Travelling

[Bunyod]

Hi everybody. English is not my native language. Actually it is the third language I've learned. Therefore, please don't judge me harshly. I decided to use this thread as a means of writing some story. If you have time please correct my mistakes or add stuff where you seem necessary and where I put '...' in your answers. Then, I'll edit my entries to fix the problems. Of course, this thing may be short lived if I find out that I do not have any talent at all Anyways, thanks for your time.

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- "Mother, he is opening his eyes".

- "Thanks Heavens, my son is alive", said Marsha coming to the bedside where a youth was lying. He was of average height and sturdy. Strong muscles of his body indicated that he may have been a soldier.

- "Mother, you have to admit yourself, this is not your son. This is not my brother Mat, who was lost in open sea last year. Mother, please..." Adele couldn't continue, as tears poured from her eyes. She was worrying for her mother. Her mother once was a cheerful and delightful woman. This past year made her age very quickly making her look twenty years beyond her age. She was becoming more mournful day by day.

- "Adele, storms in the sea took my Mat. I know that, honey", said Marsha looking thoughtful. -"However, they gave me this boy. I think, this is not coincidence. Maybe my Mat's soul lives in him. Look at him Adele. Don't his eyes look like Mat's?" Adele made herself look at stranger whom villagers found three days ago almost lifeless near the shore. The youth lied helpless on the bed. Then, understanding of this situation struck her. Caring for this youth will help healing her mother's wounds.

Edited April 8, 2012 by Bunyod

[Zas678]

Okay, a few things.

One, it would be better if you pressed replace all your "-" with new paragraphs. In English, whenever you have someone different talking, you start a new paragraph. So the first paragraph would look like this:

- "Mother, he is opening his eyes".

- "Thanks Heavens, my son is alive", said Marsha coming to the bedside where a youth was lying. He was of average height and sturdy. Strong muscles of his body and several scars indicated that he may have been a soldier.

- "Mother, you have to admit yourself, this is not your son. This is not my brother Mat, who was lost in open sea last year. Mother, please..." Adell couldn't continue, as tears poured from her eyes. She was worrying for her mother. Her mother once was a cheerful and '...' woman. This past year made her age very quickly and now she looked twenty years beyond her age.

"..." could be filled with intelligent, as she may be going crazy, which means that before she was probably not crazy, or in other words, intelligent. And I know that intelligent isn't necessarily the opposite of crazy, but sane is too direct. You want something a little more subtle.

That being said, I look forward to the next section!

[firstRainbowRose]

Just to clarify, is this original fiction, or a fan fic?

[CrazyRioter]

also in the sentence "Doesn't his eyes look like Matt's" you want "don't" rather then "doesn't".

[Bunyod]

Thanks Zas and Rioter,

Just to clarify, is this original fiction, or a fan fic?

what's the difference?

[Windrunner]

A fanfic would contain characters, magic, plot elements, and/or setting from the work of another, most likely published author. You would write in their world, so to speak. An example would be if I started writing about Vin's adventures between Well of Ascension and Hero of Ages. An original work of fiction would contain all the things I mention above (plot, setting etc.) except they would all be an original work by you, and not contain any elements borrowed from other authors.

[Bunyod]

A fanfic would contain characters, magic, plot elements, and/or setting from the work of another, most likely published author. You would write in their world, so to speak. An example would be if I started writing about Vin's adventures between Well of Ascension and Hero of Ages. An original work of fiction would contain all the things I mention above (plot, setting etc.) except they would all be an original work by you, and not contain any elements borrowed from other authors.

This is original fiction. Sorry, I was having the difficulties with world creation. Therefore, I stopped writing. I have some questions to ask. Which would be best action by me?

1) First, draw the whole world map, assign races to map locations, depict main factions in writing, and have a quite good idea of how this whole fiction would start, develop and finish and then write it.

Or,

Having an idea how the whole thing would start and finish is enough?

2) Found out that creating the magic system is a whole lot of huge problem. Therefore, decided to minimize it by limiting destructive magic to magical items (artefacts, like shardblades) created long time ago. And allowing only the magic which heals living beings. Will it diminish the storyline?

The whole thing is a process. But hopefully, it will be done.

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- "Mother, he is opening his eyes".

- "Thanks Heavens, my son is alive", said Marsha coming to the bedside where a youth was lying. He was of average height and sturdy. Strong muscles of his body indicated that he may have been a soldier.

- "Mother, you have to admit yourself, this is not your son. This is not my brother Mat, who was lost in open sea last year. Mother, please..." Adele couldn't continue, as tears poured from her eyes. She was worrying for her mother. Her mother once was a cheerful and delightful woman. This past year made her age very quickly making her look twenty years beyond her age. She was becoming more mournful day by day.

- "Adele, storms in the sea took my Mat before he could fulfill his duty, I know that, honey", said Marsha looking thoughtful. -"However, they gave me this boy. I think, this is not coincidence. Maybe my Mat's soul lives in him. Look at him Adele. Don't his eyes look like Mat's?" Adele made herself look at a stranger whom villagers found three days ago almost lifeless near the shore. The youth lied helpless on the bed. Then, understanding of this situation struck her. Caring for this youth will help healing her mother's wounds.

-“Water, please” youth whispered while sitting up on his bed. Marsha gave him a cup and started brushing his hair with her gentle hands. – “What is your name, son? Do you need any help?”

-“My name is Barlas Darthoridian, as for help, I’d appreciate if you can let me stay with you”, started the youth, and he told Marsha and Adele his story. His mother was an elf and he never knew his father, but his features strongly suggested that his father was human so he decided to come to Griffin Empire and learn about humans.

Learning that this youth was half elf, Adele was a little bit shocked and several questions started circulating her head, but as soon as she opened he mouth, Marsha sternly looked at her and said with a smile –“Honey, let Barlas rest. You can ask your questions later. He is still tired. Barlas, my name is Marsha and this is my daughter Adele, we’ll be honored to have you as a dear guest.”

*******please feel free to correct me, and give me sugggestions if you think i need to change something************

Edited April 8, 2012 by Bunyod