Edema Rue

To the theatre, regarding acting:

You are a place of pretending.

A place where the world pauses,

And everyone pretends to believe in things that are not.

The world is banished, exiled by everyone’s shared suspension of disbelief.

Suspension of disbelief.

A pause.

A break.

A moment where all cynicism, all criticism, all is banished. Where everyone agrees to believe in falsehoods. 

And,

It turns out,

That isn’t just for the relationship between the audience and the actors.

It’s for the actors and the actors,

The audience and the audience.

And sitting in the audience, 

Surrounded by actors who know how to love the ones onstage, even when they aren’t performing,

I can pretend.

Just for one short hour.

I can pretend,

That they aren’t just acting.

I can pretend,

That maybe someday they’ll invite me to come with them.

I can pretend,

That this moment of joy will last forever.

I can pretend,

That they really do care about me.

I can pretend,

As we all watch them, then go backstage to meet their cast, then make friends and stay after to clean up, then show them our monologues, our performances, our art. I can pretend that I really am one of them. And they can pretend too. And it’s wonderful.

And now…

And now I’ve left your walls,

And gone back to a world where pretending is scorned.

Where acting won’t help.

But,

Stars,

That one night.

That one short hour.

That one moment of acting.

Of feeling her head on my shoulder,

Of feeling their arms around me,

Of being a part of everything I’ve always watched from outside.

You can do that.

You are…wonderful.

I want that.

Please.

I want more of it.

It’s a drug, and every moment I spend basking in that euphoria is a moment that I want more of it, more, more, more, more.

It isn’t bad, is it?

To want this?

This isn’t going to hurt me.

It isn’t.

I swear it.

It’s the lack of it that hurts.

But…

I suppose a lot of things are that way.

But what if I didn’t ever have to lack it?

That’s okay, isn’t it?

You can give me that.

You can make sure I can be acting this part forever.

Never alone.

Never lacking in the feelings that keep me alive.

Never without them.

Give me more.

Let me stay in this act.

Please?

Rue