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Cosmere Jokes


King Cole

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I saw a Mistborn joke topic and i thought it would be great to do one for all Cosmere jokes.

Let's get right to it

"When i was reading BoM, I though the action really Waxed and Wayned"

Hopefully the rest aren't as bad as this one

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2 hours ago, King Cole said:

I saw a Mistborn joke topic and i thought it would be great to do one for all Cosmere jokes.

Let's get right to it

"When i was reading BoM, I though the action really Waxed and Wayned"

Hopefully the rest aren't as bad as this one

Does it really count as a new joke when the author has flat-out admitted that he created the names for the sake of that particular pun?

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whats it called when you are looking for a shardic portal?

Spoiler

-investigate

Ok that was bad

also bugsy told me a good one today :

What do you do when the 17th shard i chasing you?

Spoiler

-hoid

 

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"Have you heard what Lift did?" "Yeah, talk about a slippery slope."

Lopen on the wall: "Well, this is a sticky situation."

"Wow Adonalsium, you look great!" "Really? I'm shattered." (supposed to be like flattered. Not sure it came out right.)

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A couple of hours after I had finished moving my things into the new house I bought since I'd lost the previous one to a tornado, there was a knock on the door. I opened the door and saw a couple. This conversation followed:

Me: Hello. 

Couple: (Smile) Hi! We are your next door neighbors, Mr &  Mrs High and Ever Storm! 

I fainted. 

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Dad: Son, I heard that you've been lashing out at        everyone around you. It's not good. You've got to change. 

Me: Dad, I'm a Windrunner. It's what we do. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Szeth restores the shard of Honor and kills Odium and takes it up as well and becomes Justice.  Thinking "What the heck" he tries to strike up a romance with Cultivation, but she declines with the puzzling statement "I'm interested in plants, but not Just Plants."

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"This project would help everyone, but we just can't get through all the red tape!"

"Just give it a Stamp of Approval!"

---

Why did the kremling cross the chasm?

He was lashed to the other side.

*cue groans*

---

"I don't know if I can get out of bed, the world is just really bleak these days."

"Hey, it's not so bad. Just slow down, take a few Breaths, and things will look brighter in no time!"

---

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a stiff drink so he can drown away his pain. He's a regular, and the bartender asks him what's got him so bent out of shape. He says, "Don't ever fall in love, my friend, you'll only regret it."

The bartender nods knowingly. "She really let you down hard, huh?"

"Oh, she really let me have it. Girl like that? It was too good to be true. I should've known."

"Hey man, I've been there. You'll get over it."

"Not this time. She changed me. There's no going back."

Letting out a slow whistle, the bartender pours him second glass. "Well, have another on me. Tomorrow's always a new day."

He shakes his head sadly. "I might as well be dead. You just don't get it. I'm ruined."

Losing his sympathy just a little bit, the bartender responds, "Come now, it can't be that bad."

The man pulls up his shirt, revealing the terrible truth. "Look, see! She knew just how to shove a spike through a guy's heart!"

Edited by Silarn
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Really officer it was an accident. He startled me so I dropped my knife.

sideways

 

what do you call a boring hotel? Adolin

 

Why does leras like jam? It's a preserve

 

what spren does eshoni least want? Hoid spren

 

these are not the hoids your looking for.

 

some commands are breathtaking.

 

everything she has ceons 

everything was calm until there was serene (use the original audiobook pronunciation, not the 10th aneversiary edition)

 

Where does harmony cathc flies? In his spirit web

 

what do you get when a carpenter has a child? A sander's son

 

some shards really ruin a good pun

 

aona bunch of bad puns

 

what do you call breeze going down stairs? A condescending con descending 

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