Mental health club!

[𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖊]

48 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

*hugs*

*hits with sleepy stick*

...

...

.....

*clears throat and mutters "I slept from 3am to 4am the other night."*

 

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No hit Whirtle with stick.

Spoiler

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Spoiler

Spoiler

Please.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Keke They/he]

26 minutes ago, 𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖊 said:

...

...

.....

*clears throat and mutters "I slept from 3am to 4am the other night."*

 

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No hit Whirtle with stick.

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Please.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*forced sleep*

[𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖊]

4 minutes ago, Hawks said:

*forced sleep*

I DON"T NEED SLEEP. I'M RUNNING ON THE SUGAR FROM TWO POUNDS OF DRIED PINEAPPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Through the Living Wrath he/him]

1 minute ago, 𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖊 said:

I DON"T NEED SLEEP. I'M RUNNING ON THE SUGAR FROM TWO POUNDS OF DRIED PINEAPPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well

im not

[echo74 she/her]

15 hours ago, Hawks said:

Mmm is 12:36 and I cannot sleep

  Reveal hidden contents

Dyall ever look at your life and see that your reverting to old ways? Now normally that'd be fine but your scared of how you used to be and don't want to go back. So in an attempt to break it you drowned out life in music. But that doesn't help. 

It's like a constant record playing in your head

Every mistake

Every moment

Just going at once. And no matter how loud you blare your music. No matter how much you write in a journal. It doesn't work. 

Everyone says it'll help but you try

And try

And try

But nothing. 

But you can't say that

Its mean

We can't be mean

We are supposed to be that nice Lil girl who is the best smart girl. 

But instead your what you said you'd never be. 

You look at your little self and say sorry

Sorry for killing you. Sorry for ruining us. Sorry. For. Everything. I wish I could protect her. The little girl who just wanted to play heros with her friends. Bayblade battles on the swing. Seeing who could run fastest. Helping friends. Being able to walk to friends houses. It's gone now. So is your innocence. That's what we call it now, the move that changed everything. 

Now your me. And that's bad. 

But again we can't be bad. Because everyone expects us to be good. Regardless of how much we want to. Your gonna go through your day wanting to say this or do that. But can't because even your best friends will say "thats not normal for you" 

Sometimes i ridicule past me. But that's because I miss them. Even when I hate them. Because they might not have been happy at home. But. They had a different life that I long for now. 

So I listen to my music. Trying to stop old habits. Trying to stop the brain. Until smart shuffle brings up a few old songs. The ones you cried to. But now. You cry for another reason. I mourn you. Why does it always go back to the past. 

Whats the way to get my brain to shut up! These thoughts scare me! Because when they get to big, I imagine it. Tsking my mom's gun. Then bang. End it. But it stops before then because I have to stay alive I have to be strong for someone else. Like citizen soldier says. I imagine people alone with my ghost. Then I realize the only reason I'm here js others. Had sprout not have befriended me id have pulled the trigger years ago. 

And you can't mention that to anyone because nope. Your the happy one. Always have been. But internally you were dying the whole time. You would scream yourself to death at night and in the morning you'd smile and walk out to more yelling from other sources. 

Yelling, crying, pass out. Wake up and smile

 Every day

All day

No break. Becahse the second you break there gonna yell at you. And yelling is bad. 

Am I talking to me, you, or past me? I don't know anymore. I can't deal with this! I don't know why! I should be happy! What's there to be sad about?

I don't even know amymore. Other then I gotta stay alive. That's all

 Stay alive. Ok? Stay alive for little me, my friends, my family. 

Sorry if that was hard to follow. I just, *sigh* brain barf? I dunno.

Now it's 12:53

yeah i know the feeling

you've come along way, but life's still hard and crap still happens

you cry for the little girl who died bc of it

but hawks you are so strong

i'm proud of you for surviving

14 hours ago, Hawks said:

*sobs in hating life*

I know

I hate everything rn

TIME STOP PLEASE

IM HAVING A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS!

*sobs again in why djd i post that long rant*

*hugs*

but now you've got it off your chest

and that;s important

6 hours ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

I’m terrified of this happening to someone I care about 

  Reveal hidden contents

A friend has attempted it, but I think she’s doing better now

  Reveal hidden contents

my girlfriend has attempted it multiple times 

and I’m scared of losing them

In English we have a non-fiction book club and I picked a more tame book 

main reason is that I’ve wanted to read it for a long time 

the other is that many of the other books are more serious 

and one of them 

I didn’t even try to read 

I read the back panel and it just 

it’s about a girl committing suicide and

I

can’t read that

a part of me didn’t even want to read your post

but I did it anyways because I care too much about the random online people on this forum to listen to that segment of my consciousness 

 

on another note… 

(cw: violence) 

  Reveal hidden contents

I’m scared 

of myself 

of others 

of the world 

just now was the second time in two weeks when I’ve had someone hit my backpack or instrument case while they’re on my back. 

on Monday, two of my friends were talking crap about me and insulting me while I could here but I don’t know if they knew I could hear them 

and my mind just 

flashed to an image of me attacking with my water bottle and it scared me 

  Reveal hidden contents

it was worse than that but I’m taming it down because internet

I don’t know what to do 

I’m stressing over schoolwork and relationships and stuff 

and I’m slipping again 

people can tell 

and that’s really not good 

I try to avoid that but right now… 

I don’t know what to do 

it’s honestly funny to me that I can hide what I’m feeling from my close friends and family better than I can hide it from less good friends. 

(Not including gf in this because she knew because A. she could tell, and B. I told her

 

yeah, i feel the same way

it's really scary

*hugs*

i'm sorry

that feeling's awful

*squeeze*

6 hours ago, Mag said:

no cause I'm lowkey having an anxiety attack

but I can't get out of class because there's a participation based lab today

sjfa;klsdfj;alskdjfaklsdjflsdfjl

I'll just cry during biology I guess

*HUG*

4 hours ago, Mag said:

Thanks for the hugs everybody

I'm feeling less awful but

Some people from the nearby university came to the class to direct our lab, because it's a bit more complicated. So it's this professor guy and an assistant, and they helped us to the lab.

BUT THE ASSISTANT was like gENUINELY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON I HAVE EVER SEEN?? She was wearing a waistcoat, slacks and a white tie under her lab coat? And she had the most beautiful auburn curls I have ever seen???? She was gorgeous?? And her voice was so soothing??

Her aura was so incredible that it shocked me out of my morning existential crisis. Like, life still sucks but HOLY CRAP I CAN ONLY ASPIRE TO BE THAT CLASSY AND THAT BEAUTIFUL ALKSJDF:LKJSD:LKFJS:LDKFJ

I'm actually so speechless I'm never gonna forget her.

plot twist???

24 minutes ago, 𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖊 said:

...

...

.....

*clears throat and mutters "I slept from 3am to 4am the other night."*

 

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No hit Whirtle with stick.

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Please.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GO BED

GO BED NOW

[Shatter He/Him]

[echo74 she/her]

9 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

i'm at a 3 rn

i'm so freaking. tird tho

my eyes are closing as i wrte this post

might skip youth activity tn and sleep

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

15 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

A 3!

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

1 hour ago, 𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖊 said:

I DON"T NEED SLEEP. I'M RUNNING ON THE SUGAR FROM TWO POUNDS OF DRIED PINEAPPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. . . the plural concerns me

 

 

 

 

THE PINEAPPLES RULE ALLLLLLLLLLL

15 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

prolly a 6-7

[Existential]

1 hour ago, 𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖊 said:

I DON"T NEED SLEEP. I'M RUNNING ON THE SUGAR FROM TWO POUNDS OF DRIED PINEAPPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…

I’m not sure if I believe that

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

28 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

Hey I recognize that scale 
Probably a 2

[Keke They/he]

2 hours ago, 𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖊 said:

I DON"T NEED SLEEP. I'M RUNNING ON THE SUGAR FROM TWO POUNDS OF DRIED PINEAPPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANNA BE SANE BUT I CANT MAKE MY TEXT BIG

GGGIIIVVVEEEE MMMMMEEEEE SSSSAAAANNNNIIITTTTYYYYY

2 hours ago, echo74 said:

yeah i know the feeling

you've come along way, but life's still hard and crap still happens

you cry for the little girl who died bc of it

but hawks you are so strong

i'm proud of you for surviving

*hugs*

but now you've got it off your chest

and that;s important

yeah, i feel the same way

it's really scary

*hugs*

i'm sorry

that feeling's awful

*squeeze*

*HUG*

plot twist???

GO BED

GO BED NOW

*hugs*

Thanks

1 hour ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

Is 11 a number?

Or 13

1 hour ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

Hey I recognize that scale 
Probably a 2

Bruhhh

How..

Oh nm ur on vacation pfft

Two more days

Two more

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

7 minutes ago, Hawks said:

11 a number?

Or 13

*Hugs*

[Keke They/he]

5 minutes ago, Hoid_Slayer said:

*Hugs*

*hugs. Passes out before can hug u*

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

6 minutes ago, Hawks said:

*hugs. Passes out before can hug u*

NOOOOOOO!

*rushes over and catches you*

[Keke They/he]

Just now, Hoid_Slayer said:

NOOOOOOO!

*rushes over and catches you*

*zzzzzzzzzzz*

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

6 minutes ago, Hawks said:

*zzzzzzzzzzz*

*carries you over to your bed*

There we go

[Keke They/he]

Just now, Hoid_Slayer said:

*carries you over to your bed*

There we go

*grabs stuffed animal* zzzzzzzz

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

21 hours ago, Hawks said:

Mmm is 12:36 and I cannot sleep

  Hide contents

Dyall ever look at your life and see that your reverting to old ways? Now normally that'd be fine but your scared of how you used to be and don't want to go back. So in an attempt to break it you drowned out life in music. But that doesn't help. 

It's like a constant record playing in your head

Every mistake

Every moment

Just going at once. And no matter how loud you blare your music. No matter how much you write in a journal. It doesn't work. 

Everyone says it'll help but you try

And try

And try

But nothing. 

But you can't say that

Its mean

We can't be mean

We are supposed to be that nice Lil girl who is the best smart girl. 

But instead your what you said you'd never be. 

You look at your little self and say sorry

Sorry for killing you. Sorry for ruining us. Sorry. For. Everything. I wish I could protect her. The little girl who just wanted to play heros with her friends. Bayblade battles on the swing. Seeing who could run fastest. Helping friends. Being able to walk to friends houses. It's gone now. So is your innocence. That's what we call it now, the move that changed everything. 

Now your me. And that's bad. 

But again we can't be bad. Because everyone expects us to be good. Regardless of how much we want to. Your gonna go through your day wanting to say this or do that. But can't because even your best friends will say "thats not normal for you" 

Sometimes i ridicule past me. But that's because I miss them. Even when I hate them. Because they might not have been happy at home. But. They had a different life that I long for now. 

So I listen to my music. Trying to stop old habits. Trying to stop the brain. Until smart shuffle brings up a few old songs. The ones you cried to. But now. You cry for another reason. I mourn you. Why does it always go back to the past. 

Whats the way to get my brain to shut up! These thoughts scare me! Because when they get to big, I imagine it. Tsking my mom's gun. Then bang. End it. But it stops before then because I have to stay alive I have to be strong for someone else. Like citizen soldier says. I imagine people alone with my ghost. Then I realize the only reason I'm here js others. Had sprout not have befriended me id have pulled the trigger years ago. 

And you can't mention that to anyone because nope. Your the happy one. Always have been. But internally you were dying the whole time. You would scream yourself to death at night and in the morning you'd smile and walk out to more yelling from other sources. 

Yelling, crying, pass out. Wake up and smile

 Every day

All day

No break. Becahse the second you break there gonna yell at you. And yelling is bad. 

Am I talking to me, you, or past me? I don't know anymore. I can't deal with this! I don't know why! I should be happy! What's there to be sad about?

I don't even know amymore. Other then I gotta stay alive. That's all

 Stay alive. Ok? Stay alive for little me, my friends, my family. 

Sorry if that was hard to follow. I just, *sigh* brain barf? I dunno.

Now it's 12:53

*hugs*

*more hugs*

20 hours ago, Hawks said:

Danke.

Thank you

That means thanks...

Sprichst du noch Deutsch, oder war das nur Google Translate?

12 hours ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

I’m terrified of this happening to someone I care about 

  Reveal hidden contents

A friend has attempted it, but I think she’s doing better now

  Reveal hidden contents

my girlfriend has attempted it multiple times 

and I’m scared of losing them

In English we have a non-fiction book club and I picked a more tame book 

main reason is that I’ve wanted to read it for a long time 

the other is that many of the other books are more serious 

and one of them 

I didn’t even try to read 

I read the back panel and it just 

it’s about a girl committing suicide and

I

can’t read that

a part of me didn’t even want to read your post

but I did it anyways because I care too much about the random online people on this forum to listen to that segment of my consciousness 

 

on another note… 

(cw: violence) 

  Reveal hidden contents

I’m scared 

of myself 

of others 

of the world 

just now was the second time in two weeks when I’ve had someone hit my backpack or instrument case while they’re on my back. 

on Monday, two of my friends were talking crap about me and insulting me while I could here but I don’t know if they knew I could hear them 

and my mind just 

flashed to an image of me attacking with my water bottle and it scared me 

  Reveal hidden contents

it was worse than that but I’m taming it down because internet

I don’t know what to do 

I’m stressing over schoolwork and relationships and stuff 

and I’m slipping again 

people can tell 

and that’s really not good 

I try to avoid that but right now… 

I don’t know what to do 

it’s honestly funny to me that I can hide what I’m feeling from my close friends and family better than I can hide it from less good friends. 

(Not including gf in this because she knew because A. she could tell, and B. I told her

 

*hugs*

12 hours ago, Mag said:

no cause I'm lowkey having an anxiety attack

but I can't get out of class because there's a participation based lab today

sjfa;klsdfj;alskdjfaklsdjflsdfjl

I'll just cry during biology I guess

*hugs*

4 hours ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

Just dropped to a 9

Spoiler

Romantic rant/issues rant

My brain hates me again. Context first: I have horrible luck with crushes. Literally every person I’ve ever had a crush on isn’t interested in guys, is aroace, or is already dating someone. Like why

So that doesn’t help my mood a lot of days. Then there is my general sense of self-hatred and the knowledge/assumption that: a) nobody likes me except a few people who don’t fully know me and b) anybody who is my friend is only my friend for some higher purpose, i.e. they want something and will use me to get it. Plus, I have severe trust issues that really lead me to not believe when said friends try to convince me otherwise. Logically, I know all this is (probably) false, but I can’t convince my instincts of that.

(That’s why I put things in spoiler boxes—‘cause I assume nobody really reads them and I don’t want to clutter the page more)

So I’ve once again been analyzing the actions of those around me and driving myself crazy trying to figure out what they want. Yeah solid 9

 

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

23 minutes ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

*hugs*

*more hugs*

Sprichst du noch Deutsch, oder war das nur Google Translate?

*hugs*

*hugs*

Just dropped to a 9

  Reveal hidden contents

Romantic rant/issues rant

My brain hates me again. Context first: I have horrible luck with crushes. Literally every person I’ve ever had a crush on isn’t interested in guys, is aroace, or is already dating someone. Like why

So that doesn’t help my mood a lot of days. Then there is my general sense of self-hatred and the knowledge/assumption that: a) nobody likes me except a few people who don’t fully know me and b) anybody who is my friend is only my friend for some higher purpose, i.e. they want something and will use me to get it. Plus, I have severe trust issues that really lead me to not believe when said friends try to convince me otherwise. Logically, I know all this is (probably) false, but I can’t convince my instincts of that.

(That’s why I put things in spoiler boxes—‘cause I assume nobody really reads them and I don’t want to clutter the page more)

So I’ve once again been analyzing the actions of those around me and driving myself crazy trying to figure out what they want. Yeah solid 9

 

*squeeze*

I'm sorry

We do read them, y'know

And we care

That sounds really hard

Having trust issues with your friends like that

I'm sorry 

[Existential]

We’re doing this again I guess

i’m spoilering it for possible length

Spoiler

Guys I don’t know what to do. Glass knows my current place in everything I’m about to say, and I know what she’ll say to all this. 
 

I don’t know if I can finish out tech this year. I’m so tired. I’m depressed when I go, and overwhelmed when I’m there. I’ve been stressed out of my mind and had a full mental breakdown last week. I didn’t want to, I just… I fell apart. If you know me, you know I don’t cry. Like ever. It’s very rare to see. I'm just so sick of people having me do their crap for them, to have to teach people that don't listen, or clean up after those who won't do it themselves. Last night I was doing jobs on my own that normally take 2-4 people, and I was just angry cause every time I asked for help I was blown off or our TD put them somewhere else. Eventually I just said I'd do it myself. I was angry when I drove home, but calmed down a bit while ranting to the TD about said thing, and he was constantly told that person needed a job that I asked for help from. Like I get that, but I'm still annoyed. I'm now here, laying  in bed, with my wrist wrapped in bandages and my knee bumming out, and stressing knowing I have to go to the dr and go to work tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday. 

 

I just need any advice at this point. Even if you tell me to quit tech, which I am seriously considering.I actually happen to like my job (sometimes) and don't want to quit right now. I couldn't afford too anyway. just anything you can give would be great. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

 

1 minute ago, Dabi said:

We’re doing this again I guess

i’m spoilering it for possible length

  Hide contents

  Hide contents

Guys I don’t know what to do. Glass knows my current place in everything I’m about to say, and I know what she’ll say to all this. 
 

I don’t know if I can finish out tech this year. I’m so tired. I’m depressed when I go, and overwhelmed when I’m there. I’ve been stressed out of my mind and had a full mental breakdown last week. I didn’t want to, I just… I fell apart. If you know me, you know I don’t cry. Like ever. It’s very rare to see. I'm just so sick of people having me do their crap for them, to have to teach people that don't listen, or clean up after those who won't do it themselves. Last night I was doing jobs on my own that normally take 2-4 people, and I was just angry cause every time I asked for help I was blown off or our TD put them somewhere else. Eventually I just said I'd do it myself. I was angry when I drove home, but calmed down a bit while ranting to the TD about said thing, and he was constantly told that person needed a job that I asked for help from. Like I get that, but I'm still annoyed. I'm now here, laying  in bed, with my wrist wrapped in bandages and my knee bumming out, and stressing knowing I have to go to the dr and go to work tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday. 

 

I just need any advice at this point. Even if you tell me to quit tech, which I am seriously considering.I actually happen to like my job (sometimes) and don't want to quit right now. I couldn't afford too anyway. just anything you can give would be great. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

 

Edit: idk why it's double spoilered, my b I guess

30 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

*squeeze*

I'm sorry

We do read them, y'know

And we care

That sounds really hard

Having trust issues with your friends like that

I'm sorry 

also

*bear hugs*

Edited March 27, 2025 by Dabi

[Bird Furious she/her/un/important]

Sorry to everyone I don’t have the energy to hug 

Spoiler

I generally don’t post my stuff on this thread; usually I just put it in an SU because I don’t know. But 

here we are anyway 

it was dark, as it often is at night. There was a light waaaay off in the distance, barely visible. It was surrounded by a crushingly long, dark black tunnel. Impossibly long. I didn’t even want to try moving toward it. What would the point be? I’d probably never get there, and almost all that time would be spent blindly blundering in painful darkness. Even if I reached the light, would that tiny amount of time make up for anything? Would I just be flung into a new tunnel anyway? 

I moved toward it and reached it in a matter of seconds. The light was, in truth, not small because of distance, but small because of its size. It was a light on the air purifier— tiny, negligible, worthless against the surrounding darkness.

That’s what it feels like. 

So I’m left wondering, how much darkness does it take before it stops being worth it? 

Will I ever look back and wish I’d never lived to be older just to be spared the pain? 

Is there more light waiting that I can’t see? Out of reach, behind the walls, hidden somewhere in my own head? Or blood? Will I ever find it?

Will I EVER banish this tunnel I keep finding myself in? 

Why do I have to do it all alone? 

Thanks if you read that, hugs either way 

may your tunnels be short, friends 

[Wittles he/him]

It's been one of those weeks where I just really hate how I look. 

I just really hate my stupid face

and my hair

and my everything else

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

4 hours ago, Wittles said:

It's been one of those weeks where I just really hate how I look. 

I just really hate my stupid face

and my hair

and my everything else

*hugs* I feel that *gigantic hugs*

7 hours ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

*hugs*

*more hugs*

Sprichst du noch Deutsch, oder war das nur Google Translate?

*hugs*

*hugs*

Just dropped to a 9

  Reveal hidden contents

Romantic rant/issues rant

My brain hates me again. Context first: I have horrible luck with crushes. Literally every person I’ve ever had a crush on isn’t interested in guys, is aroace, or is already dating someone. Like why

So that doesn’t help my mood a lot of days. Then there is my general sense of self-hatred and the knowledge/assumption that: a) nobody likes me except a few people who don’t fully know me and b) anybody who is my friend is only my friend for some higher purpose, i.e. they want something and will use me to get it. Plus, I have severe trust issues that really lead me to not believe when said friends try to convince me otherwise. Logically, I know all this is (probably) false, but I can’t convince my instincts of that.

(That’s why I put things in spoiler boxes—‘cause I assume nobody really reads them and I don’t want to clutter the page more)

So I’ve once again been analyzing the actions of those around me and driving myself crazy trying to figure out what they want. Yeah solid 9

 

*hugs*…*another hug for funziez* as one of your friends I promise none of those things are true we aren’t using you… I hope we aren’t using you we certainly aren’t trying to and I will have you know I at least like you quite a bit oh and while we’re at it I don’t know if I have thanked you for like everything you’ve done for me this week it’s seriously meant a lot and been rlly helpful 

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

8 hours ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

13 hours ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

Just dropped to a 9

  Hide contents

Romantic rant/issues rant

My brain hates me again. Context first: I have horrible luck with crushes. Literally every person I’ve ever had a crush on isn’t interested in guys, is aroace, or is already dating someone. Like why

So that doesn’t help my mood a lot of days. Then there is my general sense of self-hatred and the knowledge/assumption that: a) nobody likes me except a few people who don’t fully know me and b) anybody who is my friend is only my friend for some higher purpose, i.e. they want something and will use me to get it. Plus, I have severe trust issues that really lead me to not believe when said friends try to convince me otherwise. Logically, I know all this is (probably) false, but I can’t convince my instincts of that.

(That’s why I put things in spoiler boxes—‘cause I assume nobody really reads them and I don’t want to clutter the page more)

So I’ve once again been analyzing the actions of those around me and driving myself crazy trying to figure out what they want. Yeah solid 9

Oof

Well, I’m not using you for a higher purpose. And I’m sorry you feel like that.

Spoiler

I struggle with something similar, but completely different at the same time. I don’t think my friends are using me; quite the opposite, they’re trying to be good friends, but I just can’t… let them in. I feel like I don’t fit in with them. Like I’m the imposter. In a few weeks, my family is going to Lima to visit our family and old friends (we used to live there until like six months ago). My sister is ecstatic; she cried when she had to leave her friends. But me… I’m just indifferent. I feel like I should care, but I don’t really. I’ve just never really been that close with my friends. Ever. 

7 hours ago, Dabi said:

We’re doing this again I guess

i’m spoilering it for possible length

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  Reveal hidden contents

Guys I don’t know what to do. Glass knows my current place in everything I’m about to say, and I know what she’ll say to all this. 
 

I don’t know if I can finish out tech this year. I’m so tired. I’m depressed when I go, and overwhelmed when I’m there. I’ve been stressed out of my mind and had a full mental breakdown last week. I didn’t want to, I just… I fell apart. If you know me, you know I don’t cry. Like ever. It’s very rare to see. I'm just so sick of people having me do their crap for them, to have to teach people that don't listen, or clean up after those who won't do it themselves. Last night I was doing jobs on my own that normally take 2-4 people, and I was just angry cause every time I asked for help I was blown off or our TD put them somewhere else. Eventually I just said I'd do it myself. I was angry when I drove home, but calmed down a bit while ranting to the TD about said thing, and he was constantly told that person needed a job that I asked for help from. Like I get that, but I'm still annoyed. I'm now here, laying  in bed, with my wrist wrapped in bandages and my knee bumming out, and stressing knowing I have to go to the dr and go to work tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday. 

 

I just need any advice at this point. Even if you tell me to quit tech, which I am seriously considering.I actually happen to like my job (sometimes) and don't want to quit right now. I couldn't afford too anyway. just anything you can give would be great. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

 

Edit: idk why it's double spoilered, my b I guess

also

*bear hugs*

*bear hugs back*

We’re here for you. No matter what. If it’s hurting you so much, maybe you should drop it. And if you choose not to, then you definitely have to keep complaining. Make your voice heard. But most importantly, take care of yourself.

6 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

Sorry to everyone I don’t have the energy to hug 

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I generally don’t post my stuff on this thread; usually I just put it in an SU because I don’t know. But 

here we are anyway 

it was dark, as it often is at night. There was a light waaaay off in the distance, barely visible. It was surrounded by a crushingly long, dark black tunnel. Impossibly long. I didn’t even want to try moving toward it. What would the point be? I’d probably never get there, and almost all that time would be spent blindly blundering in painful darkness. Even if I reached the light, would that tiny amount of time make up for anything? Would I just be flung into a new tunnel anyway? 

I moved toward it and reached it in a matter of seconds. The light was, in truth, not small because of distance, but small because of its size. It was a light on the air purifier— tiny, negligible, worthless against the surrounding darkness.

That’s what it feels like. 

So I’m left wondering, how much darkness does it take before it stops being worth it? 

Will I ever look back and wish I’d never lived to be older just to be spared the pain? 

Is there more light waiting that I can’t see? Out of reach, behind the walls, hidden somewhere in my own head? Or blood? Will I ever find it?

Will I EVER banish this tunnel I keep finding myself in? 

Why do I have to do it all alone? 

Thanks if you read that, hugs either way 

may your tunnels be short, friends 

*hugs tight*

You are right about a lot of things. But not everything.

That small, tiny light? It does matter. Because at its heart, waiting to be unleashed, is a little fire. A fire that can light countless more. Light the fire. And it will be infinitely worth it.

When you look back, you will see the pain. And the darkness. But you will also see the light. All the lights that you lit. The fire you carried. And that you will not regret.

Will you banish the tunnel? Maybe not. The tunnel will always be there. But it will be lit.

And you will not have to walk it alone.