DramaQueen

Ever feel like you don't actually know anything at all?

Cuz me too.

How did I get this far? Idk, just kinda BSed my way. 

Do my thing, freak out over things, somehow panic-mode my way through those things, repeat.

All while also procrastinating and not getting enough sleep and not eating healthy and sometimes not eating enough and trying to look cute and making some dumb financial decisions and never letting myself actually have time to do the things I actually want to do.

Forming opinions and trying to defend those opinions, even when the person I'm defending them to is my dad who has so much more life experience than me and is much better at standing his ground against me than I am and a lot of the time I end up crying because I'm so passionate about it and I know what I believe but I DON'T KNOW how to explain it in a way that he will understand.

Challenging opinions that I've had my whole life and trying to come out of challenging them with a stronger belief in them than before but it's so hard to find time to work on that so I'm just in a constant state of challenging AND believing which is NOT fun.

Trying to keep my social life alive.

Trying to keep myself alive.

Trying to imagine how I could ever possibly be a mother and a wife and have a family and a house (and a job??? Idk???) when I can hardly balance college, work, and feeding myself.

And pushing forward anyways because that's what we do.

Time doesn't stop.

There's not really any way to just. Hit pause on life so you can catch up.

There are things I want in the future, things I've looked forward to for my entire life. Can I at all see how I'm going to get there? No. But I know I want to, and the longer I keep going, the closer I'm going to get to being able to reach those things.

I don't know where I'm going to be in five, ten, fifteen years.

Where I am now is different from where I thought I'd be five, ten, fifteen years ago (although I don't think I thought much about this when I was four. Or nine. But still.)

But I know that where I am has so far worked out and been okayish because of (some of) what I did years and years and years ago.

So...I keep going. Because time will always keep going. Because I know there's something I'm going towards.

I just don't know what it is yet.

But I think it'll be good.