BitBitio Posted May 2, 2018 Report Share Posted May 2, 2018 (edited) Post your funny, nice, uplifting, non insulting jokes here. Edited May 11, 2018 by BitBitio 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattig89ch Posted May 19, 2018 Report Share Posted May 19, 2018 are there such jokes out there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zelly Posted May 19, 2018 Report Share Posted May 19, 2018 1 What does a pepper do when it's angry? Spoiler It gets jalapeño face! 2 I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Spoiler Then it dawned on me. 3 Why do chicken coups always have two doors? Spoiler With four, they’d be chicken sedans. And finally, a classic once told to me by my dad: Spoiler A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?'' The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?'' ''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.'' The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?'' The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.'' ''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?'' ''Yeah, he's my dad.'' ''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?'' The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?'' The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.'' ''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.'' The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.'' The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.'' 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gancho Libre Posted May 23, 2018 Report Share Posted May 23, 2018 ah, I now jokes, but whether they uplift or depress varies by person. most of them are puns Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ammanas Posted May 23, 2018 Report Share Posted May 23, 2018 Heard one the other day: Friend: What's the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue? Me: What? Friend: You can't tune a bench but you can Tuna fish! Me: (Confused) What about the glue? Friend: I thought you'd get stuck on that! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xtafa Posted May 23, 2018 Report Share Posted May 23, 2018 Lift: Have you seen uplift? Wyndle: Whats uplift? Lift: Not much, just being awesome! Wyndle: *Groans* ------------- An uplifting Joke. hurrrr 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elenion Posted May 23, 2018 Report Share Posted May 23, 2018 Why does Peter Pan always fly around? Because he NeverLands! ...that one never gets old. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bort Posted May 23, 2018 Report Share Posted May 23, 2018 A fish swam into a wall, what did he say? Dam! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archer Posted May 23, 2018 Report Share Posted May 23, 2018 I forgot where I put Mjölnir. Then it came to me. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5ith Ideal Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 On 5/23/2018 at 10:20 AM, Archer said: I forgot where I put Mjölnir. Then it came to me. This is great... but out of date. (After Thor: Ragnarok, in case you've been living under a rock) Here's my joke: There was a father who had three daughters named Rose, Daisy, and Cinderblock. One day Rose comes up to the dad and says,"Daddy, why am I named Rose?" "Well, when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head."She walks away. Then Daisy walks up and says,"Daddy, why am I named Daisy?""Well, when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head."She walks away. Then Cinderblock walks up and says,"DDDDDDUUUUUURRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!""Shut up, Cinderblock." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aon Ati Posted June 21, 2018 Report Share Posted June 21, 2018 There are three men in the hospital whose wives are giving birth. A nurse comes out and says to the first man, "Congratulations, you have twins." The man says, "That's odd, I actually work for the Minnesota Twins." A second nurse arrives and says to the next man, "Congratulations, you have triplets." The man says, "Fascinating, I happen to work for the 3m company." The third man, after hearing the other two, begins to walk out with a look of panic. The nurse calls after him asking, "Sir, where are you going? Don't you want to hear about your wife's delivery? He replies, "I work for 7Up." 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ink Posted June 22, 2018 Report Share Posted June 22, 2018 (edited) two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks what do you call a cow with three legs? Spoiler Lean beef What do you call a cow with no legs? Spoiler Ground beef What do you call a blind stag? Spoiler No eye-deer What do you call it you steal fruits? Spoiler Stroberry I had a joke about the stomach, but you wouldnt get it. Its an inside joke. I also had a joke about amnesia, but I forgot it. Edited June 22, 2018 by Inklingspren 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BitBitio Posted June 29, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2018 On 6/15/2018 at 8:54 AM, 5ith Ideal said: This is great... but out of date. (After Thor: Ragnarok, in case you've been living under a rock) Here's my joke: There was a father who had three daughters named Rose, Daisy, and Cinderblock. One day Rose comes up to the dad and says,"Daddy, why am I named Rose?" "Well, when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head."She walks away. Then Daisy walks up and says,"Daddy, why am I named Daisy?""Well, when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head."She walks away. Then Cinderblock walks up and says,"DDDDDDUUUUUURRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!""Shut up, Cinderblock." Funny, but... not... uplifting whatsoever. It just made me more depressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arlin Posted July 10, 2018 Report Share Posted July 10, 2018 So a guy walks into a bar a and ask the bartender for a drink and the bartender says “ I’ll give you a drink if you tell me a meta joke and the guy says “So a guy walks into a bar a and ask the bartender for a drink and the bartender says “ I’ll give you a drink if you tell me a meta joke and the guy says” “So a guy walks into a bar a and ask the bartender for a drink” so he gave the guy a drink so he gave the guy a drink so he gave the guy a drink 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gancho Libre Posted July 10, 2018 Report Share Posted July 10, 2018 2 hours ago, Arlin said: So a guy walks into a bar a and ask the bartender for a drink and the bartender says “ I’ll give you a drink if you tell me a meta joke and the guy says “So a guy walks into a bar a and ask the bartender for a drink and the bartender says “ I’ll give you a drink if you tell me a meta joke and the guy says” “So a guy walks into a bar a and ask the bartender for a drink” so he gave the guy a drink so he gave the guy a drink so he gave the guy a drink That's awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CadCom Posted July 10, 2018 Report Share Posted July 10, 2018 On 5/23/2018 at 3:44 AM, Bort said: A fish swam into a wall, what did he say? Reveal hidden contents Dam! What did the wall respond? Spoiler Dumb bass, why did you do that And what did the fish say back? Spoiler Just for the halibut 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zelly Posted August 3, 2018 Report Share Posted August 3, 2018 While googling the difference between ravens and crows, this popped up and made me giggle snort. Spoiler 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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