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Archer

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Everything posted by Archer

  1. Archer
    YKYASW you consider that ^ to be an unfair deal. Rereading regular books is a disappointment after reading Sanderson novels. Podman's friend gets to read Mistborn, and he's stuck reading The Hunger Games. I salute your dedication, Podman!
  2. Archer
    Bradley, an explosives technician, idly tapped a grenade against his teeth. Tap, tap, tap. Suddenly, EVERYONE in the universe winced and grimaced. "What did you make us do that for?" thousands of annoyed humans screamed at the narrators. "Yeee, whaa up wii thaa?" Bradley mumbled. Puh! He spit out the grenade pin he'd accidentally removed with his teeth when somebody had forced him to grimace. "Not cool, dude." Poetic licence to use hyperbole can sometimes become a license to kill if you're not careful. This is on you Silva and whattheHoid!
  3. Archer
    Okay, who let have Gancho have opinions? You know he's not allowed to have any before dinner. I'm locking them back in the cupboard, and if I catch any of you stealing some to give him, I'll revoke your pancake privileges for several minutes!
  4. Archer
    Klasten slowly backed away from the building. He squinted his eyes so the mansion looked tiny, then pulled out his toy trucks and held them close to his face so the perspective made them look bigger. "Vrooom! Eeeek!" He waved them in the air, pretending to make them crash into the roof of the building at the same time cracks appeared in it. "KABLOOEY!"
  5. Archer
    In the control booth, the Head Mediator watched in satisfaction as the fight ended. It had been a good duel, one of the best he'd ever seen. "Ladies and gentlemen!" he announced, his clawed hand grasping the microphone. "We have our winner! Our medics are on their way to heal the survivors. Thank you for watching!" The crowd cheered, but it was half-hearted. The cost of the fight had been too steep. "Whatever," the Head Mediator grumbled. "Let's go watch that kid beat up a dog."
  6. Archer
    Mace ran had-first into the wall for the hundredth time. It was starting to get repetitive. Run, smack, bounce off, repeat. Coupled with the pain he felt when he wasn’t storing it, the entire exercise was incredibly dissatisfying. What was satisfying was the damage he was doing. Noticeable cracks were running along the wall, and most of the decorations had been shook off. Given time, the whole building would collapse. With all these fires and people running amok hitting things, it’s coming down sooner than later, he thought to himself. Time to go then. He watched as Klasten left the building. For all his gruff exterior, he did care about the boy. He certainly didn’t want to see him be crushed under the roof of a minor mansion. Good heroes died in battle. He picked his way through the room, avoiding the people fighting Mac. It didn’t matter how they died, fighting a fruitless battle or when the building crumbled. She’ll be avenged either way. Mace increased his weight and speed, becoming a blur. He sprinted towards the west wall. As he neared it, he jumped upwards. He trajectory took him through a low-set stained glass window, shattering it and tearing a section of the wall out, then onto the front lawn. He landed in a crouch, leaving a lengthy skid mark in the grass. Party’s over, he thought, pulling a small detonator from his pocket. Without hesitation, he flicked the switch with his thumb, activating the EMP he’d left on the ballroom floor. Then he stood up and ran away, an unnaturally fast blur rapidly disappearing down the road.
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  9. Archer
    Klasten got bored of stabbing the abomination. He looked around for something, anything (of a reasonably small size that he could easily defeat without sustaining life-threatening injuries) he could fight. Then he saw a lone lifeless, standing on its own next to another lone lifeless. It was an introvert party. He walked over to it, weaving through the maze of small fires. "Hiya! I know you! And I also know that you shouldn't be standing there. Trust me." He grabbed hold of their sleeves to pull them out on to the front porch. He didn't like how much the building was shaking.
  10. Archer
    Mace had been about to run out of the building, Tena in tow. But then he heard Mac giving a command. I can stick around a little longer, he thought. Then Tena punched him. He glared at her, annoyed, even if he did deserve it. "On second thought," he said. "I want to see how this goes." He flipped a switch on the side of the small box he'd been playing with. It began to hum quietly. "Sorry for the inconvenience, folks," he said to some non-Ghostblood guests who were cowering in the corner. "Here, take this." He slid the device along the floor towards them. It lay on the floor like an unhappy microwave, beeping. ******* Klasten watched in horror as legions of Abominations appeared in the ballroom. He instinctively reached for his gun, before remembering he didn't have it anymore. He picked up a silver fork, and used it to inconvenience a many-armed creature that had approached him. ******* Mace nodded in respect at the fancy circle It had made. "Yo! Ruin fanboy! Go kill stuff somewhere else. There's an oasis that needs razing soon, why not join me there?" It disappeared without responding. "Fine, be like that," Mace said. He increased his weight, tapped speed, and ran into the nearest wall. That broke his nose, so he healed it. Then he ran into the wall again. He repeated the same process again and again, a one-man wrecking ball, vowing to bring the building down on top of any surviving Ghostbloods. ******** Klasten got slapped by an Abomination's tentacle. He counter-attacked with his fork, scratching its skin. I'd better tone it down a bit, he thought to himself. People might think I'm over powered. A chandelier feel from the roof, crushing the monster. Klasten paused, then continued stabbing it with the fork. He needed the practice.
  11. Archer
    I hid a double-posted topic yesterday. To Kidpen it still appears in its place on the list, bumping The Inn and a Restaurant to the next page.
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  13. Archer
    "....!" The Head Mediator screamed furiously. He closed his hand into a fist, and shook it. Almost immediately, the Tineye gunners opened fire on the dog. "There's no way it can survive that," a sub-mediator commented from the control room, sipping on his coffee. "That's almost enough firepower to kill a God Beyond." A Tineye sniper took aim, and shot Mara twice, to nearly kill her again. Suddenly, the air near Fangblade shimmered, and a mime stepped out of an invisible door. He waved expressively, summoning a dozen of his friends. The mimes surrounded the dog, pointing finger guns at him. Then one of placed an invisible box over the dog. To illustrate its existence, several other mimes pushed on it, squishing their faces into it. Content the threat had been subdued, the Head Mediator gave an order. In a deep, gravelly voice, he whispered, "This guy's more trouble than Butt Venture." Having opened a hole in the fourth wall, he sat back to watch the mimes push the dog into it. "Where will he end up?" asked one of his minions. "Probably in some other duel," the Mediator replied. "I don't care. Once he's out of here, he's no longer my problem." *********
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  15. Archer
    At least try to take this fight seriously. ******* Pinky the dragon's entire life philosophy was thrown out the window. Pink... can be bad? Am I bad? WHAT' IS WRONG WITH ME? CURSE YOU, PINK PINKNESS! The ghost of Isaac the Intern laughed because he said mineral Pink Pinkness. The dragon spontaneously combusted from all the confusion. Dragon guts and acid sprayed everywhere.
  16. Archer
    The dragon, royally annoyed, closed his left eyelid. When the dog jumped acrobatically up to scratch his face, he retaliated by twisting his neck around and snapping at it with sizable teeth. He had a clever joke prepared about Fangblade getting roasted, that involved the use of a food vendor cart as a prop, but he was too busy to share it in its entirely. "You're a hotdog!" he shouted telepathically. "That joke sounded better in my head."
  17. Archer
    Also, a seal? My fragile ego will never recover. Mace awkwardly returned the hug. His head was swimming with excuses for why he hadn't called her in two decades, or even bothered to mention he was still alive. Luckily, Tena didn't press him on the matter, so he resolved not to bring it up if she didn't. "You look... well," Mace said. "You haven't aged a bit. You get some more Breaths while I was gone?" As he walked, he began to fiddle with a handheld device. It was about the size and shape of a book, but it was covered in wires. "This is too slow," he continued. He reached out his arms to grab her so he they could steelrun to the perpendicularity.
  18. Archer
    This thread is hilarious. And the title is one of the best elevator pitches I’ve read in a long time. Kudos to all of you. If Sanderson wrote the Bible, he’d write the Old Testament in reverse order. It would take him several years, and he’d drop hints about what will happen in Genesis as he goes, but he’d keep enough secret to keep his readers guessing. Then he’d get bored of that, write the New Testament on a bus ride to Idaho, and spend a few months doing book tours. Only after all that would he finally write Genesis and answer everyone’s burning questions. But even then, it would probably just be to stop people from writing so much Moses fan-fiction.
  19. Archer
    bea·ver bowl·ing (noun) /ˈbēvər ˈbōliNG/ 1. A game of sport or recreation in which chubby rodents are rolled at moving targets. 2. A dance move only Batman could look cool doing. ************ Mace Klasten was enjoying himself. He was beaver bowling, aiming ball of spiked fluff at the everything that moved. He sent one in the direction of Klasten, who was standing stock still, slack-jawed and stupefied. The younger man dodged it, shaking himself out of his stupor. “I didn’t think you’d really come,” Klasten finally shouted. Mace shouted back over the din of the thinning crowd. “Of course, I came. I said I would, didn’t I? Good thing too, you’ve made a right mess of things.” Klasten had questions. Mace made all them irrelevant by throwing another beaver at him. “We can talk later, Lance. Finish the mission!” he commanded as he grappled around for more beavers to throw. “What mission? Uncle, what are you talking about?” The words flowed like a waterfall from Klasten’s mouth. “Why all the cryptic messages? The information, why did you send it? Mace, why are you here?” Mace shrugged them off. He raised a finger to his lips. Instead of replying, he just stood still in the middle of the room. A spiderweb of cracks began to appear on the floor beneath his feet. They steadily grew, racing out towards the edges of the room. A sizable hole opened up in the floor beneath the man. But, as if standing on an invisible platform, Mace remained in place. A casual observer of the scene might have noted that various metallic objects in the room began to slowly move towards him, as if were a giant magnet sucking them in. Mace looked down, into the dark depths below. He winced, as if doing something painful, but seemed to be getting something out of the process. After a minute, he tore his gaze away. Evidently, he hadn’t seen what he’d hoped to. “It was worth a try,” he said. “Thought they might have moved their rock.” Mace Pulled himself away from the hole. He stood watching the crowd for a minute. “They’re like the waves,” he commented. “If you watch them long enough, you start to see patterns. And if you’re smart, you can predict where they’re going.” He began to jog in the direction the fleeing partygoers had headed. “Have you ever seen what happens when mix a perpendicularity with aluminum?” he called over his shoulder. “Neither have I. But I’m down to find out!
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  21. Archer
    Okay, you've convinced me. I'll tell you the top secret way to access our discord/hearts, Sudiov. To accessssss th PPM yoouuououmusttt jbsj i h nv smed mcj owlwl88 yh Uh oh. Looks like my computer's glitching too. You're *crztshh* up. Can't hear *fzzkruhzz* now? *plzxcroo* later!
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  23. Archer
    Hi Sudiov! That's very compelling evidence. But it contradicts this equally convincing statement put out by [redacted]. Not to prejudge, but you do look a lot like a certain DA leader...
  24. Archer
    Hmm. That may be a problem. PM me and we'll work something out. These oaths are accepted! Welcome to TUBA.
  25. Archer
    Klasten nodded appreciatively. "But they don't seem to be bothering us anymore. Weird," he commented. Then his jaw dropped as Mace Klasten came into view. "Storms," was all he could say as he laid eyes on his uncle for the first time since childhood. "Storms."
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