Beginning or The End Challenge

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

This is a fairly simple idea. A person makes up a sentence. The next person then needs to come up with a short story that uses that sentence either in the beginning or the end. After they finish the story, they then leave another sentence at the end of their post for the next person to use. Feel free to make the sentence ridiculous or weird. That's what makes it a challenge (and in my opinion, fun). I'll start:

"Dave grabbed the duck and ran, fully aware that the fate of the world now rested on his shoulders."

[Lightning he/him]

Dave grabbed the duck and ran, fully aware that the fate of the world now rested on his shoulders.

"Why would anyone create a bio-genetic destabilizer?" he thought to himself, as the duck started to mutate.  It slowly grew smaller and cuter, with big eyes like you see in the movies.

"Oh, look at that cute duck!" someone cried as Dave ran passed.  But he didn't have time to describe the horror -- the doom -- this duck represented.  For, given enough time, the bio-gel would spread to other organisms.  Society, and the human race, would be destroyed.

He gave a brief glance at the duck, but that was a mistake.  It was even cuter now, with fluffy white feathers and a disproportionately large bill.  He just wanted to stop and pet the freakishly beautiful animal, but his better judgement prevailed.

"Must get this duck to an incinerator..." Dave thought wildly, running even faster now.  "There!" he thought wildly, seeing a local Mongolian grill restaurant, "They must have a fire inside."

He barely paused to swing the door open, and hurriedly threw the duck onto the open grill.  He cried as the cute little ducky was cooked alive.

"What have I done?" Dave sobbed, wearily backing away.

The local cook looked on in shock.  A policeman who had seen the entire incident quickly handcuffed Dave and led him away thinking "How could a man be so heartless and cruel to animals?"

Not wanting the food to go unused, the cook quickly chopped up the duck, added some noodles, a heaping spoonful of soy sauce, then threw the entire batch back on the fire.  Soon, it was fried to perfection.

"Delicious" the cook thought, as small tears ran out of his slightly over-sized eyes.

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"I wish I owned a pet dinosaur," Sam thought glumly, looking out enviously at his next-door neighbor's yard.

[A Budgie she/her]

"I wish I owned a pet dinosaur," Sam thought glumly, looking out enviously at his next-door neighbor's yard.
He pushed the vegetables around his plate using his fork with a vengence, and kicked the legs of his chair.
"Mum, how come I can never have cool stuff like that, but Pete does?"
His mother sighed as she picked up his plate and put it in the sink.
"Sam, we've been over this. You know that you don't have the qualifications to legally build your own time machine."
"Neither does Pete..."
"No, but he has his dad help him, which means it's all fine."
"Thanks, dearest," said Sam's father dryly.
Sam scowled, but inside his head, he could feel a plan beginning to form...

"I just don't understand it!" Pete was saying to the entire playground. "We built the machine to the letter of the instructions, there was no reason for the anomaly created by bringing a creature forward in time to cause my new dinosaur to turn into a chicken egg!"
"I dunno," said Dan, one of his friends. "I mean, I knew dinosaurs became chickens..."
"Yeah, but not that fast," said Pete mornfully. "And dad won't let me get another one, just in case it causes a rip in time and destroys the universe."
"That's just too bad. I'm sorry," said Sam, who wasn't at all sorry.
After all, it's hard to be sorry when you have a dinosaur hidden in your shed.

____

Lucinda was 13 when she discovered her cat had a British accent.

[The Honor Spren she/her]

Lucinda was 13 when she discovered her cat had a British accent. Her family had bought Angel as a kitten two years ago, he was now fully grown. He had gone through all of the normal stages of growth, like being weaned off of milk and onto crystals, or his eyes starting to change color when he heard music. Lucinda could have sworn she would have noticed if he had made any of the typical signs of speech development, but apparently not.

"Hello there," Angel greeted when he padded into the room, as if he said this every morning. "What? Why are you looking at me as if I sprouted another head?"

"The lady who sold you to us said cats don't start talking for another 3 years."

The cat gave her a look that seemed very much like a smirk, the emotion spines on his back indicating smugness. "Clearly, I'm smarter than your average feline." 

Lucinda could accept that. If there was a range of intelligence in humans, then there could be a range in cats. And yet . . . "Where did the accent come from? We live in the US."

"Lots of Doctor Who."

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"Folks say there used to be a glowing thing in the sky at night too. Called it the moon."

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

Chaos erupted in the back of the Slpegnerhf's UFO as the twins began fighting again. Mr. Slpegnerhf turned around from the controls, his face a furious shade of blue.

     "Meela! Junior! Would the two of you stop fighting for 5 parsecs?!" he yelled.

     "Junior keeps pulling on my tentacles!" Meela whined.

     "Nu-uh!"Junior goaded. As this devolved into a series of "Yeah-huh"'s and "Nu-uh"'s Mr. Slpegnerhf's temper began to reach it's peak. This was supposed to be a nice family outing to the Gammalon Supernova, but had since turned into a 14 light-year UFO ride of horror. The fact that Mrs. Slpegnergf managed to sleep the whole time, and had thus been unable to help with the children hadn't improved Mr. Slpegnergf's mood. As Mr. Slpegnerhf began another rebuke, he noticed something out of the corner of his eyestalk.

     "Oh great!" He snarled. "I missed my exit! Now I have to figure out a new route!" He turned furiously towards the back. "Not another word out of anyone!" He had barely finished speaking when one of his children raised their tentacle.

     "I have to pee." Jimmy whined.

     "I told you to go 2 light-years ago!" Mr. Slpegnergf snapped. He began to turn back when he noticed his youngest son, who had turned a sickly yellowish-orange. "Narlwin?"He asked cautiously. Narlwin looked up at him.

     "I don't feel so good." he grumbled. Mr. Slpegnergf realized what was coming next.

     "Out the window out the window" he yelled, desperately rolling down the window as Narlwin began to glow. There was a flash of light, followed by thunderous crack, as if a rather large rock had been split into pieces.

     "That's better." Narlwin sighed contentedly. Mr. Slpegnergf was staring out the window in horror. 

     "Oh wrux!" He breathed. The UFO veered sharply to the right as he decided to get as far away as possible. Maybe he'd take his kids to McNeutron while they got their stories straight.

20 Years Later

The last survivors of what had been the human race huddled around the campfire, listening as the elder began his story.

     "Folks say there used to be a glowing thing in the sky at night too. Called it the moon"

---------

Everyone gasped in horror as the sales-clerk pulled out a wallaby.

[StormyQueen she/her]

Everyone gasped in horror as the sales-clerk pulled out a wallaby. Well, everybody except Jacob. He just sighed.

"Again?" He asked, "How many of those do you even have anyway?" No response, "seriously, where do you even keep them?"

The sales-clerk, whose name happened to be Nora, who also happened to be a member of the race sent to destroy human way of life, shrugged, "it's not my fault that you folks don't understand trans-emitter II technology. My good friend actually invented it, Fred, oh, he was a right laugh. You know there was this one time when-."

"You know, I don't actually care about your friend Fred. I'm more interested in the fact that you seem intent on ruining your disguise by pulling wallabies out! You realise that you are being hunted by the armies of both the USA and Russia in freaking 1969! Oh, and also the Vatican City, I'm not even sure how that happened, but the point still stands that you should not be pulling wallabies out. We aren't even in Australia! Pull out too many more, and you could cause a massive rupture in local eco-systems!"

"You realise that I'm trying to destroy your way of life?" 

"Yeah, and you're welcome to it, humans are the worst, but you don't have to ruin the ecosystem while you are at it!"

"Ok, fine, just relax, I promise I won't ruin the ecosystem-"

"Thank you!"

"-Too much."

"Ok you know what, fine, go ahead and destroy the ecosystem, just leave me out of it!"

Jacob turned around, but before he could take more than 3 steps he felt a tap on his back. It was Nora.

"You ready to apologise or-"

"Nah, but I figured that this emu could make it up to you," she said, holding out a massive emu and dumping it in his arms, "I'm sorry for the trouble I caused before with the wallabies, it won't happen again."

---------

Was this really a good idea to come here this late at night?

[Hemalurgic Headshot he/him]

Was this really a good idea to come here this late at night?

A normal person might have asked himself this question when finding himself in the middle of a foggy graveyard minutes from midnight, but Severend isn't a normal person. He stood among the weathered headstones and wilting flowers gazing at one specific grave. Marked by a towering obelisk, the grave stood in the exact center of the graveyard. Severend knew this, because he decided to be responsible and spy on this location via Google maps for unmentioned hours previously. He clenched his fists and waited for the moment.

Above, the clouds parted and a lance of moonlight beamed down upon the obelisk, striking its peak. Severend took a deep breath. In the distance, the church bell rang. And rang. And rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang...

Rang.

The once shadowed symbols etched on the obelisk's dark surface exploded with bright white light, illuminating the graveyard with a fierce glow. Severend was thrown back as the obelisk burst out a ring of force and rose slowly into the air. He watched in awe as the earth opened up and from the pit where the obelisk once stood rose a form, a misty dark figure. Severend hastily got to his feet and rushed over to the floating figure. He pulled it from the pillar of light in which it hang and nearly collapsed under its weight. With its treasure gone, the light from the obelisk began to fade and it drifted back into its hole.

Severend looked down at the figure that he held. It was like gazing a silhouette. He reached into his back pocket and withdrew a small vial. The elixir of life. Funny, how humans think it will make them immortal. How foolish. He poured the vial's contents onto the vague form. The drops melted into its skin, and slowly the silhouette began to develop details and texture.

No, the elixir of life is meant for the dead.

Severend knelt on the cold grass for who knows how long, cradling the body of one who would soon rise to life. Then, shortly after the church bell had rung three times, Severend heard a cough. He was flung from his trance. He turned the body he held over and looked into its face. A human face, with black hair, green eyes, that same scar on his left cheek, stared back at him.

"Sevvy?" He asked weakly. Severend embraced him tightly, tears coming unbridled to his eyes. After all this time...

"I'm here, Abe. Big brother's here."

--------------------------------------------------------------

Ben stared at his pudding. He was sure it had moved.  

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

Ben stared at his pudding. He was sure it had moved. He stared at it for a moment, before raising his spoon to dig in.

"NO!" Shouted a voice. Ben turned to see his brother Nigel, who was looking at him frantically.

"What is it?" he asked. "I'm pretty sure we have some more pudding in the fridge if you want some that badly." Nigel shook his head, and quickly snatched the bowl of pudding from Ben.

"It's not that," He insisted, holding the bowl close. "This is my latest invention!' Ben stared at his brother quizzically for a moment. Then, after realizing his brother was serious, he placed a comforting hand on Nigel's shoulder.

"I'm sorry brother," he explained. "They've already invented pudding". His brother shook his head.

"This is different," Nigel insisted. "This," he exclaimed, holding the bowl aloft, "is Sentient Pudding!" He turned to his brother, cradling the bowl protectively. "It still has some kinks, but I know it will change the world." He started off in the direction of his bedroom or "lab" as he called it. 

"Good luck!" Ben called after his brother. Well, he thought turning back to the fridge, it's nice that he's having a new breakthrough. He froze as the thought hit him. A new breakthrough. He thought back to all of Nigel’s other “breakthroughs”. The Lawn-mower shoes. The Alarmed Clock. Octo-ducks. He shuddered at that last one. “Maybe I should check up on him, “ he muttered. Almost as if on cue, a crash came from Nigel’s room.

Ben raced to his brother’s room, throwing open the door. He gaped, as Nigel’s room had gone from a tidy workshop to a gelatinous wasteland. In the center stood a towering creature made entirely of pudding. It held Nigel in one hand, and appeared to be in the middle of a villainous monologue. Nigel noticing Ben, smiled weakly.

“Sorry, brother.” He wheezed. “Looks like I messed up again.” Ben shook his head. “It’s okay Nigel,” he assured Nigel, as the creature took notice of him. “It’ll be alright.” With grim determination Ben gripped his spoon, mentally preparing himself for what had to be done. Then with a fearsome cry, he threw himself at the creature, having to once again saving the world from his brother’s genius.

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"Three goats and an off-key accordion; that's my final offer"

[Tristan]

"Three goats and an off-key accordion; that's my final offer." The old man's gray tongue slid over his crusted lips like a slug. He craned his neck forward as if to peek into Jurdan's clasped fist.

Jurdan's neck prickled and he took a hesitant step backward, staring down at the hunched man. Clearly the rock was precious to him, but as far as he could tell it didn't contain any gemstone or metal in it. Uneasiness churned in his stomach. "Three goats?" he said, chewing the offer in his mind. He examined the animals in the pen. They were clearly well-fed, and their coats were clean and thick. If he sold two and kept one to sell its milk, he'd have... well, he'd have enough money that he wouldn't have to worry about it for quite some time. It was too good of a deal.

"And an off-key accordion," the man said eagerly, rubbing his papery hands together.

Jurdan barely glanced at the yellowing, chipped accordion resting beside the pen. "I don't care about the accordion."

The old man's lips curled up into a near-toothless grin. "It's part of the deal nonetheless. You might learn to appreciate its music."

Cautiously, Jurdan opened his fist and glanced down at the jagged black rock. Its glassy edges gleamed red in the waning sunlight. He didn't want to think about what his parents would do to him if they found out he had passed on an offer of three goats for a stupid pebble. Aside from that, he couldn't let his little sister go hungry anymore.

"Fine," he said at last, swallowing his apprehension. He had no sooner opened his fingers before the old man snatched it from his palm like a striking snake. Jurdan's legs buckled underneath him. He let out a startled breath and coughed in raspy wheezes as he caught himself.

The old man laughed and stood up straight, his voice suddenly strong and clear. Black hair sprouted from his scalp, and his skin stretched and tightened across his face. "Oh!" He covered his lips and winced, pulling his hand back to check for blood. "I'll have to get used to these," he said, running his tongue over a full row of teeth. 

Jurdan's body ached in a hundred different places, but he rose shakily to his feet. "Whass habbening?" he asked. He touched his mouth and his stomach dropped. His fingers trembled as he felt the four teeth that were scattered across his gums.

The old man tucked the rock into his pocket and smiled down at him. "Don't worry, you'll get used to talking in no time."

Jurdan let out a wail of terror as he watched the man's face morph and tighten until he was no longer staring at an old man, but himself. "No!" he cried, his voice raspy and weak. Tears welled in his eyes.

"Ah, tears," he said. "I assume you hear it, then?"

"Hear id?" Jurdan repeated. For a moment the despair ebbed into confusion.

And then the music started. It was quiet, but the notes were so horribly out of tune that the dissonance could not be ignored. He covered his sagging ears, but the music still rang clearly in his mind. "No, no, no," he moaned. It was like an awful itch that was just out of reach--there was no way to make it stop.

"I know, lad. I know." The man wearing his face patted his shoulder in sympathy. "You'll get used to the curse in time," he said. "It could always be worse, though." He waved a hand to the pen, where the three goats gnawed blissfully on grass. "You could have turned out like your family."

-------------------------------------------------------

Okay, here's the next one:

I glanced frantically about the room, hoping no one noticed.

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

I could feel it coming.

A warmth spread through my core, urging me, commanding me. But no, I wouldn't give in, I wouldn't let my compulsions take control of me. The day had been too warm and busy, making me appear drowsy and unresponsive to the rest of the world as I attempted to focus on the feeling and hold in my primal desire until the end of period. Right now, I was enduring through some lecture on particle physics. It was probably an important one and I maybe I should have been taking notes, but nothing mattered to me more than surviving through the period and making my way to somewhere secluded.

"Psst, Peter," a voice cut through my concentration, I almost let my hold slip but managed to stay in control. "The. Hell. Do. You. Want. Aaron?" I managed to get through clenched teeth, clenching the sides of my seat. "Did you get the...thing?" he whispered, looking around quickly. "Don't.storming.Talk.About.That. Later." I rasped, my control was beginning to break. Aaron looked put off, "Eesh, don't get your dick in a knot..:".

Thank god, now I could try and contain this and make sure nothing happened until I got somewhere relatively safe. A few moments passed like this, until finally...

"Ok class, you know what needs to be done by next week, complete the assigned questions and compose a 4 page analysis of Daniel Zanzi's work on the Higgs Boson. Dismissed".

I nearly let it all out in relief. Knowing that I could lose it during the rush of students leaving the lecture room, I endured a few more minutes of agony, packing up my things with stiff movements, beads of sweat running down my forehead.

"Peter, you ok? You look constipated heh," The Professor's voice reached me, I couldn't recall what his name was through the sheer willpower it took me not to cave in. I nodded stiffly in his direction. Moving to the exit with tight, clunky movements. Finally. The bathroom wasn't far away thankfully, and I broke into a light jog, holding the tsunami back.

Just as I reached the door, I felt a spitwad hit the back of my head...and just like that my hold broke, everything I had worked so hard for shattered.

Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.

I glanced frantically about the room, hoping no one noticed.

-----------------------------------------------------------

All the old ones had left us were a bucket of lard and two lamb shanks.

EDIT: .I switched to third person for a sentence XD

Edited April 8, 2017 by Darkness Ascendant

[StrikerEZ he/him]

All the Old Ones had left us were a bucket of lard and two lamb shanks. We stared, dumbfounded as Their large, golden bodies walked away from us, taking Their powerful light with Them. The small cave began to grow dimmer, although the crystals hanging from the low ceiling had stored some of the energy from the Old Ones. We wouldn't spend the night in the dark, at least.

I stared down at the pitiful food supply that They had left us with. I looked next to my arms, the scars still fresh from where They had removed my runes. The only way I could fight. This was even worse than the dampening chambers. At least I new the runes would glow again once it was my next fight or training session.

I finally turned towards the men and women cowering behind me. They had trusted me; I had led them here, straight to their deaths. Lucar, the youngest man and already a very scrawny fellow, had received the worst of the Testing. I knew he wouldn't last much later if we couldn't get him some help. None of us would, and I almost gave up then and there.

Felmia sat beside Lucar, and she cared for him, making sure he stayed awake. She turned towards me, an expectant look on her face. She had trusted me, even when Lucar told her I was a fool for believing we were supposed to be the New Ones. She should've listened to him. They all should have.

But I wasn't gonna let these good people die because of me.

"Darius," I yelled towards the darker man sitting in the corner, "you've got most of your clothing left. Get your arse over here and rip some bandages for Lucar!"

Darius scoffed, and turned back towards me, standing and pushing himself from the wall. "Why should I, Gaelen?" He asked me, clenching his fists. "We're all gonna die anyway, he'll just be the first. We're all going to die because of you! Y-you traitor!" His entire body shook as he yelled at me, and I quickly noticed his side bleeding profusely. Why didn't he tell us how bad his Testing had been?

"Darius, you need to sit down." I said calmly, approaching him with my hands up. "Just give me your shirt, and we'll tear it into several bandages." Darius looked ready to charge at me, but he sighed and put his hand to his head and sat down, the fight already drained from him. I quickly looked around the group, eyeing who had the most extra garments. Felmia stared at me, a pleading, helpless look. I saw very similar, sad faces spread across the group. I finally saw Jackor, who had almost all of his clothing with him, albeit ripped up. "Jackor, start tearing off strips of cloth so we can close up Lucar's wounds. I'll need some of the extra for Darius."

I turned around to find Darius back on the floor, leaning slightly to the right. His eyes were closed and he was taking short, labored breaths. He opened his eyes to stare at me. I heard him whisper something, but I had to ask him to repeat it. 

"I'm gonna die, aren't I, Gaelan?" The words barely came out of his mouth. With them came up lots of blood. I quickly began to work, setting aside our former disagreement and differences, and told him I wasn't gonna let him die. I wasn't going to let anyone die for my stupidity. He just smiled and laughed up a little bit of blood.

I tore away his shirt, revealing the Testing wound. It was far worse than I expected, the skin around the perfect circular hole black scarred. His rune scars were far worse than any of mine, and I couldn't stop myself from wincing. I placed the cloths on the wound, applying pressure to staunch the flow of blood. The cloth was soaked in seconds. The Testers knew how to make us lose the most blood efficiently. I sighed as I realized he wouldn't make it.

"Darius," I said, snapping him awake. He turned towards me, eyes half open, "come on, don't go anywhere. Stay focused. Don't close your eyes." As I said these things, I cold feel his strength fading. "Come on, just stay awake a little longer," I pleaded with him, "we'll find a way out." He simply shook his head and closed his eyes, whispering something. I scrambled to hear his final words. 

"-the secret is the crystal. Find it," he coughed, blood splattering all over both me and his chest. I didn't care. I waited for him to finish, but he was already gone.

I stood, and the group scattered back to the rest of the cave. Felmia and Jackor had patched Lucar up, but I doubted he'd last much longer, though his wounds weren't as severe as Darius' had been. I looked at the crystals hanging from the ceiling. I had barely paid attention to their glow. Glowing objects weren't uncommon in the life of a Ratan. They all glowed different colors, thanks to the Old Ones' presence earlier. They would be our ticket out of here.

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The small man smiled a laughed, a wicked glow on his face.

[NamelessThirteenth]

i am going to assume it is and laughed because u made a typo.

The small man smiled and laughed, a wicked glow on his face.

It had taken the better part of thirty years to get where he was now. Thirty years of hardship, toiling, fractured relationships and badly cooked food. It had taken him three quarters of his life to facilitate this, to be here, on this day, at this hour, with this legendary object.

The Legacy of Songari glowed with power in his rough, calloused hands, the waves of brilliance washing upon Nidalan's face. He could feel the power, feel it in the crackling air around his body, feel it in his flowing bloodstream and raging heart. The power to destroy the world or remake it anew, right at his fingertips. He opened the book, and dust scattered in the air, the smell of old parchment rising into his nostrils, and began to read the words of a god.

As I write this, I realize it could destroy the world and everyone in it. Frankly, I don't care.

I have given up on divinity. When I applied to be Supreme Lord of all Creation, I thought I could kick back and lay down, relax and unwind, et cetera et cetera. I imagined all those scenes they have in the movies. The guy, laying down, being fed honeyed grapes or whatever by a ravishing maid in a scandalous dress. I thought that would be my life, y'know?

I was wrong. When I think about it, I understand why my job application was accepted so quickly.

For the next hundred years after that, I suffered huamnity's strange and impossible requests. Old ladies asking for immortality. Young men asking for cars and planes and relationships. Little kids asked for pools of chocolate and giant inflatable toys. It got bothersome.

And so I relenquish my powers and immortality into this Book. As you read this, I would probably have ascended already, my power held in the sentence inscribed within this tome. O Lucky One, know that the following words hold the power to realize your deepst dreams, bring forth your desires, or smite your enemies. Speak them , then unto the same breath speak your request, and it will be granted.

And behold, as my regal ink nib ascribes upon these pages my Immortal Power:

"Never become a God"

Go, Lucky One, and know that with this power comes responsibilty and legislation. Rules which, honestly, I am not bothered to list, and don't care about. I don't care if you decide to smite Earth and its inhabitants. In fact, I would love that. But remeber, hold this book with you as you speak. The Words are powerless withut this tome

Nidalan closed the book and readied his tongue for the words, hands grasping the book, preparing. His mind ran through all the options he could wish for. He decided on one and opened his mouth, taking a step forward towards the cliffside melodramatically. 

He stepped into a puddle and stumbled. 

The Legacy flew from his hands and over the side. The Divine poiwers of a good, gone forever. Thory years of pain, gone forever.

Nidalan threw himself off the cliff to his death.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The world ended, adorned by the sounds of out-of-tune goats and and bursts of AK-47 fire. 

 

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

Professor Wilford crawled through the crumbling ruins, his assistant Crumley trailing behind him.

"Is all of this really necessary sir?" he whined. "We've been crawling around this dusty old temple for hours looking for your stupid relic. We ought to turn back and cut our losses." Professor Wilford turned toward his assistant, his faced wrinkled with horror.

"How dare you suggest such a thing Crumley? This 'stupid relic'," he scoffed, "Is a priceless artifact! It is an integral part of our society's culture." He punctuated this last bit with an indignant stab of his finger. Satisfied that his point was made, he turned to continue, only to walk straight through a particularly large cobweb. 

"Of course sir", Crumley replied dryly as the Professor danced about trying to brush himself off. "It makes sense that an ancient civilization would leave something so valuable in the middle of their crumbling city." Professor Wilford pulled a final strand of web from his face, shooting a dark look towards his assistant.

"Your vote of confidence not withstanding," he sneered, "it will all be worth it once we find..." He trailed off as they turned a corner, revealing a path that opened up to set of stairs, upon which a large pedestal bathed in a beam of sunlight sat. Even Crumley's prepared retort was lost as they both glimpsed the large red button that sat on the pedestal. Quarrel forgotten, the two of them raced up the stairs, coming to a stop before the button. "I can't believe it" Professor Wilford breathed. With trembling hands he lifted the device close. "We've found the legendary McGuffin!" he crowed holding the device above aloft. 

"We did it Professor!" Crumley cheered, his enthusiasm conveniently recovered. The Professor passed the artifact to him as he pulled a set of notes from his breast pocket. 

"Now if my research is correct," He muttered excitedly, riffling through the pages, "We should be able to master the power of the relic." Crumley looked up from examining the McGuffin at this.

"Power?" he asked. Professor Wilford nodded, engrossed in his notes.

"Yes, power. According to legend, the McGuffin is said to grant the user any wish." Crumley's eyes brightened at this.

"Wonderful!" he exclaimed. Then, without so much as a second thought, he pushed the button. "I wish for some air conditioning!" He declared to the empty room. There was a quiet moment, in which absolutely nothing happened. Crumley glanced at Professor Wilford, who was staring at him in horror. "Why did nothing happen?" he asked. This seemed to snap Professor Wilford out of his reverie.

 "You idiot!" he screamed in terror. "You have to make a wish before pressing the button! Otherwise there's no telling what could-"

The world ended, adorned by the sounds of out-of-tune goats and and bursts of AK-47 fire.

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Jeremy decided at that moment, as unspeakable terrors chased him through bowels of Hal's Hardware™, that he would never again wear plaid.

[Modal Seoul he/him]

Jeremy decided at that moment, as unspeakable terrors chased him through bowels of Hal's Hardware, that he would never again wear plaid.

He of course should have known that people wearing plaid are stereotyped as thieves or from Scotland. Or both. This is ridiculous, he thought. How will I get out of this one? He turned the corner to find a dead end. Jeremy frantically looked along the shelves, looking for a weapon. A glint of sharp metal caught his sight. He pulled away a tarp to reveal the newest model of chainsaw. High efficiency. Diamond edged. Ultimate perfection.

Jeremy seized the chainsaw, pointing it forward. The unspeakable terrors turned the corner. Principal Person and Mr. Wilkes, the truancy officer began to walk slowly toward him.

"You know better than to run away during a school trip, Jeremy," said Principal Person. "Come quietly, and we can work this out." Jeremy backed away, hand nearing the cord.

"Get back," said Jeremy. "I'm not going back to school. I'm getting out of this hellhole."

Mr. Wilkes pulled out a tranquilizer and aimed it at the runaway.

"Don't make me use this, boy." he growled. He had always hated Jeremy. Suddenly, Principal Person made a dash for him. Jeremy revved up the chainsaw and sliced the hapless principal's torso. He keeled over, eyes staring at Jeremy with hatred and shock. Mr. Wilkes now was cautious, circling him. Jeremy did the same. They glared at each other, deep hatred in their eyes.

Then Mr. Wilkes leaped at him.

Jeremy leaped.

The time had come.

The premium clash of mortal enemies.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion, just like in those big blockbuster movies everyone loves.

At the final moment, they moved their weapons toward each other, ready to strike.

Hal's Hardware exploded, killing everyone within a eleven and a half kilometer radius.

************************************************************************************************************

There Irwin was, in front of the class, no pants, dawning with the realization that he had forgotten his pack of gum.

[xinoehp512 he/him]

There Irwin was, in front of the class, no pants, dawning with the realization that he had forgotten his pack of gum.

He remembered clearly what had happened to it, of course. (He was a genius, after all). It was in his pants pocket. At home. He had forgotten to wear them today.

It wasn't the first time: nobody ever seemed to notice. Perhaps they thought his underwear were shorts. They were certainly long enough.

And although he didn't know for certain, he suspected most people didn't have pockets all over their underwear.

He was frantically searching through them now, hoping that one of them might contain what he so desperately needed.

The class had begun to whisper among themselves. He had to find it soon, or else.... The possibilities were too horrible to contemplate.

As he searched his last pocket, sure all was lost, his finger closed around a glorious object:

Mr. Cosmo's Wintergreen Bubble Gum.

Irwin heaved a sigh of relief. He unwrapped the bubblegum, put it in his mouth, and began to chew.

"By the way," he said through his chewing, "those of you unwilling to venture outside the spectrum of 'normal' should probably leave. Right now."

No one left. Irwin smiled as he began to blow. Guess they're used to this now.

--

People heard the bang throughout the building. Nearby teacher rushed to the scene, but all they found was a note. It read:

Sorry, busy saving world. Be back soon!!!!

*******************************************************************************

But that wasn't the question! thought Adam angrily, as he stormed out of his starflight physics class.