Kobold King

Granted. The masked man gained $30, 000 by holding your family for ransom. The police track the money to you and have you thrown in prison. Your family members periodically visit your prison to give you stern looks from behind bulletproof glass. I wish for a deep sea submersible.

My headcanon is that Obliteration will spend the time between Firefight and Calamity as an anti-hero of sorts, using his powers to bring down most of the remaining Epic tyrants of the world. Between Obliteration killing off the tyrants and David (presumably) shutting down Calamity, the world will be on its way to full recovery in no time.

It's cheaper if you don't buy them. Here in Texas the summer is plagued by grasshoppers. They get everywhere; in the garden, in the house, in your boots, in your garden, in your windshield, in your car, in your garden... did I mention the garden? Because a green garden can be turned tan from the number of locusts invading it. So we decided: Wait. Don't some people eat these things? Once they went from "nuisance" to "free food," they really weren't that bad. Collecting them is a simple matter of going through a garden or other infested area with a ziploc bag. Fill up the bag with live grasshoppers, and then place said bag into a freezer. After about an hour in the freezer, snap off their heads and throw them in a frying pan. Voila! Free protein and the right to tell everybody you meet that you harvest and consume your own grasshoppers. Wow. Over a decade, you say? My current setting is a composite of a dozen alien races / magical concepts that I've been brainstorming since I was fifteen. I've only recently put them all together, though. Hopefully in another seven years I'll have a much larger, more well-rounded setting than what I have now. Rather than giving up altogether and writing historical soap operas about the Aztecs. Nice try idea, but here's what I'd keep in mind: The pilots are trained and experienced in going up against flying Epics. The moment it becomes clear that the Panda's healing factor has kicked in, they will quickly fall back and cover their retreat with their remaining anti-aircraft weaponry. If the Panda continued to pursue them, they'd evade his attacks long enough to call Deathwish into the area to engage him directly. And if Panda actually came close enough to smash the front windshield, then Redlight would freeze him in a heartbeat. Unable to move his own muscles, his wings would stop flapping and he'd drop to the ground. So yeah... I may have been slightly facetious when I said Panda could take the helicopter in a curbstomp battle. The helicopter will definitely put up a good fight.

I'm game for canonizing that if you are. Grasshoppers. Fried in butter with assorted vegetables. Lightly salted. Surprisingly good; honestly, grasshoppers don't seem to have a taste of their own. They seem to take on the flavor of whatever they're cooked with, so I've been meaning to fry some with bacon. No problem. Its just part of growing up, I suppose. Personally I look forward to the day when I can justifiably call most of the people around me "youngsters."

I don't know if I'd mind if my character's army got wiped out by Funtimes' dancing. The RP's meta goal is entertainment, and I don't think you can get more entertaining than Funtimes defending her own through the Power of Dance. I haven't had gluten in so long that I don't even think of it. Going without milk is still new and annoying for me, but I'll get over it. I mean, I've eaten grasshoppers I've found in my garden before. It's not like I'm going to starve. 25 isn't that old at all. You're still young, hip, and groovy. In that order. I'd add more to the Panda discussion, but you and Voidus have pretty much summed up my thoughts on the matter.

I still don't think Doctor Funtimes is overpowered. She's definitely powerful, but not remotely gamebreakingly so. And it's not as if she were an Oregonian Steelheart, both completely invincible and set on world domination. She's a quirky, wacky character who's hard to take in a fair fight; there's really nothing wrong with that. And as I've said before, practically anyone at the Sadry meeting right now could assassinate her in a heartbeat. Even Lightwards, if I allowed him he thought of it. She has no prime invincibility, she's very easily distracted, and she has a tendency to annoy powerful Epics. That makes her more than a little vulnerable. I'm allergic to gluten, and several of my close family members have recently been discovered to be lactose intolerant. There are definitely worse allergies to have.

Oh, he's evil all right. But the standard for evil has been raised considerably since I joined. There are monsters like Timeport, Quota, and Electro running around now, and they make Lightwards look like a grouchy old man yelling for people to get off his lawn. I also keep kicking myself for setting his zombie limit so low. Looking at the Panda and Ozymandias and all those Astoria characters, it's becoming increasingly clear that there's no way Lightwards could hold on to any sort of empire in Oregon. But what's done is done, I suppose. I get the feeling I'll feel the same way about my writing in a year or so. Half the stuff I've written in this RP already looks dumb and melodramatic to me. On the bright side, your sage advice will prompt me to stock up on marshmallows.

Well, my attempt at creating a complete monster ended up as a sad middle-aged man in a green bowler hat who spends most of his time ranting internally, so you're definitely better at writing villains than I am. Yeah, most teens don't write half as well as you do. The 17th Shard has a lot of awesome teenage writers, and many of them are in this RP. I'm pretty sure most Oregon RPers are in their teens or early twenties, actually.

Welcome to the forum! This is usually where I say that I hope you go on to become an awesome and productive member, but since you already have, I'll just give you an upvote and a smiley. Any chance of seeing animations of Brandon's work someday? I know absolutely nothing about animation, but every time I see a forum member with animation on his resume I get my hopes up. Also, do not believe the lies about Reputatalurgy. They are all vile dishonesties, and I'm a perfectly sweet and amiable fellow. To those who spread these nasty fibs: You're next.

That sums up my thoughts entirely. The virus is both a little farfetched and unnecessary. The Panda's a terrific antagonist already; does he really need another trick up his figurative sleeve? At a certain point we risk becoming unnecessarily convoluted, if we add layers upon layers of separate organic threats to The Dalles. And I'll stress again that I love the Panda. I hope it doesn't sound like I don't, with all the nitpicking; I look forward to every post from you, Lightsworn. Thanks! I'll admit to have felt pretty awkward about that particular post, so it's good to hear someone liked it. Don't devalue your own writing, though. You're a spectacularly, consistently great writer yourself.

That is a very good point, but here's the thing: all Epics have limitations, and the Panda's bio is a little foggy on what his limits are. Controlling an animal's body or brain is one thing, but controlling organic molecules on a viral scale is quite another. It's as big a leap as if Steelheart could suddenly turn people to steel just by looking at them, or if Curveball could launch nuclear missiles out of handguns. When discussing the anatomy of an animal and the construction of a virus, we're talking about two very different scales of precision. Is it possible? That's up for you and the GM to decide. But there are very good reasons for other members' surprise in this. What are the upper limits for Panda's organic control? Sir: you are no panda. You're much quicker than I am, if it's any consolation. I look forward to seeing how the Panda survives and utterly curbstomps the helicopter. Getting beaten up is half the fun in this game.

XKCD's pretty awesome. I'd be lying if I claimed I never needed Explainxkcd, though. My favorite is the Journal series. Black Hat/Danish is my OTP.

Aaaand posted for Vondra. It's not nearly as epic as it needs to be to justify Vondra's reputation, but it was the best I could come up with right now. Hope there aren't any problems with it. If there are, don't hesitate to let me know.

Smoke mingled with screams, billowing up from The Dalles in a cacophony of scent and sound. Gunfire sounded over the cries of dying men and obliterated animals. The occasional boom carried for miles, as trip mines and air-to-ground missiles laid waste to the invading horde. It still wasn’t enough. Stephen Vondra was too high to smell the smoke, and too close to the helicopter’s rotors to hear the screams. But he knew they were there. He’d seen enough combat to know the music of war, if not in his ears then in his mind. The Dalles was once again suffering, beaten and battered by an Epic tyrant. Just like it had under Viktor Dyachenko. Gritting his teeth at the thought, Vondra turned away from the open helicopter side, looking instead to his companions aboard the craft. Two solid guardsmen sat by his side, stoic and foreboding, and at the front sat a pair of skilled pilots. The most skilled pilots in the city, in fact, and the only two with experience flying against those Epics that felt the law of gravity was beneath them. And at the other end of the copter sat his secretary and last line of defense. “How’s our status, Rhonda?” Vondra asked over the whirring copter rotors. “The perimeter’s still solid,” the woman replied distractedly, consulting the mobile device in her hands. “Arsenal’s circling the city and reinforcing defenses. A few enemy units penetrated the line, but Glamour and Deathwish turned them back. The city’s secure, for now.” Rhonda Stick was a perfectly normal young woman. A bit thick around the middle, with a face some of the guards around the base called homely. Couple her plain appearance with her distracted and analytical demeanor, and she was as far from a stereotypical Epic as could be. Only the name “Redlight” she’d taken for herself betrayed her hidden nature. But her hidden nature wasn’t important now. She was trustworthy as far as her reports went, and that was all that mattered. So Vondra only nodded, turning his attention to the ground below. By now they were flying over the heads of the invader’s bestial army, which were, for now, halted by lines of barbed wire and automatic machine guns. Every now and then mortar shells and guided missiles would fly into their ranks, spreading clouds of dust and blood around the city’s borders. Arsenal was nothing if not thorough. The thing that most got his attention though were the hostiles themselves. Most Epics were natural showmen; everything about them was meant to instill fear in their enemies. Every one of them had a different motif. Some of them stayed closer to their themes then most would agree was healthy. Before today, Vondra would have thought they’d draw the line at an army of mutated pandas in straw hats. He would have been very wrong. “What can you tell me about our Epic, Rhonda?” he asked, facing his secretary again. Wrinkling her nose, Rhonda, opened up a new page on her mobile. “He’s obviously got some sort of fleshwarping power, which puts him on a level at least equal with Framework or Marrowtear. If we’re really unlucky--and I’m beginning to think we are--then he might be closer to Slaughterhouse.” Vondra furrowed his brow in concern. The first two names were infamous enough among the lorists. The last was very nearly the bogeyman. Even if a merciful God existed and the panda’s maker wasn’t invulnerable, he’d still be the most dangerous Epic in The Dalles since Dyachenko. They’d finally see whether The Dalles could handle itself in a high level attack. And so far they weren’t making a good showing. It was time for action. “Sir,” the pilot interrupted from the front. “We’re approaching aerial hostiles at a thousand meters and closing!” Vondra immediately leaned out the open side with a pair of binoculars, hanging on the side with one hand. Her zeroed the lenses towards the black cloud hurtling towards the city. Another wave of flying swine heaved through the sky, laden with heavy baskets. There had to be at least two hundred of the things, squealing in rage as their unnatural wings propelled them through the air. At their head was a panda. No, not a panda. The panda. It was vaguely man-shaped like the other creatures trying to sack the city, but taller and with all the muscular physique of Steelheart. Broad angelic wings sprouted from its shoulders in black and white, lifting it in graceful strokes over the army of monsters below it. A roar sounded from its throat, shaking the whole city with its majesty. This was not one of the clumsy creatures that had attempted to ransack The Dalles. This was a demigod. It was a High Epic in its glory, and it had brought an army for conquest. "Ms. Stick," Vondra said solemnly, "How do we kill it?" The secretary looked up in surprise. "Kill it? Sir, I think we should turn back to HQ. We can't engage an Epic like this without--" "We're not running," Vondra replied in a level voice. The helicopter had halted in its flight, hovering motionlessly against the rapidly approaching swarm. "Running's for Reckoners. Running's for men that gave up on their country. We don't run in The Dalles, Rhonda. We're the last stronghold of humanity on this planet, and when a creature like this panda threatens us, we fire every shot we have before we give ground. Now tell me: can this thing die?" Rhonda gulped, glancing out the helicopter's side as the steadily blaring sound of beating wings filled the air. "Marrowtear died," she said hesitantly. "He was torn apart by artillery fire in Newcago three years ago. Most fleshwarpers can't fix themselves under rapid fire. But a few can, and if he--" "If he can, we'll fall back long enough to hit him even harder. Pilot, take us full speed ahead," Vondra proclaimed commandingly. He needed to raise his voice by now over the cry of the hundred raging pigs. "Direct fire at the winged panda. Pump every shot we have at that son of a cur. That's an order." ---------------------- The sky over The Dalles' perimeter darkened as the swarm of swine descended. More and more scouts along the border spotted the winged menace at their head, cutting through the sky like a destroying angel. But a black helicopter met the creature head-on in the air. The copter met the Panda's cry with a deafening roar of its own, angling every weapon on board to face the Epic. From every angle the Panda was met with flying projectiles, most striking its body directly. Lines of high caliber bullets struck its flesh, and two waves of air-to-air missiles flew towards it. Anti-aircraft crews on the ground began spewing lead death into the sky, cutting through dozens of the flying swine. Bullets shattered skulls and ignited the explosive baskets. Though the pigs were nigh without number, many were shot down on their approach. The Dalles was firing back.

I like that idea. Lightsworn, I'm almost done with a Vondra post now. Could you hold off on a Panda scene until I post it? If you've already gotten one written, then don't worry, but I'd like to engage Panda in the air before he gets started on the next phase of the invasion.

Remington Springfield once blew his nose on a delusional Epic's cape. Said Epic told him "Gesundheit" before hurrying on his way. #remingtonfacts

You know what I admire about pansies? Their life expectancy.

Ah, OK. That makes sense. So could she perform feats such as hydrokinesis, telepathy towards humans other than Samuel, and enhancing her own bite force, provided she kept it all on a reasonable scale? Awesome map! The maps I've drawn in the past haven't looked anywhere near so amazing. You really captured the rough fractal shape that characterizes landmasses.

Accepting a ride from a strange Epic: a bad idea. Accepting a ride from a strange Epic who suffers the delusion that she's Queen Elsa of Arendelle: a REALLY bad idea.

Steelwardcentius is the king of the world, but especially of first world problems.

A better monarch than Lightwards, Lucentia, Mobius, and Steelheart combined.

Sam has already tasted his sandwiches. Just say the word and she'll vote for him.

That would make sense to me. Personally, I'd be happy with a chart of all the Panda's creations, with values expressed for the individual creation's autonomy, durability, and intelligence. It seems to me like that could clear away some of the misunderstandings that keep cropping up. Wow. Big Al is almost absurdly reasonable.

Hmm; that's odd. Bibbuhs was portrayed as still having a large degree of autonomy, to the point that he offered the Panda something which Panda declined. It seems that not all of them are directly controlled by their fleshwarping master.