Nightwatcher Boon/Bane (Game)

[ScarletSabre he/him]

Granted! You stink with such a rancid, overpowering pudritity that it actually shows off around you in waves and whisps of green, the way it does in cartoons. This aroma aurora is beautiful and captivating, and brings a tear to the eye of the most jaded and cynical fool, even moreso than your stench itself. You still, however, stink.

I wish for a White Lantern Ring

[Jehoiada he/him]

Granted, but it brings no power.

I wish for 500$ to show up in my wallet every day.

[1st of Lunch he/him]

1 hour ago, Jehoiada said:

Granted, but it brings no power.

I wish for 500$ to show up in my wallet every day.

Granted, but you lose your wallet forever.

 

I wish I was a powerful Rithmatist Epic.

[Comatose he/him]

Granted but chalk is your weakness.  

 

Nightwatcher, give me increased focus and productivity. 

[Apollyon he/him]

Granted, but your focus and productivity is directed only at procrastination. You now procrastinate with purpose and diligence.

I wish procrastination wasn't existent.

[Jehoiada he/him]

Granted, but not only does procrastination not exist relaxation does not either thus everyone works all the time with no rest and the entire population die.

Wow that was dark I'm sorry

I wish that the population doesn't die

[Ink he/him]

Granted, but they are now zombies

I wish for a rocket.

Edited May 10, 2018 by Inklingspren

[Jehoiada he/him]

Granted, but you can only fly to a place never back.

I wish for a self-sustaining zoo

[Apollyon he/him]

Granted, but they sustain themselves via the visitors by eating them. 

I wish my koloss blade and awakened paperweight could get along for once...

[Jehoiada he/him]

Granted, but you have to be holding them both to bring peace

I wish for and an awakened dagger

[Apollyon he/him]

Granted, but it’s awakened with the command ‘Kill me’. Unfortunately, you happened to be the one awakening it.

I wish for the third most invested object in the Cosmere.

[Kidpen he/him]

Granted. However, the first and second most are taken from you. I hope you enjoy your doll with the command "Be creepy"!

I wish for a doll with the command "Be creepy"

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

12 minutes ago, Kidpen said:

I wish for a doll with the command "Be creepy"

Granted, the Nightwatcher hands you one of the human versions of the My Little Pony dolls (It happens to be Apple Jack, wearing a mini-skirt with embroidered stalks of wheat and strawberries).

The Nightwatcher cackles sadistically as you walk away with your creepy doll and wonder what your bane is.

Later that night, you are awoken by strange sounds. Investigating the noises, you find your awakened doll sitting at your computer, eating from a bowl filled with green army soldiers and Lego mini-figures and reading Breibart and the Drudge report. 

Reeling back in horror you gasp involuntarily, her head rotates 180 degrees, and she looks at you with a Lego arm sticking out of her mouth and smiles knowlingly.

The next day, you find a note written by your creepy doll that tells you she has left to pursue her life long ambition.

Sighing in relief, you crumple the note, relieved to put that unpleasantness behind you.

Two weeks later, while reading your morning paper, you are startled to see a picture of your creepy awakened doll on the front page.

"What have I done?", you wail as the full meaning of the headline sinks in.

"President Trump to appoint Creep Doll to the position of National Security Adviser"

I wish that I could have a photographic memory with complete recall of minute detail, as if time were frozen for a single moment and the detail existent in that moment could be recalled in perfect detail for as long as I chose to hold th e memory.

[Apollyon he/him]

Granted, but you never choose when to remember things. You end up stuck with a perfect recollection of a Cryptic’s patterns, driving you insane.

I wish for my paperweight from Silverlight and koloss blade to return to my ownership.

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

Granted, But they are set into a concrete block.

I wish for a house in Kholinar.

[Apollyon he/him]

Granted, but you get it during the

OB spoilers: 

Spoiler

Siege on kholinar, so it is promptly destroyed.

I wish to know what the third most invested object in the Cosmere is.

[Barbarian AL he/him]

Granted! You end up losing the wallet one hour after the money appears and are forced to bye a new wallet everyday. Not a bad price to pay, really.

I wish for a treadmill in my bedroom.

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

13 minutes ago, Apollyon said:

I wish to know what the third most invested object in the Cosmere is.

Granted, they are Hoid's awakened boxers. They have considerable land holdings on darks side Taldain (slums really, but they have beautiful luminescent ferns), and coincidentally they also owned the tenements in Kholinar that @ElephantEarwax used to live in before they were destroyed.

Forgot your bane... Now you have to wear these self same boxers until Hoid reveals whatever the Crem he is up to. Did I mention you had to wear them on your head?

9 minutes ago, Barbarian AL said:

I wish for a treadmill in my bedroom.

Granted, you now have 10 feet of treadmill in front of your bed, which by the way is the only way to reach your bed. In your Avengers pj's you walk towards your bed to tuck in for the night. But the treadmill automatically adjusts it's speed so that no matter your pace you are always mere inches from your bed. You sleep on the couch from now on.

I wish that wishes were fishes and we all had wings.

Edited May 11, 2018 by hoiditthroughthegrapevine

[Barbarian AL he/him]

1 minute ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Granted, they are Hoid's awakened boxers. They have considerable land holdings on darks side Taldain (slums really, but they have beautiful luminescent ferns), and coincidentally they also owned the tenements in Kholinar that @ElephantEarwax used to live in before they were destroyed.

Granted, you now have 10 feet of treadmill in front of your bed, which by the way is the only way to reach your bed. In your Avengers pj's you walk towards your bed to tuck in for the night. But the treadmill automatically adjusts it's speed so that no matter your pace you are always mere inches from your bed. You sleep on the couch from now on.

I wish that wishes were fishes and we all had wings.

Why have you doomed me so, my friend :'( ?

Granted! You have solved issues of world hunger as now the sky rains with fish whenever someone wishes for something, though we now live on a planet that stinks of fish. You have also solved the over population crises as people are now growing wings out of their backs and 50% of people do not survive the abrupt change in anatomy and die.

I wish to be one of those who survive so that I can cruise the skies with my new wings!

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

41 minutes ago, Barbarian AL said:

I wish to be one of those who survive so that I can cruise the skies with my new wings!

You did it! You survived the cataclysm and now can fly wherever you like, only problem is that with the exception of yourself, all of the interesting productive people of the world died in the cataclysm. Your favorite bagel shop is shuttered, all the people you liked at work have passed on, and only the dullards who cosplay as their favorite character from Everybody Loves Raymond (yep, they all pick Ray Ramano) are left.

Thankfully you can choose the Icarus solution and fly so high that you loose the ability to fly and crash lifeless into the sea below.

I wish that I could travel back to Rome (without any of the usual paradoxes of time travel that beset time travellers) to Rome on the day that Amelius Paullus had his triumph after his successful Macedonian campaign.

[Gancho Libre he/him]

Granted. This is not a paradox, but it is a one way trip.

I wish I had buffalo antlers.

Edited May 11, 2018 by Gancho Libre

[NoiseSpren he/him]

16 minutes ago, Gancho Libre said:

I wish I had buffalo antlers.

Granted, you now have big and cool buffalo antlers. But i think that your butt isn't the best place to have them...

 

I wish I had speaking mouse. Black and white speaking mouse.

 

[ScarletSabre he/him]

Granted, but your mouse can only speak in languages you yourself do not understand, and his lexicon consists mainly of words to do with cheese.

I wish I could fire Kamehamehas at will.

[NoiseSpren he/him]

5 minutes ago, ScarletSabre said:

I wish I could fire Kamehamehas at Will.

Granted, but all Wills are dead now.

[Kidpen he/him]

I wish NoiseSpren had asked a wish.