Archer

The other day I was looking at a friend of mine’s essay on Eric Clapton. It was a decent piece, with a strong message about his music changing people’s lives. I was enjoying it, right up until the very end. In the last paragraph, a sentence or two from the bottom, was the most horrifying sight I’ve ever seen.

For context, up until then the text had all been in a nice, simple Calibri font. Easy to read, good for comprehension. But the second last sentence had obviously been cut-and-pasted into the document. It was in a different font. It was Times. New. Roman. 

I was enraged! Such sacrilegious fonts can not be permitted to roam the pages of a formal document. I had to do something. Luckily, my pen was close at hand. 

Even closer though was my crossbow. With the bellow of rage, I swung it towards the essay. Sighting the horrid sentence, I pulled the trigger, blasting the first few words to smithereens! Again I fired, taking out the middle. Shot after shot rained down upon the paper, like ants at a picnic. My eyes glazed over. The world turned red.

I think I blacked out, because the next thing I knew I was waking up on the floor of my kitchen with a pounding headache and the taste of bile in my mouth. Unsteadily getting to my feet, I stumbled over to the table to see what I had done.

It was glorious. The offending sentence had been mutilated beyond any recognition. In its place was a thick rip, filled with bolts. The only word that had even partially survived was at the very end, the word ‘defuse’. It’s last letter still hung on to the page, spared by fate from my rampage. I probably would have razed it too, but I was too weary at that point.

So yeah.

I shot the serif.

But I didn’t shoot the defuse ‘e’.

This is a work of fiction. Please don't actually do this. Your friends will be upset if you do. Always store you crossbow and ammunition separately. Any relation to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All fonts are good, IRL I actually like me a good serif once and a while.