CadCom

This is officially depressing. It's been more than six months.

I find it sad that people are still visiting your profile even now, when it's been so long that you're probably never coming back. Why the heck does this months-long friendship affect us so much?

Because of the mystery - the forever unanswered question of, "Where the Dusts did you go?" Because we still have hope that maybe, someday, we'll look at the Last Visited and it'll say something besides October 25, 2018? For some, it might be pure curiosity. Interest in this Sharder who legendarily went missing before their time.

People follow you, too, even now. Wondering if you'll ever post again, wanting to be notified if you do.

I find it sad as well that your rank will never change. No, you're not about to be married. Even though we turned it into a murder mystery and started the thread so many months later, you're not going to marry anyone.

Location, drifting between insane and psychotic? I wonder if something happened to make you center on one side or the other. I hope not. I hope you're okay out there, not dead or crazy or hurt - though 'temporarily injured' might be better than 'fine, just never bothered to get on again because I got bored of you guys'.

Sometimes I'm scared that that happened, or that it will happen with someone else. I believe the bonds I make here are just as important as normal ones. I wouldn't abandon the Shard unless I had no choice. I want to say you are the same way. Were the same way. But I've seen other people do it, so it's possible, as much as I wish it wasn't.

You weren't here to see that I wasn't really in the DA or GBs, to see that I'm TUBA. You were never really involved in the Alleyverse, never especially loyal to the DA. I wonder if I could have convinced you to join TUBA.

Another thing I wonder about is if it's mental health. I can understand that, if you just need to take a break. I still wish you'd tell us, but it's better than hurt or uncaring. If that's the case, I wonder if you read the parts of the Shard you can while logged out. I wonder if you notice the new roleplaying developments, if you knows Stars and Spheres exists, or Memories and Goodbyes - you were one of the main catalysts for that. If you read your page, these status updates as they're written. If you're reading this right now.

Hi, Apollyon. We miss you, though I'm sure you've registered that by now. I just wish I knew what happened to you, regardless of the answer. I just wish it wasn't this not knowing, this unbearable, miserable hoping. I just wish I didn't have to wait without anything new.

But it is.

So I will.

So we will, together.