kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ

I'm terrified to move on to the next chapter. I was excited to flip the pages, but now that this one is here... I'm dreading the moment that I'll have to turn it. If I stop reading the book, I'll never have to end this chapter, but I'll never get to experience the rest of the story. 

I don't know why I'm dreading summer so much. Maybe because the imperfect structure that holds up my days will collapse, leaving me with the burden of agency. Maybe because the ones I love will be farther away; the one I love most even farther. Maybe because it means going somewhere new and scary. My favorite teachers will be replaced, and I will only get to see my choir director once a week rather than four times a week. He won't be directing any musicals at the high school. I want to live this same year forever and ever. It's been so incredible...

"I want to stay. I am starting to enjoy myself.

You got a problem with that?" (Alice Beieneke, The Addams Family Musical)

Time has definitely got a problem with that. It will never stop moving, especially not when I need it to. It doesn't care. 

I think I'm suffering from post-musical depression.