Mental health club!

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

1 hour ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

(cw - suicide, death, grief)

  Hide contents

this morning i found out from a friend that a girl at school committed suicide yesterday

about an hour ago the school sent out an email announcing her death

i've been sitting here for about the past half hour grieving her

i didn't know her

i'm still sad, though

i'm sad for her friends

i'm sad for her family

i'm sad for everyone who gets affected because of it

i'm sad that she didn't think she could reach out for help

i'm sad that she thought she had to die

i'm sad that she died

suicide's a topic that's always been really close to my heart, especially because i was so close to doing it myself a few years ago at fsy

i wasn't the one who stopped me -- someone else did

someone else walked in and invited me to play a game of mash

i agreed, because i was ashamed

i didn't want her to know

i never told her that she literally saved my life that day

if she hadn't been there, i might be exactly like this girl

i might be dead

and a strange might be grieving my death

grieving it as if it was her own

please

never ever ever kill yourself

it's not worth it

trust me

 

Oh, Echo . . .

*squeezes tightly*

I'm so sorry . . .

I'm glad you're still here, though.

1 hour ago, TwinStorm said:

cw 

  Hide contents

I'm scared

not for me

but for other people

I'm afraid I'll hurt the people around me

whenever I hold a sharp knife its just...

idk

and it scares me

I don't know what to do

its not a bad thing ig

im able to protect people 

but still

terrifying to me

 

Dang

*hug*

1 hour ago, reisleK said:

Firstly, hugs to anyone and everyone who wants one.

Secondly, I'm contemplating breaking up with my partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/insert any other term here. 
Rant incoming (sticking it in here because I predict it will be LONG):
For reference, they use he/they pronouns

  Hide contents

Why, you might ask? I just... don't feel like I used to. They visited like two days ago and my mom was like "They seem to be so much more into you than you are into them." and thinking about it, I think it's true. I love him, but sometimes I feel like it's mostly platonic but it also ebbs and flows. I just feel like a good girlfriend wouldn't contemplate breaking up every few months. But it would not only crush him and I care way too much to do that but what if I regret it later? Since I know my love for him fluctuates (he's aware of it) I worry that it'd be a stupid mistake. But maybe we just need to communicate more and breaking up seems like a good escape? We're long distance at this point which is hard (our schools are an hour away from each other but we live maybe 4-5 hours away. He lives in an area where I have a ton of family so it's not very hard to get there.)

Also he's very future thinking which I'm not, it also stresses me out and makes me feel trapped. Like why are you talking about us getting married?? We are in HIGHSCHOOL!!! Our frontal lobes are NOT fully developed. 

I just feel like our relationship should be "better". I have school therapy (since I'm at boarding school) tomorrow and I'll talk to her about it but I also want to talk to my home therapist before too. 

I just feel like I'd crush him if I broke up with him and I just worry. They're at a therapeutic boarding school and will be until August so I know he'll be safe, which is the most important part just ARRGHHH

They also used to be like my safe person in the sense that when I'm stressed, their presence was calming but I don't know anymore. 

I learned that he could come to prom at my school and I'm just... disappointed. Which isn't a good sign. Maybe it's social pressure since they don't conform to the vibe (for a lack of a better word) just like arghhh. 

Pros and Cons 

Pros:
Don't have to figure out what we do in the future going off to college and stuff
Don't have to worry about any of this
I won't be leading them on (though if this goes away than its irrelevant)
I consider breaking up before college (we're juniors in high school) anyway and now (or anytime between now and august) would in theory be a good time. 
Being single would probably give me more time to work on relationship work with my therapist over the summer

Cons:
I'll loose them as not only a partner but as a friend as well (there's a slight chance we could still be friends but I'm not sure)
He's one of my last connections to my old school and he can wrangle my friend who never responds to texts
He'd be crushed
His family would be crushed
I'd feel bad/Guilty
I might regret it
It might make more sense just to see how it goes for now
I wouldn't be able to attend prom at my old school and see my friends


Just wanted to rant. 

Anyway, I should probably go to dinner. 

*hug*

That's a really hard decision to make 

I'm sorry

I hope you figure out what the right thing to do is. 

*squeeze*

[TwinStorm He/Him]

29 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

Oh, Echo . . .

*squeezes tightly*

I'm so sorry . . .

I'm glad you're still here, though.

Dang

*hug*

*hug*

That's a really hard decision to make 

I'm sorry

I hope you figure out what the right thing to do is. 

*squeeze*

thanks

[reisleK she/her]

48 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

*hug*

That's a really hard decision to make 

I'm sorry

I hope you figure out what the right thing to do is. 

*squeeze*

Thank you Glass! *hugs back*

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

1 minute ago, reisleK said:

Thank you Glass! *hugs back*

Of course

[Keke They/he]

3 hours ago, reisleK said:

Firstly, hugs to anyone and everyone who wants one.

Secondly, I'm contemplating breaking up with my partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/insert any other term here. 
Rant incoming (sticking it in here because I predict it will be LONG):
For reference, they use he/they pronouns

  Hide contents

Why, you might ask? I just... don't feel like I used to. They visited like two days ago and my mom was like "They seem to be so much more into you than you are into them." and thinking about it, I think it's true. I love him, but sometimes I feel like it's mostly platonic but it also ebbs and flows. I just feel like a good girlfriend wouldn't contemplate breaking up every few months. But it would not only crush him and I care way too much to do that but what if I regret it later? Since I know my love for him fluctuates (he's aware of it) I worry that it'd be a stupid mistake. But maybe we just need to communicate more and breaking up seems like a good escape? We're long distance at this point which is hard (our schools are an hour away from each other but we live maybe 4-5 hours away. He lives in an area where I have a ton of family so it's not very hard to get there.)

Also he's very future thinking which I'm not, it also stresses me out and makes me feel trapped. Like why are you talking about us getting married?? We are in HIGHSCHOOL!!! Our frontal lobes are NOT fully developed. 

I just feel like our relationship should be "better". I have school therapy (since I'm at boarding school) tomorrow and I'll talk to her about it but I also want to talk to my home therapist before too. 

I just feel like I'd crush him if I broke up with him and I just worry. They're at a therapeutic boarding school and will be until August so I know he'll be safe, which is the most important part just ARRGHHH

They also used to be like my safe person in the sense that when I'm stressed, their presence was calming but I don't know anymore. 

I learned that he could come to prom at my school and I'm just... disappointed. Which isn't a good sign. Maybe it's social pressure since they don't conform to the vibe (for a lack of a better word) just like arghhh. 

Pros and Cons 

Pros:
Don't have to figure out what we do in the future going off to college and stuff
Don't have to worry about any of this
I won't be leading them on (though if this goes away than its irrelevant)
I consider breaking up before college (we're juniors in high school) anyway and now (or anytime between now and august) would in theory be a good time. 
Being single would probably give me more time to work on relationship work with my therapist over the summer

Cons:
I'll loose them as not only a partner but as a friend as well (there's a slight chance we could still be friends but I'm not sure)
He's one of my last connections to my old school and he can wrangle my friend who never responds to texts
He'd be crushed
His family would be crushed
I'd feel bad/Guilty
I might regret it
It might make more sense just to see how it goes for now
I wouldn't be able to attend prom at my old school and see my friends


Just wanted to rant. 

Anyway, I should probably go to dinner. 

Er

*hugs* I would give advice .... I'm not good at this so hugs is all I can do

3 hours ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

(cw - suicide, death, grief)

  Reveal hidden contents

this morning i found out from a friend that a girl at school committed suicide yesterday

about an hour ago the school sent out an email announcing her death

i've been sitting here for about the past half hour grieving her

i didn't know her

i'm still sad, though

i'm sad for her friends

i'm sad for her family

i'm sad for everyone who gets affected because of it

i'm sad that she didn't think she could reach out for help

i'm sad that she thought she had to die

i'm sad that she died

suicide's a topic that's always been really close to my heart, especially because i was so close to doing it myself a few years ago at fsy

i wasn't the one who stopped me -- someone else did

someone else walked in and invited me to play a game of mash

i agreed, because i was ashamed

i didn't want her to know

i never told her that she literally saved my life that day

if she hadn't been there, i might be exactly like this girl

i might be dead

and a strange might be grieving my death

grieving it as if it was her own

please

never ever ever kill yourself

it's not worth it

trust me

 

Ph rust that's not good. That's horrible god.

*hugs*

3 hours ago, TwinStorm said:

cw 

  Reveal hidden contents

I'm scared

not for me

but for other people

I'm afraid I'll hurt the people around me

whenever I hold a sharp knife its just...

idk

and it scares me

I don't know what to do

its not a bad thing ig

im able to protect people 

but still

terrifying to me

 

*hugs*

Hey

You won't hurt me

Idk if that's helpful. 

But im a hard person to hurt. 

*hugs*

We love you... platonically. 

[TwinStorm He/Him]

6 minutes ago, Hawks said:

Er

*hugs* I would give advice .... I'm not good at this so hugs is all I can do

Ph rust that's not good. That's horrible god.

*hugs*

*hugs*

Hey

You won't hurt me

Idk if that's helpful. 

But im a hard person to hurt. 

*hugs*

We love you... platonically. 

yeah

ik

but im worried about closer people

and myself

I cut myself with a kitchen knife on accident on Sunday

and I keep on reliving the sensation of knife entering flesh

its disturbing

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

1 minute ago, TwinStorm said:

yeah

ik

but im worried about closer people

and myself

I cut myself with a kitchen knife on accident on Sunday

and I keep on reliving the sensation of knife entering flesh

its disturbing

I don’t know if this is kind of what you feel

But you know the sensation when, say, you’re standing on a balcony and just imagine leaping off. Not because you want to hurt yourself, or feel the need to do so, but just because you can. And it’s scary because you imagine how easy it would be. And how close you are to doing it. Even though it would make no sense to do it.

3 hours ago, reisleK said:

Firstly, hugs to anyone and everyone who wants one.

Secondly, I'm contemplating breaking up with my partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/insert any other term here. 
Rant incoming (sticking it in here because I predict it will be LONG):
For reference, they use he/they pronouns

  Reveal hidden contents

Why, you might ask? I just... don't feel like I used to. They visited like two days ago and my mom was like "They seem to be so much more into you than you are into them." and thinking about it, I think it's true. I love him, but sometimes I feel like it's mostly platonic but it also ebbs and flows. I just feel like a good girlfriend wouldn't contemplate breaking up every few months. But it would not only crush him and I care way too much to do that but what if I regret it later? Since I know my love for him fluctuates (he's aware of it) I worry that it'd be a stupid mistake. But maybe we just need to communicate more and breaking up seems like a good escape? We're long distance at this point which is hard (our schools are an hour away from each other but we live maybe 4-5 hours away. He lives in an area where I have a ton of family so it's not very hard to get there.)

Also he's very future thinking which I'm not, it also stresses me out and makes me feel trapped. Like why are you talking about us getting married?? We are in HIGHSCHOOL!!! Our frontal lobes are NOT fully developed. 

I just feel like our relationship should be "better". I have school therapy (since I'm at boarding school) tomorrow and I'll talk to her about it but I also want to talk to my home therapist before too. 

I just feel like I'd crush him if I broke up with him and I just worry. They're at a therapeutic boarding school and will be until August so I know he'll be safe, which is the most important part just ARRGHHH

They also used to be like my safe person in the sense that when I'm stressed, their presence was calming but I don't know anymore. 

I learned that he could come to prom at my school and I'm just... disappointed. Which isn't a good sign. Maybe it's social pressure since they don't conform to the vibe (for a lack of a better word) just like arghhh. 

Pros and Cons 

Pros:
Don't have to figure out what we do in the future going off to college and stuff
Don't have to worry about any of this
I won't be leading them on (though if this goes away than its irrelevant)
I consider breaking up before college (we're juniors in high school) anyway and now (or anytime between now and august) would in theory be a good time. 
Being single would probably give me more time to work on relationship work with my therapist over the summer

Cons:
I'll loose them as not only a partner but as a friend as well (there's a slight chance we could still be friends but I'm not sure)
He's one of my last connections to my old school and he can wrangle my friend who never responds to texts
He'd be crushed
His family would be crushed
I'd feel bad/Guilty
I might regret it
It might make more sense just to see how it goes for now
I wouldn't be able to attend prom at my old school and see my friends


Just wanted to rant. 

Anyway, I should probably go to dinner. 

I’m not good with relationships… but I hope you can find the strength to make a decision. And regardless what that decision, we will be here for you.

[Keke They/he]

2 minutes ago, TwinStorm said:

yeah

ik

but im worried about closer people

and myself

I cut myself with a kitchen knife on accident on Sunday

and I keep on reliving the sensation of knife entering flesh

its disturbing

....

.........

Oh

That's not to disturbing.

Same thing for me. It used to be an issue. So much that I had to hide my knives 

I believe you *huge hug*

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

3 minutes ago, TwinStorm said:

yeah

ik

but im worried about closer people

and myself

I cut myself with a kitchen knife on accident on Sunday

and I keep on reliving the sensation of knife entering flesh

its disturbing

That's not uncommon, actually

Just depends on what you do with those feelings

And don't hurt yourself

[TwinStorm He/Him]

1 minute ago, Hawks said:

....

.........

Oh

That's not to disturbing.

Same thing for me. It used to be an issue. So much that I had to hide my knives 

I believe you *huge hug*

but the scariest thing is, it felt. . . like I could do it to other people

I think if I was attacked, I could and would fight back in self defence

but I'm worried about what happens if I lash out

[Keke They/he]

Just now, TwinStorm said:

but the scariest thing is, it felt. . . like I could do it to other people

I think if I was attacked, I could and would fight back in self defence

but I'm worried about what happens if I lash out

*hug*

I get that. Uh *huge hug* i dunno what to say, other then.... I believe in you. 

[TwinStorm He/Him]

Just now, Hawks said:

*hug*

I get that. Uh *huge hug* i dunno what to say, other then.... I believe in you. 

*hugs*

I hope I do

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

1 minute ago, TwinStorm said:

*hugs*

I hope I do

I ALSO BELIEVE :D:D

[echo74 she/her]

3 hours ago, TwinStorm said:

*hugs*

I'm sorry

I don't know what to say

*hugs*

*HUGS*

thanks

you don't need to say anything

*hugs*

& if you could keep her family in prayers and thoughts

3 hours ago, Hoid_Slayer said:

I know the feeling. When all those little things begin to add up and suddenly, your problems seem to swallow you up. And you begin to wonder if you can ever do anything right. Of if you’re just an imposter, waiting to be exposed.

It’s not a good feeling.

This is the most relatable sentence I’ve heard in a long time. Mr. Time may not take breaks. But you should.

You’re not doing a terrible job. You’re amazing. And it’s time for you to recognize that.

Gosh, Glass

*hug* *another hug* *still hugging*

You are not the worst. In fact, you are one of the best people I know (top 15, at least ). Because you’re kind, and funny, and respectful. You were nothing but welcoming to me when I joined the Shard. And I know you are a GOOD PERSON.

I know. God, I know.

Wow. That is… a lot, echo. I don’t know what to say. But I think it says something about our world that this is so prevalent in people our age…

I’m here. If you ever need someone to talk to.

 

yeah, it's horrible

so many wonderful people struggle really badly with it

and it's awful to watch

it's awful to feel

i wish people didn't die

3 hours ago, TwinStorm said:

cw 

  Reveal hidden contents

I'm scared

not for me

but for other people

I'm afraid I'll hurt the people around me

whenever I hold a sharp knife its just...

idk

and it scares me

I don't know what to do

its not a bad thing ig

im able to protect people 

but still

terrifying to me

 

*hug*

3 hours ago, reisleK said:

Firstly, hugs to anyone and everyone who wants one.

Secondly, I'm contemplating breaking up with my partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/insert any other term here. 
Rant incoming (sticking it in here because I predict it will be LONG):
For reference, they use he/they pronouns

  Reveal hidden contents

Why, you might ask? I just... don't feel like I used to. They visited like two days ago and my mom was like "They seem to be so much more into you than you are into them." and thinking about it, I think it's true. I love him, but sometimes I feel like it's mostly platonic but it also ebbs and flows. I just feel like a good girlfriend wouldn't contemplate breaking up every few months. But it would not only crush him and I care way too much to do that but what if I regret it later? Since I know my love for him fluctuates (he's aware of it) I worry that it'd be a stupid mistake. But maybe we just need to communicate more and breaking up seems like a good escape? We're long distance at this point which is hard (our schools are an hour away from each other but we live maybe 4-5 hours away. He lives in an area where I have a ton of family so it's not very hard to get there.)

Also he's very future thinking which I'm not, it also stresses me out and makes me feel trapped. Like why are you talking about us getting married?? We are in HIGHSCHOOL!!! Our frontal lobes are NOT fully developed. 

I just feel like our relationship should be "better". I have school therapy (since I'm at boarding school) tomorrow and I'll talk to her about it but I also want to talk to my home therapist before too. 

I just feel like I'd crush him if I broke up with him and I just worry. They're at a therapeutic boarding school and will be until August so I know he'll be safe, which is the most important part just ARRGHHH

They also used to be like my safe person in the sense that when I'm stressed, their presence was calming but I don't know anymore. 

I learned that he could come to prom at my school and I'm just... disappointed. Which isn't a good sign. Maybe it's social pressure since they don't conform to the vibe (for a lack of a better word) just like arghhh. 

Pros and Cons 

Pros:
Don't have to figure out what we do in the future going off to college and stuff
Don't have to worry about any of this
I won't be leading them on (though if this goes away than its irrelevant)
I consider breaking up before college (we're juniors in high school) anyway and now (or anytime between now and august) would in theory be a good time. 
Being single would probably give me more time to work on relationship work with my therapist over the summer

Cons:
I'll loose them as not only a partner but as a friend as well (there's a slight chance we could still be friends but I'm not sure)
He's one of my last connections to my old school and he can wrangle my friend who never responds to texts
He'd be crushed
His family would be crushed
I'd feel bad/Guilty
I might regret it
It might make more sense just to see how it goes for now
I wouldn't be able to attend prom at my old school and see my friends


Just wanted to rant. 

Anyway, I should probably go to dinner. 

aww that sounds tricky

i hope you figure it out

*squeeze*

1 hour ago, Through The Living Glass said:

Oh, Echo . . .

*squeezes tightly*

I'm so sorry . . .

I'm glad you're still here, though.

Dang

*hug*

*hug*

That's a really hard decision to make 

I'm sorry

I hope you figure out what the right thing to do is. 

*squeeze*

thanks girl

me too

11 minutes ago, Hawks said:

Er

*hugs* I would give advice .... I'm not good at this so hugs is all I can do

Ph rust that's not good. That's horrible god.

*hugs*

*hugs*

Hey

You won't hurt me

Idk if that's helpful. 

But im a hard person to hurt. 

*hugs*

We love you... platonically. 

thanks hawks :))

hey if you could keep her family in your thoughts and prayers, that would be great

3 minutes ago, TwinStorm said:

yeah

ik

but im worried about closer people

and myself

I cut myself with a kitchen knife on accident on Sunday

and I keep on reliving the sensation of knife entering flesh

its disturbing

*HUG*

 

 

hey @all could you guys keep that girl's family in your prayers and thoughts?

[Keke They/he]

1 minute ago, echo74 said:

thanks

you don't need to say anything

*hugs*

& if you could keep her family in prayers and thoughts

yeah, it's horrible

so many wonderful people struggle really badly with it

and it's awful to watch

it's awful to feel

i wish people didn't die

*hug*

aww that sounds tricky

i hope you figure it out

*squeeze*

thanks girl

me too

thanks hawks :))

hey if you could keep her family in your thoughts and prayers, that would be great

*HUG*

 

 

hey @all could you guys keep that girl's family in your prayers and thoughts?

I will

*hugs* 

[TwinStorm He/Him]

22 minutes ago, echo74 said:

thanks

you don't need to say anything

*hugs*

& if you could keep her family in prayers and thoughts

yeah, it's horrible

so many wonderful people struggle really badly with it

and it's awful to watch

it's awful to feel

i wish people didn't die

*hug*

aww that sounds tricky

i hope you figure it out

*squeeze*

thanks girl

me too

thanks hawks :))

hey if you could keep her family in your thoughts and prayers, that would be great

*HUG*

 

 

hey @all could you guys keep that girl's family in your prayers and thoughts?

ofc

always

praying for you too

all of you

[echo74 she/her]

2 minutes ago, TwinStorm said:

ofc

always

praying for you too

all of you

you too

*hug*

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

1 hour ago, echo74 said:

thanks

you don't need to say anything

*hugs*

& if you could keep her family in prayers and thoughts

yeah, it's horrible

so many wonderful people struggle really badly with it

and it's awful to watch

it's awful to feel

i wish people didn't die

*hug*

aww that sounds tricky

i hope you figure it out

*squeeze*

thanks girl

me too

thanks hawks :))

hey if you could keep her family in your thoughts and prayers, that would be great

*HUG*

 

 

hey @all could you guys keep that girl's family in your prayers and thoughts?

Of course, yeah.

[reisleK she/her]

2 hours ago, Hawks said:

Er

*hugs* I would give advice .... I'm not good at this so hugs is all I can do

1 hour ago, Hoid_Slayer said:

I’m not good with relationships… but I hope you can find the strength to make a decision. And regardless what that decision, we will be here for you.

1 hour ago, echo74 said:

aww that sounds tricky

i hope you figure it out

*squeeze*

Thank you guys!! I seriously appreciate it. 

 

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

21 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

Sorry

im overwhelmed 

it feels like people are counting on me for some reason and when did they start doing that, thsts a terrible idea, I’m just gonna let them all down and sometimes people ask me to do things and I’m naturally flaky and I’m just bad at doing it within a reasonable time if I get it done at all and then I feel terrible and maybe like I should just be mean to everyone so they don’t have their expectations ruined by me who should be able to but cant or wont meet them 

I’m behind in both my online classes, especially art, because I just don’t do them 

I’m behind in my partially online creative writing class 

I haven’t registered for next year, or for the online math class I need to start in fricking May

I work through Thursday this week six hours an evening with a nine to five instead on Wednesday 

I have to make sure to remember to practice guitar every single day

i lost my duolingo streak and now Kajsa will be mad at me

I have to make sure I engage in the shard so I don’t feel lonely and forgotten because it’s basically my only human interaction but TLT goes at the speed of light nowadays and it’s tiring to come back after a three hour break to find forty or fifty notifications I have to sort through without missing any new ones 

I want to write for myself again, but I don’t know what to write

The Crowdpleaser is stagnant, basically

i want to draw for myself, but I don’t know what to draw 

I need everything to just slow down 

I need Mr. Time to take a chill pill 

I feel like I’m doing a terrible job of everything but there’s nothing I can do about it so here we are 

anyway, sorry 

*HUGS* 
I'm sorry. I get it. Life is stressful. It's hard.

I know that feeling of wondering why people are relying on you, and that panic cause you know it's a bad idea, cause you feel that you can never be that reliable. 
However. In my (I will say limited ) experience over the last year and a half, I have found that generally I was that reliable. I think you will be too. And a lot of the time, even if you don't get everything done, or need to not do something, and tell someone that you need help or can't do something they asked about or that you need to schedule to do it later, in general they will be understanding, or at least tolerant. A lot of people might not be, but a bunch will. 

Also, if you need to take a day off the Shard, or just skim for a day, and not catch up till you feel like it, that is fine. 

If I may, I would recommend, if you can, that you take one day off from everything. Just... one day where you have little to no responsibilities or things to do. 
Pile the tasks before or after that break as you can, but I have found that just one day off can be a huge help.

*more hugs*

13 hours ago, Through The Living Glass said:

heyyyyyy againnnnn

  Reveal hidden contents

so here's how my morning went

my alarm goes off but i'm too tired and so it sounds like part of my dream so I don't actually wake up for a few more minutes

my mom comes in as I actually am getting up and proceeds to literally tell me how everyone else is a better person than I am and how I'm the worst and so selfish because I can't get out of bed

So I started silently crying under the covers because gosh dangit I wish she'd just have said good morning or something else that wasn't incredibly derogatory

And she stayed there until I told her to leave because I had to get dressed

And then I cried for ten more minutes once she was gone 

and was super late to school because of it

which didn't help at all

so yeah

now I'm at school and I'm sad

could use some hugs

 

*squeeze*

Haly, if you need take some time for yourself, do it. I don't know if this is the right thing to say or what you're looking for, but we care about you, and it sounds like you need a break if you're this stressed and overworked.

But hey, I know you can do it. You'll get through this. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

...Your storming mother. I... murder. 
*HUGS* 

You are not anymore selfish than any other person, and I believe you to be less so than most. 
She is wrong. Don't listen to the lies. 
*hugs*

5 hours ago, TwinStorm said:

cw 

  Hide contents

I'm scared

not for me

but for other people

I'm afraid I'll hurt the people around me

whenever I hold a sharp knife its just...

idk

and it scares me

I don't know what to do

its not a bad thing ig

im able to protect people 

but still

terrifying to me

 

Oof. yep, I know that feeling.
*hug*

You are aware of that feeling though, which I think makes you all the better at keeping yourself in check. 
And this way you know, you can fight if you need to. There are somethings worth hurting other people for, and most people couldn't do that, or wouldn't know when the right time to is.

5 hours ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

(cw - suicide, death, grief)

  Hide contents

this morning i found out from a friend that a girl at school committed suicide yesterday

about an hour ago the school sent out an email announcing her death

i've been sitting here for about the past half hour grieving her

i didn't know her

i'm still sad, though

i'm sad for her friends

i'm sad for her family

i'm sad for everyone who gets affected because of it

i'm sad that she didn't think she could reach out for help

i'm sad that she thought she had to die

i'm sad that she died

suicide's a topic that's always been really close to my heart, especially because i was so close to doing it myself a few years ago at fsy

i wasn't the one who stopped me -- someone else did

someone else walked in and invited me to play a game of mash

i agreed, because i was ashamed

i didn't want her to know

i never told her that she literally saved my life that day

if she hadn't been there, i might be exactly like this girl

i might be dead

and a strange might be grieving my death

grieving it as if it was her own

please

never ever ever kill yourself

it's not worth it

trust me

 

*hugs*
Thank you for grieving her. Caring is hard. So is living. The fact that you do both is good.

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

21 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

Sorry

im overwhelmed 

it feels like people are counting on me for some reason and when did they start doing that, thsts a terrible idea, I’m just gonna let them all down and sometimes people ask me to do things and I’m naturally flaky and I’m just bad at doing it within a reasonable time if I get it done at all and then I feel terrible and maybe like I should just be mean to everyone so they don’t have their expectations ruined by me who should be able to but cant or wont meet them 

I’m behind in both my online classes, especially art, because I just don’t do them 

I’m behind in my partially online creative writing class 

I haven’t registered for next year, or for the online math class I need to start in fricking May

I work through Thursday this week six hours an evening with a nine to five instead on Wednesday 

I have to make sure to remember to practice guitar every single day

i lost my duolingo streak and now Kajsa will be mad at me

I have to make sure I engage in the shard so I don’t feel lonely and forgotten because it’s basically my only human interaction but TLT goes at the speed of light nowadays and it’s tiring to come back after a three hour break to find forty or fifty notifications I have to sort through without missing any new ones 

I want to write for myself again, but I don’t know what to write

The Crowdpleaser is stagnant, basically

i want to draw for myself, but I don’t know what to draw 

I need everything to just slow down 

I need Mr. Time to take a chill pill 

I feel like I’m doing a terrible job of everything but there’s nothing I can do about it so here we are 

anyway, sorry 

*hugs*

13 hours ago, Through The Living Glass said:

heyyyyyy againnnnn

  Reveal hidden contents

so here's how my morning went

my alarm goes off but i'm too tired and so it sounds like part of my dream so I don't actually wake up for a few more minutes

my mom comes in as I actually am getting up and proceeds to literally tell me how everyone else is a better person than I am and how I'm the worst and so selfish because I can't get out of bed

So I started silently crying under the covers because gosh dangit I wish she'd just have said good morning or something else that wasn't incredibly derogatory

And she stayed there until I told her to leave because I had to get dressed

And then I cried for ten more minutes once she was gone 

and was super late to school because of it

which didn't help at all

so yeah

now I'm at school and I'm sad

could use some hugs

 

*squeeze*

Haly, if you need take some time for yourself, do it. I don't know if this is the right thing to say or what you're looking for, but we care about you, and it sounds like you need a break if you're this stressed and overworked.

But hey, I know you can do it. You'll get through this. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

*hugs*

12 hours ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

*many hugs for all* 

I’m honestly sad too

  Reveal hidden contents

got a zero on presumably a major grade because I forgot to bring food stuff for my outdoor ed class 

for the record I thought we were cooking on Wednesday (not today) because other people had to cook today 

and I’m not even going to eat the food because my group members were being unsanitary as crap and wearing the gloves in the classroom and slapping things and we have to touvh and shape the food since we’re making monkey bread 

and the both today and yesterday have just sucked and I’m stressed and don’t want to come to school anymore 

the only two reasons I’m okay with coming here is because 

1. legal requirement 
and 2. my girlfriend 

other than those (and maybe orchestra) I don’t want to be here

and so much more is happening that I hate and I am genuinely so done with waking up every day I just want to sleep for a few weeks and wake up when school is over (with a few days awake for Latin State Competitions and hangouts with friends, stuff like that—fun stuff, y’know?)

I feel 

the exact 

same 

thing

holy crap 

for some reason this is reassuring and I don’t want it to be 

also I doubt Kajsa would be mad at you for that given the situation

(sorry for the double-post if it does that, I just felt like I needed to say this)

*hugs*

6 hours ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

(cw - suicide, death, grief)

  Hide contents

this morning i found out from a friend that a girl at school committed suicide yesterday

about an hour ago the school sent out an email announcing her death

i've been sitting here for about the past half hour grieving her

i didn't know her

i'm still sad, though

i'm sad for her friends

i'm sad for her family

i'm sad for everyone who gets affected because of it

i'm sad that she didn't think she could reach out for help

i'm sad that she thought she had to die

i'm sad that she died

suicide's a topic that's always been really close to my heart, especially because i was so close to doing it myself a few years ago at fsy

i wasn't the one who stopped me -- someone else did

someone else walked in and invited me to play a game of mash

i agreed, because i was ashamed

i didn't want her to know

i never told her that she literally saved my life that day

if she hadn't been there, i might be exactly like this girl

i might be dead

and a strange might be grieving my death

grieving it as if it was her own

please

never ever ever kill yourself

it's not worth it

trust me

 

*hugs*

5 hours ago, TwinStorm said:

cw 

  Hide contents

I'm scared

not for me

but for other people

I'm afraid I'll hurt the people around me

whenever I hold a sharp knife its just...

idk

and it scares me

I don't know what to do

its not a bad thing ig

im able to protect people 

but still

terrifying to me

 

2 hours ago, TwinStorm said:

yeah

ik

but im worried about closer people

and myself

I cut myself with a kitchen knife on accident on Sunday

and I keep on reliving the sensation of knife entering flesh

its disturbing

*hugs*

5 hours ago, reisleK said:

Firstly, hugs to anyone and everyone who wants one.

Secondly, I'm contemplating breaking up with my partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/insert any other term here. 
Rant incoming (sticking it in here because I predict it will be LONG):
For reference, they use he/they pronouns

  Hide contents

Why, you might ask? I just... don't feel like I used to. They visited like two days ago and my mom was like "They seem to be so much more into you than you are into them." and thinking about it, I think it's true. I love him, but sometimes I feel like it's mostly platonic but it also ebbs and flows. I just feel like a good girlfriend wouldn't contemplate breaking up every few months. But it would not only crush him and I care way too much to do that but what if I regret it later? Since I know my love for him fluctuates (he's aware of it) I worry that it'd be a stupid mistake. But maybe we just need to communicate more and breaking up seems like a good escape? We're long distance at this point which is hard (our schools are an hour away from each other but we live maybe 4-5 hours away. He lives in an area where I have a ton of family so it's not very hard to get there.)

Also he's very future thinking which I'm not, it also stresses me out and makes me feel trapped. Like why are you talking about us getting married?? We are in HIGHSCHOOL!!! Our frontal lobes are NOT fully developed. 

I just feel like our relationship should be "better". I have school therapy (since I'm at boarding school) tomorrow and I'll talk to her about it but I also want to talk to my home therapist before too. 

I just feel like I'd crush him if I broke up with him and I just worry. They're at a therapeutic boarding school and will be until August so I know he'll be safe, which is the most important part just ARRGHHH

They also used to be like my safe person in the sense that when I'm stressed, their presence was calming but I don't know anymore. 

I learned that he could come to prom at my school and I'm just... disappointed. Which isn't a good sign. Maybe it's social pressure since they don't conform to the vibe (for a lack of a better word) just like arghhh. 

Pros and Cons 

Pros:
Don't have to figure out what we do in the future going off to college and stuff
Don't have to worry about any of this
I won't be leading them on (though if this goes away than its irrelevant)
I consider breaking up before college (we're juniors in high school) anyway and now (or anytime between now and august) would in theory be a good time. 
Being single would probably give me more time to work on relationship work with my therapist over the summer

Cons:
I'll loose them as not only a partner but as a friend as well (there's a slight chance we could still be friends but I'm not sure)
He's one of my last connections to my old school and he can wrangle my friend who never responds to texts
He'd be crushed
His family would be crushed
I'd feel bad/Guilty
I might regret it
It might make more sense just to see how it goes for now
I wouldn't be able to attend prom at my old school and see my friends


Just wanted to rant. 

Anyway, I should probably go to dinner. 

*hugs*

That’s tough

I’d give advice, but I’ve never had a partner so I have no experience

so *more hugs instead*

[Keke They/he]

Mmm is 12:36 and I cannot sleep

Spoiler

Dyall ever look at your life and see that your reverting to old ways? Now normally that'd be fine but your scared of how you used to be and don't want to go back. So in an attempt to break it you drowned out life in music. But that doesn't help. 

It's like a constant record playing in your head

Every mistake

Every moment

Just going at once. And no matter how loud you blare your music. No matter how much you write in a journal. It doesn't work. 

Everyone says it'll help but you try

And try

And try

But nothing. 

But you can't say that

Its mean

We can't be mean

We are supposed to be that nice Lil girl who is the best smart girl. 

But instead your what you said you'd never be. 

You look at your little self and say sorry

Sorry for killing you. Sorry for ruining us. Sorry. For. Everything. I wish I could protect her. The little girl who just wanted to play heros with her friends. Bayblade battles on the swing. Seeing who could run fastest. Helping friends. Being able to walk to friends houses. It's gone now. So is your innocence. That's what we call it now, the move that changed everything. 

Now your me. And that's bad. 

But again we can't be bad. Because everyone expects us to be good. Regardless of how much we want to. Your gonna go through your day wanting to say this or do that. But can't because even your best friends will say "thats not normal for you" 

Sometimes i ridicule past me. But that's because I miss them. Even when I hate them. Because they might not have been happy at home. But. They had a different life that I long for now. 

So I listen to my music. Trying to stop old habits. Trying to stop the brain. Until smart shuffle brings up a few old songs. The ones you cried to. But now. You cry for another reason. I mourn you. Why does it always go back to the past. 

Whats the way to get my brain to shut up! These thoughts scare me! Because when they get to big, I imagine it. Tsking my mom's gun. Then bang. End it. But it stops before then because I have to stay alive I have to be strong for someone else. Like citizen soldier says. I imagine people alone with my ghost. Then I realize the only reason I'm here js others. Had sprout not have befriended me id have pulled the trigger years ago. 

And you can't mention that to anyone because nope. Your the happy one. Always have been. But internally you were dying the whole time. You would scream yourself to death at night and in the morning you'd smile and walk out to more yelling from other sources. 

Yelling, crying, pass out. Wake up and smile

 Every day

All day

No break. Becahse the second you break there gonna yell at you. And yelling is bad. 

Am I talking to me, you, or past me? I don't know anymore. I can't deal with this! I don't know why! I should be happy! What's there to be sad about?

I don't even know amymore. Other then I gotta stay alive. That's all

 Stay alive. Ok? Stay alive for little me, my friends, my family. 

Sorry if that was hard to follow. I just, *sigh* brain barf? I dunno.

Now it's 12:53

Edited March 26, 2025 by Hawks

[Cookie Spren]

14 minutes ago, Hawks said:

Mmm is 12:36 and I cannot sleep

  Reveal hidden contents

Dyall ever look at your life and see that your reverting to old ways? Now normally that'd be fine but your scared of how you used to be and don't want to go back. So in an attempt to break it you drowned out life in music. But that doesn't help. 

It's like a constant record playing in your head

Every mistake

Every moment

Just going at once. And no matter how loud you blare your music. No matter how much you write in a journal. It doesn't work. 

Everyone says it'll help but you try

And try

And try

But nothing. 

But you can't say that

Its mean

We can't be mean

We are supposed to be that nice Lil girl who is the best smart girl. 

But instead your what you said you'd never be. 

You look at your little self and say sorry

Sorry for killing you. Sorry for ruining us. Sorry. For. Everything. I wish I could protect her. The little girl who just wanted to play heros with her friends. Bayblade battles on the swing. Seeing who could run fastest. Helping friends. Being able to walk to friends houses. It's gone now. So is your innocence. That's what we call it now, the move that changed everything. 

Now your me. And that's bad. 

But again we can't be bad. Because everyone expects us to be good. Regardless of how much we want to. Your gonna go through your day wanting to say this or do that. But can't because even your best friends will say "thats not normal for you" 

Sometimes i ridicule past me. But that's because I miss them. Even when I hate them. Because they might not have been happy at home. But. They had a different life that I long for now. 

So I listen to my music. Trying to stop old habits. Trying to stop the brain. Until smart shuffle brings up a few old songs. The ones you cried to. But now. You cry for another reason. I mourn you. Why does it always go back to the past. 

Whats the way to get my brain to shut up! These thoughts scare me! Because when they get to big, I imagine it. Tsking my mom's gun. Then bang. End it. But it stops before then because I have to stay alive I have to be strong for someone else. Like citizen soldier says. I imagine people alone with my ghost. Then I realize the only reason I'm here js others. Had sprout not have befriended me id have pulled the trigger years ago. 

And you can't mention that to anyone because nope. Your the happy one. Always have been. But internally you were dying the whole time. You would scream yourself to death at night and in the morning you'd smile and walk out to more yelling from other sources. 

Yelling, crying, pass out. Wake up and smile

 Every day

All day

No break. Becahse the second you break there gonna yell at you. And yelling is bad. 

Am I talking to me, you, or past me? I don't know anymore. I can't deal with this! I don't know why! I should be happy! What's there to be sad about?

I don't even know amymore. Other then I gotta stay alive. That's all

 Stay alive. Ok? Stay alive for little me, my friends, my family. 

Sorry if that was hard to follow. I just, *sigh* brain barf? I dunno.

Now it's 12:53

It's 1:07 over here.

[Keke They/he]

3 minutes ago, The Sly Cookie said:

It's 1:07 over here.

*sobs in hating life*

I know

I hate everything rn

TIME STOP PLEASE

IM HAVING A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS!

*sobs again in why djd i post that long rant*

Edited March 26, 2025 by Hawks

[Cookie Spren]

Just now, Hawks said:

*sobs in hating life*

I know

I hate everything rb

TIME STOP PLEASE

IM HAVING A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS!

*sobs again in why djd i post that long rant*

If you remember my short story I wrote, it talks just all about this. I totally get you, I know how you feel. Just here to let you know, you're not alone.