Lotus Blossom
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Everything posted by Lotus Blossom
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i hate mood swings.
i hate crying for no real reason.
i hate screaming and i hate breaking things and slamming my fists onto my desks and feeling all these terrible things that i dont want to feel.
and i hate whispering curses that i would never say and look at my tear-streaked face in my mirror and just feel so terrible- so so terrible that i can't even look at my face anymore and i start clawing at my hair and ripping off my clothes and realizing that there is no real reason to why i'm like this
and i wish i could just stop it all but i cant and i still have this terrible feeling that keeps the tears falling and this urge to scream and tear down the world and watch it burn but i cant and then i ask myself that if i dont even love this monster i've created why would i expect anyone else to
and then i realize it is just a mood swing that i can shake off.
and then i try and i try but no matter what i do i can't shake it off.
so i come to the shard.
don't you hate it when that happens?
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Mae nodded, bit her tongue, and stood up. "I need to think through all of this, sir." And she left the room, returning to the dining hall where Lord John was sitting. @The Wandering Wizard @SmilingPanda19
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"And if I refuse?"
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"How do you suggest... 'finding out' ?"
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"Not impossible, though highly doubted," she smiled.
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"To hope there is good in the world? Or hope there is good in you?"
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"So your only reasoning is humanitarianism? Are you asking me to believe you truly are a Good Samaritan, with no ulterior motives?"
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'Why do you want me to marry you, if not love? I have no wealth to offer. I don't understand you."
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"....On the other hand, I've already planned my wedding with Cedric and it's all paid for. Perhaps I'll simply marry him first, and then consider this proposition of insanity." She was thinking out loud.
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"How long do we have? Until the starfall." She bit her lip anxiously.
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"I believe this will not work."
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She sighed. "Would there be a wedding?"
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"Why?" She sat back down on the couch. "Now, I do think you will find I am quite disagreeable. Rather annoying from time to time. I doubt you could bear to spend as much time with me as you suggest."
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"I like that name. Where did you find it?"
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"What did you find?"
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"And your first? What was the name that was given to you, not that you choose for yourself? What was the name that had been decided as your fate, before you even stepped into your legacy?"
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"What about your name?" She didn't look at him, completely still in that same train of thought. "Can you tell me what your name is?"
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"And see that would be exactly the words of a madman." She stood up, smiling and waving her hand again, casually. "No matter, no matter. I've much experience." She slowly walked up to the desk, spinning the globe a few times. "Now, Envoy. Do you know who it is in that portrait?"
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"I believe I've reached insanity. Here I am, in a study, talking pleasantly about marriage to an intruder of whom I've only met for two days, having only seen the bottom half of his face.
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"Perhaps it's your only choice." She almost laughed.
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"Could there be?" Mae raised her eyebrows.
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"Well, of course. Otherwise, I wouldn't even be considering this." She grinned, "Not that I am." She looked at her nails casually. "But there must be more to life than that. You know me enough to know that I love a risk, but what's in it for me, Envoy? Here, I can manipulate the entirety of the London bureaucracy from the comfort of my drawing room over a glass of jasmine tea. Now, say we do carry out this whole..." She waved her hand around vaguely. "Escapade. Besides money, which, by the way, I'm sure Cedric outweighs you on, is there any allure? I love a good bribe." She sat back in the sofa. "Tell me, Envoy. Why should I love you? Or even enjoy your company for the rest of whatever this life has become?"
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"To think I would be able to leave this marriage." She crossed her legs ludicrously. "Tell me," she began, "Why should I marry you?"
