Robinski

Is there a way to edit the Tags on the Topic or Post when the person who posts (whoever that might be, ahem) makes an error?

Good points, thank you Mandamon. Yes, passivity, noted, it's an issue with much of my writing. Also take the point about the lack of definition of what's happening, I'll address that in the edit, dial up the clarity.

Chapter 2 comes with a content warning, one scene of what could be described as torture. I guess I should have described this as Gothic horror – would that be accurate. I never felt that it was horrific enough, but I don’t read horror, so I wouldn’t know! Comments welcomed as ever, but please don’t feel that you need to track changes, observations are great. Cheers, Robinski

I went through the online Write About Dragons lectures last October with my online writing group, and Brandon's laissez faire approach to spelling certain words made me chuckle. I say this from a position of supreme respect and sympathy, as my spelling leaves a bit to be desired. Hurray for spell checker! So basically I was just kidding.

Firstly, it's a real pleasure to welcome a fellow grammatical pedant to the forums! We should form a secret society (shhh - first rule of grammar club is not to talk about about grammar club). Secondly, you raise a very interesting question. I would say it's perfectly valid to use artistic license to create an image something like your first one, although personally, I tend to agree the word choice leaves something to be desired. I would probably have it as "my gaze floated above the treetops - which would be more accurate, although create a similar impression, I think. On your second example, I much prefer your second version - it's far more engaging, but it's also doing a different job - I think. This said, I would go out of my way to avoid the first version regardless. To me, better writing would tell much more about the action by being more descriptive. We are rightly instructed by the WE crew that the words need to do as much work as possible (paraphrase). "I patted her knee." "I slapped her knee." "I dropped my hand to her knee and squeezed" (implying the hand it still attached!!). I'm not a great grammatical theorist or scholar - but I know what I like. For me, write as you feel, if it sounds weird on the re-read / edit, then change it. If it doesn't and no one complains, press on!

Yeah, he can't spell worth a *** ;op

Thank you Mandamon, very kind of the you to comment here in addition to - greatly appreciated. Good comments, as every, and very valuable from your enhanced perspective of having read the first story. (1) I like your point about Rutland being an observer, and an idea popped into my head as to how to put a bit more pressure on him from the beginning, which I think would dial things up a bit. (2) I think I will take you guys up on the point about revealing his powers more explicitly from the start and trying to address that confusion. You mention three stories. I actually have 6 planned. My idea was to set a series of stories in places my wife and I like to holiday, or have visited. So, Rutland (smallest county in England) was the first story (Tontine Inn). This is Cambridge, where my wife's grandfather was Curator of the Museum of Anthropology. He was also an explorer, very interesting chap (FYI > http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T._T._Paterson). I have another novel written on a cruise ship (To Sail Beyond Sleep), but Blacklake doesn't feature in that (Tarquin does) - I guess it's a prequel. Then I intended a story in Cornwall, which I have written a few pages for, and a finale in Venice. I'm sure I will have finished all of these by the time I'm 94!!

Don't forget the other bit... Your pardon, oh, High One.

So, I'd very much like to submit the next section of The Mathematical Bridge, but will submit to Mandamon if there is an excess of numbers.

@stormweasel: I very much appreciate your comments, and you taking the time in what sounds like a really hectic period for you, you're too kind. Hope it goes well and you can find the time for your writing again soon. I do look forward to reading more of your stuff. And I'm much obliged for the tracked comments too, which will be valuable I'm sure. @rdpulfer: thanks so much for tracking comments in the Word file, above and beyond since you commented here too. I'll look at both your comments at my leisure, right now I can hardly keep my eyes open. Must be forum lag - time for bed (as Zebedee would say).

I enjoyed this story. It was well written, I thought, tidy language with an interesting premise that was easy to accept. I liked the outcome, and not being entirely sure who I wanted to root for throughout. Good stuff. Detailed comments below. My biggest issue was that the conclusion felt a little flat, not quite as much of a crescendo as it could be. I do like the Rat Pack vs. Brat Pack line. I think 'tenant' should be 'tenet'. Is it 'the Queens' not just 'Queens', presuming it's a reference to the borough of NY. You talk about Faerie Farm defeating Sonny in the trending rankings, but there are 8 then 9 other sites above them both. I think 'was' should be italicised for stress in 'The site was made by someone's grandmother' comment. Removing Faerie Farm only gets Sonny up to number 10 if he's lucky. I'm not overly impressed with his reasoning. He could target any of the top 9/10 if he chose, in fact why not hack them all? Would that not be more effective? Ellis would have 'few' options. Why did he use his own name in the letter he sent? I was about to comment about Blue Screen dating the story, but the actually blue liquid was surprising, very effective, lol. His computer has just been wrecked, how does he type the letter, etc.? Even if he can resurrect the system, his monitor is mush, there ain't a mention of him going to another system, you say he returns to his computer. Love the reveal of the worm, but there is a lot of repetition of words, like envelope, for example. The phrase his mind deep in thought is a bit clumsy. What else would he think with? I do like Robin's tread lightly 'speech', quietly threatening, with a definite sense of authority. Not sure what's meant by 'poser security'. Staff and patronS alike, and we know he's at the library so the end of the phrase sounds awkward, I think. I don't follow how there's any explanation of where his missing socks are. Cleared the space between THEM... I would drop NON-FICTION from tech description of the section, slows down the flow and not necessary, I think. The phrase 'he could find' is repeated twice in the same paragraph, and there's an additional 'he could' on top of that. I like the way that Sonny (there are some typos on his name' Sony, for example) turns the tables on Robin with research, knowledge is power, etc. but Sonny is not a sympathetic character, so I'm intrigued as to where this is going to end up. Like the 'I hate that play' line. I found the climax a little underplayed somehow. I felt things skipped on very suddenly to Sonny giving himself up, like I didn't quite get the impression that he'd been put through the ringer sufficiently. This said, that conclusion is poetic, more so considering his reaction to being there and feeling safer with the he iron around, a nice ironic (sorry!) touch. The final line, I felt, was just a little obvious coming in the para before, but still well done to close out that way, which felt right.

Here, here - iTunes less than friendly to many things - including Podcasts.

Thanks Chaos - much appreciated. In this week's exciting episode of Reading Excuses we have Mandamon's ongoing fantasy novel "Fruit of the Gods" - a tale of two sisters and a very intriguing Sandersonian magic system. This week's submission is the first part of Chapter 10. Also, a complete short story from one of RE's newest members, RDPulfer, "A Troll's Tale" which I'm currently reading and enjoying a good deal, really rather inventive stuff, I think. Not to mention (oh, I just have...) the first part of my Nano 2012 novel "The Mathematical Bridge" - rooted in the supernatural, a sequel to an earlier story, featuring the same protagonist in all his objectionable vainglory - Master Rutland Blacklake (boo, hiss). Members of Reading Excuses receive emails of the weekly submissions for their critiquing and submit their own work, up to 5K words per week, for amiable and constructive perusal. Your friendly neighbourhood writing group needs YOU!!

@rdpulfer: thank you for your comments, very helpful indeed. Delighted that the character description worked for you. I will be interested in how you bear up under the style as we go forward, assuming that you are able to keep commenting, of course! Fair comment on the date, which Haelbarde also comment on - I think you are both right - that's something I will get in up front to set the context from the beginning. Good point on the footnotes too. I can't remember off the top of my head how many more there are, but I could probably drop in one every few pages because I do agree with your observations, but probably didn't have it in mind at the time. Fair comment on Passive Voice also, it was only in 2014 that I really took up the cudgel against PV in my writing. This story pre-dates that, so it will probably be drenched in the stuff - I'll try and weed some of it out in my weekly edits - although Dan Wells did say that no PV whatsoever was the mark of a new (inexperienced) writer - everything in moderation, I guess, as my old mum still says. Great comments, thanks again.

@Haelbarde: Welcome to Reading Excuses - delighted to have your comments. There's no right or wrong way to comment, I would say, although you will find various guidance online suggesting what is right and wrong, in a reading group situation anyway. I have a tendency to nitpick and grammar check, which I frequently have to apologise for, then again the other online writing group I am a member of (Start Write Now) tends to welcome an element of proof reading (up to a point!!!). In short, your comments were excellent, I thought, clearly carefully considered, telling me what worked and what didn't, but also overall impressions. Very constructive. I'm glad you're intrigued, that's good, thin line between that and confusion of course, so pull me up if you think I've crossed it. I'll check the day continuity, entirely possible that is an error, I will review. I'm also happy with your suggestion and will consider them when I edit - which I haven't done to this story yet, other than some tweaks just before I submitted. Much appreciated, again welcome and glad you're looking forward to the next submission!

Lol. :-|

So, you might encounter some tracked changes. I’ll apologise that I haven’t edited this since the first draft was finished, so you’ll likely encounter some typos too – sorry. Also, I’ll apologise for the style – in case you find yourself in need of an apology to accept once you get into it. It’s deliberately a bit flowery, with the intention of evoking something of the setting, but also because I like that shtick. I hope you find something to enjoy in the story. All comments gratefully accepted. Please don’t feel obliged to highlight the typos, but if you do, all to the good. If you want to track comments and suggestions in this Word file and email it back to me, then have at it, but I will be more than happy with any observations that you care to put up on RE. Thanks for reading. Cheers, Robinski

Okay, from RE perspective I've been sitting on my hands for too long, as if I can only do one thing at a time (pah!). So, can I submit on Monday, please? The material will be my first NaNo project from 2012, it's a novel called 'The Mathematical Bridge' - circa 64,000 words - but only 4,000 - 5,000 on Monday, of course! Mandamon is familiar with the protagonist (if he remembers!), a certain Master Rutland Blacklake, who was the protag of my first project submitted to Reading Excuses, 'The Tontine Inn by the Shore', a novelette. This story is the sequel to that story, but I trust that it stands alone.

Excellent. I'm a total newbie at setting up a Facebook page, so it's a bit of an experiment. Strangely, your likes don't seemed to be showing on the page, I don't know what that's about, maybe they will still come through. I'll query their Admin if they don't. Have one like from someone, maybe it will generate another route to RE.

So, I set up a Facebook page for Reading Excuses - I hope that's okay. It's public at the moment, but I could make it 'Members Only' so that people find their way to it only via this forum, I guess. Are you guys on Facebook? The page is over here: https://www.facebook.com/readingexcuses

I know a lot of you fine people on here are aspiring writers. Did you know there is a friendly and enthusiastic writing group under the 'Associate Works' banner? Why not check it out and you will find welcoming and helpful amateur writers, mostly raised on a healthy diet of Writing Excuses and NaNoWriMo, keen to read your work and offer constructive comment and discussion. There are writers of varying experience and persistence, keen to help and to encourage each other. Don't leave that project of yours languishing in the digital dust. Run it through the spell-checker and submit it weekly on Reading Excuses!

Yeah, it's a pity. I'm going to take it upon myself to do some marketing on the main threads, Twitter, Facebook, etc.

Er, I tried to go ahead and usurp your authority, but Daddy Warpig seems to be waiting on the Word. : o )

LOL - certainly the first two.