Usseewa

i have other anxiety-induced obsessions hehe

nope, as that last post was what I wrote today, and I don't wanna reveal that I'm from the future. Oop— Yeah, a lot of my earlier stuff were inspired by music, even just a single word. Now idk, I just write when I feel depressed or something. Or happy. Or any feeling. I try to write every day too, but miss a few. also that was a lotta adjectives lol. i don't really do structure.. mainly cuz it's harder? ig what I do is called free verse?

No worries :3 I love the new one. I love writing, and only started a few months ago. it's so good.

"the months spent inside" so real. I unfortunately don't get out much. sigh. "From the bugs, from heat" Omg I hate the darn bugs. not sure which i hate more, heat or bugs. as for the first... not entirely sure what it's about but please DON'T tell me. (I'm serious). Unless it won't trigger me.

Wrote this today, while in hell. Let Me Leave, Let Me Rest I just want to leave. I’m so uncomfortable, I can barely think. I just want to leave, But I can’t. Not yet. I must endure, These hellish conditions, For just a bit longer, And then I’ll be free. Just a bit longer, And then I’ll stop thinking. She sits here, In a pool of her blood. She sits here, Awaiting her freedom, From this hell, Where she’ll just return to. I want to rest. When will I rest? Please let me rest. I need to rest. I feel so tired, Exhausted, Fatigued. Nevermind, Just ignore me. I don’t deserve, The right to complain. I want to let my eyes drift shut. I want to pass out, and I just might. - Lily

https://www.17thshard.com/blogs/entry/1370-20260202/

oh i meant this and other post. the dates i wrote them. and ty

Sorry it's out of order, and I don't feel like fixing it.

Necessary Sustenance Sometimes I don’t want, This necessary sustenance. Sometimes I don’t get, Enough necessary sustenance. Sometimes it’s too much work, Too few appetizing options, Not worth it. - Lily

ty :3 i love when ppl take the time to read my stuff hm?

OMG i waste time on youtube and then hate myself :3 what's joy nah jk i had some recently, after a while of not

Times/Hardship "Kids these days," They say. "Back in my day," They say. "These are difficult times," They lament. "Things were better back than." "We went outside." "We could breathe." "We got sick and died." "We had no rights." "We spent time with family." "We didn't have this dumb slang." "We missed out on so much connection." "We could use the Internet." "We didn't have the Internet." The times will always be difficult, New generations will always be different, With some appreciating the older generations. There will always be one crisis or another. I hold no hope that life—our world—will ever be Just and Fair. Not completely, that is. Corruption breeds like bacteria. Hardship is natural. Crisis is imminent and ongoing. After all, who would want to live, With no setbacks? Who would be happy, Being perpetually happy? Who would be happy, In "peace"? In a good place? No one. And thus, we will never be happy and in peace. Not fully, Not perpetually, And that is okay. Hardship makes life worth living. Working for something—earning it—is rewarding. No cheat codes, No "lucky" birth. I sometimes—no, I often—wish. I wish for many things—happiness, companionship, and...struggles. I wish—perhaps irrationally—I was lower in the chain. I wish my depression was worse, I wish I didn't have a "good" life, I wish I struggled to live. I don't know why, But I do. Perhaps...Perhaps... Perhaps then I would feel deserving of the love and sympathy I seek. - Lily

I think this was the start--or, rather, continuation--of my anxiety. YOLO You only live once. One life, so live your best. Or at least enjoy it. You don’t want to be lying, On your deathbed, By saying you have no regrets. Life can feel short, Or feel long. It can feel like you have so much time—that you don’t have to worry. Or it can feel as if, before you know it, you will be six feet under. Do what you love, What you truly and deeply want, What makes you truly live, Or you won’t. Death looming, Yet so distant too. So uncertain, Yet the ultimate end. We only die once, We might as well live once. Death When on the verge, Descending six feet—one at a time, I imagine I’ll be resigned—despite the tears in my eyes. Death is only frightening when living, after all. We fear the unknown, do we not? So when it’s set in stone, Known for sure, There is nothing we can do, Except exhale in peace. - Lily...

Yeah... I want rain plz gimmegimme rainnnn i hate the heat it makes me wanna-- ...not be in the heat edit: also that's rlly cool. lmk when u do!

Holding Back Tears I take a ragged breath, Trying to hold them in. Trying to hold back emotion? But the tears leak anyway, And more follow as the break in the dam widens. A Failure, Me Why do I keep failing? Making mistakes? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be kind? Why do I keep causing pain? Am I selfish? Perhaps. If so, the hate I receive is deserved, is it not? The hate from myself and others? What thoughts and feelings can I trust? What do I do… Torrential Why won’t it rain? Why won’t it pour? Storm? If only I were the Weather Girl, I could make it so. I like the soothing sounds, Of rain on roof, Water and tires. A dream indeed. Something I need. - Lily

I mean idk ok So they're not heaven They're just nice and I love them. Also bewarned you can't dry them (in a dryer) when doing laundry. And I think you gotta handwash the tights, if you get them. They tights are epic, because they also... idk it's hard to exlain but look: (Not the actual tights I got) See how they are like mini-pants, like the two legs are joined and go around the waist? They're great cuz of that, especially if u wear a skirt. But yah. For the socks u gotta... be more careful if u wear a skirt, especially if u wear no shorts or something under it. But that's why tights are good. Oh yah, uh, the socks are nice and comfy. They look very cute. Gotta make sure they go with ur outift if u care abt that!

Cold and Rain When it rains, I’m happy. I get replenished, Like the ground and green. When it’s cold, It’s refreshing, Cool and crisp, Welcome. I long for when I feel the cold winter air, On my exposed skin. I long for the comfortingly bitter wind, That banishes the unbearable heat. I walk slowly, So as to prolong it, So as to stay a while longer, In the cold, rain, or snow, Before becoming trapped in a room, With windows closed, On a chair, Each second misery. I savor the cold, The rain, The snow. I wish it was always cold. I wish there were a perpetual breeze. I wish for so much. Or perhaps not. Perhaps I wish for just one thing. Summer Summer: so-sweaty season. Summer: swelter, sans-shelter. Summer: sadness-sentenced. Heat: hatred, harm. Summer is the convergence of all that is hell. 67;23;#;M—W Six-seven, A fascinating phenomenon. Twenty-three, Bye-bye. Two, Margin of error. 97, 99.5. Three.1fourum, PiE, ! Ex do-be negative B +or- sq√t-bee-carat-two hyphen for AC, all top to a. Pie are squared. Logs and FoGs, LN with e too and 10. 2xStruck, R. Wards and numb-ers. Me mmms & pea pull. L ipses, sits. The ram bull-ings UV a sleep-deprEyeV'd girl. A an, An na. L, ily. Abacadafæ. Wrung-brane. No weight, eye ment(o) rung-brane. yes, Indeed. Mmmm.... L L El Take it ore knot. Sit it or doughn't Ehehe E-prefix. -Suffix. Pre-fix. Preach. shhhh shshshsh hushlittlebaby -3.141, 2.718 Gimme Gimme porfa. Mewants it Pweaseeeee Nœw Weghn wuz ð[ə/ɪ] last thyme-eye, slept . tehe hehe i due bee tie err'd. So eyethink Eye'll'go2 sleep zZzZZzzZ checkmark li'l E, hehe. Giggle goggle google gogol, perPLEXed. whitespacenoise. spelling Spell, ing. i and L, too similar Are you Ill? Ill, I'll, Lili yes hehe arr tehe giggle goggle mmmmmm delulu is you. not me wadya mean. justcuzi dothis I wrote the last one late at night before going to sleep. Might delete it honestly. Please don't judge. - Lily ♥

yeah..true. but they're still very noice. u can even just get one pair idk dont if u dont wanna but theyre nice

That's what financial aid and scholarships are for and yes but also you should get something nice for yourself once in a while

........... what part of that is the joke? that you were waiting for me or both? ...did u order them?

No1 2Cry2 (No One To Cry To) When I am sad, Depressed, frustrated, Lonely, confused, Anxious and stressed. When I am these, The worst thing, Is having no one to cry to. I just have to sit or lay here, Keeping it all inside. I can’t even cry out, Can’t do anything, And it hurts. It hurts so very much, Having no one to cry to, No one to listen, No one that cares, No one there, To hear you. You might as well not exist, To the world. And when I have no one to cry to, To talk to, I can’t do anything. I can’t express my emotions, Can’t get them out, And so I stay quiet, Fists clenched, Arms wrapped around myself, Mentally imploding. And there’s no one to stop me, To help me. To listen. No one I can cry to. KnEeS Sadness. Then joy. I see my knees, Clad in this armour, And can finally live, And find some joy, In this messy amalgamation, of skin flesh bone blood, That I am stuck in. That I was unfortunate enough, To have been born in. Yet now I can at least stand it, Yet now I can find joy —✦Euphoria✦— From this new creative artistry, That is what I wear, How I dress, All these new possibilities, New colors, So much potential, Used and loved. HaTeR The specimen, I have not encountered. The type, I am fortunate to’ve avoided thusfar. The specific human waste—waste of a brain and body—that doesn’t know how to love. Perhaps they were raised that way, Perhaps they’ve succumbed to the Third Ick. Perhaps those in the Fortress are the true waste-of-space on this already-dead pile of plastic and bodies floating in the infinite void of nothingness. What a wonderful time to be alive, Indeed. Mispelled;letters;K,bored Its vool jow, Rhere sre xommon errord. Ao xommon, Ib facy, Rhat i laufh rach rime i dee the . Snd tet rhey xause frustratiob, Ehen i csn’t corrext the . Snd ir suxks. Six.grl Hey gwwd? Wat? Dis dude wuz gloatsoaking hiz rizz wile I hunched in da corna. Wuz sosad, dpress-making even. E’en talkig abt it makz meh dpress’d! Ohgrl dat sux!! MeH8s wehn dumdudes do dat, but also js wehn tey re-mind me uv huu i am. ‘n tehn i feel laik carp. Xct!! Laik if i dint hav u, id prolly ... idk. i dnt wna tink bout it... omy now im in tears hehe.. Seven.grl Hey vro gess wat? Hm?. So... I GOT IN!!! OMY RLY??!! Das awsum!! Yas! im so relv’d tbh... like, omy its actly so xtng! *runs away* In my defense, I was.. uh.. tryin out a new style? Tho the first one's so real. - Lily

im perpetually bored and lethargic joy is sickening at least, this used to be true? now i might be Happier. at leastrecently

ya fair ooh did ur socks arrive? mine are amazing... tho i have one complaint so i wore one pair yesterday and another today, and while walking around i felt it falling down a little, and the skirt is kinda short... so ya. it was fine, but kinda idk. But the look so cuteeee

Sick of Home I’m homesick, in that, I’m sick of this home. This dreary and unexciting, Uncomfortable and cold, Long-lived, too-long, Home. I long for a new home, One I enjoy being in, One I seek refuge in, Not refuge from. One I await, Not one I return to with reluctance. I’m sick of this home, And long for a new one. Missed Experiences;Missed Life Where is my life? Have I had one? I get sad often, When I see, Hear, Read, Lives. When I am reminded, Of all that I’ve missed. All I’ve never done, never had. And I think, I’d never give it up, If it were mine. - Lily

oh ya idk for some reason i am i wanna do stuff