The Linear Thread

[The Ward's Guard he/him]

Just now, Ookla the Grammatical said:

"You did. Do we need to get Gerald?"

 @Ookla the Reserved

"Ah, I don't think we'll have to worry about the floating squid."

[Channelknight Fadran]

1 minute ago, Ookla the Grammatical said:

"You did. Do we need to get Gerald?"

 @Ookla the Reserved

"Probably."

[xinoehp512 he/him]

Gerald floated up to the top.

2 hours ago, Ookla the Grammatical said:

Factions?

"Fascinating, but I don't think it'll matter much to us."

Yeah, like the mafia, or the death cult, or whatever else you were doing.

[Condensation she/her]

"Okay, now we need to get out of here before that octopus comes back."

[xinoehp512 he/him]

"Agreed," said Gerald, floating out the door.

[Condensation she/her]

"Should we go after him, though?"

[The Ward's Guard he/him]

2 hours ago, Ookla the Grammatical said:

"Should we go after him, though?"

"You can do whatever you want, my work here is done. Although, I guess that you're in debt to me now. I'll accept the usual payment."

[xinoehp512 he/him]

8 hours ago, Ookla the Grammatical said:

"Should we go after him, though?"

"I don't, usually. Typically the situation resolves itself."

[Channelknight Fadran]

8 hours ago, The Ookla's Guard said:

"You can do whatever you want, my work here is done. Although, I guess that you're in debt to me now. I'll accept the usual payment."

"And what payment is that?"

[Condensation she/her]

"Yeah, what? Oh, right." Melody slumped. "Well, I guess we'd better start."

[The Ward's Guard he/him]

1 hour ago, Ookla the Channelknight said:

"And what payment is that?"

"Ah, but the same as the time you wanted to use my stairs."

[Channelknight Fadran]

Just now, The Ookla's Guard said:

"Ah, but the same as the time you wanted to use my stairs."

"Would you like to hear Season Two of Bili the Unicorn?"

[Condensation she/her]

"That's what I thought. All right, Ellis, let's go."

[The Ward's Guard he/him]

Just now, Ookla the Channelknight said:

"Would you like to hear Season Two of Bili the Unicorn?"

The old man reached into his shirt and produced his collapsable stool again. "Ah well, you could. Although I figure that I'd require more than just one season. I prefer variety young man, you can tell me smaller stories if you keep your stories diverse."

[Channelknight Fadran]

1 minute ago, The Ookla's Guard said:

The old man reached into his shirt and produced his collapsable stool again. "Ah well, you could. Although I figure that I'd require more than just one season. I prefer variety young man, you can tell me smaller stories if you keep your stories diverse."

"I can promise you that Season Two is very different than Season One."

[The Ward's Guard he/him]

Just now, Ookla the Channelknight said:

"I can promise you that Season Two is very different than Season One."

The old man sat onto the stool. "I'll be the judge of that."

[Channelknight Fadran]

Just now, The Ookla's Guard said:

The old man sat onto the stool. "I'll be the judge of that."

Yep... I'm gonna have to write it out, now...

[The Ward's Guard he/him]

Just now, Ookla the Channelknight said:

Yep... I'm gonna have to write it out, now...

Here we go.

[Condensation she/her]

I mean, or Melody could make some illusions dance. Either one works.

[Channelknight Fadran]

Just pretend Ellis said all this:

Spoiler

We start with the thirty-two thousand tiny little unicorn childrens living happily amongst their parents. Bili is kinda their leader, so... woo. One day, though, they receive word that the Eldar Unicorn had tripped and fallen down a mountain, lacerating his spine and dying instantly. It was up to Bili and the others to find the new Eldar Unicorn and restore balance to the world.

They searched throughout their thousands of children, and eventually found one unicorn named Jean. Jean was smaller than most--not that that's important--but hey, he was. He needed to embark on a quest to unlock his Eldar powers. Nobody knew what kind of quest this was, so they inquired the #1 source of quests in the world: QuestAdventure.org.

After inquiring QuestAdventure, they found that Jean had to appease the Four Cardinal Gods by making a sacrifice to them, and hence Jean's Quest began. First to the North, then the East, then South, then West.

North: The God of the North was playing mariokart when Jean arrived, and when Jean asked how he could appease the god, the god was like "just... go away. I'm playing right now."

And so the God of the North was appeased.

East: The God of the East was trying to take a nap when Jean arrived. All Jean had to do was grab him a glass of water, because he was thirsty.

And so the God of the East was appeased.

South: This guy wanted nothing less than the Firstborn Lamb of Jean's flock. Unfortunately, Jean didn't exactly have a flock, so he had to go buy himself a bunch of sheep, make them have a kid, and sacrifice that kid to the God of the South.

And so the God of the South was appeased.

Finally, the God of the West. This God actually knew what he was doing, and he was like "your quest has appeased me, and now all you must do is go to the Shrine of the Gods and wait for them to smite you with your power."

And so the God of the West was appeased. Jean found a map that lead to the Shrine of the Gods, and followed it perfectly. He trekked all about the USA, and finally settled upon...

Walmart.

Jean went inside and asked how he was supposed to be smitten by the powers of the Gods. Apparently, the Gods were to use their human proxies to give Jean his powers. These human proxies were Walmart desk workers, and all four of them had to scan him simultaneously in order to grant him his powers.

After this, Jean went home, but found that he couldn't use any of his magic. In fact, he didn't seem to have any magic at all. The other unicorns sent him to the Underworld to find the ghost of the late Eldar Unicorn, hoping that the sagelike old dude might be able to help him. So Jean hopped on downstairs and went to go find the Eldar Unicorn. Along the way, however, he ran into another Unicorn called the Necromid; a Necromancer Unicorn!

"Who the heck are you?" Jean asked.

"I am the Necromid, the Bane of the Eldar Unicorn! I will be your DEMISE. BWEHEHEHEHEEHE!!"

"Uhh... yeah. Sure. By the way, your evil laugh is not good."

"Why thank you."

Jean rolled his eys and left the Necromid to find the Eldar Unicorn. The Eldar told him that his powers would probably be unlocked at the last minute as all his friends were about to die or... something. Y'know. Character arcs.

So Jean hops back up to the overworld, but finds that the Necromid has followed him! The Necromid uses his magical powers to transform Jean and his unicorn buddies into his mindless zombie slaves. With that, he decided to go conquer the USA, starting with no state other than Florida!

Meanwhile, back at the White House... George Washington's VP is in charge, as George himself had become a zombie like all the other unicorns.

"Mr. Vice President!" The assistant guy yelled. "Sir!"

"What is it?" VP asked.

"There's a zombie apocalypse happening! A zombie apocalypse!"

"Where?"

"Florida!"

VP snorted. "If it's in Florida, then we don't need to worry about it. Back to my cat video!"

The zombie army washed through the states, taking over Florida, Georgia, the Carolinas, even Rhode Island! Eventually, it was clear that there was little they could do to stop the zombie army! The feds were deployed, but their grenades and bullets were useless against the zombies. Inside, all the unicorns were still themselves, but they had no control over their bodies!

"Bili! I'm so sorry!" Bill said, eating a person's brain.

"I'm too young to un-die!" Alicorn #57 decided.

"FRED." George said.

"What?" Fred asked.

"Fred, I'm a zombie."

"I'm a zombie too!"

"Oh my gosh, this is so cool!"

"ZOMBIES!! ZOMBIES!! WE'RE SCUDDING ZOMBIES!!"

It was right here that my little sister decided that Jean magically snapped out of the zombiness, so... I guess I had to roll with it.

Jean magically snapped out of his zombie trance, and upon realizing that all his friends were zombies, he finally unlocked his powers!

Well... kind of.

Jean stole the necromancer powers of the Necromid and took control of the zombie army, bringing them all back to life! The Necromid was destroyed in the chaos that ensued soon after, joining the Eldar Unicorn back in the underworld.

"We're saved!" Bili said.

"Thank you, Jean!" Texas Unicorn said.

Fred and George simply cried in each other's arms.

 

"That's Part 1 of Season Two." Ellis said. "Does it work?"

[Condensation she/her]

"That was impressive, Ellis."

[xinoehp512 he/him]

Gerald had zoned out and was floating aimlessly.

[Condensation she/her]

"Now can we go?"

[Channelknight Fadran]

7 minutes ago, Ookla the Grammatical said:

"That was impressive, Ellis."

"It's five seasons. Five seasons." He's talking like a soldier with shellshock. "I spent days of my life concocting those tales... days!"

[The Ward's Guard he/him]

Just now, Ookla the Grammatical said:

"Now can we go?"

The old man thought about it for a second, he then nodded. "Ah yes, I suppose that story is good enough for payment." He then jumped up from his stool, picking it up and replacing it. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go before the Parvis dolor ira populo catch up to me, or my granddaughter, whichever." He then reached into his shirt and threw something at his feet that created a puff of smoke. When the smoke cleared, the old man was gone, with footsteps sounding as he ran off.