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kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ's Achievements
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Villain backstories are SO fun to write.
Honestly, I've no clue why they're fun, but they just are. (Also, this is incredibly random, but the British way of spelling certain words just looks better, such as grey and colour--they just look more sophisticated and real, you know?)
Anyways, back to the reason I'm posting this SU:
I've written a TON of Mira's backstory over the past few days, and I'd love feedback. So if any of you have time to read this and give me some relatively detailed feedback that would help me SO much. It kind of ends in a weird spot right now, but... yeah. Anyways, just beware because it's a ton of writing
Only read it if you don't have better things to do
SpoilerLate summer leaves rustled in emerald-shod trees, a stale wind combing its fingers through tall grasses that would soon dry out. Stray chickens roamed the plains, some chased by feral cats while others quested for food. The twilight burned golden as the sun fled from the battlefield that was the sky, bleeding lava as it disappeared over the Airedge mountains. Soon, a slice of moon stoically stepped up to shine in the sun’s place, watching the stars dance around it in their nightly ritual.
Below it all, a young girl–barely 13–stared at the ceiling of her small Riesen home, hands fidgeting restlessly with her fluffy dark curls. Her mattress was coarse and itchy, the blankets kicked to the foot of the bed in tangled heaps. Her heartbeat was heavy, her body hot with anxiety, yellow-orange eyes burning like hot coals.
It felt like a thousand years had passed since she’d lost control; it was impossible to believe that it had only been mere hours. Images flashed behind her eyes and her body groaned in protest as she sat up against the wall, trying to shake memories of the burning archives from her mind. Thousands of years’ worth of knowledge… gone. It was a crime like none that had ever been committed, even if it had been an accident. What would they do to her? And what were they doing with Arson? They wouldn’t just kill him; she knew that. They weren’t allowed to kill him.
…Right?
She was jolted from her thoughts as the door to her small bedroom creaked open. A stout ginger woman in her late forties smiled sadly as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. This was Magdalene Rieyers, her adoptive mother.
“Mei kaija, my sweet Mira,” Magdalene took the girl–Mira–in her arms, settling on the edge of her straw mattress. She gently combed her fingers through Mira’s long curls. “Let’s go get your brother, yeah?”
Hope swelled in Mira’s heart. So Arson was okay, then. They didn’t kill him, and they were both going to be just fine! The Collective had realized that it was all a mistake, that they were just kids, that they didn’t mean it–and now everything was going to be okay.
Mira nodded eagerly, and Magdalene gently tugged her along by the hand, out the door and into the night. They walked in silence, Mira clinging to her adoptive mother’s arm.
The path seemed to continue forever. Eventually, a tall, dark-haired woman with intense eyeliner and high cheekbones swept onto the path. Her long robes tickled the gravel, and Mira couldn’t decide whether the silk was black or purple.
Magdalene whispered in Mira’s ear, “Kaija, this woman will take you to Arson. I’ll see you soon, baby.” She kissed Mira’s forehead and let go of her.
The new, looming woman’s hand lashed forward and yanked Mira’s arm, her claw-like fingernails digging into Mira’s skin. Magdalene smiled sadly before hurrying back up the path.
“Come, Mira,” the woman barked, eyes narrowing sternly.
“Where are we going?” Mira’s hawk-yellow eyes were wide, flickering from side to side nervously. She recognized the path they began on, but it seemed different now–at night, in the cold, without Mother. The air was frigid for the summer, but as a chill skittered down Mira’s spine, she realized that maybe it wasn’t cold outside at all. Feverish sweat beaded on the back of her neck. Shivers forced goosebumps to pop up all over her body. Her heart pounded in her ears. Needles of numbness stabbed her fingertips as the woman’s fierce grip began to cut off her circulation.
Mira examined the woman as they walked. Her eyes were empty and black; cold. Her sleek raven hair reached past her waist, straight as a board but soft as feathers. Her fingernails were long and filed into that of claws, painted the same inky purple of her dress, and the woman’s pale complexion sharply contrasted a poorly concealed tattoo that crept up the side of her neck. A tattoo… on her neck… why was that so familiar?
A sudden dagger of realization stabbed Mira’s chest, and she tried to scramble away, but to no avail. “You can’t Strip me! You can’t take my power,” Mira screamed, her voice high with hysteria. “You can’t make me go!”
The clawed woman–a Soulweaver, Mira knew now–snarled and prowled closer, her grip so tight that Mira’s arm was going blue, her claws nearly drawing blood. “You will remain silent, Dethridge, unless told otherwise. Do you understand?”
Mira whimpered.
“Speak up!”
Mira nodded vigorously, the motion taking place of the beats her terrorized heart missed.
“Good. Now shut your insolent mouth and do what you’re told.” The woman whose name Mira was terrified to ask yanked her farther down the gravel path.
This woman, a Soulweaver–an Elysian Soulweaver, would Strip her, and Mira knew it. She couldn’t run, couldn’t hide. She could flamelash, maybe, but that would be another strike against her–or worse, against Arson. Then they wouldn’t just take her ability. They’d take her life, if the Elysian woman didn’t first.
What would be worse? Death, or a life without purpose? Without a reason to live? Without warmth and comfort–and without fire? Surely death would be a better option. But what of Arson? Oh, what can I do? Please, Gods, if you exist, help me now. Kill me now, and kill Arson too. He won’t mind, not knowing the alternative. Please help me, Gods. We were born the same day; why can’t we die the same too? Save us. Silently, Mira continued her desperate prayer, her plea for death.
Eventually the pair came to a stop.
Mira peered around, searching desperately for any sign of her twin brother. The Soulweaver, too, searched the tall grasses around them, as if waiting for something.
What felt like a very long time passed, and the woman continued to merely stand there, watching the grass sway in the wind.
Arson should be here by now… Mira worried.
What were they doing to Arson? Where was he? She studied the Soulweaver’s face, deciding that she looked open to questions.
“Wher–”
Mira was cut short as the woman’s angry hand slapped her mouth. “Hush, child! Do you not understand what ‘quiet’ means?”
Tears of frustration distorted Mira’s vision—not from the pain of the slap, but from the pain of silence. Magdalene had promised her Arson, and he was not here. She was not used to being treated like this.
Another long period of silence and stillness passed, and the Soulweaver seemed to be almost softening. Eventually, she told Mira to sit and wait–quietly.
Maybe there wouldn’t be a Strip after all. Maybe Mira’s punishment was to sit and wait in this tall grass, wait for an Arson that would never come, wait until she forgot how to speak, wait until she forgot how to coax a flame. She hoped she’d starve before that happened.
But before much longer, a tall, wiry man with silver-blonde hair and bright blue eyes approached the Soulweaver and smiled at her, his eyes sparkling. “Nora! Lovely to see you again, milady.” He paused to execute an overexaggerated bow that Nora watched closely but made no comment on.
“Frigg, where is the boy?” She snapped impatiently.
“Why, he’s just behind me! You know, he’s been very quiet, very amiable. This should be easier than…” Mira tuned out the nice-sounding man named Frigg as a boy-like shape entered her peripheral vision.
He was a boy of thirteen with tan skin, tousled dark hair, yellow-orange eyes, and a light dusting of freckles brushed over his face and hands. He wore the simple neutral clothes of the Riesens–a loose white tunic, dark trousers, and sturdy boots. Of course, you could customize your clothes if you so wished, but Arson was quiet. He never did anything to make himself a target.
Until that morning with the archives.
“ARSON!” Mira leaped from her seat in the grass and threw her arms around her twin brother, but not before Nora already had her arm in claws. Nora tried to pry Mira away, but Frigg stepped forward.
“Nora, lovely, I don’t think it should hurt anybody to let the children say hello.”
“They’re incredibly dangerous, you dunderhead! And they could be much more powerful together. No, I think it’s best that they stay separated.” And with that, awful, horrible Nora yanked Mira off of Arson, who squeaked a little. His eyes asked, has she been like this the whole time?
A simple nod from Mira answered the question.
Arson nodded back, then folded his hands and walked silently up to Nora, cleared his throat, and said simply, “I don’t think you’ve been very nice to my sister.”
“I don’t think your sister has been very nice to me,” she retorted. “I think she’s a rather horrid child, really.”
Anger narrowed Arson’s eyes and he grabbed Nora’s arm, who cried out in pain.
Oh, blazes, no! He burned Nora. Burned her!
“Arson, stop! Stop, you’ll get yourself killed,” Mira screamed.
“The girl’s right,” Nora spat, twisting her arm parallel to Arson’s–and suddenly, their positions reversed and she had his arm instead. She was now the wolf, he the sheep. “You children are so poorly disciplined.” A bright red, Arson-sized handprint sizzled on her raw skin, smoking a little.
Arson didn’t make mistakes often, but when he did, they were rather… extreme.
“Nora, let him go,” Frigg snapped, suddenly frightening next to his otherwise placid demeanor. “Let him go, let’s do the Strip, and then he can’t hurt you anymore! Don’t waste your energy, Nory.”
Nora winced at the nickname but reluctantly released Arson’s arm, shoving him back a bit. Mira snuck over to her brother as quietly as she could.
“Are you alright?” She asked, looking him over for injuries.
He nodded. “I’m okay.” His eyes flickered to the adults, who were bickering.
“Fine. We’ll perform the Strip soon, but not before the Mediator arrives,” Nora assented as Frigg inspected her injury.
“Who cares about a Mediator?” Frigg scoffed. “We’ve been doing this for decades without one.”
“These children are unstable!”
Mira rolled her eyes at them, grinning at Arson. Adults could be so insufferable.
“So, Arson,” Mira started in a low voice. “Tell me about Frigg.”
“He’s alright,” Arson shrugged. “Nicer than Nora, it seems.”
Mira nodded. “And where were you? You know… after the accident. Mother brought me straight home since I wasn’t badly hurt.” She paused, looking him up and down. “Were you?”
“Just some smoke inhalation. Some of your fire also burned me,” He added, more quietly. “But I’m okay, thanks to a Healer. She was very nice.”
“What’s her name?”
“Fiona.”
Fiona. Okay. Mental note: find Fiona and thank her for saving my brother.
She knew that the chances of that were pretty unlikely. She had never met a Riesen named Fiona before, and she doubted she would meet one in the near future. She had to be Vandlian, or Crothan, maybe.
Mira suddenly became very aware of the impending silence that had settled over the four people. A cold night breeze swept through the grass, sending shivers down her skin. Nora and Frigg seemed to be having some sort of silent conversation, just like Mira and Arson sometimes did.
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QuoteThanks! Right now I'm kind of struggling because the scene feels like it's just dragging out... does it feel purposeless to you guys like maybe I should shorten it?
Hmm...Maybe, but mostly that depends on whether you say the same thing at another point; are there other times where you show her relationship with the other characters, where you show the way they act when they're emotional? If so, then yeah, shortening it would probably be better, but if not, then I'd say leave it, because it's giving important information. And, hopefully, showing the contrast to how she acts later.
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QuoteHmm...Maybe, but mostly that depends on whether you say the same thing at another point; are there other times where you show her relationship with the other characters, where you show the way they act when they're emotional? If so, then yeah, shortening it would probably be better, but if not, then I'd say leave it, because it's giving important information. And, hopefully, showing the contrast to how she acts later.
oooh very smart thank you Edema
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