the way romance is portrayed in books. I have feelings on the matter.)

 

16 hours ago, Magi said:

I'm doing alright!! But, I didn't have school today and won't be back to class till Tuesday, so that helps. I've been listening to good music, and finished the first season of an anime I'm really into right now, so it's been fun.

I have avoided doing some of the things I planned on doing today . . . like reading a bunch and working on my fic, but I wasn't feeling well (physically, not mentally) this morning, so watching tv was better.

I have felt a little art blocked lately, I'm just not satisfied with my current understanding of anatomy so I end up disappointed in the stuff I draw. I'll get over it though, just gotta lock in with my studies--plus I do painting every day so I've got to cut myself some slack.

How're you?

Woo, long weekends! Glad you're enjoying it, and glad you can use it to take some down time.
Art blocked is frustrating, but yeah, if you paint every day, you're getting plenty of practice. I'm sure you'll get through it, whether by study or by taking a break and letting the motivation return.

I'm doing alright myself, thanks for asking! Bit tired, but that seems to be a side effect of my new med. I've fallen asleep in the middle of the day three times in the past two weeks haha. Switched to taking it at night instead of morning, hopefully that'll help. And, it is having the effect of lower overall anxiety, which is the point, so yay on that count! ...I'm mildly worried that the lower anxiety will affect my productivity, as I'm used to using the burst of panicked energy to get things done. I'll have to actually, like, learn healthy habits.

15 hours ago, echo74 said:

stop you're so sweet

im doing ok

i don't really wanna talk abt it tho

how are you?

*hug* Glad to hear from you! No need to talk about anything you don't want to, just nice to see you around. See above above paragraph for how I'm doing, thanks for asking!

15 hours ago, Halcyon The Only said:

wouldn't mind a couple of hugs if anyone's interested 

Love you guys

*HUGS*
 

14 hours ago, Thee insane said:

Ok. Ima bit of a rant. Cause i feel like it could be of use for someone to know this.

I fear getting in trouble. Like alot alot. It's an issue. If I even get remotely frowned at it panic. I try to fix what I did even though I did probably nothing. It has to do with ️trauma️. I used to be screamed at whenever I messed up and that's how I got perfectionism. And if I mess up wellll thennn I'm a bad person. So. If I get in trouble. Pls don't straight up be like. Your in trouble peace out. Pls slowly go through it so I don't have a panic attack. 

I say this cause I just had one bc I said something in one of my posts that I didn't see was "attempting to skit around rules" and they said my post got reported. I went to oh no I'm an awful person. I am horrible I need to fix this but had no way to know who did it. So I was left unable to "fix" it. 

to be clear. I'm NOT mad at the mods. They are doing great. They are doing their job. I'm mad at myself. For letting my inner anger get taken out on screen. 

If I ever say something bad lemme know. I I probably didn't mean to say it. As well known in this group. I hate myself. And writing is the only way I express that. So...

Yeah. 

I'm still panicking. 

And crying.

And pls someone help me know what mod it was so I can apologize to them directly. Is there a way to know? Cause otherwise until I figure it out I'm not gonna be able to stop panicking. 

I feel this. Authority figures are terrifying. Like, even when they're friendly. They're an authority figure.
And messing up in front of someone, even when I know it was understandable, or I'm not actually in trouble for it, and it's ok...still panic. 
I've gotten somewhat better at handling it. I know I'll make mistakes, I've managed to set myself a bracket of "expected mistakes" for various situations that I've trained my brain to handle ok if I make one of those minor ones. But man, I still fall apart if someone just directly says "this thing you did was bad".

*HUG*

3 hours ago, Thee insane said:

Thanks.

Due to recent events I'm kinda regression in my reactions to stuff. Basically, I used to react poorly to that because of well trauma. I started working on it in counseling and was 70 percent over it. Buy well divorce and everything just, boomed my world and alot of stuff went back to how it used to be as if that would make it stop. So,sorry for the little over reaction. Heh. 

Thanks for yalls help through the panic attack tho.

Makes complete sense for you to be having more trouble right now with things you'd already gotten better at. Please remember that and give yourself grace. It's ok to make mistakes you've made before. It's ok to move backwards in your "progress". Mental health progress isn't a linear bar. Going 'backwards' is still growing you, even if it doesn't feel like it. Learning the same things again, having to go over them again, will help you learn them better, will even show you new things about them. It's ok to be frustrated at struggling with things you had moved through. It is frustrating. But it's also ok. Don't be hard on yourself for it. It's normal, and it's ok.

 

12 hours ago, Just A Silvereye said:

So first, thanks to the people ( @MirkerLurker and @Thee insane) who asked how I was doing; that you just thought of me made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I'm... better today than yesterday. Which isn't a very high bar tbf, but today should be okay. I've actually had a good-ish night here. I've had quite the week overall, but I have neither the time nor the willpower to explain it all, so I'll have to redirect you to my recent SUs.

Off to an exam now, which should be done by the time you wake up.

And to conclude, here's a little message directed to all of you 

 

Good to hear from you! Belated good luck on your exam. 
Also I love that image! 

 

4 hours ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

they sent me my byu decision today.

and i...

didn't get in.

i don't know why.

i don't know if it was something i did.

but im really sad about it.

and i could some hugs right now.

please

*hug*
I'm sorry.

 

[Keke They/he]

6 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

This is a bit of a ramble, on a tangent that my brain wandered down from the sentence "Coping by pretending to be an extrovert."
Does anybody else ever feel like they're lying to everyone around them when they put on a mask? Like we're deceiving people, tricking them kind of, when we pretend to feel something we don't, or have a trait we don't? When we lie to fit in? Like, by putting on a demeanor that we don't actually feel for the sake of making others more comfortable, we're...well, tricking people? Lying? (Please hear all the disdain and disgust in the word "lying" there - to use Painter and Yumi's writing style, "Lying [lowly]?" I really dislike deception in all forms.)
I sometimes think (and I go back and forth on this, so chime in if you disagree, I won't be offended) that in a way, it's not lying, because what we're portraying is a choice. Our choice, to smile when we don't want to, or do things to make someone comfortable when we wouldn't do that ourselves. We are choosing to go against ourselves for the sake of someone else, and that choice is an honest part of who we are, and so that is what we are showing. "Pretending to be an extrovert" - it is a level of pretending, but that choice to put others first is honest, and a true part of who you are. So it may be pretending, but it's not necessarily lying...if that makes sense? It's not deceiving or tricking someone. 

I'm not a Lightweaver. I have a very strong dislike of lying to or deceiving someone. So I sometimes toss thoughts like this around to try to see if that aversion is blinding me to things that are actually helpful. 
And this is certainly not always true - masking can and certainly does cause all kinds of difficulties, both in our relationships and within our own brains. I'm just...kind of thinking out loud. Bouncing ideas off y'all to see if my thoughts are grounded or not.

 

*hug*
That sucks. It's good to realize that's what they're doing. It's awful that that's what they're doing. Wish I could come to your school and sit next to you and stare them all down with death glares. (Everybody else can go for the stabbing and the killing; I too much enjoy watching them walk away of their own volition with their tails between their legs. ...i might have a bit of a power trip thing haha)
 

Yes, thank you! I did miss a couple, my bad.
 

Relationships are scary, because they are so. dang. vulnerable.

BUT

That's also what makes them so amazing.

Knowing there's someone who knows you. Who sees you. And who loves you, in spite of or even because of what they see. Not just from far away, from another house, not just from a distance or only some of the time, but up close and always.
And it's not all about being a sexual thing. That is NOT the foundation of a romantic relationship (*cough*stupidculturewe'rein*cough*). We humans all have a drive for connection. For being understood. We want to belong. And no that doesn't have to come through a romantic relationship - having deep friendships is very important to mental health, friendships can be incredibly deep and fulfilling! You absolutely don't need a romantic partner. A romantic relationship is another level, another way in which you are both vulnerable and trusted. Knowing you're supporting them, even as they support you. Romantic relationships grow out of connection. That's what makes them valuable to me.
(I'm not trying to pressure you or anything! Go ahead and ignore this if you want - I'm a romantic at heart and fully admit it. But by "romantic" I mean "thrives on deep real connection", not "sighs and squeals when given flowers". *shudder*)
(...also I have a vendetta against our current culture trying to portray romantic relationships as based primarily on sex drive. It makes me angry. If you ever want to hear a solid rant, ask me about my feelings on the way romance is portrayed in books. I have feelings on the matter.)

 

Woo, long weekends! Glad you're enjoying it, and glad you can use it to take some down time.
Art blocked is frustrating, but yeah, if you paint every day, you're getting plenty of practice. I'm sure you'll get through it, whether by study or by taking a break and letting the motivation return.

I'm doing alright myself, thanks for asking! Bit tired, but that seems to be a side effect of my new med. I've fallen asleep in the middle of the day three times in the past two weeks haha. Switched to taking it at night instead of morning, hopefully that'll help. And, it is having the effect of lower overall anxiety, which is the point, so yay on that count! ...I'm mildly worried that the lower anxiety will affect my productivity, as I'm used to using the burst of panicked energy to get things done. I'll have to actually, like, learn healthy habits.

*hug* Glad to hear from you! No need to talk about anything you don't want to, just nice to see you around. See above above paragraph for how I'm doing, thanks for asking!

*HUGS*
 

I feel this. Authority figures are terrifying. Like, even when they're friendly. They're an authority figure.
And messing up in front of someone, even when I know it was understandable, or I'm not actually in trouble for it, and it's ok...still panic. 
I've gotten somewhat better at handling it. I know I'll make mistakes, I've managed to set myself a bracket of "expected mistakes" for various situations that I've trained my brain to handle ok if I make one of those minor ones. But man, I still fall apart if someone just directly says "this thing you did was bad".

*HUG*

Makes complete sense for you to be having more trouble right now with things you'd already gotten better at. Please remember that and give yourself grace. It's ok to make mistakes you've made before. It's ok to move backwards in your "progress". Mental health progress isn't a linear bar. Going 'backwards' is still growing you, even if it doesn't feel like it. Learning the same things again, having to go over them again, will help you learn them better, will even show you new things about them. It's ok to be frustrated at struggling with things you had moved through. It is frustrating. But it's also ok. Don't be hard on yourself for it. It's normal, and it's ok.

 

Good to hear from you! Belated good luck on your exam. 
Also I love that image! 

 

*hug*
I'm sorry.

 

..

 .. this is why your my online mother.

*hugs*

Thanks for all that.

Sometimes I just need someone to write paragraphs on my rants. Thank you so much.

 

[ANHlittleinsane girl but gendern't mostly]

Right, so if I wasn't feeling a little bit tired and kinda just done with life today (my grandparents are again pressuring me to have a bat mitzvah, i'm like "aren't i too old??" and they're like "ehhh, it's ok!" and while I do respect their religion, I'm agnostic and I just wish they'd stop with it, I put up with coming over to their house for holidays, and observing major holidays at home, but I just don't want any coming-of-age-type ceremony) I would quote the things I'm addressing, but out of laziness, everyone remember these things!

1. You are valid no matter how true to yourself you feel at the moment!

2. If someone else's words make you hate yourself, know that they're wrong. Other people do not have the right to make you dislike yourself in any way, and if they do, then according to the judgement of the oratrice mechanique d'analyse cardinale, they're wrong!

3. you're amazing, i'm amazing, we're all amazing! the only thing that makes someone less amazing is if they tell someone else that they aren't amazing, so by default we're all amazing

4. hugs

ah yes hugs, a complete, clear, and grammatically correct statement

oh yeah i forgor almost but i have a vent

Spoiler

Mkay so as background knowledge, i have two little sisters, one of which is 11. I will call her L, it's her first initial. Whatever I think I'm good at (physically), she's better. I'm not bad, it's just that she's better. Like girlie's out here jumping horses and i'm struggling to canter. And to literally add insult to injury, she has a tendency to call me weak and pathetic to my face whenever she's mad, which had predictable results. More background info, my mom cannot swim, and has almost drowned several times. Me, my sisters, and my dad love swimming. It's one of the only sports/physical activities I'm actually confident in. During Spring Break I was swimming in the sea with some friends, and it was later brought to my mom's attention that I was struggling to swim back to shore. Literally the ONE time that happened. And now she's like "swimming lessons!" and it was just instant hurt. Like y'all know in books when it's like "xxx felt stung?" WELL I FELT STUNG Y'ALL, LIKE A BOOK CHARACTER. Anyways, typical to me, I excuse myself five minutes later and go to cry quietly in a lump underneath the covers because I'm oh so mature. And I'm thinking that L's going to find out that mama wants me to do swimming lessons, and she's gonna bully me for it. I have on several occasions been bullied by my little sister. She's stronger, faster, and more irritable than me, and I'm VERY good at making people angry...and being a sensitive baby, but to be fair it escalated to her hitting me with one of the ropes for horses. And eventually my mom's like "you can't just use this as an excuse to stay lonely and miserable in your room, being depressed" and I'm like "mama ily but literally last summer you listed the reasons I clearly didn't have depression, while I was crying and telling you I didn't want to be alive anymore, but ok diva you go do that" and she's like "well maybe I was wrong." and that's what actually makes me less sad kinda, in an insane-laughing-while-being-stabbed way, cause you are TWO YEARS TOO LATE, in the depression-department, I am fine now. I think

 

[Keke They/he]

18 minutes ago, alittleinsane said:

Right, so if I wasn't feeling a little bit tired and kinda just done with life today (my grandparents are again pressuring me to have a bat mitzvah, i'm like "aren't i too old??" and they're like "ehhh, it's ok!" and while I do respect their religion, I'm agnostic and I just wish they'd stop with it, I put up with coming over to their house for holidays, and observing major holidays at home, but I just don't want any coming-of-age-type ceremony) I would quote the things I'm addressing, but out of laziness, everyone remember these things!

1. You are valid no matter how true to yourself you feel at the moment!

2. If someone else's words make you hate yourself, know that they're wrong. Other people do not have the right to make you dislike yourself in any way, and if they do, then according to the judgement of the oratrice mechanique d'analyse cardinale, they're wrong!

3. you're amazing, i'm amazing, we're all amazing! the only thing that makes someone less amazing is if they tell someone else that they aren't amazing, so by default we're all amazing

4. hugs

ah yes hugs, a complete, clear, and grammatically correct statement

oh yeah i forgor almost but i have a vent

  Hide contents

Mkay so as background knowledge, i have two little sisters, one of which is 11. I will call her L, it's her first initial. Whatever I think I'm good at (physically), she's better. I'm not bad, it's just that she's better. Like girlie's out here jumping horses and i'm struggling to canter. And to literally add insult to injury, she has a tendency to call me weak and pathetic to my face whenever she's mad, which had predictable results. More background info, my mom cannot swim, and has almost drowned several times. Me, my sisters, and my dad love swimming. It's one of the only sports/physical activities I'm actually confident in. During Spring Break I was swimming in the sea with some friends, and it was later brought to my mom's attention that I was struggling to swim back to shore. Literally the ONE time that happened. And now she's like "swimming lessons!" and it was just instant hurt. Like y'all know in books when it's like "xxx felt stung?" WELL I FELT STUNG Y'ALL, LIKE A BOOK CHARACTER. Anyways, typical to me, I excuse myself five minutes later and go to cry quietly in a lump underneath the covers because I'm oh so mature. And I'm thinking that L's going to find out that mama wants me to do swimming lessons, and she's gonna bully me for it. I have on several occasions been bullied by my little sister. She's stronger, faster, and more irritable than me, and I'm VERY good at making people angry...and being a sensitive baby, but to be fair it escalated to her hitting me with one of the ropes for horses. And eventually my mom's like "you can't just use this as an excuse to stay lonely and miserable in your room, being depressed" and I'm like "mama ily but literally last summer you listed the reasons I clearly didn't have depression, while I was crying and telling you I didn't want to be alive anymore, but ok diva you go do that" and she's like "well maybe I was wrong." and that's what actually makes me less sad kinda, in an insane-laughing-while-being-stabbed way, cause you are TWO YEARS TOO LATE, in the depression-department, I am fine now. I think

 

HUGS 

Storms that sucks. I feel like that sometimes with my siblings. But I've learned that your good in your own way.

If hearing others personal experience help here.

Spoiler

My older sister is good at alot of things. One of which is singing. BEUTIFUL VOICE and gets so much attention cause of it. I am not the best singer but I think I do well until she pops up and sings better then I do. It sucks. My foster brother is a GREAT athlete. He can do any sport easy. I think I'm good at basketball then he 1v1s me and I lose horribly. My brother is a GENIUS. He is one of the smartest people I've ever met. I think I'm smart. At this point being smart is the only thing I've got. Then he comes around and outsmart me. I'm out of options. Everyone in our family is the best at something. My mom is a great caretaker and cook. I can't remotely cook or take care of people. My dad is a finance and that stuff wiz. I suck at that. I have nothing to be good at. But one thing. Friends. Ok. Friends is my thing, being funny, having a unique personality.

 

You have your thing you just need to find it. YOUR AWESOME!

If comforting words help read this one.

Spoiler

Your awesome ok? I don't know to much about you but I think your great. Here is every reason why.

Your smart, you have many times shown intellect in many ways.

Your funny, whenever I'm sad and you say something funny jt brings a smile right to me.

Your kind, you have a huge heart that helps everyone.

Your pretty, I got a small description but I know your so pretty already.l.

You ride horses, that's its own reason cause horses are fun but I've never rid one before. 

If aggressiveness helps

Spoiler

STOP THAT YOUR AWESOME OK! ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE IS THE WORST AND ILL PUNCH THEM! YOUR THE BESTEST EVER AND YOUR SISTER CAN SCREW OFF AND YOUR VALID YOUR BELEIFS ARE VALID YOUR LIFE IS VALID EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS VALID!

If there is anything else I can do to help lemme know   

[ANHlittleinsane girl but gendern't mostly]

5 minutes ago, Thee insane said:

HUGS 

Storms that sucks. I feel like that sometimes with my siblings. But I've learned that your good in your own way.

If hearing others personal experience help here.

  Reveal hidden contents

My older sister is good at alot of things. One of which is singing. BEUTIFUL VOICE and gets so much attention cause of it. I am not the best singer but I think I do well until she pops up and sings better then I do. It sucks. My foster brother is a GREAT athlete. He can do any sport easy. I think I'm good at basketball then he 1v1s me and I lose horribly. My brother is a GENIUS. He is one of the smartest people I've ever met. I think I'm smart. At this point being smart is the only thing I've got. Then he comes around and outsmart me. I'm out of options. Everyone in our family is the best at something. My mom is a great caretaker and cook. I can't remotely cook or take care of people. My dad is a finance and that stuff wiz. I suck at that. I have nothing to be good at. But one thing. Friends. Ok. Friends is my thing, being funny, having a unique personality.

 

You have your thing you just need to find it. YOUR AWESOME!

If comforting words help read this one.

  Reveal hidden contents

Your awesome ok? I don't know to much about you but I think your great. Here is every reason why.

Your smart, you have many times shown intellect in many ways.

Your funny, whenever I'm sad and you say something funny jt brings a smile right to me.

Your kind, you have a huge heart that helps everyone.

Your pretty, I got a small description but I know your so pretty already.l.

You ride horses, that's its own reason cause horses are fun but I've never rid one before. 

If aggressiveness helps

  Hide contents

STOP THAT YOUR AWESOME OK! ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE IS THE WORST AND ILL PUNCH THEM! YOUR THE BESTEST EVER AND YOUR SISTER CAN SCREW OFF AND YOUR VALID YOUR BELEIFS ARE VALID YOUR LIFE IS VALID EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS VALID!

If there is anything else I can do to help lemme know   

*hugs. many, many hugs*

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

1 hour ago, alittleinsane said:

Right, so if I wasn't feeling a little bit tired and kinda just done with life today (my grandparents are again pressuring me to have a bat mitzvah, i'm like "aren't i too old??" and they're like "ehhh, it's ok!" and while I do respect their religion, I'm agnostic and I just wish they'd stop with it, I put up with coming over to their house for holidays, and observing major holidays at home, but I just don't want any coming-of-age-type ceremony) I would quote the things I'm addressing, but out of laziness, everyone remember these things!

1. You are valid no matter how true to yourself you feel at the moment!

2. If someone else's words make you hate yourself, know that they're wrong. Other people do not have the right to make you dislike yourself in any way, and if they do, then according to the judgement of the oratrice mechanique d'analyse cardinale, they're wrong!

3. you're amazing, i'm amazing, we're all amazing! the only thing that makes someone less amazing is if they tell someone else that they aren't amazing, so by default we're all amazing

4. hugs

ah yes hugs, a complete, clear, and grammatically correct statement

oh yeah i forgor almost but i have a vent

  Hide contents

Mkay so as background knowledge, i have two little sisters, one of which is 11. I will call her L, it's her first initial. Whatever I think I'm good at (physically), she's better. I'm not bad, it's just that she's better. Like girlie's out here jumping horses and i'm struggling to canter. And to literally add insult to injury, she has a tendency to call me weak and pathetic to my face whenever she's mad, which had predictable results. More background info, my mom cannot swim, and has almost drowned several times. Me, my sisters, and my dad love swimming. It's one of the only sports/physical activities I'm actually confident in. During Spring Break I was swimming in the sea with some friends, and it was later brought to my mom's attention that I was struggling to swim back to shore. Literally the ONE time that happened. And now she's like "swimming lessons!" and it was just instant hurt. Like y'all know in books when it's like "xxx felt stung?" WELL I FELT STUNG Y'ALL, LIKE A BOOK CHARACTER. Anyways, typical to me, I excuse myself five minutes later and go to cry quietly in a lump underneath the covers because I'm oh so mature. And I'm thinking that L's going to find out that mama wants me to do swimming lessons, and she's gonna bully me for it. I have on several occasions been bullied by my little sister. She's stronger, faster, and more irritable than me, and I'm VERY good at making people angry...and being a sensitive baby, but to be fair it escalated to her hitting me with one of the ropes for horses. And eventually my mom's like "you can't just use this as an excuse to stay lonely and miserable in your room, being depressed" and I'm like "mama ily but literally last summer you listed the reasons I clearly didn't have depression, while I was crying and telling you I didn't want to be alive anymore, but ok diva you go do that" and she's like "well maybe I was wrong." and that's what actually makes me less sad kinda, in an insane-laughing-while-being-stabbed way, cause you are TWO YEARS TOO LATE, in the depression-department, I am fine now. I think

 

*hugs*

That is awful. I'm sorry. 

I want to help. 

I probably should only offer hugs though. I'm not... Nice at helping with that sort of situation. (I'm really sensitive to people not listening to and believing others people) 

So. *hugs* and I will listen, if you want to talk. 

 

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

7 hours ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

they sent me my byu decision today.

and i...

didn't get in.

i don't know why.

i don't know if it was something i did.

but im really sad about it.

and i could some hugs right now.

please

*biggest hugs*

I'm in the same boat, girlie