The Worst Cosmere Reading Order

[ElectrumSavant he/him]

I've heard some different takes on the best Cosmere reading order in the past and wondered what the worst Cosmere reading order would be. (Of course, the real worst way to read the Cosmere would be to read White Sand Volume 1 30 times and nothing else, but I'm assuming that you want to read every Cosmere book and short story). I mapped out which books and novellas spoil other ones, then used that to create this Optimally Bad Reading Order:

 

1. The Sunlit Man
2. Rhythm of War
3. Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell
4. Dawnshard
5. The Lost Metal
6. The Emperor’s Soul
7. Tress of the Emerald Sea
8. The Hope of Elantris
9. Yumi and the Nightmare Painter
10. Elantris
11. The Bands of Mourning
12. Oathbringer
13. Shadows of Self
14. Edgedancer
15. The Alloy of Law
16. Words of Radiance
17. Allomancer Jak and the Pits of Eltania
18. Warbreaker
19. Mistborn: Secret History
20. The Way of Kings
21. The Hero of Ages
22. White Sand
23. The Well of Ascension
24. Sixth of the Dusk
25. The Final Empire
26. The Eleventh Metal

This reading order has two guiding principles: first, every potential plot and worldbuilding twist that can be spoiled, should be spoiled. Second, series should be broken up whenever possible. The goal is that readers should be as confused and frustrated as possible, forgetting characters' names and motivations while being unable to forget relevant future plot twists that completely drain the narrative tension of the spoiled books.

[Treamayne]

33 minutes ago, ElectrumSavant said:

This reading order has two guiding principles: first, every potential plot and worldbuilding twist that can be spoiled, should be spoiled.

Mistborn Secret History has spoilers for Bands of Mourning, but you have it later than Bands. Alloy of Law has spoilers for Allomancer Jak, which you also have later. Shadows for Silence in the Forest of Hell is referenced in Mistborn Secret History and Oathbringer, but you also have that before either. 

[Quantus he/him]

If the goal is to leave the reader as confused as possible, I think we should sprinkle in any Prime versions that may become available.  

[RoyalBeeMage he/him]

i would also add aether of the night for extra confusion.

[Trusk'our he/him]

2 hours ago, RoyalBeeMage said:

i would also add aether of the night for extra confusion.

Tried reading that one and. . . Well, it's pretty inherently confusing, to say the least.

[Duxredux he/him]

On 8/14/2024 at 2:45 PM, Quantus said:

If the goal is to leave the reader as confused as possible, I think we should sprinkle in any Prime versions that may become available.  

Actually, one of the worst and rudest things you could do to both the reader and Brandon is have them not just get the Prime versions interspersed through the series, but to start with them. Brandon didn't think they were in a state to be published and did not go through the copyediting and line editing that he would have done for a solid publishable book. Nothing like showing a new reader the subpar, mediocre, unedited, no longer canon Cosmere.  

Next worst "reading" order is to spoil all of the best scenes in the Cosmere with barely any of the context because the person recommending the books is impatient for the reader to get through the story. Bonus points if you can describe them poorly when they are just barely getting invested into the characters and plot.