Random Stuff II

[Kobold King he/him]

My new favorite observation about the Harry Potter books:

 

 

"The Lupins were really tempting fate when they named their son 'Remus.' They basically named him Wolfy McWolferton."

Edited August 25, 2015 by Kobold King

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

My new favorite observation about the Harry Potter books:

"The Lupins were really tempting fate when they named their son 'Remus.' They basically named him Wolfy McWolferton."

I think the same goes for Draco Malfoy. Dragon Badfaith. They may as well have named him Shifty McButthole.

[The Honor Spren she/her]

How my brain works:

Me: Oh look! A dark corner! If I lived in a horror movie, there would be a serial killer hiding in it!

Me: . . .

Me: Not that I do live in one. . .

*walks a little faster*

[Kobold King he/him]

How my brain works:

Me: Oh look! A dark corner! If I lived in a horror movie, there would be a serial killer hiding in it!

Me: . . .

Me: Not that I do live in one. . .

*walks a little faster*

 

 

Whenever I find myself worrying about serial killers, I imagine how easily I could turn the tables on them by dressing up in a pink bunny suit and stalking them with a knife. The most terrifying killers of fiction would buckle before a surreal horror like me!

[Kestrel she/her]

Director: run that set one more time!

Band: -has to run set five more times-

Some freshman who still hasn't caught on: I thought you said only one more time!

Director:

[Kobold King he/him]

I wrote a response to Honor Spren's writing prompt thread here. Wasn't sure whether it was appropriate to double post with the much more ridiculous, random entry I also wrote, so I thought I'd post it here instead.

 

I often wondered what she'd look like.

 

The sun had set a few hours ago, leaving the street bustling only with those souls that had business to be out in the dark. I saw gang bangers with their tattoos and bandannas giving me dirty looks as they crossed by, no doubt wondering whether they should be administering me a beating on general principle. I saw prostitutes eyeing me from afar, no doubt wondering whether I was as down-on-my-luck as I looked. (I was.)

 

Still others were normal Joe's and Jane's, crossing the dark street with an air of hurry, as if eager to get back to the warm, bright safety of their homes. I was the only one not looking down on the beggars, the hookers, and the thugs that roamed the city streets. I was the only one who was happy to be there.

 

I was also the only one sitting on a trashbag with an electric clock in my hands. That was probably more immediately obvious than those other things, but I've always been a poet at heart.

 

I watched every face in the crowd, waiting for the clock to finish counting down and alert me to the presence of my soulmate. It had been a month since the clock had quite literally fallen into my lap, and since then I'd done nothing but watch the numbers blip away one by one.

 

It was a simple clock, all black with sharp blue digital numbers counting down on a glass display. The only marking that revealed its true purpose to me was a diagram of a human heart engraved on its top, with jagged lines radiating outwards from it. From the moment I'd laid eyes on it I'd known its purpose. The lines were love and connection; the heart needed no explanation.

 

In the moment it fell on me, I knew that this device would tell me when my eyes fell upon my destined love. I just felt it. Now all I needed to do was wait.

 

Eagerly I scanned every face, smiling and checking the clock when a gorgeous woman happened to pass my way. Not that I cared particularly what she looked like. Anyone who could row down the river of existence by my side would be the most beautiful sight of the world in my eyes, man or woman.

 

Though it would be rather unconventional for a clock to tell me that I'm gay, I mused to myself, tapping my chin. Tumblr would probably explode.

 

As the numbers neared zero I tensed up, watching the thinning crowd with increasingly rapt interest. It was almost the time! The time when my loneliness would end, when I'd finally have someone by my side to share the miracle of life with!

 

Ten seconds left--the street was full and brimming with potential.

 

Nine seconds left--the excitement was palpable in the air.

 

Eight seconds left--I could feel my heart racing!

 

Seven seconds left--I wish I'd brought a camera, I'd love to take a selfie of myself in the second of falling in love. My Instagram followers would go wild!

 

Six seconds left--is this crowd getting smaller?

 

Five seconds left--the gang bangers have all gone home.

 

Four seconds left--come to think of it, I hadn't seen any of the prostitutes in a while either. Or any of the beggars.

 

Three seconds left--wait, am I alone on this street?

 

Two seconds left--this shouldn't be. The marking was clear! The clock was trying to tell me when I'd meet my true love!

 

One second left.

 

Zero seconds left.

 

The glowing numbers went out, leaving the display case as cold and dead in my heart.

 

The street was silent, as well as cold. I sat alone, clutching a dead clock to my chest as I wondered what went wrong.

 

"But..." I stammered to a night that seemed intent on ignoring me. "It was supposed to..."

 

I bowed my head in disappointment. Come to think of it, I hadn't had much to go on. A clock fell in my lap. That was it. I'd assumed it was a miraculous machine from Heaven, but for all I knew it could have been thrown out by the lady who lives in the apartment above me.

 

Was I really such an idiot?

 

A tear streamed down my cheek, and I clutched the clock more tightly.

 

"I guess so," I murmured, and closed my eyes.

 

And then the jolt nearly killed me.

 

 

I felt fiery pain zap through my chest and through my body. My muscles clenched and refused to move, though they felt like they were on fire. I opened my mouth to scream, but all that came out was a strangled gurgle...

 

I fell over to the curb, gasping for air and choking down a sob of pain. Was that what being electrocuted felt like? If so, I definitely wanted to avoid that in the future. But how--

 

The clock in my arms began making a beeping sound, and I managed to pry my arms off of it and kicked it away from me. The display was bright again, but instead of displaying a timer there were now only words.

 

PLEASE STAND BY. TIME PORTAL IN PROGRESS.

 

I watched in confusion as the top of the clock unfolded itself. Inside the box, instead of wires or whatever else was inside an electric clock, was a glowing blue sphere that grew and grew, shining as bright as the sun as it levitated above the street. It grew bright enough to blind me, to have me shielding my eyes with my hand...

 

Then abruptly, it went out. The light was gone, replaced by a smoky acrid fog rolling over the street. Standing in the midst of the fog was a woman--the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.

 

She was tall, dressed in a tight leather outfit that was pure black and adorned with myriad spikes. Her skin was dead white; her hair was spiky and black. One eye was dark green; the other glowed bright red. Her midriff was bare, split vertically between white skin with a belly button and a titanium matrix bristling with all manner of pointy guns that all swiveled to face me.

 

She was an angry, scary, cyberpunk angel from Heaven.

 

"H-hi," I stammered, rising to my feet and brushing the garbage off myself. "My name is--"

 

"Silence!" she snapped in a ferociously electronic voice. She bent over to pick up the unfolded electric clock, which she folded into a thin square and stuffed into a pocket. A satellite dish of some kind ejected from her shoulder and began scanning the area, a crackling sound emitting from it as it did.

 

Not to be deterred, I hesitantly took a step forward and held a hand out to her. "Hello--"

 

Her face sharply turned to me, as did an assortment of belly-guns. Her cyber eye flashed dangerously as her voice graveled "Why were you in the possession of this delayed temporal portal device?"

 

"I thought it was a clock," I told her, truthfully enough. "It fell into my lap."

 

She spat furiously. "Do you expect me to believe those lies?"

 

"Yep!"

 

"I believe you are an agent for the Empire of the Tainted Blood, disguised to ambush me here."

 

"Oh no," I protested, holding my hands up. "I mean, I'm part of the book club at the library, and I have an Instagram account, but I don't really associate with a lot of--"

 

One of her belly guns extended and poked me hard in the chest, prompting me to stop. "You are lucky I do not arrest you in the name of the glorious Cyber-Emperor," the woman hissed furiously. "Frankly, I'm surprised your pathetic heart wasn't stopped by the jolt that precedes the portal process..."

 

"Oh, is that what that was?" I asked curiously. "It hurt quite a bit, actually, so it probably came close. I guess the engraving on the top was a warning...?"

 

"Obviously one that's above your meager intellect," she sniffed. She turned from me and began marching down the street, two enormous plasma rifles appearing in her hands. "I have no time to deal with you. I'm late for my mission as it is."

 

With that, the woman of my dreams began stalking away. I rubbed my chest absently--it still ached--and let out a sigh as I watched her round a corner out of my sight.

 

I cast a glance at the ground, then back to her general direction.

 

I'd misinterpreted the warning on the clock. Just as I'd misinterpreted the clock itself, really. It wasn't even a clock.

 

But did that necessarily mean I was wrong?

 

"I don't think you're late at all," I whispered hopefully to myself. Sucking in my courage, I ran down the street after her.

 

 

I think you're just in time.

 

Edited August 26, 2015 by Kobold King

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

CALAMITY'S SPARKING CUPCAKE! 

 

My mom was searching job postings for me (because of course she was) and she found one for a Youth Services Librarian in Liberty Lake, WA—20 minutes from Spokane. 

 

I do not want to move there, but I almost feel like I have to apply because I'm finding so few postings I'm actually qualified for. What should I do? Do I don't and say I did? Do I apply and pray God gives that job to someone else and gives me a job far away from my family? Or do I just accept that Fate wants to give my mom everything she wants and apply? 

[Kaymyth she/her]

CALAMITY'S SPARKING CUPCAKE! 

 

My mom was searching job postings for me (because of course she was) and she found one for a Youth Services Librarian in Liberty Lake, WA—20 minutes from Spokane. 

 

I do not want to move there, but I almost feel like I have to apply because I'm finding so few postings I'm actually qualified for. What should I do? Do I don't and say I did? Do I apply and pray God gives that job to someone else and gives me a job far away from my family? Or do I just accept that Fate wants to give my mom everything she wants and apply? 

 

Option 4 - apply, and if you get it, accept that the Universe never claimed that setting healthy boundaries with your family would be easy...  (And then get an apartment on the far side of town...)

 

Seriously, if you don't at least throw your hat in, you'll never hear the end of it.  And if you do lie, you'll feel guilty.  Nevermind that they're a bunch of rusted idjits who don't deserve half the consideration you give them - you're you, and you are the type of person who will feel bad about it later.

[ThirdGen]

A little money and a little distance are real achievements. Even if it's a small victory, you can build from it.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Option 4 - apply, and if you get it, accept that the Universe never claimed that setting healthy boundaries with your family would be easy...  (And then get an apartment on the far side of town...)

 

Seriously, if you don't at least throw your hat in, you'll never hear the end of it.  And if you do lie, you'll feel guilty.  Nevermind that they're a bunch of rusted idjits who don't deserve half the consideration you give them - you're you, and you are the type of person who will feel bad about it later.

A little money and a little distance are real achievements. Even if it's a small victory, you can build from it.

 

I'll try it, and hope I get a better offer. This one is only part-time—30 hours a week—and other jobs I've seen offer much better starting pay. Still, if I do….the closeness worries me. She's said before that she wants me to apply in Boise because "it's far enough away that you can have your own life away from us, but close enough that we can visit you a lot." If my parents would drop in for surprise (or not surprise) weekend visits when I lived 6 hours away, I'm sure I'd be the recipient of more than few surprise weeknight visits.  

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

not to mention the 1000 posts by Kolbold King! 

Haaha lol

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

Australia according to the Internet.

 

The Internet is then horribly mistaken. Though not about the funnels web spiders.....

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

What is brown and sticky?

A stick

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

More stupid but funny jokes

[Curious Anamaximder he/him]

Just to give you a head's up, Eternal_Radiance, double posting is not allowed.

[Mestiv he/him]

Just to give you a head's up, Eternal_Radiance, double posting is not allowed.

 

But he's quadruple posting! That's not the same!

[Blaze1616 he/him]

I'll try it, and hope I get a better offer. This one is only part-time—30 hours a week—and other jobs I've seen offer much better starting pay. Still, if I do….the closeness worries me. She's said before that she wants me to apply in Boise because "it's far enough away that you can have your own life away from us, but close enough that we can visit you a lot." If my parents would drop in for surprise (or not surprise) weekend visits when I lived 6 hours away, I'm sure I'd be the recipient of more than few surprise weeknight visits.

 

I'd highly recommend applying. If it winds up being the only job you get, you can then accept it with the intent to leave as soon as humanly possible. It's always easier to find a job when you've got a job.

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

Just to give you a head's up, Eternal_Radiance, double posting is not allowed.

Where did I double post?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Where did I double post?

Your last four posts in this thread were all in a row. Just post everything together as one post, or wait for someone else to post before you make another.

[Kobold King he/him]

CALAMITY'S SPARKING CUPCAKE! 

 

My mom was searching job postings for me (because of course she was) and she found one for a Youth Services Librarian in Liberty Lake, WA—20 minutes from Spokane. 

 

I do not want to move there, but I almost feel like I have to apply because I'm finding so few postings I'm actually qualified for. What should I do? Do I don't and say I did? Do I apply and pray God gives that job to someone else and gives me a job far away from my family? Or do I just accept that Fate wants to give my mom everything she wants and apply? 

 

 

If it's important to you that you not live that close to them, don't apply. This is your life; don't make the decisions they want you to make because "you'll never hear the end of it" if you don't. If you wind up stuck there and your proximity becomes a problem, you'll wind up more bitter towards them because you'll feel like they forced your hand and are controlling your life still.

 

You don't have to lie, but the worst they can do is yell at you--and they don't have an infinite amount of air in their lungs, nor will they be able to continue doing so if you don't live with them or too close to them.

 

Seriously, if this is important enough to warrant a 'CALAMITY'S SPARKING CUPCAKE' (the very vilest of cusses) then I really, really don't think you should apply to a location you'll despise.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

I agree with Kobold. You're early enough in your job search you do not need to despair so. And later on, if you are desperate, I'm sure there will still be "jobs" in that area.

I mean, you did not find the listing to begin with because it's not the job you're looking for.

The other point to consider: if you get the job, do you want to live in an environment where your mother uses "and I got you a job!" in her litany of guilt trips?

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

Your last four posts in this thread were all in a row. Just post everything together as one post, or wait for someone else to post before you make another.

Oh I see now. THATS WHAT U GUYS MEANT BYE DOUBLE POSTING I thought u meant posting the same thing continually. Like spamming.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Oh I see now. THATS WHAT U GUYS MEANT BYE DOUBLE POSTING I thought u meant posting the same thing continually. Like spamming.

Correct, I do not believe there's an actual rule against it (could be wrong), but for some reason many people on the online community frown upon it.

 

I imagine it's because they were never hugged by their mothers and have to make it OUR problem, but that's hardly any of our business *sips tea*

[Blaze1616 he/him]

Correct, I do not believe there's an actual rule against it (could be wrong), but for some reason many people on the online community frown upon it.

 

I imagine it's because they were never hugged by their mothers and have to make it OUR problem, but that's hardly any of our business *sips tea*

 

Actually, it is in 17th Shard's rules. So is necroing threads. Neither are allowed, though sometimes exceptions are made. For instance, it is preferred that you necro a thread than create a new one that discusses the same topic. Double posting is generally only excused when the user didn't know it was a rule, or a significant amount of time has passed since their last post, and no one else has responded (by significant, I mean on magnitudes of weeks or even months).

 

Edit: I included necroing because that is another forum practice that many look down upon, even when it isn't in the rules. In this case, though, it is.

Edited August 26, 2015 by Blaze1616

[Orlion Blight he/him]

I stand corrected!