The evil genie game... With a Sanderson twist

[Satsuoni]

And so they did! Vin as Preservation, Elend by touching and absorbing Ruin. No longer able to exist in harmony and not used to their powers, they reduced Scadrial to hellish wasteland, and then spent eternity locked into conflict.

I wish Kaladin would manifest Shardspear.

[Nepene]

Kaladin plunged into the depth of the building, Odium's lackeys hot in his tail. Once they'd found Urithiru in their desperate quest they fought it was over. But it turned out they weren't the only ones who'd found it... who thought the city would have been here? These thoughts tumbled over his mind as he slid down the crem covered wall deep into the earth.

Eventually he reached the bottom, using a three quarters lashing to slow his fall just before. He landed softly. Was this the place? The fabled vault? That was the location Shallan had told him before she had ascended to take up the lost mantle of Cultivation. Perhaps he could find a weapon in here strong enough to protect his companions from the black storm.

He walked further in, the darkness tight around his skin. He missed Syl. She would have been there to help until... so much blood. He didn't even know that spren could bleed. He was lucky he had been able to take the source of Szeth's power in the battle.

He turned a corner and there it was. The armory of the Heralds. Every artifact they had ever made. And there in the centre- the pillar. Kaladin grasped it, and thought of every honorable deed he had ever done. And then, ten heartbeats later, he manifested the Shardspear.

Afterword by Brandon Sanderson

It was always hard for me to think of a good place to end the series, but I think this is it. It's been almost 25 years since I first started working on this book and I really think this is the best way to end the book. As always, you have my sincere thanks for reading the book. It may be a while before we come back to the Cosmere. After this, see excerpts from my latest book, Steelheart 3- heart of iron. You will be seeing Steelheart 4- heart of gold next year I hope. I know you all prefer my non cosmere books, so we'll be having a few more years of people with many types of metallic hearts. Thank you again.

I wish that Vin had got a readable (readable for her or people near her) copy of the Mistborn books halfway through the hopefully soon to be changed events of Final Empire.

[Kurkistan]

I wish that Vin had got a readable (readable for her or people near her) copy of the Mistborn books halfway through the hopefully soon to be changed events of Final Empire.

First, of all well done on your evilizing of the previous wish. Rep for you.

Ruin immediately alters all the text (oops, you didn't specify metal pages, did you?), leaving a narrative which shows the crew betraying each other (destroying Vin's new-found ability to trust) and causing the destruction of civilization and, ultimately, the world as they interfere with TLR's plan to save them all from Preservation, that evil mist-spirit who goes around killing people with mist-sickness. Vin kills everyone else in the crew in their sleep, then immediately goes to TLR to offer her help, at which point he kills her too. Then he uses the Well of Ages and Ruin's corruption causes him to destroy the world.

I wish Kelsier had actually fought Moraine in the Suvudo Cage Match.

Edited February 24, 2013 by Kurkistan

[Oneyespike]

Kelsier fights Moraine in an epic cage match fight, aaannnddd she mercilessly killed him before he could make a single remark. Then she immediately killed herself, providing no winner for the match and making the tornement impossible to continue (I don't know Moraine and the magics surrounding her at all )

I wish I was a slider, but I had a photographic memory, so I could "slide" through school, while retaining every bit of information

[Satsuoni]

You have absolutely perfect memory. So good, in fact, that you can barely tell memory from current experiences, and you can remember everything at extremely high speed. A first minute in the bubble force enough information into your brain that you go completely nuts. When a bubble dissipates after a day, you are extracted as an insane wreck randomly reacting to past events, and spent the remainder of your short life on the life support, going crazier by the minute, since information influx never stops.

I wish for the Awakened Radiant Hemalurgic Dakhor kandra as a pet.

[Nepene]

You have absolutely perfect memory. So good, in fact, that you can barely tell memory from current experiences, and you can remember everything at extremely high speed. A first minute in the bubble force enough information into your brain that you go completely nuts. When a bubble dissipates after a day, you are extracted as an insane wreck randomly reacting to past events, and spent the remainder of your short life on the life support, going crazier by the minute, since information influx never stops.

I wish for the Awakened Radiant Hemalurgic Dakhor kandra as a pet.

You are very happy with your girlfriend. She's been ever so sweet and kind to you and she's left you in a really good mood. So you return home one day with flowers and chocolate to reward her.

And she's dead. You see a multicolored Kandra on the floor eating her corpse. While you are initially a bit miffed at the murder of the one you love the Kandra soon touches your forehead and you feel an intense feeling of connection to them.

They speak.

"Trust me, this is for your own good." They stab something metal in your chest, but you trust it's for the best. "Repeat after me, my life to yours, my memory become yours."

Trusting this person completely you comply and repeat the words. You feel your soul flicker and a soft bit of color wafts from you to them. You forget all about your silly girlfriend in a second. Then the Kandra finishes consuming the woman and takes her form. She hugs you and says "We're going to be the best of friends." You smile and nod, completely believing her.

She is a good pet. She can seemingly summon slightly bland food out of nowhere for you. There's no need for public transport anymore to get to work. She just grabs a hobo off the street and sacrifices them, teleporting you straight there. And boy, she is flexible. She has a host of forms she is willing to take for you. The woman who seems so familiar, other women you see that she murdered (but soon forgot about after a bit of prodding) and even a cat. Life is perfect. At one point, with some prodding from you, she even abducts Brandon Sanderson for you and gets him to spill the beans (after many tears) on how the Cosmere really works. Boy, who would have expected that llamas were such a major part of it?

A year later you open the latest book by Brandon. On the first page, this was written. "Kandra who are awakened instantly die a horrible death and that's canon, take this Satsuoni you jerk." You think how impressive it is how he worked that into a sentence- then you hear a scream from the kitchen. You rush in. She's dead. There was so much blood everywhere that you can barely makeout her form. You cry and sob but nothing can bring her back.

You never forget her, despite many years going by. Life seems empty and meaningless without your pet Kandra. You slowly become a shell of yourself and pine away after her until one day you die and there is no afterlife, no Kandra, just an eternal void of nothingness.

I wish that being in the 17thshard forum actually gave you effective cosmere powers if you had more reputation.

[dj26792]

It gives you the ability to perform hemalurgy with greater and greater efficiency unfortunately as all attempts at learning to harness this ability involve murder, those few who discover this and attempt to learn to use this new and improved power lead the UN to conclude that the 17th shard is clearly a terrorist training ground and send special forces groups to arrest and execute all contributing members, while the few hemalurgically enhanced members of the group are able to put up a decent fight due to their enhanced abilities all are eventually captured or killed. Brandon Sanderson is also arrested and prevented from writing further due to his role in inciting terrorism, the nature of the murders is eventually cleared up, but really thats when the real horror begins as Dictators the world over begin to experiment...

I wish I could reform and take up Devotion, and Dominion. (I don't even know what that combination looks like but somebody have fun with it )

[Windrunner]

At first you simply wanted to help the Selish, provide wisdom, knowledge, and stop their silly wars and conflicts and replace that with peace. You tried to work through the Korathi and Derethi priests, but try as you might, your commands were always twisted and altered by priests with their own agendas, or ignored outright. As your frustration grew, you began to demand more and more of the priests, forcing them to obey you utterly to get your messages to the people. Then, you thought, they would devote themselves to you. But still this failed. People either didn't believe that you existed, or followed your commands hypocritically, making a mockery of all the wisdom you had shared. So, as your mind was shaped ever more by both Devotion and Dominion, you took control of the people. It was for their own good, after all. If they loved you and obeyed your will, surely conflict would cease? And it did. Every war on Sel ended and all loved and obeyed you. But just as the Selish lost their desire to fight, they also lost their ability to make choices, their free will. In the last distant corner of your mind that was still your own, you knew what you had done was wrong. But it was too late for that now. Sel became a "utopia," and a horror story that was told by Worldhoppers cosmere-wide.

That was kind of dark...

I wish that I could hang out in Urithiru.

[Satsuoni]

"Tonight, we attend the execution of the most notorious criminal, known only as Windrunner #17. He has twisted the teachings of the Almighty, and corrupted the very concept of honor. For that, he will hang out from the tallest tower of Urithru until the storms claim him."

(from the diary of the anonymous Knight Radiant)

I wish for every Scadrian to become a mistborn Feruchemist.

[Nepene]

"Tonight, we attend the execution of the most notorious criminal, known only as Windrunner #17. He has twisted the teachings of the Almighty, and corrupted the very concept of honor. For that, he will hang out from the tallest tower of Urithru until the storms claim him."

(from the diary of the anonymous Knight Radiant)

I wish for every Scadrian to become a mistborn Feruchemist.

Fallas twisted the sample slightly to the side. This would be photograph 482. They had been scanning this new metal for weeks from every possible angle to try and figure out its composition but every picture they had come up seemed to be nonsense. One day it would have a square helical structure, the next it would somehow be a double helix. He would swear at times that the thing would change form just to spite him. But of course that was impossible. Nothing would change forms simply because you viewed it differently. Maybe there was a contaminant. He hoped.

He reached out for his coffee and tiredly picked it up. Then with a snap it broke and spilled out over the desk, gushing over the precious lerasium sample.

He squeeled and plunged his hand into the mess. He pulled out a hot metal with a very distinctive flame... by golly. This was sodium!

It all made sense. They had heard reports of people being able to burn it without needing to be a Mistborn. Sodium burnt on its own. It was so obvious when you thought about it. But no one had actually tried burning it because, as people had soon discovered, pure sodium burnt on contact with water.

But a few burns were a minor price to pay to become a powerful allomancer. Soon everyone across the land was becoming one. True, this fake lerasium was less effective than that which could be produced by those rare feruchemists with the gift to make investment take solid form and lacked some of the more unique properties. But it would grant you power and everyone wanted it.

In time they figured out the secret of making atium too, and they produced a hybrid of the two metals which could make anyone a feruchemist. Almost everyone became one and the world shook with prosperity and power.

Till Trell came. Trell didn't care how strong you were, or what powers you held. Trell was a jealous god. He wanted no one alive but those who followed him. Those who had the magics of the blaspheming preservation and ruin had to go. And so he wielded the final metal. Trellesium. His men wore red and gold and their rage was hot. Each wore metals alloyed with their god's body. The final metal would cause agony and death to any who had the power to use those metals. And everyone fell.

And as they fell their spirits went screaming to Sazed. Initially he resisted them, his efforts focused on uniting the two aspects of his power to crush Trell. But as every worshipper died he weakened- his power was tied to the people. If no one worshipped him he would shatter. And he did. As he died, a mighty scream echoed through space, a voice of agony that everyone heard saying three words.

"Odium has returned."

The end had begun.

I wish that Sadeas would learn the true value of friendship and love and be really nice and loving to Dalinar and help him with his mission.

[Satsuoni]

And lo, it so happened that a passing Passionspren had merged with Sadeas's soul, causing him to fall in love with Dalinar. And it so happened that Dalinar partly reciprocated, unable to resist the influence of the spren in Sadeas's soul. And they worked together. And Navani was jealous, and devised a fabrial based on Deathspren, that could move as a spider and kill on touch, while the stormlight lasted, and made a dozen of them. But in her fury, she had miscalculated, and couldn't control her creations, so she died and they run away, but not before bonding with her soul and gainin a twisted swarm sentience. Soon, the Alethi camp was decimated, as the fabrials ran around killing people and recharging from spheres and storms, until they grew strong and twisted enough to kill everything around them, no longer requiring touch. Soon, Odium has noticed the disturbance and started to control them directly, as well as forcing his servants to make more. And thus, Roshar has fallen, with the whole Cosmere sure to follow...

Ok, Let's try something more convoluted :)/>

I wish to observe, without being able to affect or be affected, Roshar, as two portals open on it, one leading into the Immaterium, other into Dark One's prison, and the great battle between Chaos forces, Odium, Shadowspawn and Honor remnants occurs on the Shattered Plains, soon after the end of SA1.

[edit] A bit out of bounds, but still

Edited March 3, 2013 by Satsuoni

[Galavantes]

Since you are not affected by it, you get to watch, but are emotionally deadened and therefore totally uninterested in the outcome.

 

I wish to have all the powers and capabilities of the Lord Ruler, but without the need to use metals.

[Windrunner]

You are ascending, much as Vin did, sucking in all the mists to fuel your abilities. Once you've ascended, Odium promptly Splinters you.

 

I wish that I could make functioning Essence Marks.

[Observer]

You gain the ability to create them, but lack the materials or knowledge to actually do so. You die a terrible death, knowing as you die that you could have been something some much greater.

 

I wish that, right as the first chapter of the second stormlight book occurs, Odium will suddenly die and his Shard will be splintered, never to be picked up again until Adonalsium's reforming.

[king of nowhere]

I wish that, right as the first chapter of the second stormlight book occurs, Odium will suddenly die and his Shard will be splintered, never to be picked up again until Adonalsium's reforming.

And so the stormlight archive, that had the potential to be one of the best fantasy saga in generations, ends up in a dumb anticlimatic way as the big bad of the series die of deus ex machina.

Sanderson, shaken with the waste of his artistic talents, commits suicide. Angry sanderson fans then storm your house and exact bloody retribution on you. In your last words, you thank them for sparing you the agony of living your life with the burden in your conscience.

 

I wish all the ten stormlight books were already written, with all the great care they ddeserve. Think of it as sanderson pending years to write in an improved bendalloy bubble and releasing all the books after what, on the outside, seem like a few hours.

THink also all his alpha readers and editors are inside that bubble working with him, too. And of course I want to get to read them all.

Edited April 14, 2013 by king of nowhere

[Nepene]

Your wish is granted, and the ten books are written. But not published. You thought Brandon actually writes that fast? No, he has already prewritten every Stormlight, Dragonsteel, Mistborn book and everything back when he was a teen. While everyone else was studying and going to lectures he was writing and putting things to paper. That's why he can pump them out so fast. He continues to drop hints and minor spoilers about future books for the next twenty years while slowly releasing his backlog, savoring your pain. You will get to read the books. Eventually. After everyone else.

 

I wish that someone would get Hoid, Tanavast, Rayse, Sazed, the Seventeeth shard around a table and get them to really talk about their issues and pains and try to get them to negotiate it out.

Edited April 14, 2013 by Nepene

[Observer]

(Are we just going to speak in more and more legal-type language the further we go with this?)

 

It's even better than getting to just read it, you get to be in the bendalloy bubble as it's written! Because you are the slider who maintains this bubble. You help write the books and become a happy part of writing process. Unfortunately, when all is said and done, Peter is revealed to be a misting as well, and he sets up a cadmium bubble even more powerful than your bendally bubble. By the time Peter seems to randonly drop dead via future bullet and you stumble out of the bubble, centuries have already passed and the world has ended, and you never got to talk to anybody about the book. You die all alone in the wasteland that will be our planet.

 

I wish for a ghost saltshaker just like Brandon's. Because simple stuff is great and because that would be awesome.

 

EDIT: *Insert lots of curisng here*

 

I hate you all.

 

Oh, somebody does. In the afterlife that is. As a part of the deus ex machina mentioned a few posts ago, a ton of other people died as well. They sat around, bored to death, talking things over into eternity. It's a really boring thing to read about.

 

I wish for a ghost saltshaker just like Brandon's, and I've already explained why.

Edited April 14, 2013 by Observer