Still Having a Bad Day? Exchange Your Rants For Hugs Here!

[Rubix he/him]

Whoever keeps giving the stealth downvotes, post something or send a PM, but don't just hide behind a shield of anonymity. That's just childish.

 

All affected parties have received a PM from me today. 

[Guest]

What, on one of mine this time?  Meh.  Let 'em.

 

No, I was merely expressing sadness as seeing posts in this thread being downvoted... I can't think of a more improper place to use the option that is unless someone is being purposefully mean towards another poster. 

 

I don't like to see people bummed because they were downvoted 

[Mistrunner]

I'm sorry, Twi. Again, prayers for your situation and hopes that Mysterious Downvoter(s) stop it.

I fell down the stairs this morning.

Nothing too bad, but I think I sprained my wrist and we were in a hurry to get out the door so I couldn't wrap it up and had to go through school trying not to move it.

My chin hurts like the dickens, too.

Ow.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Thanks for the support, guys. The situation looks like it's resolved, so it's all good.  

 

 

I'm sorry, Twi. Again, prayers for your situation and hopes that Mysterious Downvoter(s) stop it.

I fell down the stairs this morning.

Nothing too bad, but I think I sprained my wrist and we were in a hurry to get out the door so I couldn't wrap it up and had to go through school trying not to move it.

My chin hurts like the dickens, too.

Ow.

 

 

OW! Did you go to the nurse, or was there not time? 

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

I've wasted yet another day, which means yet another sleepless night to finish my assignements. Briliant, I'm so good at life. *sarcasm hard*

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I've wasted yet another day, which means yet another sleepless night to finish my assignements. Briliant, I'm so good at life. *sarcasm hard*

This doesn't mean you suck at life. It means life is so overwhelming right now that you don't know where to begin. This doesn't make you a failure or a bad person; it makes you someone who needs a break.

Do you like animals? If so, once you get a chance to find a free minute--and you'll probably have to seize one--go to a dog park or some other place where you can pet a dog or a cat or some other fluffy critter. It should help calm you and enable you to clear your head long enough to get back to work.

[Briar King]

This may or may not be due to me accidentally hitting the wrong button:p

I've caught a few after the fact I accidentally dished out from phone.

My tv having stuttering issues the past week while trying to watch Netflix. That annoying especially tonight as Jessica Jones started. 1st World Problems...

Edited November 21, 2015 by Briar King

[Mistrunner]

Thanks for the support, guys. The situation looks like it's resolved, so it's all good.

OW! Did you go to the nurse, or was there not time?

Yay!

No time to see the nurse. No matter what teachers say, it's impossible to do anything but rush to the next class during passing period. And during lunch I had to eat and then make the trek over to the music building. But I've got it wrapped up now, and it's feeling better.

I used to be more graceful, but then I grew a freakish amount in a short amount of time, so now tripping down stairs I go.

Edited November 21, 2015 by Mistrunner

[The Honor Spren she/her]

I've caught a few after the fact I accidentally dished out from phone.

My tv having stuttering issues the past week while trying to watch Netflix. That annoying especially tonight as Jessica Jones started. 1st World Problems...

Accidental upvote? won't apologize for that.

Ugh, I am done with family members. It feels stupid, because there's no reason except the fact that we're around each other 23 hours a day if you count sleep.

. . . While at the same time I really need to be spending time with people. I haven't been able to go to my homeschool group in 2 weeks and am really feeling the effects. To use the brownie metaphor for introvertism, I've been baking brownies for too long. I'M DROWNING IN BROWNIES. (To add to that, no group next week either because of the Thanks of Giving)

If this what being extroverted is like, I don't like it.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Accidental upvote? won't apologize for that.

Ugh, I am done with family members. It feels stupid, because there's no reason except the fact that we're around each other 23 hours a day if you count sleep.

. . . While at the same time I really need to be spending time with people. I haven't been able to go to my homeschool group in 2 weeks and am really feeling the effects. To use the brownie metaphor for introvertism, I've been baking brownies for too long. I'M DROWNING IN BROWNIES. (To add to that, no group next week either because of the Thanks of Giving)

If this what being extroverted is like, I don't like it.

I don't know, that kinda sounds like you are an extrovert... you are CRAVING contact! 

 

That, and family fatigue.... and perhaps

 

CABIN FEVER! 

[The Honor Spren she/her]

I don't know, that kinda sounds like you are an extrovert... you are CRAVING contact!

That, and family fatigue.... and perhaps

CABIN FEVER!

Something like that. Less crazy.

It's just a normal part of being homeschooled. Sometimes I end up staying inside so long that grocery shopping is exciting.

Edit: and no, I am in know ways an extrovert. I can stand (and enjoy) being out among people for about 3--3 1/2 hours and then I just need time curled up with either a book or the Internet.

Of course, a place like Disney World is different. The people there are just huge crowds of obstacles to walk through. If I think about it that way, then I'm fine all day there. It's when social interaction is required that it gets hard.

Edited November 21, 2015 by The Honor Spren

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Something like that. Less crazy.

It's just a normal part of being homeschooled. Sometimes I end up staying inside so long that grocery shopping is exciting.

 

Haha, I remember that. I'd put on my favorite shirt just because I was going out of the house.  

[The Honor Spren she/her]

Haha, I remember that. I'd put on my favorite shirt just because I was going out of the house.

Yep. I have "at home clothes" and "other people clothes".

[SmurfAquamarineBodies he/him]

Yep. I have "at home clothes" and "other people clothes".

 

*sits on his bed whistling looking at his 2 full sets of clothes* ( one for the washing place and one for the body )

 

On to other news I went to a therapistie thingy guy to talk about my childhood issues and my rape because depression is really boring and I was told that i could be on the autistic spectrum so that was cool.

[RippleGylf she/her]

So, lately I've been struggling with depression. School is not a pleasant place to be at all. My view of the situation flip-flops between everyone else on the planet is an idiot to I'm an idiot because no one would want to be my friend. Both are extremely pessimistic, and not very helpful to one's self-esteem. I've tried talking to my mom about it, but she somehow keeps deflecting the guilt back to me. Apparently I should be smart enough to see how many wonderful talents I have, and how wonderful I am to talk to, despite the fact that no one else thinks so. I've tried to get her to just call someone, because I feel this isn't normal, but she keeps pushing it aside. Typically, my mom and I get along just fine, but I'm not okay and she refuses to see that. I honestly don't know what to do. I want a future, but at times, I just get tired of living this stupid life. 

 

and yes, I wrote that myself. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

So, lately I've been struggling with depression. School is not a pleasant place to be at all. My view of the situation flip-flops between everyone else on the planet is an idiot to I'm an idiot because no one would want to be my friend. Both are extremely pessimistic, and not very helpful to one's self-esteem. I've tried talking to my mom about it, but she somehow keeps deflecting the guilt back to me. Apparently I should be smart enough to see how many wonderful talents I have, and how wonderful I am to talk to, despite the fact that no one else thinks so. I've tried to get her to just call someone, because I feel this isn't normal, but she keeps pushing it aside. Typically, my mom and I get along just fine, but I'm not okay and she refuses to see that. I honestly don't know what to do. I want a future, but at times, I just get tired of living this stupid life. 

 

 

and yes, I wrote that myself. 

 

I've been there, and it's not fun. *hugs* 

 

I got to work to find a note giving me the correction for an unspecified mistake and my name highlighted, as if I can't be trusted to see anything without pretty colors calling my attention to it. And then I made another mistake. The day's barely started and I already wish I were someone else. 

[Guest]

Useless post.

Edited November 22, 2015 by maxal

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

Isn't there another adult you trust you could talk with? An aunt or an uncle or a trusted family friend or a beloved teacher? It seems to me as if your parents are trying to encourage you, to tell you how much of a wonderful person you are, but it does not seem to work.

 

Admitting your child may have depression issues is not easy for parents, it gives us the feeling of having fail, somewhere. If our kid suffers, then it has to be our fault, which is not an easy one to swallow. I am not surprised they don't automatically jump on it. However, if you talk to another adult and this other adult talks to your parents, they may listen better. This is more or less how parental psychology works. 

I apologise if I sound overly aggressive, but now I am really angry. Don't take it personally, as I adress it to generalised idea of parents, rather than to you. So if I write "you", I don't mean you, maxal. 

 

Can someone please better explain to me this "parental psychology"? Because I don't get it. I am unable to understand this. So someone, please. What exactly does a parent think when their child says "I feel sad and useless, I think I'm depressed." Do they think "no, my child is not useless, but wonderful, so they can't be depressed"? Do they think "my child can't be depressed, because that would have to be out fault"? Do they think "If I tell my child that they can't be possibly depressed (because they're wonderful etc.), the problem will be solved."? These are all fallacies. These are all so wrong. 

 

This is utterly ridiculous. I just want to remind that parents are adults. And as adult people, they should be aware that dismissal fo the problem, doesn't solve it. They should be able to accept the existence of the problem, even if it causes them pain, because that is what adults do, isn't it? I know that reality is not all that fine and dandy, but for god's sake, you're parents! Put your child first, trust them a little. Children don't say they're depressed for no reason. 

 

Parents are people that the child is supposed to be able to depend on, to rely on, to get help from, to trust. Not uncles, teachers, family friends. Not strangers. Parents are always the people the child is going to get help from first. Every situation in which a child is forced to get help from parents through some other people is plainly ridiculous and so wrong. If the parent doesn't trust a child, then who will? Of course, maybe someone would, but that's not how the child sees it. 

 

How is that when a child says they feel ill, their body temperature gets checked for fever, but when they say that they think they are depressed, the only answer they get is "No, you're not!". With no attempt whatsoever to try to learn what the truth is, just simple dismissal and neglect. Why is that? Because mental issues are harder to check? Because they make parents feel more guilty than physical issues? Well, dismissal of the problem can only make it worse (whatever the problem is). How doesn't it make parents even more guilty? Because they just hurt they're child in so many ways. 

 

Just imagine yourself feeling like total garbage, the most useless person in the world. But the most important people in your life say that you can't possibly feel this way, you have no right to. So day by day you cry. Sometimes quietly in your room. Sometimes in front of your parents, for hours. You cry so hard that you can't even get up from the floor, and you plead and beg for any sort of help and understanding. But you don't get any of them, because according to the parents, you're wrong. You don't have the problem. You're imagining it. You're exaggerating.  Your life should be perfectly happy, right? The why isn't it? Why do you feel like that? You don't understand. You're just a child, after all, so it's even harder for you. So you cry even more, because you're helpless, you don't know what to alone. And then one day your mother starts crying. That she feels so bad that you feel this way. That she's trying her best, but she doesn't know what she's done wrong, because to her best knowledge you should be feeling fine. You can see how sad she is, how guilty she feels. You can see how sad you've made your mother with your foolish imagination of the problem that has no right to exist. You feel how worthless  you are. So you honestly tell your mother that its not her fault, because you don't want your mother to cry. You start to back off from your arguments, to lessen the impact. After some time your mother feels better. You said there's not problem that's her fault, so there's no problem at all, she no longer has a reason to feel guilty. But you still feel sad and worthless and helpless. You still don't understand why. And above all, you don't understand why would your mother dismiss your problems for so long, for weeks, for years, when you reacted to hers immediately. So you cry, and cry and cry once again, starting the cycle over and over, and everytime you're more and more ignored. You cry almost everyday for 7 years, to the point when you start to hate your mother from the very depth of your heart, but still not being able to stop loving her. You feel lonely, and you're in pain. So much, that it still hurts 3 years later. Imagine that. Because that's how your child feels, when you dismiss their problems. 

 

Start talking with your child. And if you're unable to do that, take them to the doctor who can do that. Communication and proper understanding is essential. 

 

I'm so angry. I'm sorry, I can't. I don't know. I just can't. 

 

EDIT: I removed all inappropriate words. Sorry everyone, for the language. Unfortunately I have a huge and unpleasant tendency to swear, when I'm angry. And then I also happen to use the words without knowing their meaning properly, and the results sometimes are really unpleasant. So I tried to remove offensive words, but if you notice something else that I missed, please let me know.  I really do apologise for putting them there in a first place. I should've probably read what I post, instead of acting all on emotions. 

 

And to be honest, I actually cam here, to say that my bike broke down, so I had to walk in a middle of the night for 40 minutes, because the bus driver didn't want to let me in. And walking in the night is scary. And somehow from the story about the bike I went ot this overly long and pointless post. I am really sorry for that. 

Edited November 22, 2015 by Pestis the Spider
Please watch your language

[ThirdGen]

Pestis, I understand your frustration.  Depression is one of many things that people don't typically understand until they have in some way been forced to understand it.  Like the question "What do you have to be depressed about?"  They don't know or want to believe that it's a state of having a completely altered brain chemistry from the norm.  How pervasive that is, how it manifests not just as sadness, but anger, apathy, a differing fixation on social cues, etc.

 

When someone's experience of the world deviates so much from what you're used to, from anything you've even heard of (especially if you grew up in an echo chamber of standard ideas), the natural first reaction is to not believe them.  If it doesn't connect to something else you've seen, or someone you already know and believe the experience of, it's considered impossible.

 

I wonder sometimes what my worldview would be if I didn't have an incredibly awful three years of middle school that left me permanently damaged emotionally.  And I hope it doesn't take things like that happening to people to make them empathetic to those who are suffering in unfamiliar ways.  But this problem, this lack of empathy, is the foundation of conformism.  And I don't know how to break it.  If you attack it head on, you're perceived as an outside invader, and people close ranks and defend the limits of life as they know it.

 

And yes, how dare people dedicated to suppressing harsh realities raise kids.  There ought to be an alternative for kids to the family they're born into.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I apologise if I sound overly aggressive, but now I am really angry. Don't take it personally, as I adress it to generalised idea of parents, rather than to you. So if I write "you", I don't mean you, maxal. 

 

Can someone please better explain to me this "parental psychology"? Because I don't get it. I am unable to understand this. So someone, please. What exactly does a parent think when their child says "I feel sad and useless, I think I'm depressed." Do they think "no, my child is not useless, but wonderful, so they can't be depressed"? Do they think "my child can't be depressed, because that would have to be out fault"? Do they think "If I tell my child that they can't be possibly depressed (because they're wonderful etc.), the problem will be solved."? These are all fallacies. These are all so wrong. 

 

This is utterly ridiculous. I just want to remind that parents are adults. And as adult people, they should be aware that dismissal fo the problem, doesn't solve it. They should be able to accept the existence of the problem, even if it causes them pain, because that is what adults do, isn't it? I know that reality is not all that fine and dandy, but for god's sake, you're parents! Put your child first, trust them a little. Children don't say they're depressed for no reason. 

 

Parents are people that the child is supposed to be able to depend on, to rely on, to get help from, to trust. Not uncles, teachers, family friends. Not strangers. Parents are always the people the child is going to get help from first. Every situation in which a child is forced to get help from parents through some other people is plainly ridiculous and so wrong. If the parent doesn't trust a child, then who will? Of course, maybe someone would, but that's not how the child sees it. 

 

How is that when a child says they feel ill, their body temperature gets checked for fever, but when they say that they think they are depressed, the only answer they get is "No, you're not!". With no attempt whatsoever to try to learn what the truth is, just simple dismissal and neglect. Why is that? Because mental issues are harder to check? Because they make parents feel more guilty than physical issues? Well, dismissal of the problem can only make it worse (whatever the problem is). How doesn't it make parents even more guilty? Because they just hurt they're child in so many ways. 

 

Screw it. Just imagine yourself feeling like total garbage, the most useless person in the world. But the most important people in your life say that you can't possibly feel this way, you have no right to. So day by day you cry. Sometimes quietly in your room. Sometimes in front of your parents, for hours. You cry so hard that you can't even get up from the floor, and you plead and beg for any sort of help and understanding. But you don't get any of them, because according to the parents, you're wrong. You don't have the problem. You're imagining it. You're exaggerating.  Your life should be perfectly happy, right? The why the hell it isn't? Why do you feel like that? You don't understand. You're just a child, after all, so it's even harder for you. So you cry even more, because you're helpless, you don't know what to alone. And then one day your mother starts crying. That she feels so bad that you feel this way. That she's trying her best, but she doesn't know what she's done wrong, because to her best knowledge you should be feeling fine. You can see how sad she is, how guilty she feels. You can see how sad you've made your mother with your foolish imagination of the problem that has no right to exist. You feel how worthless piece of *** you are. So you honestly tell your mother that its not her fault, because you don't want your mother to cry. You start to back off from your arguments, to lessen the impact. After some time your mother feels better. You said there's not problem that's her fault, so there's no problem at all, she no longer has a reason to feel guilty. But you still feel sad and worthless and helpless. You still don't understand why. And above all, you don't understand why would your mother dismiss your problems for so long, for weeks, for years, when you reacted to hers immediately. So you cry, and cry and cry once again, starting the cycle over and over, and everytime you're more and more ignored. You cry almost everyday for 7 years, to the point when you start to hate your mother from the very depth of your heart, but still not being able to stop loving her. You feel lonely, and you're in pain. So much, that it still hurts 3 years later. Imagine that. Because that's how your child feels, when you dismiss their problems. 

 

Screw it. Screw the parental psychology. Start talking with your child. And if you're unable to do that, take them to the doctor who can do that. Communication and proper understanding is essential. 

 

I'm so angry. I'm sorry, I can't. I don't know. I just can't.

 

I'm sorry. I know exactly how that feels. I was depressed for most of my teen years, and every time I brought it up to my parents, I'd get blame-shifting instead of compassion. You've probably heard at least a few of these: 

 

"Well, you need to figure out what's making you feel sad all the time, because I don't want to hear it." 

"You need to be more thankful for what you have. That's all this is—a blatant lack of gratitude." 

"Don't we do enough for you?" 

"There are so many people around the world with less, who would kill for the opportunities you have, and all you can say is 'I just don't ​feeeeelllll happy'?" 

 

And I get it—it's hard for parents to accept that their kids feel sad and hopeless all the time when they've worked to give them all the comforts they can. But in my opinion, there's no excuse for dismissing their problems or blaming them for something that's really beyond their control, something they would get rid of in a heartbeat if they knew how. 

 

Right now, there are two truths you know: 

 

1. There is something wrong, even if the visible symptoms aren't there. 
2. That something is nobody's fault, but that doesn't mean it's not a problem. 

 

They aren't happy truths, but they're facts. They will remain true whether your parents acknowledge them or not. I don't know how comforting the thought will be right now, but when I finally acknowledged that there was something wrong with me and it was my parents' fault for ignoring it, that was a huge weight off my shoulders. The problem exists. You have the problem. Your parents are in the wrong for ignoring it. 

 

Get whatever help you can. I don't know what that will look like in your situation, but if there's an opportunity, take it. I could have gone to see a counselor when I was attending my university, and every time the thought occurred to me, I talked myself out of it because I was still convinced that the depression was my fault, and that if I just kept going a little longer, tried a little harder, I'd push through it. And I did—but it came back every time. Only recently have I really begun to combat it. I still haven't seen a professional yet, but I found some people on this site that I could talk to and commiserate with. And that made all the difference in the world. 

 

Like I said, I don't know what "doing what you can" looks like in your situation, but if you ever need someone to listen or post way too many pug pictures, I'm here.  

[RippleGylf she/her]

One reason she has given for not talking to a doctor or something, at least in my case, is that she doesn't think drugs are the answer, which I totally agree with. Ruin, I'm hesitant to take Ibuprofen sometimes. I don't think antidepressants would bring the solution I want. But for goodness sake, talk to somebody. This isn't normal, I know it isn't, and she seems to just act like simply getting my mind off of it is the solution. Books can only do so much.

 

Accidental upvote? won't apologize for that.

Ugh, I am done with family members. It feels stupid, because there's no reason except the fact that we're around each other 23 hours a day if you count sleep.
. . . While at the same time I really need to be spending time with people. I haven't been able to go to my homeschool group in 2 weeks and am really feeling the effects. To use the brownie metaphor for introvertism, I've been baking brownies for too long. I'M DROWNING IN BROWNIES. (To add to that, no group next week either because of the Thanks of Giving)
If this what being extroverted is like, I don't like it.

 

I've been drowning in brownies for years, it feels like. It just seems like all the people at school don't want my delicious brownies. Or, in the worst case scenario, are the kind of people who you wouldn't trust with a brownie. 

[Guest]

...

 

Look I am sorry. Forget I ever wrote my message. I just tried to offer help. I tried to explain why your parents may not be as responsive as you wish they would be. Just edit your post and erase my message. I won't interfere in here again. I'll let others comment, they obviously have better advice than I. I must too old for this. I obviously have no idea what I am talking about. 

 

Good luck. Sincerely.

[ThirdGen]

One reason she has given for not talking to a doctor or something, at least in my case, is that she doesn't think drugs are the answer, which I totally agree with. Ruin, I'm hesitant to take Ibuprofen sometimes. I don't think antidepressants would bring the solution I want.

 

Antidepressants get a bad rap.  People don't want to overmedicate, feel like a zombie, be dependent, or whatever they've heard antidepressants do.  Thing is, your brain chemistry is unique and you won't really know how antidepressants work for you until you try them for a while.  With some people, they work wonders.  (Full disclosure: for me they were somewhat effective, talk therapy was much more effective, and not being unemployed any more was by far the most effective.)

[Claincy he/him]

Look I am sorry. Forget I ever wrote my message. I just tried to offer help. I tried to explain why your parents may not be as responsive as you wish they would be. Just edit your post and erase my message. I won't interfere in here again. I'll let others comment, they obviously have better advice than I. I must too old for this. I obviously have no idea what I am talking about. 

 

Good luck. Sincerely.

I disagree. I think your post was quite reasonable and the advice was solid.

 

Understanding the psychology of other parties in a situation can be essential to finding a good solution. A rational explanation of why someone might be struggling to accept something, coupled with practical advice on what to do to help them understand and accept it makes for a valuable post in my estimation. Sure sympathy, commiseration and pug pics are nice but I think the posts in this thread that hold the most value are those that do more than that.

 

Pestis appears to be reacting against the idea that the basic parental psychology you outlined means that it's perfectly ok for them to act that way and no efforts should be made on their part to change, which, unless I totally misunderstood, is not what you were saying. Correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I read you weren't dismissing it as a problem, but rather acknowledging the problem, explaining a likely cause for it and suggesting a method for dealing with it.

 

It's generally very difficult to solve problems without understanding what is causing the problem and how others may be struggling themselves.

 

Put simply, we (I think I speak on behalf of others here too) appreciate the perspective, insight and advice you post here Maxal

[Delightful]

Just gonna jump in and say that drugs (the prescribed medical kind) *can* be extremely helpful.