Kobold King

Pssst.

Vin is best pony! Nah... who am I kidding.

Ah... actually, I kind of have to agree about the Renarin verdict. He's a nice character, and I like him, but he just doesn't seize my interest like he has with other readers. Hoid, on the other hand, is one of my favorite parts of the Cosmere. I love the tingling feeling of cosmic importance you get when you read his parts. In Warbreaker and especially the Stormlight Archive, he just exudes knowledge of the universe and secrets that have no bearing to the transient plots of the novel, but are undoubtedly important to much greater goings-on.

Not really, no. The Emperor's Soul is set in a distant part of the world, with an entirely different cast of characters and even magic system.

"Right," said Lightwards in disappointment. "Very well." He'd been hoping to get a head start on the de-extinction project, but he had to work with the limitations of his new allies. He rose from the table and faced one of his Warriors. "Mr. Sadry, how many bedrooms in the house?" "Three," Thomas Sadry informed him in a dry voice. "The master bedroom for me and Mary. Two children's bedrooms." "Where are the children?" the Epic asked curiously. "Moved out three years ago," Mr Sadry explained. His voice was a flat monotone that didn't indicate much interest in his family's history. "Pity. I could have used the extra hands," Lightwards sighed. "But there you have it, Doctor and Traveller. Three bedrooms for the three of us. I of course will be taking the master bedroom; I doubt Mr. and Mrs. Sadry will mind. And if you require anything, feel free to ask Donald or the former residents." He shot a look at Funtimes, thinking Or defy the laws of physics and conjure it out of a bedsheet.

Lightwards nodded. "Very well--it will be as it must. Shall we begin this tonight, or would you prefer we wait until dawn?"

Oh, awesome. I should really get around to reading the entirety of these threads.

I would loan a velociraptor for the sake of science. Anyway, now I guess we're waiting for TwiLyght to confirm some semblance of a map for the game, or at least confirm whether the museum is located in another Epic's territory. I'm not sure how much of the city has been claimed by this point. I'm also not sure if it would be more awesome to simply walk in easily and surprise people with a dinosaur horde the next morning, or get involved in an epic battle for control of the museum.

Specifically, I envision Lightwards' control mechanism to be more closely related to focus and conviction, which means that the maximum threshold of his control has gotten weaker since his two deaths. When he first gained his powers, he had a hard limit of around 100 human zombies at a time. The maximum keeps getting reduced by varying degrees. Now he's limited to around twenty, though theoretically he might approach his original limit if he managed to keep focus for long enough. Which is unlikely, due to Funtimes' corrupting influence.

Awesome character! I upvoted him, and find a part of myself wishing to run into him. As for whether he could Domesticate one of Lightwards' zombies... I honestly have no idea, but fortunately it's not up to me to decide. At the very least, Lightwards can control way more than five animals at a time, so that might tip the scale in his favor in a conflict. Give me a time and place and we'll fight a duel.

I'm not entirely sure who Nighthound is or what his powers are. Could you explain perhaps, or give me a link to his official description? Then I would be pleased to explain precisely why he'd be completely incapable of overwriting Lightwards' control.

The only thing certain is that various forms of awesomeness are rapidly approaching. EDIT: "are", because of tenses.

"Cute, and dead for over a million years," Lightwards exclaimed eagerly. "It's been the great tragedy of life on Earth for countless eons. The cold hand of death keeps hold over this planet, keeping all from reaching their full potential. But tonight we kindle a revolution against its tyranny!' He shook his head. "But I'm getting carried away. We should do as the pamphlet suggests--" he waved his hand over the cover of the pamphlet, sported a bold line which read "Plan your visit today!" He handed his cold cup of tea to Donald, who loyally embarked to the window to dump it out. He laid out a non-smiley map of Portland, pointing at the museum. "Our destination is here," he explained. "My problem is, I'm not entirely sure where here is. I've heard of other Epics and territories here. A man called CorpseMaker, and a place called Thoughttown. I need you to point out the boundaries of their lands, Traveller, and confirm whether our target lies within claimed territory." He smiled, showing teeth. "If it does, then we'll make sure we wake up the theropods first."

G is for Greatshell.

Technically speaking, the dinosaur bones are entirely fossilized--entirely stone, with little to no trace of the actual biological material. But since I've already hinted that Lightwards can animate such disparate fragments of flesh as a can of spam, I think we could make a case for there being enough protein residue left for a reanimation, TwiLyght permitting.

Lightwards basically has a little Funtimes in his head that gets a little stronger every time he dies. He wouldn't admit it, but there's a part of him that sees a Funtimes alliance as a wonderful opportunity to let his hair down. Additionally, I think that a Lightwards-Funtimes pact is the best candidate yet for what actually destroys Oregon. Lightwards smiled broadly, reaching into his jacket. He pulled out a sheet of paper and slid it across the table. "I've been thinking of how I might go about this for a while now, Doctor. I expected my mission to take years--but with your help, I think we can manage it in a month, tops." Nathan looked down at the paper, confused for a moment. It was a pamphlet. A pamphlet for the Portland Museum of Natural History.

I read that as Vasher. Every. Single. Time.

Lightwards weighed his options as he mentally screamed in outrage at Donald's new outfit. Well, part of him was screaming in outrage--another part was cheerfully demanding that this become the Empire of Light's official uniform. I need to get away from this 'doctor' before I go insane, he thought angrily. His options were simple: he could try to reason with these buffoons or he could try to kill them. If he attempted to kill them and failed, he had no way of knowing what bizarre ways they might fight back in. And if they ran, in all likelihood he would never catch them. Reason--if you could call this conversation reason--was the only option. So he had Mr. Sadry hand him a map of Portland and a pair of scissors. Smiling at Funtimes, he tried to think like she would, like he knew he was capable of. He cut off the edges and let them fall to the floor, and then set to work cutting at the interior. He finally displayed the finished shape to her. "This," he said matter of factly, "is what this city would look like in the shape of a giant smiley face. You, Doctor Funtimes, have the unique opportunity to reshape this world in your image. That's where we could work together. You can whatever you want out of the world, and I can make whatever I want out of its inhabitants." He passed the scissors back to Mr. Sadry, who obediently put it back in the drawer. "Fun and world domination don't have to be mutually exclusive."

Lightwards suppressed the thought of these two imbeciles rampaging across Portland, traversing city blocks in the blink of an eye and casually toying with the structural integrity of reality just for kicks and giggles. The mental image terrified him more than he'd like to let on. Instead he looked at Traveller inquisitively. He seemed to the more rational side of the pair. It was a testament to Funtimes' remarkable power that he chose to associate with her rather than kill or abandon her to her tricks and amusements. "Your powers are remarkable," Lightwards pressed. "Surely you realize that a responsibility comes with such gifts? Why, together you could be a force for sophisticated development over the entire planet. You could turn trucks into battleships, ships into spacecraft. You could bring most of this world under dominion, ruling in a utopia of your own design! If only you had a rational mind to supply the focus--" he gestured at himself--"then you could stand at the front of an empire. An empire of light and science and amusement."

Ooh, nice details. I'm not very good at this yet. Lightwards surveyed his guests intensely from across the table. While Funtimes was remarkably nonchalant about the situation, he suspected that the Traveller at least found his Warriors of Light disturbing. The way he kept examining them seemed to suggest that at the very least, he found them uncomfortable to be around; Funtimes, on the other hand, was far too preoccupied with transfiguring her tea into cocoa, a gesture she repeated for her boyfriend/partner/whatever. At least I know she's the one with that power, Lightwards thought grumpily. Under normal circumstances, he'd of positioned his Warriors by all the exits and started closing in on the guests. He'd never performed his miracle on a dead Epic before, but he was certain it would be a useful thing to do. Unfortunately, he doubted he was in a strategically sound enough position to overwhelm or kill the teleporter and the conjurer of cocoa. Instead, he'd just have to make the most of the conversation. The Traveller, looking at him, cleared his throat and said "You said you're new in town. Where are you from, originally?" Lightwards smiled and started to answer before being cut off by the sound of Doctor Funtimes coughing. "Have you heard from the Great Noodly One who shines in the sky like a million jars of pasta sauce?" she interrupted childishly. The Traveller, for once, did not take his partner's idiocy in stride. "You mean Calamity?" he asked, seeming confused. The Doctor nodded her head passionately. "He touched the world with his noodly appendage." Lightwards simply stared at Funtimes as Traveller laughed. "Well. That's a new one," the smug Epic said. "I suppose I'll have to answer both of you," the professor stated slowly, still looking at the glittery woman with the mug of cocoa. "I am originally from the east coast, though I taught as a professor in Sacramento for a year before 'the Great Noodly One' appeared. That's when my entirely unique gift revealed itself to me." He took a sip of tea, decided it was too weak, and put it back on the table with a sincere effort to appear nonplussed. "What of you two? You are both powerful Epics--almost as powerful as I am. With the ability to be anywhere you like, and make anything you like out of anything that is available, how is it that I hear of so many other Epics contesting your rule of this city?"

* cough *

It was unlikely that the Sadry household had hosted such a company before--by Lightwards' count, their small dining room table was being shared by three Epics, three resurrected humans of questionable consciousness, and a dead vulture. Donald was engaged in preparing the tea itself--apparently the Sadry couple had found it difficult supplying themselves with tea, and had only a few packets of mysterious age and freshness. He suspected Funtimes could conjure up much better drinks, but he thought it prudent not to give her excuses to flaunt her power. In his somewhat limited experience, all Epic confrontations that did not directly involve murdering one another were centered around showing off their powers in a sort of posturing match. Lightwards intended to do as much posturing as possible. "How do you like your cups?" he asked politely. "Would you care for some cream or sugar?" The vulture had sniffed out a dead rat hidden behind a wall, which was now scampering about the table pushing a bowl of sugar in front of it. The vulture itself stood a silent vigil over the cream.

They come in seven parts, and you won't get to see them for many years to come, long after the other classes have been finished.

Lightwards scowled--he was no precog, but he could already tell he'd be using that expression increasingly often. He wondered what would happen if he simply called his Warriors forward and emptied a clip at Doctor Funtimes and the Traveller. Probably nothing--one of them, he guessed Funtimes, was capable of turning a radio into a cooked and organic slab of meat. He knew one of them was capable of teleportation, and it seemed logical enough to assume the one called Traveller was responsible for that ability. Name associations existed for a reason, after all. With an effort he ceased scowling and tried to smile. "I'll admit, I'm new in town. I'm a touch ignorant about the way things are run around here. Say: the Sadry's were just having tea when I showed up. How about we head inside and have Donald pour us all a cup? You can tell me all about bouncy castles and other things I'm ignorant of."