Lunamor

Receives a copy of the 1994 film Speed. Inserts the kitchen sink.

I try spinning (it’s a good trick) and use the momentum to launch myself to the sandwich and nab it.

Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run.

How do astronauts find asteroids headed towards Earth?

It will spectrum up for positive character growth.

Does skydiving in Wii Sports count? TPBM likes to collect rocks.

I have no witty response to that, so here’s a joke with a double punchline: Where do bad rainbows go?

Receives space. Inserts a juice box.

2271 - At least I have my tasty limes.

I use a gremlin (named Gizmo) to tackle the police dog (named Gizmo), then use my slightly better drill to chase you down.

Chuck Norris once spun a ball on his finger. To this day, the planet Earth continues to turn.

Jenny fell to her knees. She was overwhelmed by terror, by grief, by anger. She wanted it all to go away. She wanted the quiet back. She wanted to be alone. Jenny couldn’t hurt anyone when she was alone. Unable to contain her emotions, she put her hands to her head and let out a final scream. A wave of nothingness rolled out from Jenny, enveloping a circle around her. It crashed into those nearby, snuffing out their awakeness. It hit Roy, but Edgar was also caught in the mental blast. She stared forwards for a moment, expressionless, then collapsed into unconsciousness herself. @Weaver of Lights

Jenny saw a rotting hand emerge from the ground. Despite the cracks still being thin, it managed to find its way to the surface. It slammed the ground, pulling up an arm, then a torso. Its clothing was tattered nearly beyond recognition, bones visible through the torn skin. The body’s head looked downwards. She stepped closer, confused. She hadn’t reanimated any corpses, at least not intentionally. The head snapped upwards, and Jenny froze. There was enough of the original face remaining for her to recognize it. It was her mother’s face. Her mom didn’t do anything but stare forwards, eyes blank. She didn’t need to do much more. Jenny’s arm went slack, Sword nearly falling out of her grasp. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real. But it looked real. And with what all Jenny had done, it might as well have been real.

Jenny whipped her head around, barely seeing many copies of Roy through her swimming vision. His madness magic. He was trying to kill her too, and not in a fair fight. She shut her eyes, blocking out the apparitions. Jenny could use magic too. You’ve done it before. Do it again. She clenched her fists. Small cracks began to appear in the ground like glass about to shatter, forming a ring around her and Edgar. The spiderweb expanded until it was under where the many Roys seemed to be. Slowly, the cracks began to widen. Jenny opened her eyes and watched the ground begin to break apart. She smiled a smile that didn’t seem to be hers.

“No!” Jenny turned to Roy. He was killing Edgar. Just like he had said he would. He was a murderer. She ran at him screeching, angling Sword to try and slash open his stomach. @RoyalBeeMage

Jenny snapped her head towards Edgar, who had raised his sword. He wasn’t even standing. It looked like he could barely hold his sword. He’s dead weight. Cut him loose. Jenny shook her head. This was Edgar. Why would she hurt him? He’s holding you back. She glanced over to the other furies, who were engaged by the other demigods. She had to stay with Edgar. Jenny stepped in front of him, Sword held out. Jenny waited for the next hound to attack, still shaking with anger. She couldn’t kill the furies. He was stopping her. Edgar was weak. Jenny saw Roy run to her and faltered slightly. What? Why was Roy of all people trying to protect her? He thinks you’re weak.

Harold was running from her. Jenny had scared him. Her rage started to dissipate, the shadows fading. She’d scared her friend. You have no time for cowards. Fight. Her rage returned, darkness surrounding her like a shroud. She tried to dash to another fury, her wounded ankle slowly her down slightly. Jenny grit her teeth, watching it snap its whip. It smirked at her tauntingly. Jenny had identified her next target. A hellhound began to run towards Edgar. She faltered, then stopped. He was weakened and had little chance of surviving an attack. She screamed in frustration and ran to the beast instead, getting between it and Edgar. It swiped its massive paw towards her and she jumped out of the way. Nimbly dodging its snapping maw, Jenny slid underneath the beast’s neck and slashed Sword above her. By the time she regained her footing, the hound had turned to dust. @Weaver of Lights

Hearing Edgar’s scream, Jenny turned and found him collapsed, bleeding. They had hurt him. They were going to kill him. Something in her broke. Shadows coalesced around her despite the bright sunlight. She looked back to the fury just in time to see the whip swinging towards her. She tried to dodge a split second too late- it wrapped around her ankle and sent her crashing to the ground. She let the pain shooting up her leg fuel her rage. She threw herself towards the beast, leaving another gash on its arm. The fury went down, and Jenny looked for the source. Harold. She screamed at him, the shadows flaring. ”She was mine!”

Jenny didn’t acknowledge Edgar, instead moving closer to stab the fury again. Her eyes were wild and movements almost feral. Sword tore a hole in its shirt, but didn’t reach the wrinkled skin. The fury grinned, showing a mouth of pointed yellow teeth. It slashed out with its claws once more and tore across Jenny’s face. It left red lines that narrowly missed an eye. She stumbled backwards, letting out a screech that sounded eerily close to that of the fury.

The fury drew its whip, smirking. ”Using your mother’s weapon? Have you no shame?” Her voice was oddly gleeful. She swung the whip towards Jenny with a deafening crack. She hopped away, but it left a small welt on her ankle. She gasped in pain- it hurt far more than it should’ve for such a glancing blow. Jenny dashed towards the fury, trying to pierce inside of the whip’s long range. She slashed her dagger and made a thin cut on the fury’s arm. The fury screeched; not in pain, but, well, fury.

This makes no difference, for I have already tracked down the sandwich.

2269 - They mean you’re in for some not very fun times.