Jokes of any kind

[Ironwill2112 he/him]

So this is where people can share there favorite jokes.  (as long as they are appropriate of course)

I'll start,

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Spoiler

Roberto 

 

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

1 minute ago, McWafy said:

So this is where people can share there favorite jokes.  (as long as they are appropriate of course)

I'll start,

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

  Reveal hidden contents

Roberto 

 

That reminds me of this one...

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the ocean?

Spoiler

Bob

 

[dannnex male]

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

Spoiler

A flat major. 

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? 

Spoiler

A flat minor. 

 

[Hen she/her]

Did you know you can tell the gender of ants by putting them in water? if it sinks, it’s a girl ant, if it floats, it’s buoyant.

[Ironwill2112 he/him]

What do you call a fake noodle?

Spoiler

an impasta

 

[dannnex male]

Ya know what, I’m feeling generous today, you can have this dead battery, free of charge. 

[Hen she/her]

So get this. A girl and a boy go to a party, and the girl says “I want some punch” so the boy goes to get some. There was no punch line.

[Ironwill2112 he/him]

Sorry this not a joke but I just wanted to express how funny this has been. I have been laughing my head off over these jokes.

[Hen she/her]

What do you call a no eyed deer? 

Spoiler

No eye deer!!!!!!! 

 

[Gears]

I am imaginary.

[dannnex male]

9 minutes ago, Hentient said:

So get this. A girl and a boy go to a party, and the girl says “I want some punch” so the boy goes to get some. There was no punch line.

Oh I love this joke, but I know a longer version. 
 

A boy was preparing for his prom date later that day. He went to pick up his tuxedo, but there was a huge line. He waited and waited and waited and waited and finally got his tux. Then he picked up his date, and they went to get some food. At the restaurant, there was a huge line. So they waited and waited and waited and waited and finally they got their food. After they ate, they went to the Prom. When they got to their school, there was a huge line. So, once again, they waited and waited and waited and waited, and they finally got inside. They danced for a while, and then the boy’s date said she was thirsty, so he went to get her some punch. Surprisingly, there was no punch line. 

[Hen she/her]

I can keeeeep goinggggggggggg 

what rock group has four members that don’t sing? 

Spoiler

Mount Rushmore

 

[Gears]

Why die? You only have one.

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

17 minutes ago, Hentient said:

What do you call a no eyed deer? 

  Reveal hidden contents

No eye deer!!!!!!! 

 

What do you call a blind deer with no legs?

Spoiler

Still no-eye deer!

 

[revelryintheart she/her]

I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

---

Two chemists walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The first chemist responds, "I'd like some H2O."
The second chemists says, "I'd like some H2 — wait, we aren't at work, why'd you say it like that? I'd like some water too, please."
The first chemist mutters to himself, "Storms! My assassination plot failed."

---

At the start of the exam, the invigilator says, “You have exactly 2 hours. I will not accept any papers after this time has elapsed.”

Two hours later, the invigilator calls out, “Time’s up, Ladies and Gentlemen.”

One student is still scribbling away ten minutes later when the invigilator has all the collected papers in a large stack front of him. Slowly, the student finishes up and walks over to hand in his paper, but the invigilator refuses to accept it. The student puffs up his chest and says:

“Do you have any idea who I am?”

“No,” says the invigilator.

“Great,” says the student as he slips his paper into the middle of the stack.

[Hen she/her]

If a cow can’t produce milk is she a milk dud or an udder failure?

[Condensation she/her]

Once I met a man with a wooden leg named Smith.

Spoiler

What was the name of his other leg?

You be Mozart, you be Beethoven, and I'll be Bach.

[PiedPiper she/her]

The Sunnydale High School class of '99 10-year reunion was killer for the introverts.

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.

A wanted poster for Schrodinger's cat reads "dead and alive."

Little known failure: Schrodinger's dog. It freaked out and started barking.

When life gives you lemons, squirt them into life's mouth and see how life likes it.

Ending with a preposition is where it's at.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE STEEL INQUISITION!

Edited August 10, 2020 by PiedPeterPiper

[Condensation she/her]

Other people are allowed to donate blood. When I got there, they just hammered me with questions, like "Whose blood is this?" and "Where'd you get a bucket of blood?"

JK tho, yikes!

[FriarFritz]

Who makes all the jokes? Like, there are two main categories of joke. The ones which the teller just makes up, which can be good, but often fall flat, and usually have a pretty limited usability. Then there are the "standards" so to speak, which are all slightly cringy, slightly cheesy, and a little groan-inducing. Like "Why did the baby cross the road?" 

Spoiler

It was stapled to the chicken!

Are these created by some mysterious Joke Committee? Do they spawn through a portal to the World of Jokes?

[Condensation she/her]

NO IDEA but my dad has TONS.

We've been thinking about moving to Switzerland. Thinking about the pros and cons, and all that. There are a lot of cons, but the flag is a big plus.

I told my sister she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

Why did Shakespeare only write in pen?

Spoiler

Pencils confused him: 2B or not 2B?

I invented a new word: Plagarism!

Edited August 11, 2020 by Condensation

[Hen she/her]

Why does the Norway navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships? 

Spoiler

So when they come back to port they can

Spoiler

Scandinavian

 

 

[Condensation she/her]

That was SO bad and that's why I love it.

What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.

 

Me: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?

Teacher: Of course not!

Me: Well, I didn't do my homework

[+Doomstick he/him]

I would tell a periodic table joke, but the good ones Argon

[Hen she/her]

This has been dead for a day and I don’t approve. 

So I wrote this song about a tortilla. Well, if I’m being honest here, it’s more of a wrap.