Channelknight Fadran

Facts (Star Wars edition!):

• People who ship Anakin and Ahsoka are lunatics
• People who don't ship Ahsoka and Barriss are homophobic (jk, jk... or am I?)
  • (F, btw, in the chat for Barriss)
• There was a fight between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Maul in Star Wars: Rebels that lasted approximately five seconds. It was the best goddamn scene in the entire show.
• There was a fight between Ahsoka Tano and Darth Maul in Star Wars: the Clone Wars that lasted approximately five minutes. It was not the best scene in the entire show, but it was certainly close.
• The best scene in the entire show was during the final episode of the final season of Clone Wars, during which Ahsoka and Rex are desperately trying to escape a doomed cruiser while an army of Order 66 clones are trying to kill them. It is choreographed magnificently, the emotions are painful, and the spectacle is incredible.
• Rey is a stupid character. Daisy Ridley is fine, but Rey is a stupid character.
• Sequel Defenders who play the Sexist card against people who don't like Rey's character have an intelligence score of approximately three and a half. "You can't stand a strong female character" Princess Leia was objectively the most badchull in the original original movie, and then proceeded to become more awesome as the trilogy went along. Mon Mothma? Ahsoka Tano? Padme Amidala? Friggin... Barriss, again!
• Andor is the best Star Wars show.
• Actually, it might just be the Best show.
• The Last Jedi could have been good and had the exact same plot if Luke Skywalker hadn't been a whiny little toddler throughout the whole thing. Have him trapped on the planet, or crippled from a battle, or heckin' already friggin' dead for all I care. I can see him refusing to teach Rey the ways of the Jedi because of trauma, but I can't see him completely shunning the ways of the Jedi altogether just because nipple boy got all emo about it.
• I hate Rise of Skywalker as much as the next guy, but I will defend a single "plot hole" that people keep pointing out for some reason. "Why didn't Rey heal Ben after he healed her" because the surprisingly well-paced (not well-written, but at least it was paletable) exposition clearly stated that you're transferring your own life force to someone else in order to heal them. They probably could've continued going back and forth for awhile, but unless they're straight-up Carnot Force Engines then they'd run out eventually.
• Every other plot hole in Rise of Skywalker is terrible and I will not defend them.

• Phantom Menace? Eh. It's not as bad as people say.
• Attack of the Clones? Bleh. It's worse than people say (good memes tho).
• Revenge of the Sith? BALLIN. It has its downs but its ups are worth it.
• A New Hope? HECK YEAH. Gimme that tasty greenscreen practical miniatures! I miss those things!
• Empire Strikes Back? BEST STAR WARS MOVIE. I would die on this hill, but not before I slaughter all the rest who would come to test me.
• The Last Jedi? HECKIN GOOD. Excellent conclusion to an excellent saga.
• The Force Awakens? Not great, but it's fine! It's pretty much just the first Star Wars movie to have decent CGI, and really that's all I ask for.
• The Last Jedi? I loved it as a kid, but have come to be rather jaded in my opinions. I'm with Mark Hamill on this one.
• The Rise of Skywalker? Absolute dogwater. And don't try to defend it by saying "it was just trying to fix all the mistakes from The Last Jedi" because even if it was it's STILL DOGWATER.
• Rogue One? Love it. So much. Probably my favorite Star Wars movie, though I might get lynched for saying that.
• Solo? It was fine. Did we need it? No. Was it fine? Yeah.

• There is no objectively "cooler" lightsaber color (except, of course, purple). My tastes between blue and green change periodically.
• Anakin Skywalker at the peak of his power would not defeat Son Goku, but you'd best believe he'd hold his own for a good while at least.
• Obi-Wan Kenobi would, in fact, defeat Son Goku. But only by entrapping him in a philosophical debate about ethics a few minutes into the fight, such that he eventually turned the saiyan to the Way of the Jedi.
• The Original Trilogy are not to be defiled by the hands of man. The Sequel Trilogy is a disgrace and an insult to Star Wars and the universe. The Prequel Trilogy, on average, is not good; but it's always Star Wars, through and through, which means I respect it.
• I could still totally rewrite it to be totally epic, tho. Imagine if it had a decent CGI budget as well.
  • (The prequels)
• I've been soaking up too much Star Wars content of late.