Haradion Drogon

Firstly, please let me introduce myself. My username is Haradion Drogon, though my Real name is Ben Lowe. I found this site after reading Brandon sanderson's novels, and saw this group and decided to give it a whirl. I have always wanted to write and publish a book, even if it was just me who bought it - but Well, things never really picked off after the first chapter. This time however, I decided to sit down, and properly plan out the novel, chapter by chapter before writing it, so I knew where the story was going, and what was going to happen. This change in style brought me to actualy finishing the first chapter, which is an achievement, and I actualy think I might get this book finished. So yay me. This is the first time I have ever released any of my serious work, so please be gentle. Nnah, just kidding, if you hate it, say you hate it, but let me know why. On to the Book. Okay. This is the Prolouge of my first Novel I am writting. Its called: The Bloodlands. If it goes well, It will be called: The Bloodwar Cycle: Book 1, The Bloodlands. But that is very optimistic. This is the thread for the prologue. It serves as a little background history for the novel, because the main story takes place around 65 years later. Themes will include War, Peace, Romance, Betrayal. Pretty much your average Fantasy novel. My Wordcount Target is 75000 words, but I am only at 5000 so far, but thats the end of the second chapter so it may well exceed 75000 eventualy. For now though, 75000 is my target. I intend to release more chapters as I write them, but for now, here is the prolouge. I am not really looking for anything much in the way of a review, but I do want to know your thoughts and feelings, how well it holds your attention, how much you want to "read on" so to speek, as the Prolouge is designed to grap the auidence's attention and hold it. So its very immportant to me that you let me know how well it does that. Other than that, anything you want to say is welcome, along with any tips for improving my writing. I'll just let you get on with it now shall I?

Just a note, for some reason, alot of the indents have been erased when I moved them here from word, so sorry about that. You'll just have to work out the paragraphing as you. Sorry.

So, Please, please let me know what you think. Its my first time attempting anything like this, but here is the prolouge. For the record, the characters mentioned here do not appear again in the story, but are historical figures, with this bit being the whole "Last Battle". The Map is available to veiw in another topic. *** EDIT: Removed as it is now outdated. Thanks for everyone who helped.

Oh I get it. Sorry, I have never played the games.

Ah - I must admit, the parchement effect and the tear was not as a result of my artistic endeavours. I downloaded a parchement back ground when I finished it, and simply stuck it to the back ground as a final finish.

Is this RP Still active?

Castlevania? No, you'll have to explain that for me - I have never played those games...

Here is the WIP for my map, for the book I am writing - or rather trying to write. Still long ways to go yet. I intend to add cities eventualy, and rivers, but all the ground work is there. Any suggestions for adding cities that look realistic will be appreiciated. Note - by cities I mean things like Minas Tirith, Elantris - medieval cities, not metropolises. Please comment and review. EDIT: Removed, as it is outdated.

Oooh! i Like it. Music is magic? Each key performs a different task? A for movement, C for spirit? I like it! I like it a lot! can I suggest that harmonies have positive effects, and discords have negetive effects? As for a title, permit to make a few suggestion: The Symphony Symphony of Chaos? Melody of Night? Harmony of *Insert setting of story* Best of luck with this story! I like it, its an original idea - Music has often been a part of magic - tolkien for instance, but to my knowledge, none has ever taken it so literaly.

Ooh! I love that - That has some pretty good ramifications, for weakening an opponent, and strengthenig yourself. I think That is a brilliant idea! I shall have the Shoulder leach toughness Now All I need is something that can be leached from the lower leg, or else another body part... Any suggestions?

The Blood leaching requires the joing of two cuts, but the cut on the "leacher" can be on any part of the body - it is only the person who is leached from that needs it in a specific place. Actualy I have though Of a way to keep all of the scars. The High blood witches mantains their strength - and indeed their life - by leaching from other witches who in turn leach frm the lesser folk beneath them. this would cause people to have more scars the lower in the "food chain" if you like - with civilians have a few, important people haveing less and apprentices haveing quite a lot... I like where this is going - I find It is impossible to have good idea by yourself, you need to bounce them off people to listen and argue against them to get the best ideas. Have you any thoughts on what the remianing two points could steal? I am by the way, including a reference to a much softer variation of bloodmagic, that involves invocating ancient rituals, and an alternative - but since my main character will not be useing it to solve problems - indeed, it will present quite a problem when he encounters it - it should not matter much. It is there to give a kinda mystical appraoch to the system, but not commonley used.

It was very helpful. Since you like the previous system better, and it sounds like my other system is borowing elements from a sanderson book I have not read yet (Warbreaker?) I will propably go back to the Leaching system. You are right, it does make a bit more sense, although there was a relationship to the commands and the body part - It was linked to the I Ching hexagrams, and the 8 main ones - and the body parts linked to it. I was just googleing stuff, and it came up. The problem, - without going to deep into the storyline - I have main character as weilding some pretty spectacular flames at one point. Its easily fixable - maybe have him amplfy his speed to become a whirl of blades and have the same affect. Thing is though that I want something to seperate bloodwitches from a common solider - and since there is a mjor seige in the plot, the military application of the magic is important. The only problem, is that the scars that would come as a result of the "Flashy System" where kinda symbolic, of the lengths one would go to to obtain power (or defend oneself from it). Now, the magic has constant scarring of other people. I could have it so that you need to inflict identicle wounds one yourself to nick the power - but that would make most bloodthefts impracticle... eg speed. Here is a kinda Ars Arcanum for my bloodmagic so far... I am open to suggestions for the final two bloodpoints and the powers that ccan be stolen from them... I was hopeing something flashy - that would isolate a bloodwitch/warlock from a normal swordsman. Any suggestions?

Bloodbreakers are capable of moveing it out of the staff into the air, resulting in wild unpredictable blasts of power before it disapates completley. A bloodwitch or warlock would also move out any power that was absorbed from him/her, but not others... Think of Magic haveing a specific frequency unique to each person. A Bloodbreaker can move any frequency, but not cast it. A bloodcaster can only move their own, but should they find a store bloodmagic, then they can re-aquire the power without haveing to remake any wounds... this is useful for spells wioch could kill the caster with the amount of injuries that would be inflicted upon a person. Further more, a bloodbreaker does not need to be within a radius of the spire, but does need physical contact with the vessel he is moveing the energy into and the source of energy he is takeing energy from. I have also modified the system slighlty. Now instead of "Leaching" a skill or attribute from another person, the warlock or bloodwitch who uses the power puts cuts inthemselves, the power they bring forth directley proportional to the pain they damage they inflict upon themselves. This makes the art very risky, and damaging - useing the magic may grant you power - or save your friends - but comes at a freightening cost. The Blood can be taken from one of nine places, and instead of drawing say trength from it, you can issue a command. Useing flames for eaxample with a couple of drops in on the arm, will warm something up. Useing it with a nasty cut or graze would light a candle, and a proper cut, draw with a weapon say, could counjure fire balls. these commands can also be given to objects, say a door, to use the Open command, would open for that person. Useing flames on a object could make it radiate heat, like a grill... but could only be removed by a bloodbreaker. I am also including a kinda soft magic system, called the Old Blood Magic, which will only be used by the bad guys a few times, selibatley left vauge, and involve the traditional idea of blood magic - ie rituals, sacrifices and demons... Cheerful things... Command: | Body Part To be leached from: Force | Head Open | Mouth Flames | Forearm Shake/Burst | Foot Ground | Thigh Water | Ear Bind/Hold | Hand Flow | Belly Heal Heart/Chest Any thoughts or questions?

Thanks for those tips - I have created a cost/limitation to the system. the Magic only works within a radius of "the spire" a central location to the plot. the radius is slightley different per person, but it is usualy limited to a couple of miles, and the power weakens the farther away from the spire. the only way to circumvent this cost (and allow the magic to be used in the other countries where the story takes place) is by usesing a blood ring (created at the cost of someones life) wich also inflicts intense pain on the user. Think of the spire as "linking" the power to a person, and the ring as "linking" to the same source, without any filters that woulod protect the person. the result is that performing magic outside the spire is hard, and useing too much will kill you. While performing exceptionally powerful magic inside is possible, it will result in every magic user in the area being equaly powerful. Assuming there is more than one other, any dangerous magic is easily countered. They are also completley neautralised by "Blood-Breakers" a type of magic users who can not cast magic themselves, but can drain it, storing it in amulets and staffs to prevent its use... They are employed to remove percieved curses from buildings, or neutralise magic users, to prevent them useing their abilities.

Ok. I have been lurking for some time, but this is my first actual Post... So bear with me. I have been attempting to right a novel for a large part of my life - of course I never seriously get into it, and abandon the project after a few months, before having a new (and totally different) idea. In four years, I have explored alchemists, sorcerers, underground-goblin-civilization, Nordic mythology, A Supernatural Disaster Novel (Imagine a day-after-tomorrow, but caused by Demons...) Not necessarily in that order. However, I have finally had an Idea that I have latched onto, that is taking hold. Weirdly, it is a Fantasy novel with some Romance elements. This is peculiar, because I have not read "ANY" Romance. At all. Ever. But when I have an idea - it is like an itch. I have to keep scratching it, and my Idea is progressing well. I am outlining the novel this time (something that never really happened in any detail with any other ideas) totally, rather than attempting discovery writing. Unfortunately, I have run into a serious obstacle. I have been designing the magic system of the novel - something called "Blood magic" The system operates on the medieval medical principle of rebalancing the four Humors, by bleeding to cure disease. In this case, a person inflicts a wound in a specific place on a person, and then applies their hand, which has a similar wound inflicted on the palm to the wound. Symbolically, joining the two bloodstreams... It is similar to that "blood-brother" ritual you see in films... The joining of the blood allows for the "leaching" of abilities from a person to the person casting the blood magic. The longer the join is held, the more powerful the leacher and the more proficient the person is in the skill leached cause different amount of the attribute to be leached. For example, a wound on the foot causes the wounded person to slow down, and the leacher to have increased speed for a while. The more speed taken, the slower the original person becomes and the faster the blood magician becomes. This same system is applied to other parts of the body, to allow for different things to be leached. The Temple, allows for memories and thoughts to be leached, the upper-arm leaches strength, and the hand leaches senses. Unfortunately, I have run into a serious problem. When looking at the system, I notice the distinct similarities to Brandon Sanderson’s Feruchemy and Hemalugy magic systems. Very distinct Similarities. Here lies my problem. The magic systems are too similar. So this is my question. How do other writers stay Original in writing their magic systems without sounding to similar to other well known authors? Also, any advice, tips, ideas or contributions to my current magic system on making it more unique would be welcomed. Thank you all for your advice.