Mental health club!

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

2 hours ago, Hawks said:

*hugs hugs* 

Oh. Nice?

 

Ok so this may be long. 

  Reveal hidden contents

So the past few weeks I've been on a vacation. I went to Utah to spend time witg my mom's side of the family. Then moab utah to have a family reunion on my dad's side. And this week im in Cali eith my grandparents. And it has been. Crazy. In a good way. So I had a few nice chats with my cousin we will call him DT. He saw one of my videos with the whole therian trans everything and he was like im so glad. Ive got a fursona and we talked alot mostly about mha but it was awesome. Next was last week. I went to moab Utah for a family reunion on my dad's side. I thought that that side wouldnt be to tolerant on lgbtq and everything. Until the first day after we arrived I saw my aunt Js family. Id always been closer to them but ya know never actually seen them in like two years. And they had so many pride stickers. After a bit I talked to them ro see if they were allies or what. My cousin M is bi and ace? Or aro idk. But they are huge supporters and they have a giant pride flag and hundreds of stickers and glasses and everything. I told them I was trans and everything. About alterhumans and it was so awesome. They called me Hawks and then my aunt H heard and she clarified what I identified as and supports me to and it was so awesome. While we were there I did so much out of my comfort zone. I did free hand rock climbing ip mountains. MOUNTAINS!!! I went proper offloading on rocks and it eas scary but I did it. I jumped off a cliff into water after a while of convincing. I spent hours talking about kpop demon hunters with M and R. We talked all day and it was honestly the best thing I've experienced in a long time. I felt so free and i... I think over these weeks I've found myself. Ive been able to... calm down. Get my head straight and pull myself out of the pit I was falling into.

There is hope. I swear on everything. You WILL make it out of the dark. It takes time. Energy. And to take a part from hoid. "Push yourself to the limits to discover and investigate new things." It took taking a break and focusing on life. The fun part. Not the divorce or the stress. Seeing whats here and now and enjoying it. Me and my cousins have a saying. Its not about the view of the hike, Its about the experience and those you do it with. 

Dont sit out because its boring. Do it because your doing it with friends. Good comes out of everything. Even if it seems [redacted] and like your never gonna get better. I swear it will. Please trust me. I promise you. You will be warm again. 

I love every one of you with all my heart. I would not have made it this far without you. I can tell you all that your the reason why im happy today. Thank tou so much. For everything. For staying my friends when I go offline or when im super annoying. Or when I backed out of all the roleplays. You are the best. I love you. 

 

That’s great I’m so happy for you I will be giving some hugs but I have no intention of destroying anyone’s devices so I won’t be pulling a coder but all the hugs for youx1000000000000000000000000000.1

Edited July 18, 2025 by Honors ghost

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

13 minutes ago, Honors ghost said:

That’s great I’m so happy for you I will be giving some hugs but I have no intention of destroying anyone’s devices so I won’t be pulling a coder but all the hugs for youx1000000000000000000000000000.1

lol

'so I won't be pulling a coder' is crazy

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

4 hours ago, Hawks said:

There is hope. I swear on everything. You WILL make it out of the dark. It takes time. Energy. And to take a part from hoid. "Push yourself to the limits to discover and investigate new things." It took taking a break and focusing on life. The fun part. Not the divorce or the stress. Seeing whats here and now and enjoying it. Me and my cousins have a saying. Its not about the view of the hike, Its about the experience and those you do it with. 

Heck yeah!! Love to hear it, I'm so happy for you. 

[Keke They/he]

On 7/17/2025 at 2:59 PM, Kansas Stormcursed said:

*HUGS*

That's awesome

And we'll always be your friends

Thanks kansasssssss *hugsss*

On 7/17/2025 at 3:02 PM, Spark of Hope said:

 

On 7/17/2025 at 3:17 PM, Just A Silvereye said:

*hugs*

THATS SO AWESOME 

I'm so happy for you 

And thank you for everything too

*hugs even more*

Awww your awesome silverrrrrrrrrr *hugs*

On 7/17/2025 at 5:18 PM, echo74 said:

*hugs*

*hugs*

On 7/17/2025 at 5:30 PM, Honors ghost said:

That’s great I’m so happy for you I will be giving some hugs but I have no intention of destroying anyone’s devices so I won’t be pulling a coder but all the hugs for youx1000000000000000000000000000.1

Pulling a coder

Your so sweetest 

On 7/17/2025 at 7:49 PM, #1 Taln Fan said:

Heck yeah!! Love to hear it, I'm so happy for you. 

Thanks!! *Hugs*

Yall are so sweet ima cryyyy

[___ He/Him]

On 7/17/2025 at 5:53 PM, Hawks said:

*hugs hugs* 

Oh. Nice?

 

Ok so this may be long. 

  Reveal hidden contents

So the past few weeks I've been on a vacation. I went to Utah to spend time witg my mom's side of the family. Then moab utah to have a family reunion on my dad's side. And this week im in Cali eith my grandparents. And it has been. Crazy. In a good way. So I had a few nice chats with my cousin we will call him DT. He saw one of my videos with the whole therian trans everything and he was like im so glad. Ive got a fursona and we talked alot mostly about mha but it was awesome. Next was last week. I went to moab Utah for a family reunion on my dad's side. I thought that that side wouldnt be to tolerant on lgbtq and everything. Until the first day after we arrived I saw my aunt Js family. Id always been closer to them but ya know never actually seen them in like two years. And they had so many pride stickers. After a bit I talked to them ro see if they were allies or what. My cousin M is bi and ace? Or aro idk. But they are huge supporters and they have a giant pride flag and hundreds of stickers and glasses and everything. I told them I was trans and everything. About alterhumans and it was so awesome. They called me Hawks and then my aunt H heard and she clarified what I identified as and supports me to and it was so awesome. While we were there I did so much out of my comfort zone. I did free hand rock climbing ip mountains. MOUNTAINS!!! I went proper offloading on rocks and it eas scary but I did it. I jumped off a cliff into water after a while of convincing. I spent hours talking about kpop demon hunters with M and R. We talked all day and it was honestly the best thing I've experienced in a long time. I felt so free and i... I think over these weeks I've found myself. Ive been able to... calm down. Get my head straight and pull myself out of the pit I was falling into.

There is hope. I swear on everything. You WILL make it out of the dark. It takes time. Energy. And to take a part from hoid. "Push yourself to the limits to discover and investigate new things." It took taking a break and focusing on life. The fun part. Not the divorce or the stress. Seeing whats here and now and enjoying it. Me and my cousins have a saying. Its not about the view of the hike, Its about the experience and those you do it with. 

Dont sit out because its boring. Do it because your doing it with friends. Good comes out of everything. Even if it seems [redacted] and like your never gonna get better. I swear it will. Please trust me. I promise you. You will be warm again. 

I love every one of you with all my heart. I would not have made it this far without you. I can tell you all that your the reason why im happy today. Thank tou so much. For everything. For staying my friends when I go offline or when im super annoying. Or when I backed out of all the roleplays. You are the best. I love you. 

 

That's awesome! I'm so happy for you!

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

Idrk where to put this post but this seems like the right place

ive always been very confused abt my gender like very confused and I’ve been using random pronouns since like fifth grade and this year ive started considering that I may be trans I even changed my pronouns on the shard a little bit but im so confused bc I don’t like hate my body and I don’t even like feel like not a man but I want to wear dresses do makeup and stuff like that? Idk and like I do like the pronouns she they or she her more. I just don’t feel like I have a right to call myself trans when I am almost perfectly fine w my body. Idk those are my feelings

wow that felt weird to talk abt ive only talked abt this with one other person before so um yah thank you @Kansas Stormcursed. 

Edited July 22, 2025 by Honors ghost

[Keke They/he]

10 hours ago, Honors ghost said:

Idrk where to put this post but this seems like the right place

Its okieeee

 

10 hours ago, Honors ghost said:

ive always been very confused abt my gender like very confused and I’ve been using random pronouns since like fifth grade

*hugsss*

 

10 hours ago, Honors ghost said:

this year ive started considering that I may be trans

OOOOH

 

10 hours ago, Honors ghost said:

im so confused bc I don’t like hate my body and I don’t even like feel like not a man but I want to wear dresses do makeup and stuff like that?

Hmm demigirl? Its where your cool with how you are but sorta feel more feminine. 

10 hours ago, Honors ghost said:

I just don’t feel like I have a right to call myself trans when I am almost perfectly fine w my body.

Its ok!!! Thats a misconception. One xan be trans but not want to do all the surgery and stuff. 

 

10 hours ago, Honors ghost said:

wow that felt weird to talk abt ive only talked abt this with one other person before so um yah thank you

IM GLAS YOUR COMFORTAVKR RNOUGH TO TALK TO US

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

11 minutes ago, Hawks said:

Its okieeee

 

*hugsss*

 

OOOOH

 

Hmm demigirl? Its where your cool with how you are but sorta feel more feminine. 

Its ok!!! Thats a misconception. One xan be trans but not want to do all the surgery and stuff. 

 

IM GLAS YOUR COMFORTAVKR RNOUGH TO TALK TO US

*hugs back* thank you for responding I’ll look into it

[echo74 she/her]

aaa guys im never on here anymore

how's everyone doing?

also umm i have to rant rq but i love you all and have a good night and don't stay up late cuz you're like me and you can't physically make yourself go to bed at a reasonable hour

Spoiler

nevermind, i got over it (edited at 1:30am)

anyways yeah love yall

& if ur still awake rn, go to bed

you need the sleep

OK GN I LOVE YOU ALL GET LOTS OF REST 

Edited July 23, 2025 by echo74
i don't need comfort or advice anymore, i figured it out on my own :) love yall tho

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

First, there is nothing

The nothing from which everything stems

Then, there is something

The something that is mirrored upon everything

A boy, in bed, awakens

And reaches

He grips his phone, resting on his bedside table

It is a small, little thing

Yet it holds so much power

On a whim, he opens a tab long asleep

A Shard

A club

And he Knows

It is time for the Hoid Slayer to return

[Keke They/he]

19 hours ago, Honors ghost said:

*hugs back* thank you for responding I’ll look into it

Yeppers!!!

16 hours ago, echo74 said:

aaa guys im never on here anymore

how's everyone doing?

also umm i have to rant rq but i love you all and have a good night and don't stay up late cuz you're like me and you can't physically make yourself go to bed at a reasonable hour

  Reveal hidden contents

nevermind, i got over it (edited at 1:30am)

anyways yeah love yall

& if ur still awake rn, go to bed

you need the sleep

OK GN I LOVE YOU ALL GET LOTS OF REST 

*hugss* okie 

5 hours ago, Hoid Slayer said:

First, there is nothing

The nothing from which everything stems

Then, there is something

The something that is mirrored upon everything

A boy, in bed, awakens

And reaches

He grips his phone, resting on his bedside table

It is a small, little thing

Yet it holds so much power

On a whim, he opens a tab long asleep

A Shard

A club

And he Knows

It is time for the Hoid Slayer to return

Ayeeee im trying to make a come back to

Glad foe your return hs!!

Anyone able to help me figure out why I dont get shard notifs until I open the app then get like 3 pings??

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

41 minutes ago, Hawks said:

Yeppers!!!

*hugss* okie 

Ayeeee im trying to make a come back to

Glad foe your return hs!!

Anyone able to help me figure out why I dont get shard notifs until I open the app then get like 3 pings??

PuSh NoTiFiCaTiOnS

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

*crunches knuckles*

It has been a long time

And there is a lot to get through

But get through it I will

A long time later...

*sigh*

I can't get through all of this right now.

So consider this part 1, with more coming.

On 7/3/2025 at 4:30 AM, Denisimo said:

Thanatophobic Nihilist here.
I hate confiding in people 'cuz doesn't usually go well but, uhm, I am kinda on my last legs here. Also this is pretty much completely anonymous and no one knows me irl here soooo I'm good.
So... crippling fear of death. 
DONT want hugs. I am a pessimist and a realist by nature, and it doesn't solve the problem.
And also I consider my fear completely logical... but i hate it too.

No "Live this life to your best" and blahblahblah, I would like the problem directly addressed.

On 7/4/2025 at 1:32 AM, Denisimo said:

Ok, to reply your thing about counselling, let me say this about my family; My mother is trained in certain areas of child psychology, and qualified to diagnose certain conditions such as ADHD and Autism.
She believes that phobias are simply a part of life, and my Thanatophpbia is reltively normal. Now, I don't know enough about people in genera to know whether you are all existential thanatophbes, so i just take her word for it. 
So... she sees no point in sending me to counselling for thanatophobia.
Furthermore, it isn't outwarly affecting anything I suppose. I am personally a stoic or try to be one, and I see no reason to stoop otheers in my issues. The only reason why I am speaking to you all about ths is because I am under the presumption that your empathy does not reach a level to which you immediatly feel immense sorrow of my whingings from, in all likelyhood, the other damn side of the world.

I also personally see no point in councelling for this issue. I have been tested by psycologists and doctors and etc, and I was found to have a certain aptitude for a range of subjects and reasonings, one of which is philosphy and introspection. This in itself has sent me into a lot of downward spirals of crippling doubt but it never causes any real problems mostly.

Ok, to answer your direct questions: I believe that this fear is logical becaue fear is in itself a wish for selfpreservation. When you fear death, you try not to die. Thus, your brain inadvertantly keeps you alive while accidenally wrapping some people like me into an endless philsophical turmoil.

Death scares me one main way; I am not religious. I have no faith, and I mean that literally. I find it foolish (sorry, I might offend a few people here) that people can blindly believe in some magic hocus pocus force that will send them to a magically magical land of their damned dreams when they die. I know a LOT of religions and spent some time practicing as many as I could to try to find some sort of faith, but they all failed. Thus, my logical conclusion (and thus why I am a nihilist) is that once we die, the electrical signals in our brains that make up our conciousness and our thoughts fizziles out, and we just die. No afterlife.
just a dark void, which we can't even storming PERCIEVE because we have no concoiusness. YOU DISAPPEAR FROM THE UNIVERSE. NO INKLING THAT YOU EVER EXISTED. Storm my legacy, because even if you are remebered that changes science in no way whatsoever, and your conciousness will still poof into nothingness.
No thoughts.
No feelings.
I suppose some would argue "Oh BuT It'Ll Be JuSt LiKe SleePiNg" or perhaps "BuT hOw cAn yOu fEaR It you caN't Even PercCiEve it" 
BUT I DONT WANT TO GO INTO NOTHINGNESS AGH
 

Welcome. We have cookies.
Nothng, in reality, does matter.
Humans are weird.

So, umm, I know I'm pretty late to this, but, I will respond nonetheless.

Because this is something that resonates with me.

I understand this

And I don't mean that in a "yeah, I get why you might feel like that" kinda way

I mean it in a "yeah, I feel like that too" kinda way

Well, the nihilism part not so much (I'll get to that later)

But definitely the thanatophobic part

Now, my fear isn't anywhere near as crippling as yours seems to be, but I've definitely experience it from time to time. In fact, these days, it very rarely affects me. Whenever I have faced it, it normally comes for a period of time, and normally when I'm thinking in bed trying to sleep. I don't really get any physical reactions out of it, and it's not like it paralyzes me or anything. It just terrifies me. So our situations are not the same; but they may be comparable.

I understand what you mean by wanting it addressed, and it's actually something I've given thought. And I've reached the conclusion that, personally, I don't necessarily want to not have the fear. I would rather know and face the truth than pretend everything is okay. However, I also mostly address this problem by just... not thinking about it. If I start, I force myself to think about something else. Even now, writing this, I'm not actually "realizing" it in my head, if that makes any sense, what I'm talking about.

I also don't want to go into nothingness. But I don't see a way to change it's inevitability. So perhaps, it is better to just acknowledge it, and move on. Because I know it is NOT worth wasting oneself over.

As for nihilism... not gonna lie, I had to look that word up just for this, so take this with a grain of salt. I don't think there is a "meaning" to life, in the traditional sense (agnostic working under the assumption of atheism here, and I mostly agree with your views on religion here). We exist because of the way we evolved, to eat, sleep, and reproduce, essentially. But I do believe in happiness, regardless of how short-lived or inconsequential it is in the real scale of things. What I, or you, or anyone feels now won't matter at all a million years from now. But it matters now. Maybe that can be good enough.

If you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here.

On 7/3/2025 at 11:25 AM, WhyEverNot_8 said:

Thanks guys. 

  Hide contents

I have a problem with carrying text conversations.
Like I’ll zone out or not know what to say and I’ll resist to preset responses (“lol”, “lmao”, “dang”, etc.) and it sucks for me, but it also annoys the crap out of other people (understandably). 

I constantly get distracted.
This is something I’ve struggled with for most of my life, and if I did have depression earlier in my childhood and it carried over, this is the cause of it. (Distracted in school, teachers mad, kicked out of GT, etc. I’m mostly over it by now I think.) 

My sense of humor is so storming messed up.
I’ll say something that I think is harmless and funny and it’s actually just… kinda mean. I felt awful after I did it, and—even though it was an accident—I tried to force myself to stop making jokes around people (which worked.) 

I have an overwhelming lack of self-worth sometimes. 
I’ll just sometimes start feeling that I’m not worth people’s time or effort.

  Reveal hidden contents

It’s occasionally accompanied by thoughts of what would happen if I were to disappear.  Don’t worry, I always recognize that it won’t change anything, and will actually make things worse. Also, I have too much stuff I want to do to give up anytime soon.

I don’t know why it happens, but it’s honestly screwing up my relationship. 

I don’t know how to fix most of these, and I really need help with it. 

I don’t know what to do, and I’d really appreciate any advice you can give

On 7/3/2025 at 12:38 PM, WhyEverNot_8 said:

*hugs*

 

1. Mostly the problem is in conversations with my gf. And it’ll be conversations that I’m already engaging in, and my brain says “It’s been too long without you saying something, say something now.” 

2. Those are all things that I try to do. I find that music really helps me to focus, but I can’t always have music

3. I tend to do the same, but the problem I experience is when one person changes their sense of humor. (sometimes due to hormones, other times due to emotions, etc.)

4. I try, but I don’t really have a great relationship with my siblings. I know for sure that at least one of my two brothers cares about me a lot. (not saying the other one doesn’t, but he’s not always nice to me.) I think what’s helped the most is my dog. He’s a goober and I love him. And given how he reacts when I go to leave for school, i can make an educated assumption that he cares a lot about me. 

It helped, thank you

Also really late, and idk if this still matters to you, but I want to answer it

I get the defaulting to preset responses thing. For me it's things like "ah" or "oh" or "yeah". 

*squeeze* for potential depression.

Don't stop making jokes. Just think them through before you say them. However hard that instinct can be to override.

And finally, for feeling a need to say something... it depends. But sometimes, the other person feels the same awkwardness. Or sometimes, it is just time to let the conversation die. Food for thought.

On 7/3/2025 at 6:41 PM, Kansas Stormcursed said:

Hello depression my old friend

I've been sent back to you again

Because my mind can't stand to be loved

And I can only see the bad

*a billion squeezes*

I think I already said that

But I'll do it again

On 7/3/2025 at 7:47 PM, CoderDrag0n8 said:

click the link in my description

@ChipsAHoid back me up here.

I clicked that link once

It was a long time ago

It will not happen again 

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

*hugs for everyone who needs them*

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

Part two, here we go

On 7/6/2025 at 3:23 PM, Just A Silvereye said:

I don't know why 

But I feel really tired today

And also kinda empty

Even though nothing bad has happened

I'm just... not there mentally

On 7/8/2025 at 2:20 AM, Through The Living Glass said:

*squeezes so tightly*

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

hey guys

ik most of you already know this but i'm not doing very well rn

hugs would be nice

 

On 7/8/2025 at 11:53 PM, Mag said:

Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement and advice everyone. I'm sorry I didn't respond immediately and that I've kind of disappeared from the shard, but reading what you all had to say has helped a lot, and I've thought about it a lot. I'm still kind of a mess and my brain feels like scrambled eggs, but good things also keep happening so I'm trying to stay hopeful.

The other day I went to visit my aunt, she's moving so she's getting rid of a lot of stuff so she let me take home a ton of her fantasy paperbacks. It's stupid but it really cheered me up, and getting to some of those anticipated books is something that has kept me going. I have managed to collect the entirety of the wheel of time second hand, except for the very last book. My brother and I plan on doing a buddy read of wot once I finish my current read, which I'm excited about.

My family also did another LOTR marathon which cheered me up a lot. It's funny because I'm reading the books right now and they both have a very powerful emotional message, but they're slightly different. I find it really interesting.

I'm not sure what else to share. I did get my AP portfolio score and . . . it was 4. A great score that I should be satisfied with but I was a little disappointed. I felt like it didn't really reflect the amount of effort and time I put into it, but I will confess some of those paintings were kinda ugly. The score isn't really gonna effect me much though, so I shouldn't complain--I didn't take the class because I wanted the credit specifically, and I'm grateful that I do get credit in general.

Yesterday and today I had job interviews for some part time stuff. I'm really hoping to get hired because I think it will help me. It'll be hard but good, and also I want money loll

We did have a doctor's appointment for me, but the doctor ended up not being available on the chosen day. We're going to try to reschedule tomorrow, but I'm worried the date is gonna be pushed back a few weeks. For now I've just been taking things one day at a time, and that sort of thing. 

I want to be more active over here because I really really miss it, but it can be hard for me to sit down and write stuff. If you want to talk to me more often, I check discord everyday so we could connect there if we haven't already.

On 7/15/2025 at 6:14 PM, Honors ghost said:

I um had a panic attack and started crying mid rehearsal today because I was doing really bad and the conductor was going so fast and my neck hurt and I was messing up and yah. Um that was fun. I don’t get panic attacks very often this was the second one I’ve ever had and um they aren’t very fun but the counslers let me leave and take a second so that was good. #lovemusiccamps

*massive hugs*

I will not "pull a coder" , but I wish the best for all of you

Now, for the long part, in reverse chronological order cause that was the easiest way for me to organize it:

On 7/22/2025 at 11:23 AM, Honors ghost said:

Idrk where to put this post but this seems like the right place

ive always been very confused abt my gender like very confused and I’ve been using random pronouns since like fifth grade and this year ive started considering that I may be trans I even changed my pronouns on the shard a little bit but im so confused bc I don’t like hate my body and I don’t even like feel like not a man but I want to wear dresses do makeup and stuff like that? Idk and like I do like the pronouns she they or she her more. I just don’t feel like I have a right to call myself trans when I am almost perfectly fine w my body. Idk those are my feelings

wow that felt weird to talk abt ive only talked abt this with one other person before so um yah thank you @Kansas Stormcursed. 

I'm glad you're exploring with things that feel right to you.

Just remember: you don't need to fit into a box. Any box. Gender isn't black and white; it's a constantly fluid spectrum. And only you can decide how you identify.

You don't need to want to change your body to be trans.

Also, there is the Gay Disasters club that is basically a space for any LGBTQ+ discussion, although this works as well. And finally, I'm glad you feel confident sharing this with us. It's an important step forward.

On 7/23/2025 at 12:49 AM, echo74 said:

aaa guys im never on here anymore

how's everyone doing?

also umm i have to rant rq but i love you all and have a good night and don't stay up late cuz you're like me and you can't physically make yourself go to bed at a reasonable hour

  Reveal hidden contents

nevermind, i got over it (edited at 1:30am)

anyways yeah love yall

& if ur still awake rn, go to bed

you need the sleep

OK GN I LOVE YOU ALL GET LOTS OF REST 

Okayy... 

Never got to see it, but I'm glad you're feeling better

On 7/17/2025 at 4:53 PM, Hawks said:

*hugs hugs* 

Oh. Nice?

 

Ok so this may be long. 

  Hide contents

So the past few weeks I've been on a vacation. I went to Utah to spend time witg my mom's side of the family. Then moab utah to have a family reunion on my dad's side. And this week im in Cali eith my grandparents. And it has been. Crazy. In a good way. So I had a few nice chats with my cousin we will call him DT. He saw one of my videos with the whole therian trans everything and he was like im so glad. Ive got a fursona and we talked alot mostly about mha but it was awesome. Next was last week. I went to moab Utah for a family reunion on my dad's side. I thought that that side wouldnt be to tolerant on lgbtq and everything. Until the first day after we arrived I saw my aunt Js family. Id always been closer to them but ya know never actually seen them in like two years. And they had so many pride stickers. After a bit I talked to them ro see if they were allies or what. My cousin M is bi and ace? Or aro idk. But they are huge supporters and they have a giant pride flag and hundreds of stickers and glasses and everything. I told them I was trans and everything. About alterhumans and it was so awesome. They called me Hawks and then my aunt H heard and she clarified what I identified as and supports me to and it was so awesome. While we were there I did so much out of my comfort zone. I did free hand rock climbing ip mountains. MOUNTAINS!!! I went proper offloading on rocks and it eas scary but I did it. I jumped off a cliff into water after a while of convincing. I spent hours talking about kpop demon hunters with M and R. We talked all day and it was honestly the best thing I've experienced in a long time. I felt so free and i... I think over these weeks I've found myself. Ive been able to... calm down. Get my head straight and pull myself out of the pit I was falling into.

There is hope. I swear on everything. You WILL make it out of the dark. It takes time. Energy. And to take a part from hoid. "Push yourself to the limits to discover and investigate new things." It took taking a break and focusing on life. The fun part. Not the divorce or the stress. Seeing whats here and now and enjoying it. Me and my cousins have a saying. Its not about the view of the hike, Its about the experience and those you do it with. 

Dont sit out because its boring. Do it because your doing it with friends. Good comes out of everything. Even if it seems [redacted] and like your never gonna get better. I swear it will. Please trust me. I promise you. You will be warm again. 

I love every one of you with all my heart. I would not have made it this far without you. I can tell you all that your the reason why im happy today. Thank tou so much. For everything. For staying my friends when I go offline or when im super annoying. Or when I backed out of all the roleplays. You are the best. I love you. 

 

Yay!!! 

That's incredible to hear!

I'm happy to see you were able to find the light even when everything else seems dark; it's an important lesson to remember.

And of course, we love you too.

For everything.

On 7/15/2025 at 7:26 PM, MirkerLurker said:

*hug*

Panic attacks are scary; and sometimes embarrassing, and confusing, and exhausting, and lots more. I'm glad they let you leave to take a break. Music can be a field with a lot of pressure; even if you love it, it can be very stressful. *more hug*

 

So I found this online today: 

And I located the actual PDF here: https://qprinstitute.com/pdfs/Forever_Decision.pdf

It seems like something that we should all have tucked in a back pocket, whether for ourselves or for someone else. I've started it, and I like the way the author talks directly to and respectfully about people who think about suicide. 

I took a look at that PDF, not because I feel like I need it but just because I wanted to take a look at it.

And I ended up finding it really interesting.

On 7/10/2025 at 4:39 PM, WhyEverNot_8 said:

  Hide contents

Something I hate about myself is my tendency to trust people too much. I find myself getting closer and closer to someone and I end up… dropping the walls too much. So much that I end up seeming weak and useless, and eventually, it comes back to hit me. Like letting a bunch of water into a closed pool, eventually it’s going to flow back and encompass the source. I trust people too much, and it makes me worse. Not because I trust them, but because of me. I realize that I can trust that person to support me, so I loosen my grip on the stronger parts of myself, and when it gets too much for them to support, I just… fall. And I end up near the bottom of yet another pit, and they’re above me, looking down. Sometimes I can manage being consistent, being decisive, and actually functioning properly in text conversations. Other times I’m held back. Not by them but by me. It’s not their fault, it’s mine. Maybe I just need time away from people, maybe I need time with people. I don’t know. I don’t even know if I’m mad right now. I feel like I could be, but it’s gone before I can register it. I think I need to do something with my hands now. Maybe I’ll go screw around with legos or something…

 

*squeeze*

It seems to me that you might be putting too much pressure upon yourself. Maybe the reason you fall so hard is because you place so much weight upon yourself. I'm just spitballing here, but maybe try being more loose on yourself. Like with text conversations; you don't need to say anything. You can just let what is, be.

I also agree with @#1 Taln Fan that real friends shouldn't hurt to trust. I might not be the best one to talk here, as there is a lot I don't tell my friends, but the right people will do everything they can to catch you as you fall.

On 7/10/2025 at 10:19 PM, WhyEverNot_8 said:

Thank you  

I like to journal in kind of a Sanderson in-world book excerpt kinda format! It helps. 

And the problem isn’t my friends seeing me as weak, it’s me seeing me as weak. Most of ‘em understand that struggle.

Yup, there it is.

You're not weak, 8.

I know how you can feel it, cause I feel it to. But we aren't weak.

We just need some help. And that's okay.

On 7/13/2025 at 10:02 AM, WhyEverNot_8 said:

Thank you. 

I know I’m late in replying but this helped. 

I’m doing a lot better now!

Awesome! 

My advice still stands.

On 7/8/2025 at 7:09 AM, Honors ghost said:

*Sooooooo many hugs*

 

Fricking quoting people can’t fartin figure it out 

  Reveal hidden contents

Hugs for glass like 20 billion of em 

I got a poem I wanna know what people think

Honesty

It’s a scary thing

I know deep down

That it should be easy 

But it’s not

It’s so easy 

To add

A teeny little detail to a story to make it better

Or to say something

Out of fear that people will get mad at me

But the hardest part about honesty 

Is being honest to myself 

And that

That’s what’s really scary 

Partly because who you are

It’s never definitive 

Always changing

Daily sometimes 

But I think 

That if you can be truly

Honest 

To everyone 

Including yourself 

That’s how you become who you are 

and who you want to be

And they’re are things I don’t want to be honest about

There

Are parts of my life 

I’m not too proud of 

And I don’t think I’m ready to face that yet 

But I want to be

Someday 

I’m going to be honest

With myself  

And With everyone 

And then

Then can I be the best version of me

Dang. That's deep. As is the other one you shared, although I don't want to fill this entire post with quote boxes . The commentary about the importance of poetry in saving people was interesting.

*squeeze*

On 7/6/2025 at 4:34 PM, CoderDrag0n8 said:

*hugs all*

  Reveal hidden contents

 

...

Tentative ?

On 7/17/2025 at 6:38 PM, CoderDrag0n8 said:

ITS HUGS

HOW ARE HUGS BAD

...

You literally described them as evil spirits 

On 7/7/2025 at 10:16 PM, Kansas Stormcursed said:

Welp

I'm not doing well

This is the worst I've been in awhile, which sucks. I was doing better for a pretty long stretch there, and then some stuff happened and I just fell off the cliff. I'm numb most of the time, and I wear the mask all the time just so nobody will know anything. I cut off contact with a lot of my friends because I can't keep the mask up around them and I don't really even know how to function without it right now. I'm back to being a shattered window covered in duct tape and painted to look fine, and idk what I'm doing. All that to say hugs would be appreciated.

*squeeze*

I've been there.

I hope you're doing better now. I find it helps to lower the mask with someone, anyone, even if they're not your closest friends. Sometimes it's easier if they aren't. And it doesn't have to be with everyone. But just the slightest practice can help a lot.

Once again, massive hugs to all of you.

Finally, making a count of times Glass sent hugs to everyone who needs them:

On 7/5/2025 at 8:31 PM, Through The Living Glass said:

hey

hugs for everyone who needs them

*hugs everyone who needs them*

11 hours ago, Through The Living Glass said:

*hugs for everyone who needs them*

Huh

Only twice

We love you, Glass 

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

7 minutes ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Part two, here we go

*massive hugs*

I will not "pull a coder" , but I wish the best for all of you

Now, for the long part, in reverse chronological order cause that was the easiest way for me to organize it:

I'm glad you're exploring with things that feel right to you.

Just remember: you don't need to fit into a box. Any box. Gender isn't black and white; it's a constantly fluid spectrum. And only you can decide how you identify.

You don't need to want to change your body to be trans.

Also, there is the Gay Disasters club that is basically a space for any LGBTQ+ discussion, although this works as well. And finally, I'm glad you feel confident sharing this with us. It's an important step forward.

Okayy... 

Never got to see it, but I'm glad you're feeling better

Yay!!! 

That's incredible to hear!

I'm happy to see you were able to find the light even when everything else seems dark; it's an important lesson to remember.

And of course, we love you too.

For everything.

I took a look at that PDF, not because I feel like I need it but just because I wanted to take a look at it.

And I ended up finding it really interesting.

*squeeze*

It seems to me that you might be putting too much pressure upon yourself. Maybe the reason you fall so hard is because you place so much weight upon yourself. I'm just spitballing here, but maybe try being more loose on yourself. Like with text conversations; you don't need to say anything. You can just let what is, be.

I also agree with @#1 Taln Fan that real friends shouldn't hurt to trust. I might not be the best one to talk here, as there is a lot I don't tell my friends, but the right people will do everything they can to catch you as you fall.

Yup, there it is.

You're not weak, 8.

I know how you can feel it, cause I feel it to. But we aren't weak.

We just need some help. And that's okay.

Awesome! 

My advice still stands.

Dang. That's deep. As is the other one you shared, although I don't want to fill this entire post with quote boxes . The commentary about the importance of poetry in saving people was interesting.

*squeeze*

...

Tentative ?

...

You literally described them as evil spirits 

*squeeze*

I've been there.

I hope you're doing better now. I find it helps to lower the mask with someone, anyone, even if they're not your closest friends. Sometimes it's easier if they aren't. And it doesn't have to be with everyone. But just the slightest practice can help a lot.

Once again, massive hugs to all of you.

Finally, making a count of times Glass sent hugs to everyone who needs them:

Huh

Only twice

We love you, Glass 

well evil spirits can be good

...

maybe

*is writing this with sprained thumb*

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

11 minutes ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Part two, here we go

*massive hugs*

I will not "pull a coder" , but I wish the best for all of you

Now, for the long part, in reverse chronological order cause that was the easiest way for me to organize it:

I'm glad you're exploring with things that feel right to you.

Just remember: you don't need to fit into a box. Any box. Gender isn't black and white; it's a constantly fluid spectrum. And only you can decide how you identify.

You don't need to want to change your body to be trans.

Also, there is the Gay Disasters club that is basically a space for any LGBTQ+ discussion, although this works as well. And finally, I'm glad you feel confident sharing this with us. It's an important step forward.

Okayy... 

Never got to see it, but I'm glad you're feeling better

Yay!!! 

That's incredible to hear!

I'm happy to see you were able to find the light even when everything else seems dark; it's an important lesson to remember.

And of course, we love you too.

For everything.

I took a look at that PDF, not because I feel like I need it but just because I wanted to take a look at it.

And I ended up finding it really interesting.

*squeeze*

It seems to me that you might be putting too much pressure upon yourself. Maybe the reason you fall so hard is because you place so much weight upon yourself. I'm just spitballing here, but maybe try being more loose on yourself. Like with text conversations; you don't need to say anything. You can just let what is, be.

I also agree with @#1 Taln Fan that real friends shouldn't hurt to trust. I might not be the best one to talk here, as there is a lot I don't tell my friends, but the right people will do everything they can to catch you as you fall.

Yup, there it is.

You're not weak, 8.

I know how you can feel it, cause I feel it to. But we aren't weak.

We just need some help. And that's okay.

Awesome! 

My advice still stands.

Dang. That's deep. As is the other one you shared, although I don't want to fill this entire post with quote boxes . The commentary about the importance of poetry in saving people was interesting.

*squeeze*

...

Tentative ?

...

You literally described them as evil spirits 

*squeeze*

I've been there.

I hope you're doing better now. I find it helps to lower the mask with someone, anyone, even if they're not your closest friends. Sometimes it's easier if they aren't. And it doesn't have to be with everyone. But just the slightest practice can help a lot.

Once again, massive hugs to all of you.

Finally, making a count of times Glass sent hugs to everyone who needs them:

Huh

Only twice

We love you, Glass 

It's been a busy few weeks

*squiz*

Love you too, dude

[Shatter He/Him]

I feel like I’m masking all the time. When we sit at the table for dinner time I feel like I am getting yelled at all the time for speaking and an accidentally interrupting. I get scared and I don’t join the table which causes me to miss out on dinner. I also feel like my autism and ADHD are interacting and they are having a negative impact of my life. I don’t feel like I will be able to have a normal life and I don’t feel like I’ll be able to succeed. I don’t think I’ll be able to get into a relationship and I don’t think I’ll be able to get married or have children. I don’t want my children to have low functioning autism. I’m really stressed and I’ve been feeling really scared. I’m scared of failing in college. I’m just freaking out. I also can’t remember what happens during my breakdowns and what happened during past breakdowns and I’m really scared of that.

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

1 minute ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

I feel like I’m masking all the time. When we sit at the table for dinner time I feel like I am getting yelled at all the time for speaking and an accidentally interrupting. I get scared and I don’t join the table which causes me to miss out on dinner. I also feel like my autism and ADHD are interacting and they are having a negative impact of my life. I don’t feel like I will be able to have a normal life and I don’t feel like I’ll be able to succeed. I don’t think I’ll be able to get into a relationship and I don’t think I’ll be able to get married or have children. I don’t want my children to have low functioning autism. I’m really stressed and I’ve been feeling really scared. I’m scared of failing in college. I’m just freaking out. I also can’t remember what happens during my breakdowns and what happened during past breakdowns and I’m really scared of that.

*lots of hugs*

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

17 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

I feel like I’m masking all the time. When we sit at the table for dinner time I feel like I am getting yelled at all the time for speaking and an accidentally interrupting. I get scared and I don’t join the table which causes me to miss out on dinner. I also feel like my autism and ADHD are interacting and they are having a negative impact of my life. I don’t feel like I will be able to have a normal life and I don’t feel like I’ll be able to succeed. I don’t think I’ll be able to get into a relationship and I don’t think I’ll be able to get married or have children. I don’t want my children to have low functioning autism. I’m really stressed and I’ve been feeling really scared. I’m scared of failing in college. I’m just freaking out. I also can’t remember what happens during my breakdowns and what happened during past breakdowns and I’m really scared of that.

*squeeze*

I'm with Kansas here

Have you tried speaking to your family about it?

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

22 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

I feel like I’m masking all the time. When we sit at the table for dinner time I feel like I am getting yelled at all the time for speaking and an accidentally interrupting. I get scared and I don’t join the table which causes me to miss out on dinner. I also feel like my autism and ADHD are interacting and they are having a negative impact of my life. I don’t feel like I will be able to have a normal life and I don’t feel like I’ll be able to succeed. I don’t think I’ll be able to get into a relationship and I don’t think I’ll be able to get married or have children. I don’t want my children to have low functioning autism. I’m really stressed and I’ve been feeling really scared. I’m scared of failing in college. I’m just freaking out. I also can’t remember what happens during my breakdowns and what happened during past breakdowns and I’m really scared of that.

I’m so sorry *hugssss*

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

8 hours ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

I feel like I’m masking all the time. When we sit at the table for dinner time I feel like I am getting yelled at all the time for speaking and an accidentally interrupting. I get scared and I don’t join the table which causes me to miss out on dinner. I also feel like my autism and ADHD are interacting and they are having a negative impact of my life. I don’t feel like I will be able to have a normal life and I don’t feel like I’ll be able to succeed. I don’t think I’ll be able to get into a relationship and I don’t think I’ll be able to get married or have children. I don’t want my children to have low functioning autism. I’m really stressed and I’ve been feeling really scared. I’m scared of failing in college. I’m just freaking out. I also can’t remember what happens during my breakdowns and what happened during past breakdowns and I’m really scared of that.

*hugs*

...yeah indeed you should go talk to your family about that, because it's... it's not normal that you get yelled at for accidentally interrupting, especially when they know that you have difficulties with that because you're asd

Like, you shouldn't be so afraid of sitting at the family table for dinner that you'd rather go hungry instead

And for the rest

Well it mostly comes down to finding the support you need 

But I know you can do it

You're smart and fun and cool and generally a great guy

It's normal to be scared

But you can do it 

*big big hug*

[Shatter He/Him]

19 hours ago, Hoid Slayer said:

*squeeze*

I'm with Kansas here

Have you tried speaking to your family about it?

 

10 hours ago, Just A Silvereye said:

*hugs*

...yeah indeed you should go talk to your family about that, because it's... it's not normal that you get yelled at for accidentally interrupting, especially when they know that you have difficulties with that because you're asd

Like, you shouldn't be so afraid of sitting at the family table for dinner that you'd rather go hungry instead

And for the rest

Well it mostly comes down to finding the support you need 

But I know you can do it

You're smart and fun and cool and generally a great guy

It's normal to be scared

But you can do it 

*big big hug*

I’m talking to my family and my therapist. I just needed to let y’all know and see if any of you had any advice. 

[Keke They/he]

3 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

 

I’m talking to my family and my therapist. I just needed to let y’all know and see if any of you had any advice. 

*hugs* Your awesomeee

[echo74 she/her]

yall

i don't know what to do with myself anymore

Spoiler

im so freaking tired

and not just physically

like emotionally

i'm so tired of overthinking every single conversation i have

i'm so tired of making sure that i appear consistently to different people

i'm so tired of caring

i'm so tired of being me

i'm so tired of trying to be delicate around other people bc i want to make sure everyone feels safe and comfortable

i can't do it

i just want everyone to be happy but im losing my mind bc it seems like no one is and nothing i do makes a difference

and even if it did, i'd still be me

and i'm flawed, okay?

i can't make everything la-di-da and perfect and sunshine and rainbows and tbh life sucks

i have nothing going on inside my head bc i'm so tired

hugs would be appreciated