Random Stuff IX: Rogue Admins

[Straw he/him]

Gizoogling the prologue to The Way of Kings:

 

"Da ludd of pimps be a gangbangin' frigid thang, a mountain stream only three steps from tha ice. We is his. Oh Stormfather . . . we is his. Well shiiiit, it is but a thousand days, n' tha Everstorm comes."

-Collected on tha straight-up original gangsta dizzle of tha week Palah of tha month Shash of tha year 1171, thirty-one secondz before dirtnap. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Subject was a thugged-out darkeyed pregnant biatch of middle years. Da lil pimp did not survive.

4500 YEARS LATER

Szeth-son-son-Vallano, Truthless of Shinovar, wore white on tha dizzle da thug was ta bust a cap up in a mackdaddy. Da white threadz was a Parshendi tradition, foreign ta his muthastormin chull. But da ruffneck did as his crazy-chull mastas required n' did not ask fo' a explanation.

Dude sat up in a big-chull stone room, baked by enormous firepits dat cast a garish light upon tha revelers, causin beadz of sweat ta form on they skin as they danced, n' drank, n' yelled, n' sang, n' clapped. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Some fell tha storm ta tha ground red-faced, tha revelry too much fo' them, they stomachs provin ta be inferior wineskins. They looked as if they was dead, at least until they playaz carried dem outta tha feast hall ta waitin beds.

Szeth did not sway ta tha drums, drank tha sapphire wine, or stand ta dizzle yo. Dude sat on a funky-chull bench all up in tha back, a still servant up in white robes. Few all up in tha treaty-signin celebration noticed his muthastormin chull yo. Dude was just a servant, n' Shin was easy as storm  ta ignore. Most up here up in tha Eastside thought Szeth’s kind was docile n' harmless. They was generally right.

Da drummers stormin started a freshly smoked up rhythm. Da beats shook Szeth like a quartet of thumpin hearts, pumpin wavez of invisible blood all up in tha room. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth’s masters-who was dissed n' dismissed as savages by dem up in mo' civilized mackdaddydoms-sat at they own tables. They was pimps wit skin of black marbled wit red. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Parshendi, they was named-cousins ta tha mo' docile servant peoplez known as parshmen up in most of tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! An oddity. They did not call theyselves Parshendi; dis was tha Alethi name fo' dem wild-chull muthastormas. Well shiiiit, it meant, roughly, "parshmen whoz chull can think." Neither side seemed ta peep dat as a insult.

Da Parshendi had brought tha musical muthastormas fo' realz. At first, tha Alethi lighteyes had been hesitant. To them, beats was base instrumentz of tha common, darkeyed people. But Cristal was tha pimped out assassin of both tradizzle n' propriety, n' now tha Alethi elite danced wit abandon.

Szeth stood n' stormin started ta pick his way all up in tha room. Da revelry had lasted long; even tha mackdaddy had retired minutes ago. But nuff still celebrated. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time fo' realz. As da thug strutted, Szeth was forced ta step round Dalinar Kholin-the mackdaddy’s own brother-who slumped fadeden at a lil' small-chull table. Da agin but powerfully built playa kept wavin away dem playas whoz chull tried ta encourage his chull ta bed. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Where was Jasnah, tha mackdaddy’s daughter, biatch? Elhokar, tha mackdaddy’s lil hustla n' heir, sat all up in tha high table, rulin tha feast up in his wild lil' father’s absence yo. Dude was up in conversation wit two men, a thugged-out dark-skinned Azish playa whoz chull had a odd patch of pale skin on his cheek n' a thinner, Alethi-lookin playa whoz chull kept glancin over his shoulder.

Da heir’s feastin companions was unimportant. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth stayed far from tha heir, skirtin tha sidez of tha room, passin tha drummers. Musicspren zipped all up in tha air round them, tha tiny spirits takin tha form of spinnin translucent ribbons fo' realz. As Szeth passed tha drummers, they noted his muthastormin chull. They would withdraw soon, along wit all of tha other Parshendi.

They did not seem offended. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! They did not seem mad salty fo' realz. And yet they was goin ta break they treaty of only all dem hours. Well shiiiit, it made no sense. But Szeth did not ask thangs.

At tha edge of tha room, he passed rowz of unwaverin azure lights dat bulged up where wall kicked it wit floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They held sapphires infused wit Stormlight. Profane yo. How tha storm could tha pimpz of these landz use suttin' so sacred fo' mere illumination, biatch? Worse, tha Alethi scholars was holla'd ta be close ta bustin freshly smoked up Shardblades. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth hoped dat was just wishful boasting. For if it didhappen, tha ghetto would be chizzled. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Likely up in a way dat ended wit playas up in all countries-from distant Thaylenah ta towerin Jah Keved-speakin Alethi ta they lil' thugs.

They was a grand people, these Alethi. Even faded, there was a natural nobilitizzle ta dem wild-chull muthastormas. Tall n' well made, tha pimps dressed up in dark silk coats dat buttoned down tha sidez of tha chest n' was elaborately embroidered up in silver or gold. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Each one looked a general on tha field.

Da dem hoes was even mo' splendid. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! They wore grand silk dresses, tightly fitted, tha bright flavas a cold-chull lil contrast ta tha dark tones favored by tha men. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da left sleeve of each dress was longer than tha right one, coverin tha hand. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Alethi had a odd sense of propriety.

Their pure black afro was pinned up atop they heads, either up in intricate weavingz of braidz or up in loose piles. Dat shiznit was often woven wit gold ribbons or ornaments, along wit gems dat glowed wit Stormlight. Beautiful naaahhmean, biatch? Profane yo, but dope.

Szeth left tha feastin chamber behind. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Just outside, he passed tha doorway tha storm into tha Beggars’ Feast. Dat shiznit was a Alethi tradition, a room where a shitload of tha skankyest pimps n' dem hoes up in tha hood was given a gangbangin' feast complementin dat of tha mackdaddy n' his wild lil' freakadelic guests fo' realz. A playa wit a long-chull grey n' black beard slumped up in tha doorway, smilin foolishly-though whether from Cristal or a weak mind, Szeth could not tell.

"Has you done peeped mah crazy chull son?" tha playa axed wit slurred rap yo. Dude laughed, then stormin started ta drop a rhyme up in gibberish, reachin fo' a wineskin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. So dat shiznit was drank afta all. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth brushed by, continuin past a line of statues depictin tha Ten Heraldz from ancient Vorin theology. Jezerezeh, Ishi, Kelek, Talenelat yo. Dude counted off each one, n' realized there was only nine here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. One was conspicuously missing. Why had Shalash’s statue been removed, biatch? Mackdaddy Gavilar was holla'd ta be straight-up devout up in his Vorin worship. Too devout, by some people’s standards.

Da hallway here curved ta tha right, hustlin round tha perimeta of tha domed palace. They was on tha mackdaddy’s floor, two levels up, surrounded by rock walls, ceiling, n' floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. That was profane. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Stone was not ta be trod upon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But what tha storm was tha pimpin' muthastorma ta do, biatch? Dude was Truthless yo. Dude did as his crazy-chull mastas demanded.

Today, dat included bustin white. Loose white trousers tied all up in tha waist wit a rope, n' over dem a gangbangin' filmy hoodie wit long sleeves, open all up in tha front. White threadz fo' a killa was a tradizzle among tha Parshendi fo' realz. Although Szeth had not asked, his crazy-chull mastas had explained why.

White ta be bold. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! White ta not blend tha storm into tha night. White ta give warning.

For if you was goin ta assassinizzle a thugged-out dude, da thug was entitled ta peep you coming.

Szeth turned right, takin tha hallway directly toward tha mackdaddy’s chambers. Torches burned on tha walls, they light unsatisfyin ta him, a meal of thin broth afta a long-chull fast. Tiny flamespren danced round them, like insects made solely of congealed light. Da torches was useless ta his muthastormin chull yo. Dude reached fo' his thugged-out lil' pouch n' tha spheres it contained yo, but then hesitated when da perved-out muthastorma saw mo' of tha blue lights ahead: a pair of Stormlight lamps hangin on tha wall, solid sapphires glowin at they hearts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth strutted up ta one of these, holdin up his hand ta cup it round tha glass-shrouded gemstone.

"Yo chull there!" a voice called up in Alethi. There was two guardz all up in tha intersection. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Double guard, fo' there was savages abroad up in Kholinar dis night. True, dem savages was supposed ta be allies now, nahmeean, biatch? But alliances could be shallow thangs indeed.

This one wouldn’t last tha hour.

Szeth looked as tha two guardz approached. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! They carried spears; they weren’t lighteyes, n' was therefore forbidden tha sword. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Their painted red breastplates was ornate, however, as was they helms. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. They might be darkeyed yo, but they was high-rankin playa hatas wit honored positions up in tha royal guard.

Stoppin all dem feet away, tha guard all up in tha front gestured wit his spear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. "Go on, now, nahmeean, biatch? This is no place fo' you, biatch." Dude had tan Alethi skin n' a thin mustache dat ran all tha way round his crazy-chull grill, becomin a funky-chull beard all up in tha bottom.

Szeth didn’t move.

"Well?" tha guard holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! "What is you waitin for?"

Szeth breathed up in deeply, drawin forth tha Stormlight. Well shiiiit, it streamed tha storm into him, siphoned from tha twin sapphire lamps on tha walls, sucked up in as if by his stormin lil' deep inhalation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da Stormlight raged inside of him, n' tha hallway suddenly grew darker, fallin tha storm into shade like a hilltop cut off from tha sun by a transient cloud.

Szeth could feel tha Light’s warmth, its fury, like a tempest dat had been injected directly tha storm into his veins. Da juice of dat shiznit was invigoratin but dangerous. Well shiiiit, it pushed his chull ta act. To move. To strike.

Holdin his breath, his schmoooove chull clung ta tha Stormlight yo. Dude could still feel it leakin out. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Stormlight could be held fo' only a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-chull short time, all dem minutes at most. Well shiiiit, it leaked away, tha human body too porous a cold-chull lil container n' shiznit yo. Dude had heard dat tha Voidbringers could hold it up in perfectly. But, then, did they even exist, biatch? His punishment declared dat they didn’t yo. His honor demanded dat they done did.

Afire wit holy juice, Szeth turned ta tha guards. They could peep dat da thug was leakin Stormlight, wispz of it curlin from his skin like luminescent smoke. Da lead guard squinted, frowning. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth was shizzle tha playa had never peeped anythang like it before fo' realz. As far as he knew, Szeth had capped every last muthastormin stonewalker whoz chull had eva peeped what tha storm his schmoooove chull could do.

"What . . . what tha storm is yo slick chull?" Da guard’s voice had lost its certainty. "Spirit or man?"

"What be I?" Szeth whispered, a lil' bit of Light leakin from his stormin lips as he looked past tha playa down tha long hallway. "I’m . . . sorry bout dat crem dung."

Szeth blinked, Lashin his dirty chull ta dat distant point down tha hallway. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Stormlight raged from his chull up in a gangbangin' flash, chillin his skin, n' tha ground immediately stopped pullin his chull downward. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Instead, da thug was pulled toward dat distant point-it was as if, ta him, dat direction had suddenly become down.

This was a Basic Lashing, first of his cold-chull three kindz of Lashings. Well shiiiit, it gave his chull tha mobilitizzle ta manipulate what tha storm eva force, spren, or god dat shiznit was dat held pimps ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! With dis Lashing, his schmoooove chull could bind playas or objects ta different surfaces or up in different directions.

From Szeth’s perspective, tha hallway was now a thugged-out deep shaft down which da thug was falling, n' tha two guardz stood on one of tha sides. They was shocked when Szeth’s feet hit them, one fo' each face, throwin dem over n' rust. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth shifted his view n' Lashed his dirty chull ta tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Light leaked from his muthastormin chull. Da floor of tha hallway again n' again n' again became down, n' he landed between tha two guards, threadz cracklin n' droppin flakez of frost yo. Dude rose, beginnin tha process of summonin his Shardblade.

One of tha guardz fumbled fo' his spear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth reached down, touchin tha soldier’s shoulder while lookin up yo. Dude focused on a point above his chull while willin tha Light outta his body n' tha storm into tha guard, Lashin tha skanky playa ta tha ceiling.

Da guard yelped up in shock as up became down fo' his muthastormin chull. Light trailin from his wild lil' form, his schmoooove chull crashed tha storm into tha ceilin n' dropped his spear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Dat shiznit was not Lashed directly, n' clattered back down ta tha floor near Szeth.

To kill. Dat shiznit was tha top billin of sins fo' realz. And yet here Szeth stood, Truthless, profanely struttin on stones used fo' buildin fo' realz. And it would not end yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin' fo' realz. As Truthless, there was only one game da thug was forbidden ta take.

And dat was his own.

At tha tenth beat of his thugged-out chull, his Shardblade dropped tha storm into his waitin hand. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Well shiiiit, it formed as if condensin from mist, wata beadin along tha metal length yo. His Shardblade was long n' thin, edged on both sides, smalla than most others. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth swept it out, carvin a line up in tha stone floor n' passin all up in tha second guard’s neck.

As always, tha Shardblade capped oddly; though it cut easily all up in stone, steel, or anythang inanimate, tha metal fuzzed when it touched livin skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Well shiiiit, it traveled all up in tha guard’s neck without leavin a mark yo, but once it did, tha man’s eyes smoked n' burned. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! They blackened, shrivelin up in his head, n' da perved-out muthastorma slumped forward, dead as stormin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. A Shardblade did not cut livin flesh; it severed tha chull itself.

Above, tha straight-up original gangsta guard gasped. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! He’d managed ta git ta his wild lil' feet, even though they was planted on tha ceilin of tha hallway. "Shardbearer!" da perved-out muthastorma shouted. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "A Shardbearer assaults tha mackdaddy’s hall! To arms!"

Finally, Szeth thought. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth’s use of Stormlight was unfamiliar ta tha guardz yo, but they knew a Shardblade when they saw one.

Szeth bent down n' picked up tha spear dat had fallen from above fo' realz. As da ruffneck did so, he busted out tha breath he’d been holdin since drawin up in tha Stormlight. Well shiiiit, it sustained his chull while dat schmoooove muthastorma held it yo, but dem two lanterns hadn’t contained much of it, so da thug would need ta breathe again n' again n' again soon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da Light stormin started ta leak away mo' quickly, now dat da thug wasn’t holdin his breath.

Szeth set tha spear’s booty against tha stone floor, then looked upward. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Da guard above stopped shouting, eyes openin wide as tha tailz of his hoodie stormin started ta slip downward, tha earth below reassertin its dominance. Da Light steamin off his body dwindled.

Dude looked down at Szeth. Down all up in tha spear tip pointin directly at his thugged-out chull. Violet fearspren crawled outta tha stone ceilin round his muthastormin chull.

Da Light ran out. Da guard fell.

Dude screamed as dat schmoooove muthastorma hit, tha spear impalin his chull all up in tha chest. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth let tha spear fall away, carried ta tha ground wit a muffled thump by tha body twitchin on its end yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Shardblade up in hand, tha pimpin' muthastorma turned down a side corridor, followin tha map he’d memorized. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dude ducked round a cold-chull lil corner n' flattened his dirty chull against tha wall just as a troop of guardz reached tha dead men. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da newcomers stormin started shoutin immediately, continuin tha alarm.

His instructions was clear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Bust a cap up in tha mackdaddy yo, but be peeped bustin dat rust. Let tha Alethi know da thug was comin n' what tha storm da thug was bustin. Why, biatch? Why did tha Parshendi smoke ta dis treaty, only ta bust a assassin tha straight-up night of its signing?

Mo' gemstones glowed on tha wallz of tha hallway here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Mackdaddy Gavilar was horny bout lavish display, n' his schmoooove chull couldn’t know dat da thug was leavin sourcez of juice fo' Szeth ta use up in his Lashings. Da thangs Szeth did hadn’t been peeped fo' millennia yo. Histories from dem times was all but nonexistent, n' tha legendz was horribly inaccurate.

Szeth peeked back up tha storm into tha corridor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. One of tha guardz all up in tha intersection saw him, pointin n' yelling. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth made shizzle they gots a phat look, then ducked away yo. Dude took a thugged-out deep breath as he ran, drawin up in Stormlight from tha lanterns yo. His body came kickin it wit it, n' his speed increased, his crazy-chull musclez burstin wit juice. Light became a storm inside of him; his blood thundered up in his wild lil' stormin ears. Dat shiznit was shitty n' straight-up dope all up in tha same time.

Two corridors down, one ta tha side yo. Dude threw open tha door of a storage room, then hesitated a moment-just long enough fo' a guard ta round tha corner n' peep him-before dashin tha storm into tha room. Preparin fo' a Full Lashing, he raised his thugged-out arm n' commanded tha Stormlight ta pool there, causin tha skin ta burst alight wit radiance. Then he flung his hand up toward tha doorframe, sprayin white luminescence across it like paint yo. Dude slammed tha door just as tha guardz arrived.

Da Stormlight held tha door up in tha frame wit tha strength of a hundred arms fo' realz. A Full Lashin bound objects together, holdin dem fast until tha Stormlight ran out. Well shiiiit, it took longer ta create-and drained Stormlight far mo' quickly-than a Basic Lashing. Da door handle shook, n' then tha wood stormin started ta crack as tha guardz threw they weight against it, one playa callin fo' a axe.

Szeth crossed tha room up in rapid strides, weavin round tha shrouded furniture dat had been stored here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Dat shiznit waz of red cloth n' deep high-rollin' woodz yo. Dude reached tha far wall and-preparin his dirty chull fo' yet another blasphemy-he raised his Shardblade n' slashed horizontally all up in tha dark grey stone. Da rock sliced easily; a Shardblade could cut any inanimate object. Two vertical slashes followed, then one across tha bottom, cuttin a big-chull square block yo. Dude pressed his hand against it, willin Stormlight tha storm into tha stone.

Behind his chull tha room’s door stormin started ta crack yo. Dude looked over his shoulder n' focused on tha bobbin door, Lashin tha block up in dat direction. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Frost crystallized on his threadz-Lashin suttin' so big-chull required a pimped out deal of Stormlight. Da tempest within his chull stilled, like a storm reduced ta a thugged-out drizzle.

Dude stepped aside. Da big-chull stone block shuddered, slidin tha storm into tha room. Normally, movin tha block would done been impossible. Its own weight would have held it against tha stones below. Yet now, dat same weight pulled it free; fo' tha block, tha direction of tha room’s door was down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. With a thugged-out deep grindin sound, tha block slid free of tha wall n' tumbled all up in tha air, smashin furniture.

Da soldiers finally broke all up in tha door, staggerin tha storm into tha room just as tha enormous block crashed tha storm into dem wild-chull muthastormas.

Szeth turned his back on tha shitty sound of tha screams, tha splinterin of wood, tha breakin of bones yo. Dude ducked n' stepped all up in his freshly smoked up hole, enterin tha hallway outside.

Dude strutted slowly, drawin Stormlight from tha lamps he passed, siphonin it ta his chull n' stokin anew tha tempest within. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. As tha lamps dimmed, tha corridor darkened. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! A thick wooden door stood all up in tha end, n' as he approached, lil' small-chull fearspren-shaped like globz of purple goo-stormin started ta wriggle from tha masonry, pointin toward tha doorway. They was drawn by tha terror bein felt on tha other side.

Szeth pushed tha door open, enterin tha last corridor leadin ta tha mackdaddy’s chambers. Tall, red ceramic vases lined tha pathway, n' they was interspersed wit straight-up trippin soldiers. They flanked a long, narrow rug. Dat shiznit was red, like a river of blood.

Da spearmen up in front didn’t wait fo' his chull ta git close. They broke tha storm into a trot, liftin they short throwin spears. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth slammed his hand ta tha side, pushin Stormlight tha storm into tha doorframe, rockin tha third n' final type of Lashing, a Reverse Lashing. This one hit dat shiznit diff erently from tha other two. Well shiiiit, it did not make tha doorframe emit Stormlight; indeed, it seemed ta pull nearby light tha storm into it, givin it a strange penumbra.

Da spearmen threw, n' Szeth stood still, hand on tha doorframe fo' realz. A Reverse Lashin required his constant touch yo, but took comparatively lil Stormlight. Durin one, anythang dat approached him-particularly lighta objects-was instead pulled toward tha Lashin itself.

Da spears veered up in tha air, splittin round his chull n' slammin tha storm into tha wooden frame fo' realz. As he felt dem hit, Szeth leaped tha storm into tha air n' Lashed his dirty chull ta tha right wall, his wild lil' feet hittin tha stone wit a slap.

Dude immediately re oriented his thugged-out lil' perspective. To his wild lil' stormin eyes, da thug wasn’t standin on tha wall, tha soldiers were, tha blood-red carpet streamin between dem like a long-chull tapestry. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth bolted down tha hallway, strikin wit his Shardblade, shearin all up in tha neckz of two pimps whoz chull had thrown spears at his muthastormin chull. Their eyes burned, n' they collapsed.

Da other guardz up in tha hallway stormin started ta panic. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Some tried ta battle him, others yelled fo' mo' help, still others cringed away from his muthastormin chull. Da attackers had rust-they was disoriented by tha odditizzle of strikin at one of mah thugs whoz chull hung on tha wall. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth cut down a gangbangin' few, then flipped tha storm into tha air, tuckin tha storm into a roll, n' Lashed his dirty chull back ta tha floor.

Dude hit tha ground up in tha midst of tha soldiers. All Out surrounded yo, but holdin a Shardblade.

Accordin ta legend, tha Shardblades was first carried by tha Knights Radiant uncounted ages ago. Giftz of they god, granted ta allow dem ta fight horrorz of rock n' flame, dozenz of feet tall, foes whose eyes burned wit hatred. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Da Voidbringers. When yo' foe had skin as hard as stone itself, steel was useless. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Somethang supernal was required.

Szeth rose from his crouch, loose white threadz rippling, jaw clenched against his sins yo. Dude struck out, his weapon flashin wit reflected torchlight. Elegant, wide swings. Three of them, one afta another n' shiznit yo. Dude could neither close his wild lil' stormin ears ta tha screams dat followed nor stay tha storm away from seein tha pimps fall. They dropped round his chull like toys knocked over by a cold-chull lil child’s careless kick. If tha Blade touched a man’s spine, da ruffneck died, eyes burning. If it cut all up in tha core of a limb, it capped dat limb. One soldier stumbled away from Szeth, arm floppin uselessly on his shoulder n' shiznit yo. Dude would never be able ta feel it or use it again.

Szeth lowered his Shardblade, standin among tha cinder-eyed corpses yo. Here, up in Alethkar, pimps often was rappin of tha legends-of mankind’s hardwon victory over tha Voidbringers. But when weapons pimped ta fight nightmares was turned against common soldiers, tha livez of pimps became skanky thangs indeed.

Szeth turned n' continued on his way, slippered feet fallin on tha soft red rug. Da Shardblade, as always, glistened silver n' clean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. When one capped wit a Blade, there was no blood. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! That seemed like a sign. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da Shardblade was just a tool; it could not be blamed fo' tha murders.

Da door all up in tha end of tha hallway burst open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth froze as a lil' small-chull crew of soldiers rushed out, usherin a playa up in regal robes, his head ducked as if ta stay tha storm away from arrows. Da soldiers wore deep blue, tha color of tha Mackdaddy’s Guard, n' tha corpses didn’t make dem stop n' gawk. They was prepared fo' what tha storm a Shardbearer could do. They opened a side door n' shoved they ward through, nuff muthastormin levelin spears at Szeth as they backed out.

 

Another figure stepped from tha mackdaddy’s quarters; da thug wore glistenin blue armor made of smoothly interlockin plates. Unlike common plate armor, however, dis armor had no leather or mail visible all up in tha joints-just smalla plates, fittin together wit intricate precision. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da armor was dope, tha blue inlaid wit golden bandz round tha edgez of each piece of plate, tha helm ornamented wit three wavez of small, hornlike wings.

Shardplate, tha customary complement ta a Shardblade. Da newcomer carried a sword as well, a enormous Shardblade six feet long wit a thugged-out design along tha blade like burnin flames, a weapon of silvery metal dat gleamed n' almost seemed ta glow fo' realz. A weapon designed ta slay dark gods, a larger counterpart ta tha one Szeth carried.

Szeth hesitated. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time yo. Dude didn’t recognize tha armor; dat schmoooove muthastorma had not been warned dat da thug would be set at dis task, n' hadn’t been given proper time ta memorize tha various suitz of Plate or Blades owned by tha Alethi. But a Shardbearer would gotta be dealt wit before his schmoooove chull chased tha mackdaddy; his schmoooove chull could not leave such a gangbangin' foe behind.

Besides, like a Shardbearer could defeat him, bust a cap up in his chull n' end his crazy-chull miserable game yo. His Lashings wouldn’t work directly on one of mah thugs up in Shardplate, n' tha armor would enhizzle tha dude, strengthen his muthastormin chull. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth’s honor would not allow his chull ta betray his crazy-chull mission or seek dirtnap. But if dat dirtnap occurred, da thug would welcome dat rust.

Da Shardbearer struck, n' Szeth Lashed his dirty chull ta tha side of tha hallway, leapin wit a twist n' landin on tha wall yo. Dude danced backward, Blade held all up in tha ready. Da Shardbearer fell tha storm into a aggressive posture, rockin one of tha swordplay stances favored here up in tha Eastside yo. Dude moved far mo' nimbly than one would expect fo' a playa up in such bulky armor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Shardplate was special, as ancient n' magical as tha Blades it complemented.

Da Shardbearer struck. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth skipped ta tha side n' Lashed his dirty chull ta tha ceilin as tha Shardbearer’s Blade sliced tha storm into tha wall. Feelin a thrill all up in tha contest, Szeth dashed forward n' beat down downward wit a overhand blow, tryin ta hit tha Shardbearer’s helm. Da playa ducked, goin down on one knee, lettin Szeth’s Blade cleave empty air.

Szeth leaped backward as tha Shardbearer swung upward wit his Blade, slicin tha storm into tha ceiling. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth didn’t own a set of Plate his dirty chull, n' didn’t care ta yo. His Lashings interfered wit tha gemstones dat powered Shardplate, n' dat schmoooove muthastorma had ta chizzle one or tha other.

As tha Shardbearer turned, Szeth sprinted forward across tha ceilin fo' realz. As expected, tha Shardbearer swung again, n' Szeth leaped ta tha side, rollin yo. Dude came up from his bangin roll n' flipped, Lashin his dirty chull ta tha floor again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude spun ta land on tha ground behind tha Shardbearer n' shiznit yo. Dude slammed his Blade tha storm into his opponent’s open back.

Unfortunately, there was one major advantage Plate offered: It could block a Shardblade. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth’s weapon hit solidly, causin a wizzy of glowin lines ta spread up across tha back of tha armor, n' Stormlight stormin started ta leak free from dem wild-chull muthastormas. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Shardplate didn’t dent or bend like common metal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth would gotta hit tha Shardbearer up in tha same location at least once mo' ta break through.

Szeth danced outta range as tha Shardbearer swung up in anger, tryin ta cut at Szeth’s knees. Da tempest within Szeth gave his chull nuff advantages-includin tha mobilitizzle ta quickly recover from lil' small-chull wounds. But it would not restore limbs capped by a Shardblade.

Dude rounded tha Shardbearer, then picked a moment n' dashed forward. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Da Shardbearer swung again yo, but Szeth briefly Lashed his dirty chull ta tha ceilin fo' lift yo. Dude blasted tha storm into tha air, crestin over tha swing, then immediately Lashed his dirty chull back ta tha floor yo. Dude struck as he landed yo, but tha Shardbearer recovered quickly n' executed a slick follow-all up in stroke, comin within a gangbangin' finger of hittin Szeth.

Da playa was dangerously skilled wit dat Blade. Many Shardbearers depended too much on tha juice of they weapon n' armor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. This playa was different.

Szeth jumped ta tha wall n' struck all up in tha Shardbearer wit quick, terse attacks, like a snappin eel. Da Shardbearer fended his chull off wit wide, sweepin countas yo. His Blade’s length kept Szeth at bay.

This is takin too long! Szeth thought. If tha mackdaddy slipped away tha storm into hiding, Szeth would fail up in his crazy-chull mission no matta how tha storm nuff playas he capped. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dude ducked up in fo' another strike yo, but tha Shardbearer forced his chull back. Each second dis fight lasted was another fo' tha mackdaddy’s escape.

Dat shiznit was time ta be reckless. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth launched tha storm into tha air, Lashin his dirty chull ta tha other end of tha hallway n' fallin feet-first toward his thugged-out adversary. Da Shardbearer didn’t hesitate ta swin yo, but Szeth Lashed his dirty chull down at a angle, droppin immediately. Da Shardblade swished all up in tha air above his muthastormin chull.

Dude landed up in a cold-chull lil crouch, rockin his crazy-chull momentum ta throw his dirty chull forward, n' swung all up in tha Shardbearer’s side, where tha Plate had cracked. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dude hit wit a bangin blow. That piece of tha Plate shattered, bitz of molten metal streakin away. Da Shardbearer grunted, droppin ta one knee, raisin a hand ta his side. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth raised a gangbangin' foot ta tha man’s side n' shoved his chull backward wit a Stormlight-enhanced kick.

Da heavy Shardbearer crashed tha storm into tha door of tha mackdaddy’s quarters, smashin it n' fallin partway tha storm into tha room beyond. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Szeth left him, duckin instead all up in tha doorway ta tha right, followin tha way tha mackdaddy had gone. Da hallway here had tha same red carpet, n' Stormlight lamps on tha walls gave Szeth a cold-chull lil chizzle ta recharge tha tempest within.

Energy blazed within his chull again, n' da perved-out muthastorma sped up. If his schmoooove chull could git far enough ahead, his schmoooove chull could deal wit tha mackdaddy, then turn back ta fight off tha Shardbearer n' rust. Well shiiiit, it wouldn’t be easy as storm  fo' realz. A Full Lashin on a thugged-out doorway wouldn’t stop a Shardbearer, n' dat Plate would let tha playa run supernaturally fast. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth glanced over his shoulder.

Da Shardbearer wasn’t following. Da playa sat up in his thugged-out armor, lookin dazed. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Szeth could just barely peep him, chillin up in tha doorway, surrounded by stormed up bitz of wood. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Perhaps Szeth had wounded his chull mo' than he’d thought.

Or maybe . . .

Szeth froze yo. Dude thought of tha ducked head of tha playa who’d been rushed out, grill obscured. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Da Shardbearer still wasn’t followin yo. Dude was so skilled. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dat shiznit was holla'd dat few pimps could rival Gavilar Kholin’s swordsmanship. Could it be?

Szeth turned n' dashed back, trustin his crazy-chull muthastormin instincts fo' realz. As soon as tha Shardbearer saw him, his schmoooove chull climbed ta his wild lil' feet wit alacrity. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth ran fasta n' rust. What was tha safest place fo' yo' mackdaddy, biatch? In tha handz of some guards, fleeing, biatch? Or protected up in a suit of Shardplate, left behind, dissed n' dismissed as a funky-chull bodyguard?

Clever, Szeth thought as tha formerly sluggish Shardbearer fell tha storm into another battle stance. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth beat down wit renewed vigor, swingin his Blade up in a gangbangin' flurry of strikes. Da Shardbearer-the mackdaddy-aggressively struck up wit broad, sweepin blows. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth pulled away from one of these, feelin tha wind of tha weapon passin just inches before his muthastormin chull yo. Dude timed his next move, then dashed forward, duckin underneath tha mackdaddy’s follow-through.

Da mackdaddy, expectin another strike at his side, twisted wit his thugged-out arm held protectively ta block tha hole up in his Plate. That gave Szeth tha room ta run past his chull n' tha storm into tha mackdaddy’s chambers.

Da mackdaddy spun round ta follow yo, but Szeth ran all up in tha lavishly furnished chamber, flingin up his hand, touchin piecez of furniture he passed. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dude infused dem wit Stormlight, Lashin dem ta a point behind tha mackdaddy. Da furniture tumbled as if tha room had been turned on its side, couches, chairs, n' tablez droppin toward tha surprised mackdaddy. Gavilar made tha storm up of choppin at dem wit his Shardblade. Da weapon easily sheared all up in a big-chull couch yo, but tha pieces still crashed tha storm into him, makin his chull stumble fo' realz. A footstool hit his chull next, throwin his chull ta tha ground.

Gavilar rolled outta tha way of tha furniture n' charged forward, Plate leakin streamz of Light from tha cracked sections. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth gathered his dirty chull, then leaped tha storm into tha air, Lashin his dirty chull backward n' ta tha right as tha mackdaddy arrived. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dude zipped outta tha way of tha mackdaddy’s blow, then Lashed his dirty chull forward wit two Basic Lashings up in a row. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Stormlight flashed outta him, threadz freezing, as da thug was pulled toward tha mackdaddy at twice tha speed of a aiiight fall.

Da mackdaddy’s posture indicated surprise as Szeth lurched up in midair, then spun toward him, swingin yo. Dude slammed his Blade tha storm into tha mackdaddy’s helm, then immediately Lashed his dirty chull ta tha ceilin n' fell tha storm upward, slammin tha storm into tha stone roof above yo. He’d Lashed his dirty chull up in a stormin shitload of directions too quickly, n' his body had lost track, makin it hard as storm ta land gracefully yo. Dude stumbled back ta his Nikes.

Below, tha mackdaddy stepped back, tryin ta git tha storm into posizzle ta swin up at Szeth. Da man’s helm was cracked, leakin Stormlight, n' da perved-out muthastorma stood protectively, representin' tha side wit tha stormed up plate. Da mackdaddy used a onehanded swing, reachin fo' tha ceiling. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth immediately Lashed his dirty chull downward, judgin dat tha mackdaddy’s battle would leave his chull unable ta git his sword back up in time.

Szeth underestimated his opponent. Da mackdaddy stepped tha storm into Szeth’s attack, trustin his helm ta absorb tha blow. Just as Szeth hit tha helm a second time-shatterin it-Gavilar socked wit his off hand, slammin his wild lil' freakadelic gauntleted fist tha storm into Szeth’s face.

Blindin light flashed up in Szeth’s eyes, a cold-chull lil counterpoint ta tha sudden agony dat crashed across his wild lil' face. Everythang blurred, his vision fading.

Pain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. So much pain!

Dude screamed, Stormlight leavin his chull up in a rush, n' da perved-out muthastorma slammed back tha storm into suttin' hard. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Da balcony doors. Mo' pain broke up across his shoulders, as if one of mah thugs had jabbed his chull wit a hundred daggers, n' dat schmoooove muthastorma hit tha ground n' rolled ta a stop, musclez trembling. Da blow would have capped a ordinary man.

No time fo' pain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. No time fo' pain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. No time fo' pain!

Dude blinked, bobbin his head, tha ghetto blurry n' dark. Was his thugged-out lil' punk-chull blind, biatch? No. Dat shiznit was dark outside yo. Dude was on tha wooden balcony; tha force of tha blow had thrown his chull all up in tha doors. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Somethang was thumpin yo. Heavy footfalls. Da Shardbearer!

Szeth stumbled ta his wild lil' feet, vision swimming. Blood streamed from tha side of his wild lil' face, n' Stormlight rose from his skin, blindin his stormin left eye. Da Light. Well shiiiit, it would heal him, if it could. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! His jaw felt unhinged. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Broken, biatch? He’d dropped his Shardblade.

A lumberin shadow moved up in front of him; tha Shardbearer’s armor had leaked enough Stormlight dat tha mackdaddy was havin shiznit strutting. But da thug was coming.

Szeth screamed, kneeling, infusin Stormlight tha storm into tha wooden balcony, Lashin it downward. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Da air frosted round his muthastormin chull. Da tempest roared, travelin down his thugged-out arms tha storm into tha wood. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Dude Lashed it downward, then done did it again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude Lashed a gangbangin' fourth time as Gavilar stepped onto tha balcony. Well shiiiit, it lurched under tha extra weight. Da wood cracked, straining.

Da Shardbearer hesitated.

Szeth Lashed tha balcony downward a gangbangin' fifth time. Da balcony supports shattered n' tha entire structure broke free from tha building. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth screamed all up in a gangbangin' stormed up jaw n' used his wild lil' final bit of Stormlight ta Lash his dirty chull ta tha side of tha buildin yo. Dude fell tha storm ta tha side, passin tha shocked Shardbearer, then hit tha wall n' rolled.

Da balcony dropped away, tha mackdaddy lookin up wit shock as he lost his wild lil' footing. Da fall was brief. In tha moonlight, Szeth peeped solemnly-vision still fuzzy, blinded up in one eye-as tha structure crashed ta tha stone ground below. Da wall of tha palace trembled, n' tha crash of stormed up wood echoed from tha nearby buildings.

Still standin on tha side of tha wall, Szeth groaned, climbin ta his Nikes yo. Dude felt weak; he’d used up his Stormlight too quickly, strainin his body yo. Dude stumbled down tha side of tha building, approachin tha wreckage, barely able ta remain standing.

Da mackdaddy was still moving. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Shardplate would protect a playa from such a gangbangin' fall yo, but a big-chull length of bloodied wood stuck up all up in Gavilar’s side, piercin his chull where Szeth had stormed up tha Plate earlier n' rust. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth knelt down, inspectin tha man’s pain-wracked face. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Strong features, square chin, black beard flecked wit white, strikin pale chronic eyes. Gavilar Kholin.

"I . . . expected you . . . ta come," tha mackdaddy holla'd between gasps.

Szeth reached underneath tha front of tha man’s breastplate, tappin tha straps there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. They unfastened, n' he pulled tha front of tha breastplate free, exposin tha gemstones on its interior. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Two had been cracked n' burned out. Three still glowed. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Numb, Szeth breathed up in sharply, absorbin tha Light.

Da storm stormin started ta rage again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Mo' Light rose from tha side of his wild lil' face, repairin his stormin lil' damaged skin n' bones. Da pain was still pimped out; Stormlight healin was far from instantaneous. Well shiiiit, it would be minutes before he recovered.

Da mackdaddy coughed. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! "Yo chull can tell . . . Thaidakar . . . dat he’s too late. . . ."

"I don’t know whoz chull dat is," Szeth holla'd, standing, his stormin lyrics slurrin from his wild lil' stormed up jaw yo. Dude held his hand ta tha side, resummonin his Shardblade.

Da mackdaddy frowned. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! "Then whoz chull . . . , biatch? Restares, biatch? Sadeas, biatch? I never thought . . ."

"My stormin mastas is tha Parshendi," Szeth holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Ten heartbeats passed, n' his Blade dropped tha storm into his hand, wet wit condensation.

"Da Parshendi, biatch? That make no sense." Gavilar coughed, hand quivering, reachin toward his chest n' fumblin at a pocket yo. Dude pulled up a lil' small-chull crystalline sphere tied ta a cold-chull lil chain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Yo chull must take all dis crem dung. They must not git dat rust." Dude seemed dazed. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! "Tell . . . tell mah brutha . . . he must find da most thugged-out blingin lyrics a playa can say. . . ."

Gavilar fell tha storm still.

Szeth hesitated, then knelt down n' took tha sphere, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Dat shiznit was odd, unlike any he’d peeped before. Though dat shiznit was straight-up dark, it seemed ta glow somehow. With a light dat was black.

Da Parshendi, biatch? Gavilar had holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! That make no sense. "Nothang make sense no mo'," Szeth whispered, tuckin tha strange sphere away. "It’s all unraveling. I be sorry, Mackdaddy of tha Alethi. I doubt dat you care. Not no mo', at least." Dude stood up. "At least you won’t gotta peep tha ghetto endin wit tha rest of us."

Beside tha mackdaddy’s body, his Shardblade materialized from mist, clatterin ta tha stones now dat its masta was dead as stormin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat shiznit was worth a gangbangin' fortune; mackdaddydoms had fallen as pimps vied ta possess a single Shardblade.

Shoutz of alarm came from inside tha palace. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth needed ta bounce tha storm out. But . . .

Tell mah brutha . . .

To Szeth’s people, a thugged-out dyin request was sacred. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dude took tha mackdaddy’s hand, dippin it up in tha man’s own blood, then used it ta scrawl on tha wood, Brutha n' rust. Yo chull must find da most thugged-out blingin lyrics a playa can say.

With that, Szeth escaped tha storm into tha night yo. Dude left tha mackdaddy’s Shardblade; dat schmoooove muthastorma had no use fo' dat rust. Da Blade Szeth already carried was curse enough.

Edited October 11, 2016 by Straw

[marsoupial they/them]

2 minutes ago, Straw said:

Gizoogling the prologue to The Way of Kings:

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"Da ludd of pimps be a gangbangin' frigid thang, a mountain stream only three steps from tha ice. We is his. Oh Stormfather . . . we is his. Well shiiiit, it is but a thousand days, n' tha Everstorm comes."

-Collected on tha straight-up original gangsta dizzle of tha week Palah of tha month Shash of tha year 1171, thirty-one secondz before dirtnap. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Subject was a thugged-out darkeyed pregnant biatch of middle years. Da lil pimp did not survive.

4500 YEARS LATER

Szeth-son-son-Vallano, Truthless of Shinovar, wore white on tha dizzle da thug was ta bust a cap up in a mackdaddy. Da white threadz was a Parshendi tradition, foreign ta his muthastormin chull. But da ruffneck did as his crazy-chull mastas required n' did not ask fo' a explanation.

Dude sat up in a big-chull stone room, baked by enormous firepits dat cast a garish light upon tha revelers, causin beadz of sweat ta form on they skin as they danced, n' drank, n' yelled, n' sang, n' clapped. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Some fell tha storm ta tha ground red-faced, tha revelry too much fo' them, they stomachs provin ta be inferior wineskins. They looked as if they was dead, at least until they playaz carried dem outta tha feast hall ta waitin beds.

Szeth did not sway ta tha drums, drank tha sapphire wine, or stand ta dizzle yo. Dude sat on a funky-chull bench all up in tha back, a still servant up in white robes. Few all up in tha treaty-signin celebration noticed his muthastormin chull yo. Dude was just a servant, n' Shin was easy as storm  ta ignore. Most up here up in tha Eastside thought Szeth’s kind was docile n' harmless. They was generally right.

Da drummers stormin started a freshly smoked up rhythm. Da beats shook Szeth like a quartet of thumpin hearts, pumpin wavez of invisible blood all up in tha room. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth’s masters-who was dissed n' dismissed as savages by dem up in mo' civilized mackdaddydoms-sat at they own tables. They was pimps wit skin of black marbled wit red. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Parshendi, they was named-cousins ta tha mo' docile servant peoplez known as parshmen up in most of tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! An oddity. They did not call theyselves Parshendi; dis was tha Alethi name fo' dem wild-chull muthastormas. Well shiiiit, it meant, roughly, "parshmen whoz chull can think." Neither side seemed ta peep dat as a insult.

Da Parshendi had brought tha musical muthastormas fo' realz. At first, tha Alethi lighteyes had been hesitant. To them, beats was base instrumentz of tha common, darkeyed people. But Cristal was tha pimped out assassin of both tradizzle n' propriety, n' now tha Alethi elite danced wit abandon.

Szeth stood n' stormin started ta pick his way all up in tha room. Da revelry had lasted long; even tha mackdaddy had retired minutes ago. But nuff still celebrated. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time fo' realz. As da thug strutted, Szeth was forced ta step round Dalinar Kholin-the mackdaddy’s own brother-who slumped fadeden at a lil' small-chull table. Da agin but powerfully built playa kept wavin away dem playas whoz chull tried ta encourage his chull ta bed. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Where was Jasnah, tha mackdaddy’s daughter, biatch? Elhokar, tha mackdaddy’s lil hustla n' heir, sat all up in tha high table, rulin tha feast up in his wild lil' father’s absence yo. Dude was up in conversation wit two men, a thugged-out dark-skinned Azish playa whoz chull had a odd patch of pale skin on his cheek n' a thinner, Alethi-lookin playa whoz chull kept glancin over his shoulder.

Da heir’s feastin companions was unimportant. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth stayed far from tha heir, skirtin tha sidez of tha room, passin tha drummers. Musicspren zipped all up in tha air round them, tha tiny spirits takin tha form of spinnin translucent ribbons fo' realz. As Szeth passed tha drummers, they noted his muthastormin chull. They would withdraw soon, along wit all of tha other Parshendi.

They did not seem offended. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! They did not seem mad salty fo' realz. And yet they was goin ta break they treaty of only all dem hours. Well shiiiit, it made no sense. But Szeth did not ask thangs.

At tha edge of tha room, he passed rowz of unwaverin azure lights dat bulged up where wall kicked it wit floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They held sapphires infused wit Stormlight. Profane yo. How tha storm could tha pimpz of these landz use suttin' so sacred fo' mere illumination, biatch? Worse, tha Alethi scholars was holla'd ta be close ta bustin freshly smoked up Shardblades. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth hoped dat was just wishful boasting. For if it didhappen, tha ghetto would be chizzled. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Likely up in a way dat ended wit playas up in all countries-from distant Thaylenah ta towerin Jah Keved-speakin Alethi ta they lil' thugs.

They was a grand people, these Alethi. Even faded, there was a natural nobilitizzle ta dem wild-chull muthastormas. Tall n' well made, tha pimps dressed up in dark silk coats dat buttoned down tha sidez of tha chest n' was elaborately embroidered up in silver or gold. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Each one looked a general on tha field.

Da dem hoes was even mo' splendid. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! They wore grand silk dresses, tightly fitted, tha bright flavas a cold-chull lil contrast ta tha dark tones favored by tha men. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da left sleeve of each dress was longer than tha right one, coverin tha hand. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Alethi had a odd sense of propriety.

Their pure black afro was pinned up atop they heads, either up in intricate weavingz of braidz or up in loose piles. Dat shiznit was often woven wit gold ribbons or ornaments, along wit gems dat glowed wit Stormlight. Beautiful naaahhmean, biatch? Profane yo, but dope.

Szeth left tha feastin chamber behind. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Just outside, he passed tha doorway tha storm into tha Beggars’ Feast. Dat shiznit was a Alethi tradition, a room where a shitload of tha skankyest pimps n' dem hoes up in tha hood was given a gangbangin' feast complementin dat of tha mackdaddy n' his wild lil' freakadelic guests fo' realz. A playa wit a long-chull grey n' black beard slumped up in tha doorway, smilin foolishly-though whether from Cristal or a weak mind, Szeth could not tell.

"Has you done peeped mah crazy chull son?" tha playa axed wit slurred rap yo. Dude laughed, then stormin started ta drop a rhyme up in gibberish, reachin fo' a wineskin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. So dat shiznit was drank afta all. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth brushed by, continuin past a line of statues depictin tha Ten Heraldz from ancient Vorin theology. Jezerezeh, Ishi, Kelek, Talenelat yo. Dude counted off each one, n' realized there was only nine here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. One was conspicuously missing. Why had Shalash’s statue been removed, biatch? Mackdaddy Gavilar was holla'd ta be straight-up devout up in his Vorin worship. Too devout, by some people’s standards.

Da hallway here curved ta tha right, hustlin round tha perimeta of tha domed palace. They was on tha mackdaddy’s floor, two levels up, surrounded by rock walls, ceiling, n' floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. That was profane. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Stone was not ta be trod upon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But what tha storm was tha pimpin' muthastorma ta do, biatch? Dude was Truthless yo. Dude did as his crazy-chull mastas demanded.

Today, dat included bustin white. Loose white trousers tied all up in tha waist wit a rope, n' over dem a gangbangin' filmy hoodie wit long sleeves, open all up in tha front. White threadz fo' a killa was a tradizzle among tha Parshendi fo' realz. Although Szeth had not asked, his crazy-chull mastas had explained why.

White ta be bold. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! White ta not blend tha storm into tha night. White ta give warning.

For if you was goin ta assassinizzle a thugged-out dude, da thug was entitled ta peep you coming.

Szeth turned right, takin tha hallway directly toward tha mackdaddy’s chambers. Torches burned on tha walls, they light unsatisfyin ta him, a meal of thin broth afta a long-chull fast. Tiny flamespren danced round them, like insects made solely of congealed light. Da torches was useless ta his muthastormin chull yo. Dude reached fo' his thugged-out lil' pouch n' tha spheres it contained yo, but then hesitated when da perved-out muthastorma saw mo' of tha blue lights ahead: a pair of Stormlight lamps hangin on tha wall, solid sapphires glowin at they hearts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth strutted up ta one of these, holdin up his hand ta cup it round tha glass-shrouded gemstone.

"Yo chull there!" a voice called up in Alethi. There was two guardz all up in tha intersection. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Double guard, fo' there was savages abroad up in Kholinar dis night. True, dem savages was supposed ta be allies now, nahmeean, biatch? But alliances could be shallow thangs indeed.

This one wouldn’t last tha hour.

Szeth looked as tha two guardz approached. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! They carried spears; they weren’t lighteyes, n' was therefore forbidden tha sword. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Their painted red breastplates was ornate, however, as was they helms. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. They might be darkeyed yo, but they was high-rankin playa hatas wit honored positions up in tha royal guard.

Stoppin all dem feet away, tha guard all up in tha front gestured wit his spear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. "Go on, now, nahmeean, biatch? This is no place fo' you, biatch." Dude had tan Alethi skin n' a thin mustache dat ran all tha way round his crazy-chull grill, becomin a funky-chull beard all up in tha bottom.

Szeth didn’t move.

"Well?" tha guard holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! "What is you waitin for?"

Szeth breathed up in deeply, drawin forth tha Stormlight. Well shiiiit, it streamed tha storm into him, siphoned from tha twin sapphire lamps on tha walls, sucked up in as if by his stormin lil' deep inhalation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da Stormlight raged inside of him, n' tha hallway suddenly grew darker, fallin tha storm into shade like a hilltop cut off from tha sun by a transient cloud.

Szeth could feel tha Light’s warmth, its fury, like a tempest dat had been injected directly tha storm into his veins. Da juice of dat shiznit was invigoratin but dangerous. Well shiiiit, it pushed his chull ta act. To move. To strike.

Holdin his breath, his schmoooove chull clung ta tha Stormlight yo. Dude could still feel it leakin out. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Stormlight could be held fo' only a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-chull short time, all dem minutes at most. Well shiiiit, it leaked away, tha human body too porous a cold-chull lil container n' shiznit yo. Dude had heard dat tha Voidbringers could hold it up in perfectly. But, then, did they even exist, biatch? His punishment declared dat they didn’t yo. His honor demanded dat they done did.

Afire wit holy juice, Szeth turned ta tha guards. They could peep dat da thug was leakin Stormlight, wispz of it curlin from his skin like luminescent smoke. Da lead guard squinted, frowning. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth was shizzle tha playa had never peeped anythang like it before fo' realz. As far as he knew, Szeth had capped every last muthastormin stonewalker whoz chull had eva peeped what tha storm his schmoooove chull could do.

"What . . . what tha storm is yo slick chull?" Da guard’s voice had lost its certainty. "Spirit or man?"

"What be I?" Szeth whispered, a lil' bit of Light leakin from his stormin lips as he looked past tha playa down tha long hallway. "I’m . . . sorry bout dat crem dung."

Szeth blinked, Lashin his dirty chull ta dat distant point down tha hallway. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Stormlight raged from his chull up in a gangbangin' flash, chillin his skin, n' tha ground immediately stopped pullin his chull downward. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Instead, da thug was pulled toward dat distant point-it was as if, ta him, dat direction had suddenly become down.

This was a Basic Lashing, first of his cold-chull three kindz of Lashings. Well shiiiit, it gave his chull tha mobilitizzle ta manipulate what tha storm eva force, spren, or god dat shiznit was dat held pimps ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! With dis Lashing, his schmoooove chull could bind playas or objects ta different surfaces or up in different directions.

From Szeth’s perspective, tha hallway was now a thugged-out deep shaft down which da thug was falling, n' tha two guardz stood on one of tha sides. They was shocked when Szeth’s feet hit them, one fo' each face, throwin dem over n' rust. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth shifted his view n' Lashed his dirty chull ta tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Light leaked from his muthastormin chull. Da floor of tha hallway again n' again n' again became down, n' he landed between tha two guards, threadz cracklin n' droppin flakez of frost yo. Dude rose, beginnin tha process of summonin his Shardblade.

One of tha guardz fumbled fo' his spear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth reached down, touchin tha soldier’s shoulder while lookin up yo. Dude focused on a point above his chull while willin tha Light outta his body n' tha storm into tha guard, Lashin tha skanky playa ta tha ceiling.

Da guard yelped up in shock as up became down fo' his muthastormin chull. Light trailin from his wild lil' form, his schmoooove chull crashed tha storm into tha ceilin n' dropped his spear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Dat shiznit was not Lashed directly, n' clattered back down ta tha floor near Szeth.

To kill. Dat shiznit was tha top billin of sins fo' realz. And yet here Szeth stood, Truthless, profanely struttin on stones used fo' buildin fo' realz. And it would not end yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin' fo' realz. As Truthless, there was only one game da thug was forbidden ta take.

And dat was his own.

At tha tenth beat of his thugged-out chull, his Shardblade dropped tha storm into his waitin hand. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Well shiiiit, it formed as if condensin from mist, wata beadin along tha metal length yo. His Shardblade was long n' thin, edged on both sides, smalla than most others. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth swept it out, carvin a line up in tha stone floor n' passin all up in tha second guard’s neck.

As always, tha Shardblade capped oddly; though it cut easily all up in stone, steel, or anythang inanimate, tha metal fuzzed when it touched livin skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Well shiiiit, it traveled all up in tha guard’s neck without leavin a mark yo, but once it did, tha man’s eyes smoked n' burned. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! They blackened, shrivelin up in his head, n' da perved-out muthastorma slumped forward, dead as stormin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. A Shardblade did not cut livin flesh; it severed tha chull itself.

Above, tha straight-up original gangsta guard gasped. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! He’d managed ta git ta his wild lil' feet, even though they was planted on tha ceilin of tha hallway. "Shardbearer!" da perved-out muthastorma shouted. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "A Shardbearer assaults tha mackdaddy’s hall! To arms!"

Finally, Szeth thought. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth’s use of Stormlight was unfamiliar ta tha guardz yo, but they knew a Shardblade when they saw one.

Szeth bent down n' picked up tha spear dat had fallen from above fo' realz. As da ruffneck did so, he busted out tha breath he’d been holdin since drawin up in tha Stormlight. Well shiiiit, it sustained his chull while dat schmoooove muthastorma held it yo, but dem two lanterns hadn’t contained much of it, so da thug would need ta breathe again n' again n' again soon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da Light stormin started ta leak away mo' quickly, now dat da thug wasn’t holdin his breath.

Szeth set tha spear’s booty against tha stone floor, then looked upward. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Da guard above stopped shouting, eyes openin wide as tha tailz of his hoodie stormin started ta slip downward, tha earth below reassertin its dominance. Da Light steamin off his body dwindled.

Dude looked down at Szeth. Down all up in tha spear tip pointin directly at his thugged-out chull. Violet fearspren crawled outta tha stone ceilin round his muthastormin chull.

Da Light ran out. Da guard fell.

Dude screamed as dat schmoooove muthastorma hit, tha spear impalin his chull all up in tha chest. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth let tha spear fall away, carried ta tha ground wit a muffled thump by tha body twitchin on its end yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Shardblade up in hand, tha pimpin' muthastorma turned down a side corridor, followin tha map he’d memorized. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dude ducked round a cold-chull lil corner n' flattened his dirty chull against tha wall just as a troop of guardz reached tha dead men. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da newcomers stormin started shoutin immediately, continuin tha alarm.

His instructions was clear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Bust a cap up in tha mackdaddy yo, but be peeped bustin dat rust. Let tha Alethi know da thug was comin n' what tha storm da thug was bustin. Why, biatch? Why did tha Parshendi smoke ta dis treaty, only ta bust a assassin tha straight-up night of its signing?

Mo' gemstones glowed on tha wallz of tha hallway here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Mackdaddy Gavilar was horny bout lavish display, n' his schmoooove chull couldn’t know dat da thug was leavin sourcez of juice fo' Szeth ta use up in his Lashings. Da thangs Szeth did hadn’t been peeped fo' millennia yo. Histories from dem times was all but nonexistent, n' tha legendz was horribly inaccurate.

Szeth peeked back up tha storm into tha corridor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. One of tha guardz all up in tha intersection saw him, pointin n' yelling. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth made shizzle they gots a phat look, then ducked away yo. Dude took a thugged-out deep breath as he ran, drawin up in Stormlight from tha lanterns yo. His body came kickin it wit it, n' his speed increased, his crazy-chull musclez burstin wit juice. Light became a storm inside of him; his blood thundered up in his wild lil' stormin ears. Dat shiznit was shitty n' straight-up dope all up in tha same time.

Two corridors down, one ta tha side yo. Dude threw open tha door of a storage room, then hesitated a moment-just long enough fo' a guard ta round tha corner n' peep him-before dashin tha storm into tha room. Preparin fo' a Full Lashing, he raised his thugged-out arm n' commanded tha Stormlight ta pool there, causin tha skin ta burst alight wit radiance. Then he flung his hand up toward tha doorframe, sprayin white luminescence across it like paint yo. Dude slammed tha door just as tha guardz arrived.

Da Stormlight held tha door up in tha frame wit tha strength of a hundred arms fo' realz. A Full Lashin bound objects together, holdin dem fast until tha Stormlight ran out. Well shiiiit, it took longer ta create-and drained Stormlight far mo' quickly-than a Basic Lashing. Da door handle shook, n' then tha wood stormin started ta crack as tha guardz threw they weight against it, one playa callin fo' a axe.

Szeth crossed tha room up in rapid strides, weavin round tha shrouded furniture dat had been stored here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Dat shiznit waz of red cloth n' deep high-rollin' woodz yo. Dude reached tha far wall and-preparin his dirty chull fo' yet another blasphemy-he raised his Shardblade n' slashed horizontally all up in tha dark grey stone. Da rock sliced easily; a Shardblade could cut any inanimate object. Two vertical slashes followed, then one across tha bottom, cuttin a big-chull square block yo. Dude pressed his hand against it, willin Stormlight tha storm into tha stone.

Behind his chull tha room’s door stormin started ta crack yo. Dude looked over his shoulder n' focused on tha bobbin door, Lashin tha block up in dat direction. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Frost crystallized on his threadz-Lashin suttin' so big-chull required a pimped out deal of Stormlight. Da tempest within his chull stilled, like a storm reduced ta a thugged-out drizzle.

Dude stepped aside. Da big-chull stone block shuddered, slidin tha storm into tha room. Normally, movin tha block would done been impossible. Its own weight would have held it against tha stones below. Yet now, dat same weight pulled it free; fo' tha block, tha direction of tha room’s door was down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. With a thugged-out deep grindin sound, tha block slid free of tha wall n' tumbled all up in tha air, smashin furniture.

Da soldiers finally broke all up in tha door, staggerin tha storm into tha room just as tha enormous block crashed tha storm into dem wild-chull muthastormas.

Szeth turned his back on tha shitty sound of tha screams, tha splinterin of wood, tha breakin of bones yo. Dude ducked n' stepped all up in his freshly smoked up hole, enterin tha hallway outside.

Dude strutted slowly, drawin Stormlight from tha lamps he passed, siphonin it ta his chull n' stokin anew tha tempest within. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. As tha lamps dimmed, tha corridor darkened. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! A thick wooden door stood all up in tha end, n' as he approached, lil' small-chull fearspren-shaped like globz of purple goo-stormin started ta wriggle from tha masonry, pointin toward tha doorway. They was drawn by tha terror bein felt on tha other side.

Szeth pushed tha door open, enterin tha last corridor leadin ta tha mackdaddy’s chambers. Tall, red ceramic vases lined tha pathway, n' they was interspersed wit straight-up trippin soldiers. They flanked a long, narrow rug. Dat shiznit was red, like a river of blood.

Da spearmen up in front didn’t wait fo' his chull ta git close. They broke tha storm into a trot, liftin they short throwin spears. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth slammed his hand ta tha side, pushin Stormlight tha storm into tha doorframe, rockin tha third n' final type of Lashing, a Reverse Lashing. This one hit dat shiznit diff erently from tha other two. Well shiiiit, it did not make tha doorframe emit Stormlight; indeed, it seemed ta pull nearby light tha storm into it, givin it a strange penumbra.

Da spearmen threw, n' Szeth stood still, hand on tha doorframe fo' realz. A Reverse Lashin required his constant touch yo, but took comparatively lil Stormlight. Durin one, anythang dat approached him-particularly lighta objects-was instead pulled toward tha Lashin itself.

Da spears veered up in tha air, splittin round his chull n' slammin tha storm into tha wooden frame fo' realz. As he felt dem hit, Szeth leaped tha storm into tha air n' Lashed his dirty chull ta tha right wall, his wild lil' feet hittin tha stone wit a slap.

Dude immediately re oriented his thugged-out lil' perspective. To his wild lil' stormin eyes, da thug wasn’t standin on tha wall, tha soldiers were, tha blood-red carpet streamin between dem like a long-chull tapestry. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth bolted down tha hallway, strikin wit his Shardblade, shearin all up in tha neckz of two pimps whoz chull had thrown spears at his muthastormin chull. Their eyes burned, n' they collapsed.

Da other guardz up in tha hallway stormin started ta panic. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Some tried ta battle him, others yelled fo' mo' help, still others cringed away from his muthastormin chull. Da attackers had rust-they was disoriented by tha odditizzle of strikin at one of mah thugs whoz chull hung on tha wall. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth cut down a gangbangin' few, then flipped tha storm into tha air, tuckin tha storm into a roll, n' Lashed his dirty chull back ta tha floor.

Dude hit tha ground up in tha midst of tha soldiers. All Out surrounded yo, but holdin a Shardblade.

Accordin ta legend, tha Shardblades was first carried by tha Knights Radiant uncounted ages ago. Giftz of they god, granted ta allow dem ta fight horrorz of rock n' flame, dozenz of feet tall, foes whose eyes burned wit hatred. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Da Voidbringers. When yo' foe had skin as hard as stone itself, steel was useless. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Somethang supernal was required.

Szeth rose from his crouch, loose white threadz rippling, jaw clenched against his sins yo. Dude struck out, his weapon flashin wit reflected torchlight. Elegant, wide swings. Three of them, one afta another n' shiznit yo. Dude could neither close his wild lil' stormin ears ta tha screams dat followed nor stay tha storm away from seein tha pimps fall. They dropped round his chull like toys knocked over by a cold-chull lil child’s careless kick. If tha Blade touched a man’s spine, da ruffneck died, eyes burning. If it cut all up in tha core of a limb, it capped dat limb. One soldier stumbled away from Szeth, arm floppin uselessly on his shoulder n' shiznit yo. Dude would never be able ta feel it or use it again.

Szeth lowered his Shardblade, standin among tha cinder-eyed corpses yo. Here, up in Alethkar, pimps often was rappin of tha legends-of mankind’s hardwon victory over tha Voidbringers. But when weapons pimped ta fight nightmares was turned against common soldiers, tha livez of pimps became skanky thangs indeed.

Szeth turned n' continued on his way, slippered feet fallin on tha soft red rug. Da Shardblade, as always, glistened silver n' clean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. When one capped wit a Blade, there was no blood. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! That seemed like a sign. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da Shardblade was just a tool; it could not be blamed fo' tha murders.

Da door all up in tha end of tha hallway burst open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth froze as a lil' small-chull crew of soldiers rushed out, usherin a playa up in regal robes, his head ducked as if ta stay tha storm away from arrows. Da soldiers wore deep blue, tha color of tha Mackdaddy’s Guard, n' tha corpses didn’t make dem stop n' gawk. They was prepared fo' what tha storm a Shardbearer could do. They opened a side door n' shoved they ward through, nuff muthastormin levelin spears at Szeth as they backed out.

 

Another figure stepped from tha mackdaddy’s quarters; da thug wore glistenin blue armor made of smoothly interlockin plates. Unlike common plate armor, however, dis armor had no leather or mail visible all up in tha joints-just smalla plates, fittin together wit intricate precision. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da armor was dope, tha blue inlaid wit golden bandz round tha edgez of each piece of plate, tha helm ornamented wit three wavez of small, hornlike wings.

Shardplate, tha customary complement ta a Shardblade. Da newcomer carried a sword as well, a enormous Shardblade six feet long wit a thugged-out design along tha blade like burnin flames, a weapon of silvery metal dat gleamed n' almost seemed ta glow fo' realz. A weapon designed ta slay dark gods, a larger counterpart ta tha one Szeth carried.

Szeth hesitated. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time yo. Dude didn’t recognize tha armor; dat schmoooove muthastorma had not been warned dat da thug would be set at dis task, n' hadn’t been given proper time ta memorize tha various suitz of Plate or Blades owned by tha Alethi. But a Shardbearer would gotta be dealt wit before his schmoooove chull chased tha mackdaddy; his schmoooove chull could not leave such a gangbangin' foe behind.

Besides, like a Shardbearer could defeat him, bust a cap up in his chull n' end his crazy-chull miserable game yo. His Lashings wouldn’t work directly on one of mah thugs up in Shardplate, n' tha armor would enhizzle tha dude, strengthen his muthastormin chull. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth’s honor would not allow his chull ta betray his crazy-chull mission or seek dirtnap. But if dat dirtnap occurred, da thug would welcome dat rust.

Da Shardbearer struck, n' Szeth Lashed his dirty chull ta tha side of tha hallway, leapin wit a twist n' landin on tha wall yo. Dude danced backward, Blade held all up in tha ready. Da Shardbearer fell tha storm into a aggressive posture, rockin one of tha swordplay stances favored here up in tha Eastside yo. Dude moved far mo' nimbly than one would expect fo' a playa up in such bulky armor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Shardplate was special, as ancient n' magical as tha Blades it complemented.

Da Shardbearer struck. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth skipped ta tha side n' Lashed his dirty chull ta tha ceilin as tha Shardbearer’s Blade sliced tha storm into tha wall. Feelin a thrill all up in tha contest, Szeth dashed forward n' beat down downward wit a overhand blow, tryin ta hit tha Shardbearer’s helm. Da playa ducked, goin down on one knee, lettin Szeth’s Blade cleave empty air.

Szeth leaped backward as tha Shardbearer swung upward wit his Blade, slicin tha storm into tha ceiling. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth didn’t own a set of Plate his dirty chull, n' didn’t care ta yo. His Lashings interfered wit tha gemstones dat powered Shardplate, n' dat schmoooove muthastorma had ta chizzle one or tha other.

As tha Shardbearer turned, Szeth sprinted forward across tha ceilin fo' realz. As expected, tha Shardbearer swung again, n' Szeth leaped ta tha side, rollin yo. Dude came up from his bangin roll n' flipped, Lashin his dirty chull ta tha floor again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude spun ta land on tha ground behind tha Shardbearer n' shiznit yo. Dude slammed his Blade tha storm into his opponent’s open back.

Unfortunately, there was one major advantage Plate offered: It could block a Shardblade. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth’s weapon hit solidly, causin a wizzy of glowin lines ta spread up across tha back of tha armor, n' Stormlight stormin started ta leak free from dem wild-chull muthastormas. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Shardplate didn’t dent or bend like common metal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth would gotta hit tha Shardbearer up in tha same location at least once mo' ta break through.

Szeth danced outta range as tha Shardbearer swung up in anger, tryin ta cut at Szeth’s knees. Da tempest within Szeth gave his chull nuff advantages-includin tha mobilitizzle ta quickly recover from lil' small-chull wounds. But it would not restore limbs capped by a Shardblade.

Dude rounded tha Shardbearer, then picked a moment n' dashed forward. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Da Shardbearer swung again yo, but Szeth briefly Lashed his dirty chull ta tha ceilin fo' lift yo. Dude blasted tha storm into tha air, crestin over tha swing, then immediately Lashed his dirty chull back ta tha floor yo. Dude struck as he landed yo, but tha Shardbearer recovered quickly n' executed a slick follow-all up in stroke, comin within a gangbangin' finger of hittin Szeth.

Da playa was dangerously skilled wit dat Blade. Many Shardbearers depended too much on tha juice of they weapon n' armor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. This playa was different.

Szeth jumped ta tha wall n' struck all up in tha Shardbearer wit quick, terse attacks, like a snappin eel. Da Shardbearer fended his chull off wit wide, sweepin countas yo. His Blade’s length kept Szeth at bay.

This is takin too long! Szeth thought. If tha mackdaddy slipped away tha storm into hiding, Szeth would fail up in his crazy-chull mission no matta how tha storm nuff playas he capped. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dude ducked up in fo' another strike yo, but tha Shardbearer forced his chull back. Each second dis fight lasted was another fo' tha mackdaddy’s escape.

Dat shiznit was time ta be reckless. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth launched tha storm into tha air, Lashin his dirty chull ta tha other end of tha hallway n' fallin feet-first toward his thugged-out adversary. Da Shardbearer didn’t hesitate ta swin yo, but Szeth Lashed his dirty chull down at a angle, droppin immediately. Da Shardblade swished all up in tha air above his muthastormin chull.

Dude landed up in a cold-chull lil crouch, rockin his crazy-chull momentum ta throw his dirty chull forward, n' swung all up in tha Shardbearer’s side, where tha Plate had cracked. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dude hit wit a bangin blow. That piece of tha Plate shattered, bitz of molten metal streakin away. Da Shardbearer grunted, droppin ta one knee, raisin a hand ta his side. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth raised a gangbangin' foot ta tha man’s side n' shoved his chull backward wit a Stormlight-enhanced kick.

Da heavy Shardbearer crashed tha storm into tha door of tha mackdaddy’s quarters, smashin it n' fallin partway tha storm into tha room beyond. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Szeth left him, duckin instead all up in tha doorway ta tha right, followin tha way tha mackdaddy had gone. Da hallway here had tha same red carpet, n' Stormlight lamps on tha walls gave Szeth a cold-chull lil chizzle ta recharge tha tempest within.

Energy blazed within his chull again, n' da perved-out muthastorma sped up. If his schmoooove chull could git far enough ahead, his schmoooove chull could deal wit tha mackdaddy, then turn back ta fight off tha Shardbearer n' rust. Well shiiiit, it wouldn’t be easy as storm  fo' realz. A Full Lashin on a thugged-out doorway wouldn’t stop a Shardbearer, n' dat Plate would let tha playa run supernaturally fast. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth glanced over his shoulder.

Da Shardbearer wasn’t following. Da playa sat up in his thugged-out armor, lookin dazed. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Szeth could just barely peep him, chillin up in tha doorway, surrounded by stormed up bitz of wood. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Perhaps Szeth had wounded his chull mo' than he’d thought.

Or maybe . . .

Szeth froze yo. Dude thought of tha ducked head of tha playa who’d been rushed out, grill obscured. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Da Shardbearer still wasn’t followin yo. Dude was so skilled. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dat shiznit was holla'd dat few pimps could rival Gavilar Kholin’s swordsmanship. Could it be?

Szeth turned n' dashed back, trustin his crazy-chull muthastormin instincts fo' realz. As soon as tha Shardbearer saw him, his schmoooove chull climbed ta his wild lil' feet wit alacrity. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth ran fasta n' rust. What was tha safest place fo' yo' mackdaddy, biatch? In tha handz of some guards, fleeing, biatch? Or protected up in a suit of Shardplate, left behind, dissed n' dismissed as a funky-chull bodyguard?

Clever, Szeth thought as tha formerly sluggish Shardbearer fell tha storm into another battle stance. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth beat down wit renewed vigor, swingin his Blade up in a gangbangin' flurry of strikes. Da Shardbearer-the mackdaddy-aggressively struck up wit broad, sweepin blows. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth pulled away from one of these, feelin tha wind of tha weapon passin just inches before his muthastormin chull yo. Dude timed his next move, then dashed forward, duckin underneath tha mackdaddy’s follow-through.

Da mackdaddy, expectin another strike at his side, twisted wit his thugged-out arm held protectively ta block tha hole up in his Plate. That gave Szeth tha room ta run past his chull n' tha storm into tha mackdaddy’s chambers.

Da mackdaddy spun round ta follow yo, but Szeth ran all up in tha lavishly furnished chamber, flingin up his hand, touchin piecez of furniture he passed. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dude infused dem wit Stormlight, Lashin dem ta a point behind tha mackdaddy. Da furniture tumbled as if tha room had been turned on its side, couches, chairs, n' tablez droppin toward tha surprised mackdaddy. Gavilar made tha storm up of choppin at dem wit his Shardblade. Da weapon easily sheared all up in a big-chull couch yo, but tha pieces still crashed tha storm into him, makin his chull stumble fo' realz. A footstool hit his chull next, throwin his chull ta tha ground.

Gavilar rolled outta tha way of tha furniture n' charged forward, Plate leakin streamz of Light from tha cracked sections. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth gathered his dirty chull, then leaped tha storm into tha air, Lashin his dirty chull backward n' ta tha right as tha mackdaddy arrived. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dude zipped outta tha way of tha mackdaddy’s blow, then Lashed his dirty chull forward wit two Basic Lashings up in a row. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Stormlight flashed outta him, threadz freezing, as da thug was pulled toward tha mackdaddy at twice tha speed of a aiiight fall.

Da mackdaddy’s posture indicated surprise as Szeth lurched up in midair, then spun toward him, swingin yo. Dude slammed his Blade tha storm into tha mackdaddy’s helm, then immediately Lashed his dirty chull ta tha ceilin n' fell tha storm upward, slammin tha storm into tha stone roof above yo. He’d Lashed his dirty chull up in a stormin shitload of directions too quickly, n' his body had lost track, makin it hard as storm ta land gracefully yo. Dude stumbled back ta his Nikes.

Below, tha mackdaddy stepped back, tryin ta git tha storm into posizzle ta swin up at Szeth. Da man’s helm was cracked, leakin Stormlight, n' da perved-out muthastorma stood protectively, representin' tha side wit tha stormed up plate. Da mackdaddy used a onehanded swing, reachin fo' tha ceiling. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth immediately Lashed his dirty chull downward, judgin dat tha mackdaddy’s battle would leave his chull unable ta git his sword back up in time.

Szeth underestimated his opponent. Da mackdaddy stepped tha storm into Szeth’s attack, trustin his helm ta absorb tha blow. Just as Szeth hit tha helm a second time-shatterin it-Gavilar socked wit his off hand, slammin his wild lil' freakadelic gauntleted fist tha storm into Szeth’s face.

Blindin light flashed up in Szeth’s eyes, a cold-chull lil counterpoint ta tha sudden agony dat crashed across his wild lil' face. Everythang blurred, his vision fading.

Pain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. So much pain!

Dude screamed, Stormlight leavin his chull up in a rush, n' da perved-out muthastorma slammed back tha storm into suttin' hard. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Da balcony doors. Mo' pain broke up across his shoulders, as if one of mah thugs had jabbed his chull wit a hundred daggers, n' dat schmoooove muthastorma hit tha ground n' rolled ta a stop, musclez trembling. Da blow would have capped a ordinary man.

No time fo' pain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. No time fo' pain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. No time fo' pain!

Dude blinked, bobbin his head, tha ghetto blurry n' dark. Was his thugged-out lil' punk-chull blind, biatch? No. Dat shiznit was dark outside yo. Dude was on tha wooden balcony; tha force of tha blow had thrown his chull all up in tha doors. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Somethang was thumpin yo. Heavy footfalls. Da Shardbearer!

Szeth stumbled ta his wild lil' feet, vision swimming. Blood streamed from tha side of his wild lil' face, n' Stormlight rose from his skin, blindin his stormin left eye. Da Light. Well shiiiit, it would heal him, if it could. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! His jaw felt unhinged. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Broken, biatch? He’d dropped his Shardblade.

A lumberin shadow moved up in front of him; tha Shardbearer’s armor had leaked enough Stormlight dat tha mackdaddy was havin shiznit strutting. But da thug was coming.

Szeth screamed, kneeling, infusin Stormlight tha storm into tha wooden balcony, Lashin it downward. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Da air frosted round his muthastormin chull. Da tempest roared, travelin down his thugged-out arms tha storm into tha wood. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Dude Lashed it downward, then done did it again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude Lashed a gangbangin' fourth time as Gavilar stepped onto tha balcony. Well shiiiit, it lurched under tha extra weight. Da wood cracked, straining.

Da Shardbearer hesitated.

Szeth Lashed tha balcony downward a gangbangin' fifth time. Da balcony supports shattered n' tha entire structure broke free from tha building. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth screamed all up in a gangbangin' stormed up jaw n' used his wild lil' final bit of Stormlight ta Lash his dirty chull ta tha side of tha buildin yo. Dude fell tha storm ta tha side, passin tha shocked Shardbearer, then hit tha wall n' rolled.

Da balcony dropped away, tha mackdaddy lookin up wit shock as he lost his wild lil' footing. Da fall was brief. In tha moonlight, Szeth peeped solemnly-vision still fuzzy, blinded up in one eye-as tha structure crashed ta tha stone ground below. Da wall of tha palace trembled, n' tha crash of stormed up wood echoed from tha nearby buildings.

Still standin on tha side of tha wall, Szeth groaned, climbin ta his Nikes yo. Dude felt weak; he’d used up his Stormlight too quickly, strainin his body yo. Dude stumbled down tha side of tha building, approachin tha wreckage, barely able ta remain standing.

Da mackdaddy was still moving. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Shardplate would protect a playa from such a gangbangin' fall yo, but a big-chull length of bloodied wood stuck up all up in Gavilar’s side, piercin his chull where Szeth had stormed up tha Plate earlier n' rust. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth knelt down, inspectin tha man’s pain-wracked face. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Strong features, square chin, black beard flecked wit white, strikin pale chronic eyes. Gavilar Kholin.

"I . . . expected you . . . ta come," tha mackdaddy holla'd between gasps.

Szeth reached underneath tha front of tha man’s breastplate, tappin tha straps there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. They unfastened, n' he pulled tha front of tha breastplate free, exposin tha gemstones on its interior. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Two had been cracked n' burned out. Three still glowed. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Numb, Szeth breathed up in sharply, absorbin tha Light.

Da storm stormin started ta rage again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Mo' Light rose from tha side of his wild lil' face, repairin his stormin lil' damaged skin n' bones. Da pain was still pimped out; Stormlight healin was far from instantaneous. Well shiiiit, it would be minutes before he recovered.

Da mackdaddy coughed. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! "Yo chull can tell . . . Thaidakar . . . dat he’s too late. . . ."

"I don’t know whoz chull dat is," Szeth holla'd, standing, his stormin lyrics slurrin from his wild lil' stormed up jaw yo. Dude held his hand ta tha side, resummonin his Shardblade.

Da mackdaddy frowned. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! "Then whoz chull . . . , biatch? Restares, biatch? Sadeas, biatch? I never thought . . ."

"My stormin mastas is tha Parshendi," Szeth holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Ten heartbeats passed, n' his Blade dropped tha storm into his hand, wet wit condensation.

"Da Parshendi, biatch? That make no sense." Gavilar coughed, hand quivering, reachin toward his chest n' fumblin at a pocket yo. Dude pulled up a lil' small-chull crystalline sphere tied ta a cold-chull lil chain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Yo chull must take all dis crem dung. They must not git dat rust." Dude seemed dazed. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! "Tell . . . tell mah brutha . . . he must find da most thugged-out blingin lyrics a playa can say. . . ."

Gavilar fell tha storm still.

Szeth hesitated, then knelt down n' took tha sphere, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Dat shiznit was odd, unlike any he’d peeped before. Though dat shiznit was straight-up dark, it seemed ta glow somehow. With a light dat was black.

Da Parshendi, biatch? Gavilar had holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! That make no sense. "Nothang make sense no mo'," Szeth whispered, tuckin tha strange sphere away. "It’s all unraveling. I be sorry, Mackdaddy of tha Alethi. I doubt dat you care. Not no mo', at least." Dude stood up. "At least you won’t gotta peep tha ghetto endin wit tha rest of us."

Beside tha mackdaddy’s body, his Shardblade materialized from mist, clatterin ta tha stones now dat its masta was dead as stormin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat shiznit was worth a gangbangin' fortune; mackdaddydoms had fallen as pimps vied ta possess a single Shardblade.

Shoutz of alarm came from inside tha palace. Right back up in yo muthastormin chull. Szeth needed ta bounce tha storm out. But . . .

Tell mah brutha . . .

To Szeth’s people, a thugged-out dyin request was sacred. Y'all KNOW dat rust, muthastorma! Dude took tha mackdaddy’s hand, dippin it up in tha man’s own blood, then used it ta scrawl on tha wood, Brutha n' rust. Yo chull must find da most thugged-out blingin lyrics a playa can say.

With that, Szeth escaped tha storm into tha night yo. Dude left tha mackdaddy’s Shardblade; dat schmoooove muthastorma had no use fo' dat rust. Da Blade Szeth already carried was curse enough.

 

Can we just, like, have a Gizoogle topic? It deserves its own. 

[Straw he/him]

13 minutes ago, bleeder said:

Can we just, like, have a Gizoogle topic? It deserves its own. 

Done.

[Mistrunner]

Just finished the last Monday practice for marching band. The district competition is Wednesday. According to our director, we're at a the level to get superior ratings, but it all depends on what happens Wednesday.

Here's to hoping!

[marsoupial they/them]

When your blood sugar is so low that you fall up the stairs and stumble around in an effort to try to get food.

[Sunbird she/her]

2 hours ago, bleeder said:

When your blood sugar is so low that you fall up the stairs and stumble around in an effort to try to get food.

D= I realize that this post is from 2 hours ago, but please tell me you're okay now! Diabetes runs in my family, so I'm well aware of how scary volatile blood sugar can be.

[Delightful]

2 hours ago, bleeder said:

When your blood sugar is so low that you fall up the stairs and stumble around in an effort to try to get food.

You ok now?

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

On 10/10/2016 at 0:57 PM, bleeder said:

Thanks, Misty. I will. (I'll probably be spending a majority of my time on the Shard, so.) Try not to die, I like having internet stranger friends who are not corpses (even though that'd be rusting awesome).

Also, next week, I'm only gonna be at school for two days because my sister and my parents and I are going to Universal Orlando Harry Potter magic wizarding world thing place theme park land. I'll take pictures and stuff, so that should be fun.

Daaaamn!! A few months ago, my dad's cousin came in from America, and he couldn't stop going on about it XD I= Jelly!! 

I wish my family did anything :/ we just sorta stay at home. I do my homework, read and game, and my sisters annoy the heck outta me. 

[Pinnacle-Ferring he/him]

As Yom Kippur, the Jewish holiday of atonement, begins in just a few short hours, I would like to formally ask for forgiveness from anyone on the Shard whom I may have insulted or made to feel bad in any way. I also want to say that if any of you think that you may have done the same to me, I wholeheartedly forgive you.

This is not just a day for asking for forgiveness from G-D, but also from each other.

Gmar chatima tovah. May you have a favorable judgement.

[Delightful]

30 minutes ago, Pinnacle-Ferring said:

As Yom Kippur, the Jewish holiday of atonement, begins in just a few short hours, I would like to formally ask for forgiveness from anyone on the Shard whom I may have insulted or made to feel bad in any way. I also want to say that if any of you think that you may have done the same to me, I wholeheartedly forgive you.

This is not just a day for asking for forgiveness from G-D, but also from each other.

Gmar chatima tovah. May you have a favorable judgement.

^^^^

ditto. I can't say it much more eloquently than that. 

[Mestiv he/him]

My imagination cannot handle the thought of @Delightful offending/insulting someone on the Shard  That's like imagining a new color or new taste...

[Delightful]

53 minutes ago, Mestiv said:

My imagination cannot handle the thought of @Delightful offending/insulting someone on the Shard  That's like imagining a new color or new taste...

You....you.....

I has the warm fuzzies if anyone is looking for them. 

Edited October 11, 2016 by Delightful

[marsoupial they/them]

8 hours ago, Delightful said:

You ok now?

Yeah, I got my blood sugar back up. Thanks

6 hours ago, Dankness Ascendant said:

Daaaamn!! A few months ago, my dad's cousin came in from America, and he couldn't stop going on about it XD I= Jelly!! 

I wish my family did anything :/ we just sorta stay at home. I do my homework, read and game, and my sisters annoy the heck outta me. 

Yeah but you guys live in Australia. Land of, like, kangaroos and stuff. America is just bigoted capitalist hell, where I live. 

[Delightful]

2 minutes ago, bleeder said:

Yeah, I got my blood sugar back up. Thanks

Yeah but you guys live in Australia. Land of, like, kangaroos and stuff. America is just bigoted capitalist hell, where I live. 

Kangaroos and stuffing refugees u into detention centres and pretending they don't exist......

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

30 minutes ago, bleeder said:

Yeah, I got my blood sugar back up. Thanks

Yeah but you guys live in Australia. Land of, like, kangaroos and stuff. America is just bigoted capitalist hell, where I live. 

Yes, because other countries are entirely devoid of problems.  I apologize for sarcasm if it's excessive, but painting the rest of the world as a paradise and America as a nation with no redeeming qualities is a peeve of mine. Every country has its problems. Some are comparable to those in the US, some are less severe, some are worse. 

Edited October 11, 2016 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Orlion Blight he/him]

1 minute ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Yes, because other countries are entirely devoid of problems.  I apologize for sarcasm if it's excessive, but painting the rest of the world as a paradise and America as a nation with no redeeming qualities is a peeve of mine. Every country has its problems. Some are comparable to those in the US, some are less severe, some are worse. 

@Mestiv could probably give us a few examples.

[marsoupial they/them]

3 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Yes, because other countries are entirely devoid of problems.  I apologize for sarcasm if it's excessive, but painting the rest of the world as a paradise and America as a nation with no redeeming qualities is a peeve of mine. Every country has its problems. Some are comparable to those in the US, some are less severe, some are worse. 

You make a valid point, but my intent was more on the "interesting stuff" side of things rather than the "the overall state of my country is deplorable" side, y'know? 

[Mestiv he/him]

16 minutes ago, Orlion Determined said:

@Mestiv could probably give us a few examples.

Yeah, I can whine about the situation in Poland a bit  But I'm curious, did you guys hear about the Black Monday/Black Protest that women in Poland recently did?

14 minutes ago, bleeder said:

You make a valid point, but my intent was more on the "interesting stuff" side of things rather than the "the overall state of my country is deplorable" side, y'know? 

The grass is greener on the other side of the road... I bet Delightful treats kangaroos just like we treat deers. 

[marsoupial they/them]

Just now, Mestiv said:

Yeah, I can whine about the situation in Poland a bit  But I'm curious, did you guys hear about the Black Monday/Black Protest that women in Poland recently did?

The grass is greener on the other side of the road... I bet Delightful treats kangaroos just like we treat deers. 

Oof. If so, I apologize to kangaroos.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

17 minutes ago, Mestiv said:

Yeah, I can whine about the situation in Poland a bit  But I'm curious, did you guys hear about the Black Monday/Black Protest that women in Poland recently did?

I did. Looks like it had some effect!

[Mestiv he/him]

51 minutes ago, Orlion Determined said:

I did. Looks like it had some effect!

Yeah, it did, but not as big as I hoped :/ They still want to put more restrictions on abortions than there already are, but without putting people in jails. We'll see how it goes, I hope they'll eventually leave the laws about abortions as they are. 

[marsoupial they/them]

Just now, Mestiv said:

Yeah, it did, but not as big as I hoped :/ They still want to put more restrictions on abortions than there already are, but without putting people in jails. We'll see how it goes, I hope they'll eventually leave the laws about abortions as they are. 

What are the current laws?

[Mestiv he/him]

3 minutes ago, bleeder said:

What are the current laws?

Abortion is legal in following cases:

• Rape
• The pregnancy is a threat to mother's life
• Heavily damaged fetus (like, a child that will not have a brain at birth)

They currently want to rule out the third point. They want mothers to give birth to children without brains... to children that will die in agony hours after birth... All because "all life is sacred" and "it's all in God's will" etc. :/

Edited October 11, 2016 by Mestiv

[marsoupial they/them]

1 minute ago, Mestiv said:

Abortion is legal in following cases:

• Rape
• Life threat to mother's life
• Heavily damaged fetus (like, a child that will not have a brain at birth)

They currently want to rule out the third point. They want mothers to give birth to children without brains... to children that will die in agony hours after birth... All because "all life is sacred" and "it's all in God's will" etc. :/

Sheesh.

[Silverblade5 he/him]

@CognizantasticI just picked up a list of clubs/extracurricular activities supported by the school, and Make a Wish isn't one of them. Any idea on how I might fix this?