Kobold King

Quota... a long and happy life? You wouldn't dare! (Our meta-war is already threatening to be more destructive than the Oregon Turf Wars themselves. )

If you kill Metronome, I will retaliate by okaying the instant, simultaneous deaths of Flashpoint and Edgerunner. I am not afraid to use terrorist methods to achieve my goals.

I was going to start guessing who the victim will be, but then I remembered that you've told me on a PM before. So me guessing wouldn't exactly be fair, would it?

Fair enough. And I look forward to seeing both of them. You're excellent at writing these kinds of awesomely quirky characters.

Have you considered just flipping a coin? In my experience with this sort of thing sometimes it takes less time to write up a couple of posts than it takes to tally votes from a thread as large as this one. Also, the suspense is killing me.

What has The Dark Alley been up to this time?

You're welcome to it. I can't think of a character who could use an ability powered by drawing attention better than the Unicyclist.

Sounds good to me! I'm trying to think of a good twist for his healing factor, just to fit in with his themes more. Maybe he could absorb health from the creatures under his control, like Sharkbait? Or, maybe his ability to heal is proportional to the number of people watching him? That would fit in with his past of drawing people's attention.

That one fits. Hey, I just revealed two weaknesses and an exploitable way around a PI free of charge. I'm well within my rights to [REDACT] anything I please. * Lightwards' dinosaurs banging on a door * Funtimes: Who is it? Nathan: Get over here! We need to escape! Funtimes: Sorry, you'll have to come back later. We're trying to escape...

I concur, and would like to add that this would be "made of awesome," as the kids say. Thank you. Also, a few updated weaknesses. Implied Firefight spoilers:

Lightwards: "Look at this security camera feed! I'm about to sit down, there's no tack, and then right when I'm sitting down, there's a tack! ...What? You don't see it? Look carefully. Here there's no tack, and then--she moves! Funtimes moves, right when I sit down. I don't know how she does it, but I know that before she moves there's nothing and after she moves there's A TACK. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!"

Lucentia: "I can't believe I have to walk all the way to work on a Saturday. All the way to work!" * steps out of her diamond palace and straight into her diamond command center * (I am so bookmarking this thread for when I have more upvotes to spend, btw.)

Lightwards:"Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair. Spending a lifetime on the streets of Sacramento, watching every other Epic carve an empire! Well finally my waiting is about to pay off, and no rifle-toting, redneck vanilla is going to mess it up for me now!" (Aaaand now I'll always imagine Lightwards with Kelsey Grammar's voice. )

No no no no no. You do not quote other people's posts on the game thread. I will make this easy to remember: keep your posts clear, or I will kill you!

I don't like RP posts, I love them. If I don't love them, I don't upvote.

We're not bad guys. We're Oregon RPers. We don't leave our Question threads, we make them bigger.

This plan of ours. I like it!

There's only one suggestion. Make Winter watch a Pixar marathon, until she can quote every movie line by line!

Anyone who voted for the wedding, change your vote now lest the Unicyclist roast you to the sound of "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes.

I predict that you'll be random and unpredictable.

It's kind of funny that we all know one another's login habits by now.

How had I not already read that? They're adorable. Angry Lightwards: the one thing that can rival sad Backtrack.

"OH CALAMITY WHY IS HE WEARING A MASK? WHAT IF HE'S NOT REALLY A MAN AND THERE'S ACTUALLY JUST A HUMANOID PILE OF WRITHING SNAKES UNDER HIS HELMET? * GASP * HE BREATHES FIRE! HE'S NOT MADE OF SNAKES HE'S MADE OF THOUSANDS OF TINY DRAGONS OH CALAMITY WHY..."

That is because photographs take little pieces of the soul with them. And the soul of George Washingon's teeth must not be allowed to escape.

It's so hard to choose. With that said, I think I'll cast my vote for Unicyclist Rending. The Immortal Soul of Backtrack Stone Age Life: In Backtrack's first life, he became the first man to invent cheese. Which sounds impressive until you realize that he had to eat a large hunk of the hot, curdled goat milk in his calfskin bag to discover that the stuff was edible. He later perished attempting to replicate his achievement with raw eggs. Early Medieval Life: Upon being born in medieval Peru, Backtrack fled his life as a wealthy Incan llama farmer in order to pursue his lifelong dream of riding a sea lion. This backfired horribly. Late Medieval Life: As a young Spanish nobleman, Backtrack accused a local member of the Spanish Inquisition of worshiping Satan, basing his allegation entirely from out-of-context phrases he'd heard from the laundry maids. His last words before being incinerated at the stake were "I'M HAVING A BAD DAY." Renaissance Life: Little known fact: Michelangelo was delayed during the construction of his famous David by a gawking admirer who accidentally pushed the unfinished sculpture on top of himself. Three guess who this admirer was. Early Modern Life: During the 1700s, Backtrack contracted scurvy and died out of the misguided belief that eating citrus fruits would summon pirates to his location. Modern Life: The Backtrack we know and love in post-Calamity times. Cause of death unknown. Space Age Life: Space Cadet Steve Lawrence is destined to annihilate himself by crawling into a negative mass reactor during an active warp session. He will do this while attempting to hide from his Nyssan officer, whom he described as "scary." At this point, it is believed that God felt so much pity for Steve Lawrence that his soul was pulled from the reincarnation cycle.