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6/10/24 - Ace of Hearts - Everlasting Sunset Sub 27, 3923 words (VL)


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Hi everyone,
 
We're back in A's PoV this time, with this chapter focusing on the buildup to the big midpoint crisis of the act. Not many other comments this time, so I'll cut myself off there. Thanks!
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Aha! Actually got to this one before a full week...

So it looks like we're getting everyone together for the big finish, but I feel this section drags a bit. There's a lot of walking a talking, and the villain is...stupid? A says it herself. I'm not really sure where it's going at this point, mainly because we don't know enough about the function of the government to know what's going on. G is almost a caricature, so I'm assuming she's going to get killed off or something soon. 

I wonder if combining this and the last couple chapters, with A learning about the factories, and then H picking her up directly from there might lend a bit more tension?

 

Notes while reading:

 

The first couple pages are a bit of "as you know Bob" with rehashing all the facts A learned. I think it's good to spell everything out here, just to keep things straight, but I wonder if they can be a bit smoother?

pg 2: "caused by the military complex"
--ok, didn't remember this part.

pg 6: I still never got a good idea of how the islands are set up. I'm not sure where these tunnels are in relation to anything else, or how close the city is to the beach where the soldiers were training.

pg 9: I wonder if there could be a little more emotion through here? A is chatting with the killer that's stalker her the last third of the book, and the creepy things he says are remarked on, but there's not any reaction from anyone.

pg 9: "What? M couldn’t drop that fact in such a casual way and expect the conversation to keep flowing."
--Exactly. A needs to know this now, which is why I think she would be a better character for the last couple chapters than X.

pg 11: but isn't H supposed to be a secret assassin? How is he taken as the model for masculinity?

pg 12: There's a lot of walking and talking about philosophy, but I feel we should have a little more tension here. We also dont't know anything about G, who is I assume leading the people in the coup against the queen. It would be good to see her before now.

pg 13: "Threatening? Smart? Competent? Yeah, all of the above."
--ah, yes. That's also the impression I'm getting. Could we have a tense scene with a more threatening person instead?

pg 15: Hm. Yeah, I'm not sure where this is going. The villain here doesn't seem very smart. Despite H being in the chapter, there wasn't that much tension. I want to react more to the ending than I am.

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