You may have heard of me

[NamelessThirteenth]

I have stolen techniques from unwary fantasy authors. I wrote the Black Symphony. I cheated in the english exam and left with both my sanity and my life (albeit grouchy and full of Adrenalin). I started writing novels at a younger age than most people begin to read epic fantasy. I write words by moonlight that others praise during the day (I hope). I have talked to novelists, loved books, and written assignments that make the teachers weep.

I am a dynamic figure, often seen crushing stone and scaling mountains. I have been known to remodel the school building in my lunch break, making it more efficient in heat retention. I manage my time perfectly. On one occasion, I was reported to float three metres in the air.

I amaze teachers by teaching concepts which they struggle to understand. I cook five-minutes noodles in two minutes. I am a I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I have climbed mountains, dammed rivers, and trekked to places all those that have ever touched upon their soil have been taken by the rift of time.

I play the piano with one foot, I play the guitar with no hands, and the saxophone with my mouth closed. I enjoy parkour every Wednesday and Thursday, and on Tuesday I spend my time remodelling famous bridges and towers. Once a week, to let off steam, I compose top-grossing songs while participating in full-contact origami.

I ahve spoken with Trump, Elvis and Ramses the Second. I read The Way of Kings and Words of Radiance in one afternoon and spent the rest of the day starring on a inter-planetary gameshow, which I won with exceeding grace. I have seen the Twin Towers erupt in a blazing flame, and saved thirty people from its fires.  I am a ruthless artist, a sharp-witted book analyst, and a NASA space flight program graduate. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

But I have not yet posted on the 17th Shard.

My name is NamelessThirteenth. You may have heard of me.

[NamelessThirteenth]

A shout out to Hugh Gallagher, the author of the inspiration for this introduction. You can find his application here http://www.tejvan.co.uk/economics/funny_exam_answers/funny_college_letter/view/index.html

 

[Modal Seoul he/him]

Hi! Have an upvote! And a cookie. Hopefully you don't vomit. People tend to do that with them.

[Hemalurgic Headshot he/him]

As is necessary, welcome to the Shard!

[StrikerEZ he/him]

This is the best intro post I've ever seen. I'm happy, and I gave you an upvote. Avoid the cookies (or not).

[Zennix he/him]

I dived into the fire and lava of Mount Doom, retrieved the One Ring, and used it to propose to my girlfriend. 

Can anyone beat that? 

Welcome to the Shard! Have a cookie and an upvote. 

[Ammanas]

@NamelessThirteenth You forgot, "I count among my worshippers Lock Lamora of Camorr. I am the tipper of scales when judging the worth of souls."

[NamelessThirteenth]

Thank you all for the warm welcome, and the cookies, and the upvotes, and the One Ring proposal thingy. And yes, I should have mentioned Locke Lamora. The books are one of the best I've ever read.

Again , thx so much, and I hope to see you around (or your posts)

[AngelEy3 he/him]

On 4/6/2017 at 5:04 AM, NamelessThirteenth said:

I have stolen techniques from unwary fantasy authors. I wrote the Black Symphony. I cheated in the english exam and left with both my sanity and my life (albeit grouchy and full of Adrenalin). I started writing novels at a younger age than most people begin to read epic fantasy. I write words by moonlight that others praise during the day (I hope). I have talked to novelists, loved books, and written assignments that make the teachers weep.

I am a dynamic figure, often seen crushing stone and scaling mountains. I have been known to remodel the school building in my lunch break, making it more efficient in heat retention. I manage my time perfectly. On one occasion, I was reported to float three metres in the air.

I amaze teachers by teaching concepts which they struggle to understand. I cook five-minutes noodles in two minutes. I am a I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I have climbed mountains, dammed rivers, and trekked to places all those that have ever touched upon their soil have been taken by the rift of time.

I play the piano with one foot, I play the guitar with no hands, and the saxophone with my mouth closed. I enjoy parkour every Wednesday and Thursday, and on Tuesday I spend my time remodelling famous bridges and towers. Once a week, to let off steam, I compose top-grossing songs while participating in full-contact origami.

I ahve spoken with Trump, Elvis and Ramses the Second. I read The Way of Kings and Words of Radiance in one afternoon and spent the rest of the day starring on a inter-planetary gameshow, which I won with exceeding grace. I have seen the Twin Towers erupt in a blazing flame, and saved thirty people from its fires.  I am a ruthless artist, a sharp-witted book analyst, and a NASA space flight program graduate. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

But I have not yet posted on the 17th Shard.

My name is NamelessThirteenth. You may have heard of me.

Best intro ever. If I could upvote more than once, I would. 

[Farnsworth]

This may be the only sight where every single member understands that post. Well met, my friend.