FeatherWriter gets to keep her arm!

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Hey wait a second. The fact that this post got dredged up again made me realize something: I won the bet. I bet my arm and I won. And Kurk was apparently planning to cash it in were I wrong, which implies that he took my bet. 

 

Does this mean... I have won Kurk's arm???? KURKISTAN. I DEMAND YOU PAY ME THE ARM I HAVE RIGHTFULLY WON IMMEDIATELY.

[Satsuoni he/him]

Kurkistan, as all talking devil cats, is crafty. He never stated that he bet his ARM. His usual stake hat-eating... And now all he'd have to do is to eat a hat... Made of FUDGE!

[Swimmingly he/him]

Rules:  a. It must be a sombrero of Feather's choosing

            b. It must be eaten in less than 5 minutes

            c. The uneaten portions of the fudge sombrero are immediately redeemable for Kurkistani arm-flesh, by weight

[FeatherWriter she/her]

I don't know... you don't get to claim a bet unless you take it in the first place. In this case, I'm the crafty one! For everyone else, All these people keep saying "I'll do such-and-such thing if X theory isn't true" which Kurk could call them on without any repercussions should the conditions be met. That's just a simple promise.

 

But I said I was making a bet. "I'd bet my right arm." Which means, if Kurk was planning to claim it from me, he must have inadvertantly matched the stakes in doing so. Only those who match the stakes are eligible to receive the payout in a bet! And as this thread has shown, I was the victor! HIS ARM IS MINE NOW.

Edited December 2, 2013 by FeatherWriter

[Swimmingly he/him]

I don't know... you don't get to claim a bet unless you take it in the first place. In this case, I'm the crafty one! For everyone else, All these people keep saying "I'll do such-and-such thing if X theory isn't true" which Kurk could call them on without any repercussions should the conditions be met. That's just a simple promise.

 

But I said I was making a bet. "I'd bet my right arm." Which means, if Kurk was planning to claim it from me, he must have inadvertantly matched the stakes in doing so. Only those who match the stakes are eligible to receive the payout in a bet! And as this thread has shown, I was the victor! HIS ARM IS MINE NOW.

Were your exact words, "I'd (I would) bet my right arm"? Because that basically negates the bet

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Hmm... yes they were... Does that mean my arm was never up for grabs in the first place? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

[Satsuoni he/him]

As a devil cat, technically he only has paws... He tricked you! Unless he had arms already harvested from other bets...

[Swimmingly he/him]

Someone get Kurk over here to speak for himself...

[Kurkistan he/him]

*Ahem*

 

"KURKISTAN, Ltd. reserves the right to interpret oaths however it may please. As such, a statement on the FeatherWriter's (hereby referred to as "the Plaintiff") part as to the terms of the 'bet' is of no import. To restate for the record, this company holds that all offerings or discussions of oaths or other intended courses of actions based upon future evidence are, in fact, oaths which are taken on freely and with no expectation of repayment should the terms of the prediction be fulfilled.

 

Had the Plaintiff's prediction been untrue, then, the Plaintiff would owe THE UNIVERSE one (1) arm, to be collected by REDACTED. In the present case, though, all expectations related to this oath are deemed to have been properly fulfilled, and so the Plaintiff retains her arm."

Edited December 2, 2013 by Ookla the Inveterate

[Oudeis he/him]

I offer my services as legal counsel if you'd like to pursue the matter, Feather. Contract law is a specialty of mine. You may have heard of some of my work; do you know the Oathpact?

[FeatherWriter she/her]

I offer my services as legal counsel if you'd like to pursue the matter, Feather. Contract law is a specialty of mine. You may have heard of some of my work; do you know the Oathpact?

 

Hmm... I am a fan of contracts which specify eternal and unrelenting torture as one of the terms. As Fandom Monster, I am always looking for new methods of extracting agony from fellow Cosmere fans upon which I have learned to subsist. I will consider your application should you prove capable of securing this binding seal. As payment for your services, you will receive one (1) exemption from my torturous and malevolent machinations.

 

*Ahem*

 

"KURKISTAN, Ltd. reserves the right to interpret oaths however it may please. As such, a statement on the FeatherWriter's (hereby referred to as "the Plaintiff") part as to the terms of the 'bet' is of no import. To restate for the record, this company holds that all offerings or discussions of oaths or other intended courses of actions based upon future evidence are, in fact, oaths which are taken on freely and with no expectation of repayment should the terms of the prediction be fulfilled.

 

Had the Plaintiff's prediction been untrue, then, the Plaintiff would owe THE UNIVERSE one (1) arm, to be collected by REDACTED. In the present case, though, all expectations related to this oath are deemed to have been properly fulfilled, and so the Plaintiff retains her arm."

 

The Plaintiff (the aforementioned "FeatherWriter") hereby agrees to drop the matter on the terms of a net equal end between parties, in that no exchange of goods, services, or severed limbs will take place. The Plaintiff will keep her arm and rescinds demands of compensation for her thoroughly impressive victory and correct theorization. She wishes it to be known that this is an act of extreme kindness and mercy and is likely to never be repeated and urges KURKISTAN, Ltd. (hereafter refered to as "The Company") to treasure this gesture of unparalleled graciousness.

 

The Plaintiff further inquires into the possibility of enlisting the legal services of The Company in the endeavor of re-launching Adonalsium Endowment Enterprises on the basis that working together The Company and The Plaintiff could totally hoodwink all these suckers out of all their Breath provide a valuable investment opportunity for interested members of the cosmere fandom.

 

Edited December 3, 2013 by FeatherWriter

[Kurkistan he/him]

While the Company by no means accepts the Plaintiff's assertions as to her legal basis for "graciousness", it is nonetheless interested in further discussions regarding the facilitation of exciting future investment opportunities for other members of the forum.

Edited December 3, 2013 by Ookla the Inveterate

[Oudeis he/him]

It looks like my work here is done.

[Gloom he/him]

Seriously? Have you smelled the breath on some of these 'people'? And you want to collect it? Yeah, and people thought this thread was disturbing before!

[Swimmingly he/him]

I rescind my point. Disturbing is Feather and Kurk at odds. Horrifying is them working together.

[Aether he/him]

I rescind my point. Disturbing is Feather and Kurk at odds. Horrifying is them working together.

I have trouble finding what you say ominous or scary with that indolent fish staring at it.

Edited December 13, 2013 by Aether

[Oudeis he/him]

I rescind my point. Disturbing is Feather and Kurk at odds. Horrifying is them working together.

 

...unless you're their lawyer.

[FeatherWriter she/her]

*completely evil "benevolent" laughter*

 

I don't see what's so upsetting, really. The choice is easy enough. You can comply with Kurk and I's thoroughly reasonable demands or you can suffer the deepest of eternal excruciations that our combined dark powers can concoct. Honestly, you could thank us for simplifying your life in this way. Freedom is life's great lie, and we're here to alleviate the burden of free will.

[Natans he/him]

*completely evil "benevolent" laughter*

 

I don't see what's so upsetting, really. The choice is easy enough. You can comply with Kurk and I's thoroughly reasonable demands or you can suffer the deepest of eternal excruciations that our combined dark powers can concoct. Honestly, you could thank us for simplifying your life in this way. Freedom is life's great lie, and we're here to alleviate the burden of free will.

 

The Feathertips honor guard approve, concur and fully endorse Lady Feather statement. Comply with and you may escape relativity  unharmed =)

 

..... Otherwise

 

*begin make a fist*

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Oh snap, I totally forgot that I have an honor guard now. Excellent. A policing force for my new domain that can be paid in fanfic!

[Natans he/him]

Happy to serve Brightlady =)

[Oudeis he/him]

As Lady Feather's counsel, I'd like to take this opportunity to clarify that nothing said by her or on her behalf by her staff was intended as any sort of threat and is therefore inactionable.

[Mailliw73 he/him]

As clarification, I'd like to remind His Honor, Sir Natans(or his persona of "Ookla the Puro"), that he is the captain of the Featherblades while I retain full control over the Feathertips.

His statement is still valid. The Featherblades and Feathertips will work in unison as Lady Feather's right arm in enforcing the aforementioned guidelines.

Lady Feather, I am at your service.

Edited December 3, 2013 by Mailliw73

[Swimmingly he/him]

Paid in fanfic... What's the current fanfic exchange rate to sapphire broams? And are there possible nonaggression treaties to be signed with neutral entities, or do you go with a "submit, die, or join us" foreign policy?

[Oudeis he/him]

On this forum, no non-aggression treaties are valid unless witnessed by an Ooklagator.