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Aeoryi

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Everything posted by Aeoryi

  1. Aeoryi
    if I can ask, what do you mean by 'I was less of a real person'? I definitely felt like things mattered less and less to me over time but like things still mattered somewhat, just the things I valued changed Like the one with the girl and the water?
  2. Aeoryi
    I read it yeah I was a very vibrant child and I had tons of energy and I was like super ordinary and everything But you're always allowed to change, right? I mean there were lots of signs that I was an egg in my childhood from like, grade seven onwards. I'd say I was probably happiest at a young age. To say that there's like a element of depersonalization I think is just untrue for me. As for like feeling emotionless or emotionally apathetic I don't know if that's the case. Like I've definitely felt depressed but idk don't think that's dysphoria Dang now that I write that out it sounds like I have no dysphoria
  3. Aeoryi
    Auditions!
  4. Aeoryi
    It feels like a reach for me to say I didn't feel emotions or whatever. I will say, however, that I do reflexively have dialogues with myself (as much as I try not to) but I'd attribute it to other issues. Idk I can admit I grew up for sixteen years as a cisgender guy, and I can admit that was me. Maybe that changes some things.
  5. Aeoryi
    "So it really could be anywhere." She said. "Is there anyone who keeps a list of all Plotblades in TLT? Or something like that?"
  6. Aeoryi
    I don't like to think of myself as a split between multiple parts because I don't think it helps with being able to move forward (but that's a personal thing) I'd be more likely to just be upset that I was in a body that didn't really fit me and then blame myself for that.
  7. Aeoryi
    "Can Plotblades passively move?" Ribbon asked. "Maybe it's changed spots."
  8. Aeoryi
    "Can you reach him? Contact him?"
  9. Aeoryi
    "Do you have any ideas? I don't know how to find them, or any leads. Surely there has to be something, right?"
  10. Aeoryi
    @Ashkaloda did you ever respond to my post (sry Abt the ping)
  11. Aeoryi
    Okay so, here's the thing: I've known I was like, into women long before I was ever starting to even consider I was trans. Now, for the longest time, I'd consider myself aroace. This probably seems contradictory but it makes sense eventually. The thing is, I know that I prefer women over men. That wasn't hard to figure out. However, to me, I knew I could only love a woman if I was a woman myself. F/F relationships have always interested me, and I have basically never expressed interest in heterosexual relationships. This is probably best exemplified by the media I'm interested in. I read Yuri frequently (which basically means girl/girl relationship) and I've done that for a while. I don't read the gay equivalent to that kind of stuff, or lame generic heterosexual romance novels. The things that appeal to me in the kind of media I consume tends to be the nature of the relationship- the mutual feeling of being cared for, and caring for someone else. Physical touch is sometimes involves but like in general it's like... The way it comes about is often also very appealing. Idk why but for me the other equivalents to it just feels repulsive and/or gross. Let's talk about what that feels like irl Nothing. The thing is, I've kinda just repressed these feelings over time. It's not really viable for a guy to be yearning for a girl-girl relationship, especially considering he's not a girl, plus it's not really considered something that's "normal" and moreso probably considered something that's weird. So I just repressed it. Come to terms with the fact that it'll never be me, and that I won't enjoy other kinds of relationships as much knowing that there's one I'd enjoy more To say that I don't feel strong attraction towards anyone, okay, maybe that's a lie. There are some women I am more attracted to than others. But once again, I don't actually want to have a relationship in my current state, because to me that'd be akin to having a heterosexual relationship (regardless of how I identify). I doubt, in fact, I'd ever feel comfortable entering a relationship, unless I had my bottom dysphoria cured, and that's mostly because it lacks that genuine aspect that other f/f relationships seem to have. Now, the fact that I don't feel comfortable entering a relationship is not grounds for identifying as asexual. Just because I feel like I have no chance doesn't mean I don't feel anything or I don't have a preference or that I don't want a relationship. For me, my sexual orientation isn't necessarily who I am actively seeking out a relationship for but rather my ultimate preference. I don't get the melty brain thing (I did once when I had a crush back when I was 14) and I don't get like completely unfocused when hot women are around. But I still yearn for something I'm not able to have... yet That's how I know I'm not asexual
  12. Aeoryi
    recursive
  13. Aeoryi
    I will. After I eat dinner.
  14. Aeoryi
    What lies said
  15. Aeoryi
    I find handwriting nice exactly for the reason you're repulsed from it. Because it forces you to slow down, control your thoughts, and develop them fully, it's better for me. It's also great for handwriting training (if you want to do things like that). However, that's my preference, and many people choose to keep theirs on a digital thing like Google docs (MS word is garbage for other reasons). It's easier to type and as long as you have access to it episodically, it should be fine. The most important thing to do when journaling is to start. It's more difficult near the beginning, because you don't have the pressure of the pages you've wrote before. After that, making it a habit is equally important. If you're worried about privacy, name the document something else (something like "baking recipes") and just add a note at the start for others to respect your privacy. This might help if you use shared devices.
  16. Aeoryi
    write everything that comes to your mind including if nothing does or if you're not feeling in the mood to journal or that kind of thing. Or even if you're not talking about trans stuff. Also helps to write your perspective on things at the moment, things that matter to you (for example, I wrote a lot about the fact that no one really knows too much about what progesterone actually does) - it can help to see how your perspective changes over time. If you're really hard stuck, try writing a narrative about your life and your own story and then revisit it later on. (This particularly was quite helpful for me). I think the most important thing to do when journaling is to avoid keeping secrets from your journal- if you're afraid to admit something on paper, write that down, but don't keep secrets from your own mind. It'll just cause problems later down the line. (And no, people won't read what you write and if they do you're probably already going to get into problems anyways)
  17. Aeoryi
    He does quite a good job at prowling about tbh Chaos has been great for the site
  18. Aeoryi
  19. Aeoryi
    2020 shard was so active... I still cringe when I think about it though. Somehow more than 2023 shard.
  20. Aeoryi
    sure please do! No, but coming out in person is preferenced in general.
  21. Aeoryi
    There was more to the email but they'd be able to help me get HRT like most certainly if possible rahhhhh
  22. Aeoryi
    tbh I've actually been temp'd by chaos but even then I think he was very fair
  23. Aeoryi
    anyways I got a email back from the trans helpline I called that said this: I am currently in shock
  24. Aeoryi
    Oh, is wiz not around as much anymore? Thaid, panda, uhhhh fadran. But condensation and the siblings of the water-related weather are the TRUE prime of the shard. And Ene was active back then, too!
  25. Aeoryi
    That's very true actually. Don't know why all of you are intimidated by Chaos. He's a kind lad. and we're safe here
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