Oh geez
*sends magic question answering back in the past*
OH MY GOSH, FREAKING YAY
*hugs, hugs, hugs* I’m guessing what I’m gonna say next is gonna be kinda useless, but I’m gonna try. I really care about you, okay, Hawks?
First, I promise you it’s not “shouldn’t”. Emotions are hard, especially for you. This is one of the battle you’re fighting, and it’s okay to be fighting this battle. It may seem stupid to you, but I promise it’s not. Something that helps me is to acknowledge that something is an issue and try different things to resolve it— different thought patterns, schedules, journaling, and stuff like that. A lot of my issues and depression are me trying to root out the depression I rehearsed into myself back when I felt lonely and found more and more things to depress myself with so I could get support from my friends (it wasn’t intentional, but it’s what happened). I think it’s a stupid battle to be fighting, and some nights I look at myself and wonder why I let myself ruin my emotions like that. I didn’t. I may have assigned certain thought patterns to the emotions, but my mom has some of the same issues that she struggles with every month.
All that to say that your battles aren’t stupid. Your battles are opportunities to learn and grow. Before I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday, I asked my dad for a blessing because I was kinda freaking out. The line that stood out to me a lot was “He is carefully selecting and jealously guarding your trials”. That was incredible to hear to me. I’m not going to go through anything needlessly. I don’t know if it helps, but it’s what I needed to hear, so I thought I’d share it.
Actually, I don’t know if any of this will help. But… I dunno. I wanna try.
*hugs*
I know it’s not verbal and you probably don’t care about me, but the very LAST thing you are is useless. You’re so fun and bubbly and you’ve helped a lot of us and given us hugs and checked up on us and I promise you that’s seen results. Thank you for what you’ve done for us.
Lastly—
You will be warm again. It sounds empty now, but it just takes some time. Wait it out. Do what you can to enjoy the moments things feel nice. Keep us updated on how you feel. Call me if you need to (I’m a lot more likely to answer if we schedule first, since my phone’s always on D&D, but I’ll try and pick up when I can).
It sucks now. I honestly don’t know if I could go through a divorce. That’s really, really rough. I’m not trying to diminish it when I promise there’s light coming your way. I know the pattern maybe better than anyone. It’s coming.
Uh
Sorry for the useless ramble. *more hugs*