Usseewa
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Everything posted by Usseewa
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Sick of Home I’m homesick, in that, I’m sick of this home. This dreary and unexciting, Uncomfortable and cold, Long-lived, too-long, Home. I long for a new home, One I enjoy being in, One I seek refuge in, Not refuge from. One I await, Not one I return to with reluctance. I’m sick of this home, And long for a new one. Missed Experiences;Missed Life Where is my life? Have I had one? I get sad often, When I see, Hear, Read, Lives. When I am reminded, Of all that I’ve missed. All I’ve never done, never had. And I think, I’d never give it up, If it were mine. - Lily
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oh ya idk for some reason i am i wanna do stuff
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Ty!!!! I enjoyed making it. It has meaning that idk if you'll get lol.
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:3
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hehe like idk why but i just want to be depressed sometimes. maybe i am depressed those times. or i wanna be depressed all times? kinda hard to know when i'm always depressed haha. but even if im "depressed," i dont necessarily feel it or i want it worse. then when im not depressed or less so, or not feeling waht i was before, i dont like that cuz I want to be depresded. EDIT: sometimes i struggle knowing what i think and feel is real and what im "making myself feel" or "making up" cuz iddkkkkkk im also neurodivergen as well and have been depressed my whole life
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Unpleasant Environment I hate this place. This place where I struggle; To find comfort, To find motivation, To find productivity, To find joy. I shift and stir, Awaiting my next break, From this place. Awaiting tomorrow, Awaiting comfort, Awaiting the ever-closer…salvation. It may take weeks, I might be here months more, But at least I have, A hope. A hope of escape. A Step Away A period of silence, Of healing, Of sadness, Of yearning—deep yearning. A distance to close, A glass wall so thin, A move away, Yet a chasm at once. Do I want this? It’s for my health. Do I dare shatter the wall? It’s there to protect me. But how can I… What do I… When will I… Will I? Am I? What? Backlogs Backlogs, how I love thee. The thought of saving up, And then having lots to do, At once. This thought, I love. It brings me joy. - Lily
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One-Way Mirror I watch from the shadows, Apart. I listen from this bed, Paralyzed. I am like a spirit, Invisible, Not physical. I am watching through a one-way mirror. And yet I’m the one in distress. Numb-But-Not;Helpless;Separated Each day, more distress. Each day, another horror. Each time, I feel awful. I am scared and angry but conditioned. I can’t do anything; nothing at all. I am separated; not connected. It’s all “there.” In that realm. Higher up. I can’t affect it, And it not me, So it does them, Treading crushed lives, Ever-closer to me. Ten Icks [Content warning: potentially disturbing/graphicly gory descriptions] Life; This hellish calm storm of fury. Law; Chains and death machines of control. Lies; Snares and hooks that numb your brain whilst shredding it apart before your glazed eyes. Lake; Toxins disguised as treats, unavoidable even with knowledge. Lax; The ultimate cause of our demise, that stupidity of wanting to be happy. Late; Two meanings, too late both ways, as we are all late and may as well be. Lure; That sickening lie, worst of all, killing us with pleasure. Lair; The unreachable Fortress where they reside whilst destroying us and themselves. Lung; That vital organ soon ripped out or decaying itself whilst making us limp and stumble over the edge. Loss; That inevitable and looming result which snatches the only thing keeping us sane and alive. Care They…care? About me? They don’t… Blame me? Hate me? As I do? It’s…not my fault? I’m…not to blame? I…am not evil? I…can be helped? I’ve lived too long like this. Please help. - Lily
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hehe also i wonder if im just making myself depressed... becuase i want to be... oh and do you think i should keep posting the backlog today? I added a five minute gap between them, but for people not online it'll be like a dozen notifs. Maybe an hour gap? (I can set the time for the blog thing to be published) edit: oh darn these next poems are kinda embarrassing lol.. (from 2026/03/04)
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Yes.. I ... unfortunately forgot about this.. Nice to remember I was happy then wait that sounds depressing uhh
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Not Alone Oh my. I feel very…different. Relieved? Realizing I am not alone. My experience is one others share; It can be explained. People get me. I am not…a bad person. I am not…wrong. It is not…my fault. And help will work. I spent so long —too long— Thinking. Thinking that what I was going through, Was somehow untreatable. I believed for so long —to long— That I had to explain, And still no one would get it. And now I know, That they do get it. That I am not alone. - Lily
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Wrote this at night, falling asleep. Wrote this as a dream came to me. Wrote this while I cried, Wrote this and forgot it. A Knock on the Door A knock sounds, at my door. I open it, and gasp. Who is she, with no mask? Who is she? “I am you,” she says happily. “Who you will become,” continues Lily. I stand breathless, then begin sobbing. I don’t stop for hours, and she’s at my side. I just can’t believe it, but can all at once. She is me, I am she. I can become her. I will. This makes me joyous, Beyond compare. In this very moment, More joy than sum-life. More joy than ever. For she is me, And I am she. - Lily~
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no no i listened to death bed by Powfu earlier in the week after rediscovering it... and I find it extremely depressing and it made me feel bad.
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Posting backlogg Helpless I can’t watch this, I can’t read this, I just can’t. It’s all too much, this hate. It’s all so wrong, our fate. Was I born too late? I feel something deep within—watching this unfold. I feel fear, anger, and deep deep wrongness. I can only ignore it so long—until they come for me. I feel helpless—paralyzed—watching I feel sorrow and depression. I can only dream, hope, and plea. Truth of Lies I see the truth, behind the lies. I see that unsaid, between the lines. I see the implications, what will arise. I untangle the words—see clarity from vagueity. I untwist the meanings—seeing beyond implied. I know how they think—I know how to think. I can see that unsaid, that between the lines, the implications to arise. I notice the subtleties, the word choice, the tone. I watch with horror as you don’t. - Lily.
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i dont try to suppress it... well i guess i do sometimes, especially now that i learned I do/have it, but then it just leads to more self-hate because I keep self-hating. Basically I hate myself for hating myself :3 and procrastination and subpar sleep schedule don't help whatsoever
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learn from my mistakes? they are too numerous to process. learn from my mistakes? this doesn't stop new ones. and, rarely: learn from my mistakes? i don't see any.
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That's great! I'm the one on the left :3 well... I'm getting there. I used to not even be as "nice" as the person on the right, sigh.
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oh btw.. uhh.. depending on where you live, stay safe.
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u came out to them, right?
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ha ha ha *laughs in "I'm a walking mistake"* oh uh, i mean yeah. sometimes it's hard though... I mean I definitely learned, but.. yeah. That's a topic for the Mental Health Club.
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Ty!! it honestly sucks. follow the rules, kids. read the Terms of Service, Privacy Policy, EULA, Code of Conduct, etc. in their entirety. nah im jk abt the legalese
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Perhaps I worded it poorly, but I was essentially saying that "you" (as in, you, but also people in general) may not ever feel completely ready. That is, they could still be nervous or something. I was when coming out, but it worked out well in the end, and I was only nervous right before--after I had made my decision to do it. Well, for me their eyes simply flicked down but they didn't say anything. This was also only with a few people, as I hardly know anyone who would be surprised at all. That may not make sense, my bad. It really is. Now I'm not a living headache when people have to switch pronouns/name around people I haven't come out to. Also, they don't deadname me, yippee! And infrequently they misgender me. Well, not everyone. But yeah. Well... idk what ur situation/area is like, so yeah, maybe, maybe not. If you don't that's fine. If you do, it'll probably give u a little euphoria or smth. Well, you can pick it out at night/the day before, if you have time then! It also doesn't always take a ton of time. This was mainly because I got some new clothes and had to decide what was what and what went with what and which outfit I wanted to wear. I ended up making two and wore one yesterday and one today. Also... yah idk what to tell u about not having clothes you want. But.. do you ever go shopping with your parents for clothing? Just pick stuff out, say your trying something new, or idk. You'll get there too! Maybe work with what you have if you can't get any new clothes?
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Well.. I saw someone (probbaly Izzy) suggest Through The Living Cutie or Through The Living Aki those are pretty good imo and i cant rlly think of any others. Also u don't have to change ur username if u don't want to! And feel free to pick your own. and u don't necessarily have to do "Through The Living ____", some people have put a spin on it.
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oh yeah, hey everyone!
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hehehfhfffffffffff I wear them with tights or thigh-high socks and they look rlly cute and I love them. They can still be frustrating sometimes, like when sitting... And especially with my current horrible body. uhhh yah .. also u dont have to wear skirts or take a step you aren't ready for, though I'll admit you may not be completely ready or idk for me I had a sudden urge to wear a skirt while reading Mimosa Confessions, and realized it might actually look nice on me (especially if I had tights or looonnnggg socks). I then ordered both and have worn them a couple times in public and it's still kinda awkward or smth when I do it around people I know ... or at least people I knew Before. oh also ive come out to pretty much everyone at this point yippee ehehehh\\ also i dont like taking off my sweater and being in a tshirt cuz then i feel dysphoric i think. sweaters help me hide my self while still feeling nice and looking pretty (imo) i love when people compliment my outfits You'll probably get some too if/when you wear diff clothes, or are you already? gosh i can't believe what a tasteless loser i was back then now sometimes i spend a literal hour picking out my outfit i have so many new options it's amazing. before i literally had like one or two and it sucked, but now i can craft a cute fit every day, or even something that isn't amazing but is still pretty decent and nice and defo better than anything i'd worn before.. sigh i hope im not depressed again, i was feeling better
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WDMSMSNSNSZ wdym your own clothing wdym
