TwiLyghtSansSparkles

Um, yes. Hello. I hate to interrupt your duel to the death, but would anyone care for some yak meat? It's free-ee!

"Say it! SAY IT!" "Pinkie Pie is best pony!" "WRONG! It's FLUTTERSHY, you slontze!" "I—I always kind of liked Iron Will—" "PREPARE FOR DESTRUCTION!"

"The stakes are high, Prof." "I know. So is Steelheart." "Yeah, I—wait, what?" RECKONERS: DENVER

Because I sadly haven't read anything in the Cosmere. Curse my local library and their infernal waiting lists!

"Few people have seen a High Epic in their glory. Fewer still have seen the glory of an Epic who is high."

"Firefight, where is Nightweilder?" "At the convention center, sir. There's a gathering of Whovians there today." "Is he the one whispering 'Vashta Nerada' on the security footage?" "Yes, that would be him. And that would be five hundred Whovians fleeing the building in terror."

It would explain why so many people moved to Newcago….

"Fortuity, you can't order 'extra hookers' with your meal." "Sure I can. Steelheart said I can have whatever I want." "It's Chuck E. Cheese!"

"Hey, Steelheart, Firefight won't be coming in to work today." "Did she call in dead again?" "Yeah. Should be feeling better in a couple days." "This wouldn't have anything to do with that tiny grenade sale, would it?" "Uh….maybe?"

True, but it's still a way out of the "always chaotic evil" clause that seems to come with Epic powers.

….unfortunately, everyone at the UN was out to lunch on taxpayer money, so that plan wasn't very effective.

I could not upvote that fast enough. Also, I think David and this guy would get along quite well: http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2006-10-02/

From "Mitosis:" "More useless than a bagful of snakes at a dance competition."

"For free! For free! Please—please stop choking my colleague, O Great One. We'll give you the rights, how about that? Just—please—don't kill us."

"For the last time, we are NOT calling ourselves the Epic Happytimes Team of Epic Happiness!" "But think of the irony! The awful surprise when people realize what you do!"

Tonight, on TLC's My Big Fat Epic Wedding…Heliana worries that her voice will drive her groom away. Meanwhile, Deadline grows jealous when another man looks at his wife….and cake….and shoes. Will anyone survive My Big Fat Epic Wedding?

And about half of the world's politicians, upon seeing they were about to be usurped…. "Whelp, we'll be a slave army by dawn. Might as well do what we've always wanted, Senator." "You mean strip naked with our friends across the aisle, put on George Washington masks, and race through the streets of Washington DC, demanding free ice cream from every ice cream truck we see?" "Quit reading my mind."

"But what about my little girl? She wants a Steelheart doll." *gasp* "They are NOT dolls!" "But….she wants one."

So it occurred to me the other day that there is a good bit of stuff that must have happened, either in the book or prior to it. For instance: Attn.: All Taco Bell Customers and Employees (Chicago area) RE: West Addison Memo: We at Taco Bell are proud to serve humans and Epics alike. Our customer service specialists welcome our superpowered friends, and are always happy to serve them quality food at a great price. However, Epics are human, or might have been at some point (we won't get into the arguments—we're here to make tacos!) and so they make mistakes. Which is okay! Still, some mistakes are bigger than others. Some mistakes lead to breakups. Some lead to cliched misunderstandings. Some lead to thousands of dollars worth of damages to Taco Bell premises and property, which means our West Addison location will have to close for a few weeks while they fix up. To keep this from happening again (and to allow us to keep serving you great food at great prices) we ask that the Epic known as Deathpoint please avoid all specials on burritos and refried beans. Also, Deathpoint, you might want to see a doctor. Seriously, man. That ain't right. Any other things that must have happened?

Dear Mr. Ford, You have a long and illustrious career. Name a movie with an awesome hero in it, and chances are, you've been that hero. You're a household name, listed alongside Chuck Norris and Mister T as a man we wouldn't want to mess with. But I know there's an empty hole in your heart. Don't try to deny it. You've denied it long enough, and it's time you were honest with yourself. Somewhere between being Han Solo and Colonel Graff, or maybe after starring in the Indiana Jones film we don't talk about, you realized what was missing. You were sitting at home, or in your trailer, or in a bar after wrestling a wild tiger or something, and you found yourself saying, "I've been in so many movies, but I've always wanted to star as Superman…when he's evil." Sadly, there is no Superman: The Day He Turned Evil film in the works, but Brandon Sanderson did write the next best thing. It's called Steelheart, and the titular character is as evil a Superman as anyone could want. He kills the main character's father! He takes over Chicago! He stiffs waiters at restaurants! (Okay, I made that last one up, but I'm sure he does it. He's just that evil.) As I said, it's only a book at this point. But it has been optioned for a movie, and if you and Liam Neeson were to, say, team up and petition the studio to actually make ​the movie….who knows? Your lifelong dream of playing Evil Superman just might come true. And we all know you'd be great at it. I can already see you standing there with David, and as David says "I hate you," you turn to him with all the confidence of an evil Han Solo and say, "I know." You would be brilliant. Read the book. Make real your dreams. We will be waiting. Sincerely, Your fans.

Okay, guys, this is foolproof. First, we need to agree on who we want in each role. I personally vote Liam Neeson as Prof. The other roles are open. Then, we all write them fan letters. They would go something like this: Dear Mr. Neeson, We know that you travel frequently for your career, and that you probably get bored of watching your own movies on the plane. Not that there's anything boring about them, of course. We also know that you are fond of somewhat geeky things, as evidenced by your film history (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe; Batman Begins, etc.). You really brought something unique to those roles. You helped the world take superheroes seriously, which we doubt would have happened with anyone else. (Channing Tatum as Ra's Al Ghul? I don't think so!) With that in mind, we have enclosed a book we think you will enjoy: Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson. Consider it a gift from us to you. Sincerely, Your fans. P.S.: Did you know Steelheart has been optioned for a movie? You would make a fantastic Prof. And if you maybe wanted to nudge them toward actually making it….well, we sure wouldn't stop you! We wish you the best (time playing Prof). I don't know about you guys, but I think this plan is a guaranteed win. We would get our favorite actors in the roles they were meant to play, and they'd be able to get the movie made! What say you all?

I wonder if it wasn't foreshadowing. Tia said that gifters were rare, but as we see with Prof and Conflux, gifters are the only Epics who can "use" their powers without any negative effects. Maybe Steelheart's ability to turn things into steel was a hint that he had some form of transference ability, that could have been turned into a gifting ability with training or whatnot. Maybe there are more gifters than previously thought?

YES. THIS.

Yet another sign I need to get caught up on my Sanderson reading. :/

I think the cake one will make it into another short story….where the Reckoners enter a city ruled by an Epic who is also four. (Note to Sanderson: You can use that idea. It's yours now.)