Killing Time - TimeWells Book 1

[GeneralHZRD]

For those of you that don't know, I am working on a book/series based on my TimeWells magic system. (A detailed write up on that can be found here.)  This is the official topic for me to get feedback on it as I write. I finally have gotten a plot figured out that I like. Currently, I only have the prologue written, chapters will be posted as they are written. I am not a very fast writer so please bear with me on this, hopefully, you all will be an inspiration/motivation to write faster. Also, keep in mind that these are very rough 1st drafts, I am aware that they may need a lot of work. 

So without further ado, I present, Killing Time.

Here is a brief summary of the plot. Kind of like what you would find on the back of a book.

Spoiler

Time is like a string stretching on forever. Each and every moment is a bead on the string. Time flows through each moment keeping them in line. Each and every person has their own string weaving together with the others, joining at some points splitting at others. These strings create a tapestry, woven in a pattern we cannot hope to see or understand. But what would happen, if you cut the string?

In order to save his dying wife, Gideon has killed time. But now memories are flowing together, every moment throughout history is happening at once. Realising his mistake, Gideon must retrace his steps and stop himself from killing time or everything he loves will be gone forever.

 

1

Here is a more in-depth breakdown of how the plot is going to work. Minor spoiler warning, (in case you don't want to know how the plot is going to work.)

Spoiler

I'll start with the rough plan,

Proluge: Gideon Kills Time in order to save his dying wife.

Chapter 1-2ish: Time is broken, memories are flowing together. Gideon experiences multiple events throughout his life at once. I.E. He's sitting in a park, looks to the left and see's his son playing, looks to the right and see's his own tombstone, looks forward and see's his wife as she looked the first time he saw her.

Chapter 3ish: Gideon realizes this is wrong, He attempts to isolate one memory at a time. He succeeds, Gideon decides that he needs to undo his mistake.

Chapter 4-whateverish: Gideon retraces his steps, reliving each event that led him to kill time to begin with. Along the way, Gideon wrestles with the realization that fixing time will kill his wife. These chapters are also interspersed with flashback/memory chapters introducing his wife, such as when they first met, their wedding, etc. 

Chapter Whatever-the-last-chapter-number-is(ish): Gideon finally makes it to the memory/moment where he killed time. He wrestles with his decision again, he realizes that the time he had with his wife was a gift and now he must let her go.  (yes, I plan on this being a scene that will make you cry, especially if you're married.) He also successfully fixes time.

Epolouge: Him with his children, probably right after his wife's funeral. (Also, I was also thinking that maybe reveal that his oldest daughter is pregnant in this scene. Sort of a one life ending and a new life beginning thing.)

5

 

Prolouge: 

Spoiler

               Gideon held his breath, this was it. This was the day he would kill Time. Time had taken so much from him, and it threatened to take even more. This time, it threatened to take a part of his soul. Gideon growled through his teeth, “not this time. This time you die.”

                Gideon was waiting in the shadows behind a large statue of a man in robes with both arms stretched out in front of him. The classic depiction of Landaus Third of Gershan, the first protector of the Cradle. Gideon had been waiting for about an hour, Le-akus, the new protector, should be coming any minute. Ironic, Gideon thought I now wait on the very thing I seek to destroy. Gideon clung to the shadows as footsteps echoed from the hall, moments later a man dressed in simple black robes with a white trim walked into the room Gideon hid in. The man walked down the center of the room toward a pedestal at the far end. In his hands he held a box about the size of his head. Today was the day, once a month the protector would take the cradle out of its hiding place and bring it here. Normally, everything pushed against time, but not the Cradle, it pulled, and the more it had the harder it pulled. Only here, with the help of the crystal pedestal could Time be pulled out of the Cradle so that its pull would not become too strong. Gideon smiled, this was the one time the Cradle vulnerable.

                “You are the first in a long time.” Gideon started, the man had stopped walking. He stood in the center of the long hall facing away from Gideon. “Why do you seek the Cradle? What do you hope to gain?”

                Gideon stepped out from behind the statue, “My business is my own. You need not bother yourself, hand over the Cradle.”

                “You are not the first to say those words to me. Why would I hand over that which could destroy the world?” the man still stood facing away from Gideon.

                “Because you have no choice.”

                The man turned slowly, he had a calm controlled smile on his lips. “Like I said Gideon, you are not the first to attempt to steal the Cradle.”

                The man was much younger than Gideon had expected, though he hid his surprise. “How do you know my name?” Gideon growled.

                “I know all who come to take the Cradle, I have foreseen it, this is my burden.”

                “Then you have seen me succeed,” Gideon slowly lowered his hand to the pouch of gemstones at his waist. His hand finding a couple and feeling a familiar warmth from the Time trapped within them.

                “Sometimes, yes I see you win. Others not, the future is fluid, ever-changing. But I assure you, you will not win this time.” The man dropped to his knees faster than Gideon could react and slammed his hand down on the floor. Gideon could feel the time being pulled out of the floor. In an instant the floor moved back in time becoming first ten then twenty years younger, Gideon watched as the broken tiles reformed then became cleaner soon many came off the floor forming stacks around the room. Those stacks soon began to move backward in time as well, Gideon watched as the floor dissolved revealing a large pit that it had been built over, likely for this exact purpose. Gideon sprinted for the other side, hopefully, he could make it before the floor complete came apart. He dove to the side just as the ground he had been standing on dissipated, each piece flying to a location earlier in their timeline. Gideon stood on what was now hard stone at the edge of the pit.

                Le-akus stood as Gideon crashed into him. “How, how did you do that!” Gideon shouted at him as he shoved him against a nearby pillar. “Manipulating that much Time is impossible,”

Le-akus shoved Gideon back long enough to roll out-of-the-way and pull time out of the floor here to last week when it had been wet from a leak during a rainstorm. Gideon’s rush forward caused him to slip on the now wet stone, Le-akus rushed him while he was off-balance. “There are many things about Time you do not know!” he shouted.

                Le-akus’s attack plus the wet floor sent them both crashing down to the floor. “I may not now much,” Gideon yelled, “but I know this.” Le-akus felt his body start rapidly aging as Time flowed freely into him. Gideon was shoving Time into him. The sudden old age gave Gideon the upper hand he needed to grab Le-akus and slam a pair of emerald cuffs onto him.  Gideon stood, leaving Le-akus lying on the wet stone.

                “What have you done to me, what is this?!” Le-akus struggled against the cuffs.

                “They stop your ability to manipulate Time.” Gideon walked over to the pedestal. “Without that, you are a feeble old man, incapable of stopping me.”  Gideon knelt and opened the box that Le-akus had dropped. He reached inside a lifted out a crystal white stone a hand and a half wide. It gave off a pale white glow that cast an eerie glow in the dark chamber.

                “Stop! You don’t know what you’re doing!” Le-akus struggled against his bonds.

                “I know exactly what I’m doing.” Gideon held the stone with both hands out in front of himself. And shoved. He pushed every ounce of Time he had into the Cradle. All the Time from the Gems in his pouch, all the time he could draw from the room. With every second he gave the Cradle the pull it created became stronger. Soon he was shoving less and less, but it did not matter, the cradle was pulling enough. The amount of Time within it grew exponentially, as did the pull it started drawing Time from every aspect of the room, then the continent, the world, the universe.

                “For you, my love.” Gideon whispered as the last sliver of Time was pulled into the Cradle and everything went black.

 

 

 

 

Also, what do you think of doing an Epigraph kind of thing but with quotes about Time from other people? This came from the fact that this whole book was partly inspired by Henry David Thoreau's quote "As if you could kill time without injuring eternity."

 

Edited September 15, 2018 by TheVillageIdiot

[Jehoiada]

I am interested. It sounds like it could use some work, but pretty good!!!! I wanna know more, so you better start writing.

Also could you give us like one of those breif summaries that you find in books to get you interested. Because that would be great.

[GeneralHZRD]

@Jehoiada I just updated everything. What do you think of the new plot?

[Nathrangking]

Its interesting. However based on your own rules concerning changing something in the past beyond a point that it changed how could he possibly prevent himself from killing time?

[GeneralHZRD]

25 minutes ago, Nathrangking said:

Its interesting. However based on your own rules concerning changing something in the past beyond a point that it changed how could he possibly prevent himself from killing time?

RAFO, Jk. there's some weird time stuff going on. It mostly has to do with the fact that he's not really changing time, you have to remember that at that moment time is dead. So it's not that he's changing time as much as he's reliving the exact same moment as before, even though he remembers doing it before. Kind of like a really strong Deja Vu. (also, I have toyed with the idea that it is hard for him to deviate from the path he took the first time. Sort of like how it works with Deja Vu, you tend to follow the same path as you remember.)

[Jehoiada]

I like it! The one thing (that I really don't have a problem with) is that there is a huge learning curve. So that leads to the question: what are your plans on giving the readers knowledge about the whole magic system?

[GeneralHZRD]

I figured I’d work it in during the chapters. Sort of start with the base stuff and add more as I move along.

[1st of Lunch]

I like it so far. I read the first part over on the "opening line" thread and am intrigued. Now, after  reading the summary and plot breakdown I want more! I like wibbly-wobbley, timey-wimey stuff!

[GeneralHZRD]

This is a really early version of Chapter One. It only has a few paragraphs but I want to see what you think. Does this make sense even though the whole point is it doesn't make sense? It is supposed to feel like Gideon is living multiple moments of his life at once.

Spoiler

Gideon looked at his wife, they were sitting on a bench in the grassy field in the center of Orbital Park. A large circular park that was divided into multiple rings. He smiled and reached into his pocket pulling out a single white opal the size of his thumb. “Will you marry me?” he asked.

She smiled at him, “Of course.” She looked down at the baby in her arms.

“When had that appeared?” Gideon thought, though he knew the child’s name, “Markus” Gideon reached out to place a hand on his sons head.

“Daddy, come play with me.” A young boy’s voice said. Gideon stood and turned on the wooden floor. He walked over to the corner of the small room where Markus was playing with some toy cars. An older Markus sat in a chair a little way’s off reading a book. His little sister stood behind him trying to read what Markus was.

“It’s a boy!” Lisa said. Gideon turned looked at her face which bore a large smile. She was lying on a table where a clear white gemstone was laid on her pregnant stomach, it was pulsing with a pale green light. You could tell the gender of the child by how quickly it pulsed. He grinned, “His name will be Markus.”

“Stop messing with that dumb apple and come join me.” Lisa said from behind him. He turned to see her sitting on a picnic blanket. He walked over and joined her on the ground, setting down the apple he had been using for his test.

“I’m sorry, we did everything we could.” Gideon nodded, wiping a tear from his eye. His father had been caught in a horrible airship accident, they had not gotten him here fast enough. His mother hugged him tightly as they wept.  

 

 

[Yezrien]

I'm a bit confused. What exactly happens when he kills time? And how does that save his wife?