TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 Listen Very Carefully, a Lightwards x Paleontology story: Nathan woke up tied to a chair again. He began to fight off panic. Had he been discovered? Had his cover been blown? After a moment, he realized that his "fellow" Epics also were each tied to chairs. The room was dark, but a single ominous spotlight revealed Lightwards, completely untied, standing near a chalkboard wearing professor get-up. "Most days I am your ally," the necromancer said with a sneer. "Today, however, I am your professor. It seems that you imbeciles are completely incapable of telling the difference between saurischian and ornithischian dinosaurs. It's a wonder you've survived as long as you have without this crucial information. As we are now allies, I cannot stand you not knowing these things. So listen very carefully. "The words 'saurischian' and 'ornithiscian' come from the Greek language, and respectively mean 'lizard-hipped' and 'bird-hipped.' It is simple to explain where the names come from. The skeletal structure of a saurischian's hip is most similar to modern lizards, whereas the hips of ornithischians were strongly reminiscent of modern birds. All dinosaurs fell into either one category or the other. "I do not expect you cretins to learn how to recognize the different types of hip on sight. With the flesh and feathers covering them up now, it would be difficult anyway. So instead, I will teach you a rule of thumb. All predatory dinosaurs, such as Carnotaurus and Coelophysis, belonged to the saurischian or lizard-hipped group. The majority of herbivorous dinosaurs possessed bird-like hips, and thus fell into the ornithischian class. "This rule of thumb is not perfect--the largest herbivores, the enormous, long-necked sauropods such as Brachiosaurus, were lizard-hipped saurischians. But they were the exception that proves the rule." Lightwards glared at them, the frustration in his eyes shimmering with a hint of madness. "I hope you were paying attention. Next week we describe the difference between plesiosaurs, pliosaurs, and pterosaurs." Which page is that taken from? Please standby for Purple Phoenix's lecture on the many and varied types of hat. Now I'm confused. Did Lightwards' lecture inspire Phoenix, or was it the other way around? 1
Voidus Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Now I'm confused. Did Lightwards' lecture inspire Phoenix, or was it the other way around? Never mind about petty things such as causality, hats are serious business!
Kobold King he/him Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Never mind about petty things such as causality, hats are serious business! People assume time is a strict progression from cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of... wibbly-wobbly, hatty-tatty... stuff. 2
Voidus Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 People assume time is a strict progression from cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of... wibbly-wobbly, hatty-tatty... stuff. See? Now this is someone who's been paying attention during Hats101 1
TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 Never mind about petty things such as causality, hats are serious business! Yes. Yes, they are. Srs bzns. People assume time is a strict progression from cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of... wibbly-wobbly, hatty-tatty... stuff. And now that everybody has one, we can move on to more important things. Like, how long did it take for Funtimes to turn every single rope in that "lecture hall" into Twinkies and Ding-Dongs? 1
Voidus Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 about 3 bowlers worth of time, according to the Hatty-Tatty model of non-linear time. 2
Kobold King he/him Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 And now that everybody has one, we can move on to more important things. Like, how long did it take for Funtimes to turn every single rope in that "lecture hall" into Twinkies and Ding-Dongs? Why would she do that? Lightwards makes learning fun for everybody. 1
TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 Why would she do that? Lightwards makes learning fun for everybody. Tying people to chairs=nonstop fun for everyone. Um…. No offense, but I think Lightwards needs to go through sensitivity training. He might get himself sued.
Kobold King he/him Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Tying people to chairs=nonstop fun for everyone. Um…. No offense, but I think Lightwards needs to go through sensitivity training. He might get himself sued. You sound like the old university president.
TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 You sound like the old university president. The old university president was a wise man.
Voidus Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 When tying people to a chair goes wrong an unexpected Funtimes lecture
TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 It includes an object lesson wherein she builds a life-size model of a T-rex out of Hostess Fruit Pies. 2
Kobold King he/him Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 When tying people to a chair goes wrong an unexpected Funtimes lecture Isn't everything Funtimes does unexpected? Also, a proposal for our new theme song. 1
TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 Isn't everything Funtimes does unexpected? Also, a proposal for our new theme song. Approved.
Voidus Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Isn't everything Funtimes does unexpected? Also, a proposal for our new theme song. Seconded
TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 It'll take Funtimes a few minutes to get everything in place, so it should be ready to launch here in a couple posts or so.
Voidus Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Good thing we killed Hotwire off, I'd hate to think what she could do with a motorised floating building
Kobold King he/him Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Approved. It popped into my head the second Funtimes made the candy-coated tank. Good thing we killed Hotwire off, I'd hate to think what she could do with a motorised floating building See? Dinosaurs are the ultimate problem solvers. 2
TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 It popped into my head the second Funtimes made the candy-coated tank. See? Dinosaurs are the ultimate problem solvers. I actually had a similar thought, but I was distracted by the shipping. I promised Kobold I would not ship Epic!Al/Dinosaur!Al. I promised. I must keep my promise. …. Can I borrow one? I'm, uh, kinda nervous about getting through grad school, and I'm not sure good grades are *ahem* entirely what they seem…. By the way, is Edge next? 1
Kobold King he/him Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 I actually had a similar thought, but I was distracted by the shipping. I promised Kobold I would not ship Epic!Al/Dinosaur!Al. I promised. I must keep my promise. Fight the good fight. By the way, is Edge next? I believe so. Pretty much I would do for my next turn is ask him to stop trashing the place, though. 1
Kobold King he/him Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 (edited) Double post, but I just wanted to point out to interested parties that General Zoi's pony creator has a newer version out with more choices and features. I haven't taken the time to look through it completely yet, but it looks pretty awesome! I look forward to creating a version of poor deceased Quickslide later, with what I see as the only logical cutie mark for such a man. Link: http://generalzoi.deviantart.com/art/Pony-Creator-v3-397808116 EDIT: It actually doesn't appear to allow custom cutie marks... for that you need the original. Oh well. Edited August 13, 2014 by Kobold King 2
TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 Double post, but I just wanted to point out to interested parties that General Zoi's pony creator has a newer version out with more choices and features. I haven't taken the time to look through it completely yet, but it looks pretty awesome! I look forward to creating a version of poor deceased Quickslide later, with what I see as the only logical cutie mark for such a man. Link: http://generalzoi.deviantart.com/art/Pony-Creator-v3-397808116 EDIT: It actually doesn't appear to allow custom cutie marks... for that you need the original. Oh well. His cutie mark is also a caution sign. Would it be speaking ill of the dead to say he would be angry to learn he was accidentally helpful? 1
Kobold King he/him Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 His cutie mark is also a caution sign. Would it be speaking ill of the dead to say he would be angry to learn he was accidentally helpful? He was helpful in many ways. In addition to his inadvertent "slippery floor" warnings, he also made excellent Allosaurus fodder. In fact, I'm pretty sure Purina's wanted some genetic samples from the guy for their new Purina's Dinosaur Chow line. 2
TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 He was helpful in many ways. In addition to his inadvertent "slippery floor" warnings, he also made excellent Allosaurus fodder. In fact, I'm pretty sure Purina's wanted some genetic samples from the guy for their new Purina's Dinosaur Chow line. I was going to express surprise that Purina not only survived the Epics, but also managed to make their company profitable, but this is apparently a world where McDonalds no longer exists, so expect the unexpected, I guess. And I guess it's also for the best that Quickslide died without ever knowing just how helpful he was.
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