Channelknight Fadran

I've been really low the past few days, and while I'm still on the Star Wars high from Clone Wars I opted to boost my mood a little by watching the most mediocre movies ever made: The Prequels.

As an Original Trilogy purist I figured I should probably re-immerse myself in them in order to formulate a more educated opinion. Not that this rewatch was scientific by any means - I spent an awful lot of the Anakin x Padme scenes on reddit - but I gathered some good intel and reeducated opinions from them.

Without further ado, here we are:

1) The Phantom Menace

I have good memories associated with this movie. Ages ago it was showing in a local cinema for some reason, and my dad took me to go see it. We were watching it in 3D (with the cardboard glasses), and at my age I honestly just had a blast. Podracing, lightsaber duels, big explosions - heck yeah!

A lot of people regard it as the worst Star Wars (or did, anyways, before the Sequels came into being), but I always thought it was a solid standalone at the very least. Something about Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn as the main characters doing their own thing really just gives it this solid vibe for me. Almost like it isn't supposed to be a part of a bigger story, and just that it's an origin for how Obi-Wan came to apprentice Anakin with a bunch of sick action packed in between.

And upon rewatch? It kinda holds up. I'll be completely honest and admit that the Podracing and first half of the Darth Maul duel (truel? Is it a truel if two of them are on the same side?) weren't quite as incredible as I remembered, but that's probably because I've been absolutely saturated with S-tier anime action sequences for the past while. For the truel in particular it really picks up when it's just Obi-Wan versus Maul, even if only for about thirty seconds before he gets kicked into a pit.

Far from my favorite Star Wars, but I really don't think it's as bad as people seem to believe.

Though I guess anything with Jar Jar in it immediately gets negative poitns.

2) Attack of the Clones

I had seen this movie once before.

Once, many moons ago, when my siblings and I were like "hey dad, we've never seen the other Star Wars movies; we should get on that" and he was like "mkay, your loss."

This movie is such a drag. It is so incredibly boring and slow and uneven. Everything just felt so... inconsequential. Obi-Wan Kenobi seeing the massive clone army for the first time is supposed to be this realization of a sinister plot behind the scenes, but instead it's like "mhm. clones." Count Dooku just feels tossed in there haphazardly, and the duel (truel???) against him is far less than interesting for the most part. And don't even get me started on Anakin x Padme, and don't even start getting me started on C3PO.

Running through the factory? Boring.

Jedi leaping into action on Geonosis? Arbitrary.

Clones coming to save everyone's hide? Inconsequential.

But I'll give credit where it's due. I remembered thinking the Yoda vs Dooku fight was absolutely ridiculous as a kid, but it's really not quite as bad as I seemed to remember. The weird screams our lil' green friend made were a little out of place, but I recalled him leaping from wall to wall like a pinball instead of the otherwise decently-paced fight that the two of them had. And Obi-Wan, of course, was as wonderful as always.

Politics were still as underwhelming as always.

3) Revenge of the Sith

In my stark hatred for the prequels during my youth, I always purposefully despised this one out of nothing but spite. So many people I knew insisted that it was the best Star Wars ever made, and I just couldn't put up with the fact that a prequel could be given such a title.

When people say the prequels are good, they mean Revenge of the Sith is good.

And it is.

Maybe I was just happy to come off the absolute drag that was Attack of the Clones, but blimey does this movie hit the spot. Starting off right into several minutes of high-octane space combat, just to leap into a remarkable set of lightsaber action and setting up Palpatine's intentions and Anakin's weaknesses. Anakin and Obi-Wan actually feel like old friends, the battles actually feel like something is happening, and somehow they managed to do with General Grievous in half a movie what they couldn't with Count Dooku in two.

And Padme is somewhat bearable, too!

I'll stick to some of my old opinions though. Anakin going from trying to save Palpatine to killing younglings in five minutes feels as rushed and choppy as always, the Order 66 montage does not feel nearly as consequential as it should, and I feel like the movie would be a hell of a lot better if they could just cut out the Yoda vs Sideous fight altogether.

Some stuff that definitely changed was my opinion of the writing and dialogue as a whole. Like I said, there were weak spots (mostly Anakin x Padme), but honestly a lot of the dialogue seemed a lot better than I seemed to remember. The scene where Palpatine reveals himself to Anakin as the sith lord was actually pretty dang great, I think; and don't even mention literally every word to come out of Kenobi's mouth. And overall the pacing was a heck of a lot better than -

oh I dunno

- Attack of the Clones.

And Anakin vs Obi-Wan, man...

It just...

(>._.)>

I'm still team Original Trilogy but damn this movie slaps.

- Overall -

The prequels aren't great, but they're Star Wars to the bone and always will be. That's how I've seen them ever since I finished Rise of Skywalker: maybe they aren't good, but at least they aren't insulting to the franchise. This is bona fide Star Wars. This is the real deal - the good and the bad.

Yeah, the progression of the plot is less than great in most cases. I agree that Palpatine is the GOAT because he fabricated a war to create an army to turn on the greatest power in the galaxy to conquer it all and rule for dozens of years - and in light of that I honestly wish that that they had more of of the politics. Not more scenes, necessarily, but more of the intricacies and nuances going into it. All we ever saw were the tail ends of his major plays, but there had to have been hundreds or even thousands of other actions and decisions he'd had made along the way to get there. All we saw was the senate cheering and applauding his acceptance of emergency powers and formation of the empire, but what bribes and laws and influences had to go into effect first?

And honestly... that Anakin x Padme?  b l e c h. You don't need me to tell you that. How in the world did George Lucas think that two people who'd known each other for a couple days at most meeting up after ten bloody years would wind up making out after just hours and then married less than a week after that? And make that seem at all like a healthy relationship?

That scene in Clone Wars Season 7? The one where Rex guards the door from Kenobi while Anakin talks with Padme over hologram? That one scene developed their relationship a thousand times better than all of Attack of the Clones.

Just... git gud, writers.

I've been spoiled by Andor, is what I've come to realize.

I'm still Team Original, but really that's only because of the significance to Anakin Skywalker's story that these movies add. The Tragedy of Darth Vader the Great: that's what these six movies are about. George Lucas said he wrote all of the original trilogy as one script, starting with Darth Vader entering the starship and ending with him throwing Sideous down the reactor shaft. When we say we're done with the Skywalkers we mean we're done with the Skywalkers: there is nothing more to add to their story. Anakin was and is the Chosen One, bringing balance to the force by destroying the sith.

So maybe I'm not Team Original? Maybe I'm just Team Frick The Sequels like everyone else with a brain.

I actually liked The Force Awakens but that's a discussion for another time

That's all I got.

B y e 

idk what came over me to do this but here you go: